Drider_it

Well after 13 years, my wife comes in and says its over. (wont bore you with complete and thought out speech she worked up)

I'm 37, have 5 kids with her. Gave up every good job I came across due to her work/lifestiyle or college. Now I've no job, no money, and my truck is broke down. (Yeah, sounds like your typical country music song.)

Yet, day in and day out I'm forced to sit at home and watch our kids. Well thats not right. I love our kids. It just gets fustrating that I can't get out or do anything. All my friends are miles away or just too busy in life to do anything.

My wife goes out with single guys to bars. But thats ok? I've told her many times it looks wrong and the way I feel about it. Yet she comes home all mad, due to the fact people run their mouths saying she is cheating on me.

I tell her what do you expect?

Yet, now I'm faced with a rage deep inside of me wanting release. Jealously mixed with the thought that of a promise of good or bad lessor or worse she was to stay by me. Yet , now I'm faced with a world with out her the way I'm used to.

How do you not end up hateing someone for that? I don't hold hate in my heart for anyone. Nor do I want to. But this...

I base everything I do in life from what I've experienced or seen. This is a new road for me. I don't know where to step or turn.

In my world right now it's raining. I just understand why I am so mad. I look at a wall in my house and all I want to do is put something through it.

Here shortly I'm getting on world of warcraft and just go kill a ton of people in a battleground to release I guess.

I told her what options do I have. I've had to burn every bridge for jobs around here so she could do her "thing" or for her college. Yet in the end, I'm left wondering if she got a taste of single life and wanted out. All the while, I'm sitting at home in a house with our 5 kids explaining where mommy is.

In no way is she all to blame. I'm not a saint by no means. In my family we didn't express ourselves alot in words. Yet how can I talk to her when she is either always gone or she gets home and wants to sleep. "I'm tired and you want to talk now?"

When would I get to talk.....

This morning was rough. I'm sick, 103 temp and yet she's mad cuz she had to get up 30 min early to help get the kids ready for school. Though she had the whole evening to get their stuff ready.

I'm sorry, I just have this fear I'm gonna be sitting in an apt. staring at a wall wondering what my kids are doing and how much they hate me.

I got no one to talk to on this, cuz anyone I can talk to will go running to her.

Again, I'm sorry all. I just gotta tell someone. And I've known you all for a very long time. Lol, almost as long as I've been married.

Drider

__________________
It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies.

little_tippler

13 years and 5 kids is a lot to throw away.

It's good that you're letting out, it can be hard if you feel like you have no-one to turn to. It's ok to feel angry, just don't let that consume you.

I don't know all the details of your story so I can't say what is right and wrong in how things ended up the way they have for you.

But it sounds like at the root of it is a high degree of incompatibility between you two. Maybe there was a time when she was willing to solve problems, and that you were not. Now maybe you are willing and she just wants out.

Without a context, all I can say is if you made a lot of sacrifices to be with her, and put up with a lot of selfish behaviour, perhaps it's better for you in the long run to separate.

Your kids are still yours to raise and nurture. It is a shame to have that many kids together and not be able to work it out.

When you are ready, you will move on. There will be another woman out there who will suit you better, and you her.

Good luck in this difficult phase.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Cynthetiq

How can you not have some sort of hate or loathing?

You made sacrifices based on a commitment. She's altering that commitment and making that sacrifice worthless. In the end, in my opinion she's taken advantage of you because it's not been a balanced relationship.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

dlish

you generally see this thing in opposite.

the man works, and the woman stays home to look after teh kids. she gives up her job and sacrifices other things in life for what she believes is right. some even give up education for a life at home. it's a typical story where the man strips his partner of any power by making her dependant him, and him alone.

this is a sad story, whichever way you look at it. i'm sorry that things havent worked out. the main thing right now is that your kids have a loving father.

though im not familar with your laws, you should request help from the government. they usually have provisions for this sort of thing

good luck

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Baraka_Guru

Do everything in your power to do what's best for your kids, whatever it is you decide that is.

You made sacrifices for them and she seems to have taken advantage of that and has taken it for granted.

In the end, what matters is whether you feel you have done (and will continue to do) what is right for your children, all the while ensuring that you do what's best for yourself as well.

