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Starting over?
Well after 13 years, my wife comes in and says its over. (wont bore you with complete and thought out speech she worked up)
I'm 37, have 5 kids with her. Gave up every good job I came across due to her work/lifestiyle or college. Now I've no job, no money, and my truck is broke down. (Yeah, sounds like your typical country music song.)
Yet, day in and day out I'm forced to sit at home and watch our kids. Well thats not right. I love our kids. It just gets fustrating that I can't get out or do anything. All my friends are miles away or just too busy in life to do anything.
My wife goes out with single guys to bars. But thats ok? I've told her many times it looks wrong and the way I feel about it. Yet she comes home all mad, due to the fact people run their mouths saying she is cheating on me.
I tell her what do you expect?
Yet, now I'm faced with a rage deep inside of me wanting release. Jealously mixed with the thought that of a promise of good or bad lessor or worse she was to stay by me. Yet , now I'm faced with a world with out her the way I'm used to.
How do you not end up hateing someone for that? I don't hold hate in my heart for anyone. Nor do I want to. But this...
I base everything I do in life from what I've experienced or seen. This is a new road for me. I don't know where to step or turn.
In my world right now it's raining. I just understand why I am so mad. I look at a wall in my house and all I want to do is put something through it.
Here shortly I'm getting on world of warcraft and just go kill a ton of people in a battleground to release I guess.
I told her what options do I have. I've had to burn every bridge for jobs around here so she could do her "thing" or for her college. Yet in the end, I'm left wondering if she got a taste of single life and wanted out. All the while, I'm sitting at home in a house with our 5 kids explaining where mommy is.
In no way is she all to blame. I'm not a saint by no means. In my family we didn't express ourselves alot in words. Yet how can I talk to her when she is either always gone or she gets home and wants to sleep. "I'm tired and you want to talk now?"
When would I get to talk.....
This morning was rough. I'm sick, 103 temp and yet she's mad cuz she had to get up 30 min early to help get the kids ready for school. Though she had the whole evening to get their stuff ready.
I'm sorry, I just have this fear I'm gonna be sitting in an apt. staring at a wall wondering what my kids are doing and how much they hate me.
I got no one to talk to on this, cuz anyone I can talk to will go running to her.
Again, I'm sorry all. I just gotta tell someone. And I've known you all for a very long time. Lol, almost as long as I've been married.
Drider
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It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies.
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