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I wish you the best of luck.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Drider_it

The fact i have an epic temper and that i hold stuff in for weeks, then when i try to explain it ... its like a fuse slowly burning.. away and fizzling then the wind blows just right and it flares back up.. *BOOM*

I've a rage in me that I keep down. Hell, the hulk ain't got nothing on me in that aspect. But, I try too hard to hold it in, and talk. But, I think of all the wrong things that have happen. Like she goes out to a bar with this single guy. Comes home late, to fall asleep or not at all. I just lose myself in my own world. And ride the net for all its worth.

I don't go out to bars. I don't hang out with women. I work, come home, try to clean this trash hole of a house by myself. Cook for the kids and me. And I talk to people in wow on ventrilo (which is my only friends.) lack of a ride tends to move you in that direction.

I dont talk to her the way one should i guess. But, I've never really been given the chance. Like I said when you keep something in it festers.

when I try to talk it out.. everything ive held in all comes out in a burst and I try to say everything that has been bothering me all at once. I dosen't work that way i guess.

But, nothing I can do now. I still think we would be happier apart than together.

I'm just tired of trying. Of wondering why cant she laugh and joke like that with me.

I like watching movies with popcorn, staying home with the kids. all that crappy romance stuff that girls like lol. I'm not some grease monkey (no offence to any that are) I'm not some brute, a "macho" type. I'm kind and careing when given the chance.

I tend to do little things that in a whole prove I love someone. Yet, in the end, I'm just left holding onto something that never really was there.

In short..

Me--- Even though I'm here with the kids all the time. I've gotten to the point where I tune them out. I never get a break so I place myself in a situation where I can get a break. I'm sick of cleaning this house over and over, trying to get the kids to understand not to leave stuff lying around and such. Sick of .. omg I haven't seen the floor in our laundry room for over a year.

Her--- she works, college. Comes home and sleeps. She always on her phone. Gets some kind of message saying and i swear to you... "(enter noob name here) needs me to (enter desperate help line here) is it ok if i go?" goes out with anyone to get away from the problems at the house which she claims is me.

what can i do say no and have her mad at me.. looking back i guess i should have told her to stay home.. but she would use the "your controlling" line on me.


just standing back trying to be passive, I can see its just over. I just don't know what to do.

as of now, we are waiting for our taxes... about 6k we get back each year. I gotta get 3 rides working. Now, I gotta decide on what to do.

we are on section 8 hud rent so its in my name.. I just cant move out and get my own place. It goes against their policies. I could end up in a fed pen due to that.

we get about 1k a month in food stamps. Its in my name. again what to do.

My friend asked me if i would get remarried or date.. I told him hell no. I spent 13 years trying to learn the ins and outs of this woman.. how acts .. her likes and dislikes. what she likes and hates to eat. how her lips part when she sleeps. when she needs her back rubbed. when she is sick. sad...

im not gonna put myself through having to get to know someone all over again.

I did my lot in life.. i had kids to pass on to the world. I have to help raise them and I'm happy for that. No where did it say i have to keep a woman in my life or have sex or anything else along those lines. And I won't.

I'll have the rest of my life working with my kids to let them know "hey im here and i love you"

I'm the paranoid type also. "will she harbor hate in her heart for me and move that to my kids?"

my kids never see it all.. they only see daddy get mad at mommy and then hate me.

they never see daddy at home wondering if or when mommy will be home. That I worry, cry. Stare at a wall till i cant take it so i turn to what i can do.. i escape on my computer. (its wrong but im human)

in all of this im still trying to understand how one still gets along with another and can be a friend. Yet, going out with all these men, in the back of my mind when i do finally seperate and move out. She can have anyone she wants.

I have little to offer anyone. I can cook, clean, iron, sew, i take out trash and do windows. I like to walk in the woods but in a certain way. Fish sorta. I love nature in the sense of life. Yet i hate the discomfort of leaving the house, the heat or cold. Bugs etc... I love watching movies. cuddling in a blanket watching a fire ( it smothers her)

im a hopless romantic i guess but married to someone who wants more of a "man guy".

__________________
It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies.

Drider_it

Ok so now she and I are a bit confused. More so, me I guess. We are still together. In the same house. We are at least talking shareing the same bed. But, we don't know what we are gonna do in the long term. I'm not hopeing for a heaven sent solution or anything.

I do know I'm going to find a better job. And do what I have to do for our kids and my sanity. I need to get out more. I'll try with her, but if not. I got some friends I could look up. I won't go out with the opposite sex. I just see that as wrong. Totally wrong to do.

__________________
It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies.