Zeraph

So I'm getting older (25) and my dating pool is more through friends and meeting people at stores and such. Normally I'm fairly quick to pick up on signals if she's interested but lately I've come to a confusing situation that's happened several times.

The gist of it is that a pretty woman will bump into me (or my cart) and say "Excuse me." This is generally preceded and followed by circling and most likely checking me out. It often happens in a section that she seems not to have any business in (like men's department) that she soon leaves after the little encounter without having really looked at anything or picked anything up. Hence my likely suspicion of the intentional bump. Sounds fairly standard stranger meets stranger, now to the conundrum. The last couple times they just haven't made eye contact (like I'd expect of someone interested) so perhaps its all a coincidence. But so far 9 out of 10 bumps are from pretty girls so either they tend to be much more clumsy than the general population or this is a tactic I haven't known about :P

1. Do you think this is in my head or are these shy girls trying to spark a meeting? 2. Regardless of 1, what's a good ice breaker after she says "excuse me" so I'll have something to say besides, "no problem?"

Baraka_Guru

It's an old tactic.

It's evolved from the handkerchief dropping to get the attention from some gallant young man who would pick it up and retrieve it for her.

It's the classic "oops" maneuver to get your attention.

Or it could just be a coincidence.

It's not like women can be figured out or anything.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Xerxys

huh? ice breaker eh? Use your surroundings, store ... ask about paprika. Walmart, ask about dogfood, in the park, ask for directions. Once she's talking to you and you took the time not to dress like a hobo then you're one foot in the door.

Secondly, this is why I have a facebook account. I always keep track of events and happenings around my area. "Gee thanks I actually never knew that about chilli sauce. Y'know, I'd like to thank you but have no way of doing so now, would you like to go see Better than Ezra at the amphitheater? I have two tickets ... ?" All this of course is incumbent on her body language and whether or not she tried to blow you off as soon as you engaged her.

I've been asked out a total of 1 time in my life so I am accustomed to being the one who engages. This or I live vicariously through other TFPers!

Martian

You're going about it all wrong.

Whether or not it's an accident is irrelevant. If you (literally, in this case) run into a girl you think is attractive, you might as well go for it.

Breaking the ice here is the same as elsewhere. I like jokes or quips, but you need to be quick on the uptake to use that.

Also worth considering is that someone who's shopping may not be interested in being chatted up. That isn't to say you can't make an effort, but if she seems eager to get on her way, just let it go.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

ratbastid

Oh my god I'm prehistoric.

Zeraph

Haha, I said, old*er* not old. No worries bud I just meant I can't meet women from college anymore. The days of easy meets are over.

I guess I'm not very good at acting ignorant of things on the fly. Sounds silly I know, but its true. It just doesn't (and won't) cross my mind to ask her about something in the moment. My usual stick is to ask her something about herself, and then ask about the answer, but that initial question requires some observation first and these moments happen on the fly when I'm not prepared. Which I'm not at all good at.

lostgirl

If is has just been happening recently, as in around Christmas time, she may have reason to be in that section after all, buying a gift.

The others are right, you have to make a move, and gage the situation from there. If she is interested, she probably feels the same as you, and is not prepared, and trying to figure out if you are interested or not.

__________________
We're about to go through the crucible, but we'll come out the other side.
We always arise from our own ashes. Everything returns later in its changed form. - Children of Dune

Plan9

Zigga-puhleez. Online dating is the easiest game on the planet.

...

I'm voting for: Girl could be incredibly clumsy. But use the interaction to your advantage. You seem to be doing the right thing in chasing their coyness.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Zeraph

Recently for my age, like last year or so.

Cromp- (yes cromp, I'm not sure I can ever call you plan9 :P) bleh. I used to get easy dates from online sites but geese. So much effing work involved and 2/3rds are effing off their bonkers crazy. Not to mention all the liars and scammers. Just so sick of dealing with that cesspool. How's your luck been?

Xerxys

Numbers game my friend. You can easily tell those who want to get out of the store right now and you can tell by those who lounge. I do so mainly by shopping at 1am. Usually I have the entire store to myself and any pretty stragglers will be hit on.

Acting ignorant? Who says it's an act? I genuinely did not know how to make meatloaf until a month ago when I met R***** . This is merely your excuse to make an excuse to not be creative.

I will attempt a tough love approach ...

Zeraph, your dick hates you. You can't ignore the hate mail it sends you forever.

Plan9

Robert?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

Oh, shit, I thought it was Romano.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Xerxys

^^ Less male-ish ...

Poppinjay

Rudyard.

__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Zeraph

Rachel

Xerxys

^^ Wow, on the money!

Esoteric

Smash into her cart really hard and see how she reacts.

__________________
From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch
Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck
I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change
Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins

telekinetic

Rupert?

__________________
twisted no more

Xerxys

I am so sorry for derailing your thread man!

Zeraph

Was it a derailment? Or was it what I had intended all along to reveal my psychic gift?

little_tippler

speaking of derailed...

I think if you want to initiate contact regardless of whether it was accidental or on purpose is say 'no problem. Can I help you at all?'

If a girl is interested she may respond...

'yes, this trolley is all wobbly, I can't seem to get it to go in a straight line!'

or

'well...actually, I was looking for x, do you know where that is?'

In either case, a conversation can follow and she thinks you're a gentleman.

To be honest I have never done this kind of thing on purpose. But maybe some girls do, who knows.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Xerxys

^^ Exactly, pro-tip, always talk to her (them?) she may even respond with "uh .. bu.., wha.., sorry" but key is to always talk to her and see if she wants to have a conversation. Thing about girls is (note I do not know if you are looking for a relationship or a date) they either forget due to the overwhelming propositions they receive or they ACT a fool which essentially means you have to do all the work. Leaving an impression, ANY impression is important.

Or alternatively you could go the Larry David (think George Costanza) route and do as Esoteric says but not to elicit a response but to yell "You want my shopping?? Huh? Take it! Here, take the cheerios goddammit! I mean there's only a shelve full of them on isle 4 but noooooo ram my cart and take mine!!" This is the part you start madly grabbing at items in your cart and flinging them into hers ... "Take it, TAKE IT ALL!! What the FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!! WHY CAN'T I FUCKIN' SHOP IN PEACE?!?!?!?!"

/southpark

MSD

You must bump her back no less than twice as hard as she bumped you to assert your dominance or she may see you as easy prey and drag you home to feed to her offspring.

Zeraph

haha, I laughed hard.

bagatelle

Would it be top rude to start asking about the stuff she has in her trolley?

I'm married with children and have no experience of these kind of situations. Have you ever thought of picking up a saleslady from the store, are they too old there, where you go?

Plan9

So you're an advocate of "To the moon, Alice!"

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

genuinegirly

It is not uncommon for a woman to window-shop in a region of the store where "they have no business." Especially so during the holiday season. It's also not uncommon to become distracted by a display and lose track of where your cart has wandered.

That said, there is no reason not to treat these women to a, "Hello there, happy holidays," or "Ooops. No worries. Good day." If they feel like chatting with you more, great. If they don't, well, at least you've shown that there are some friendly people left in the world.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

MSD

Rude to fin an easy conversation starter after someone else initiates the interaction? Far from it (but you can probably do a lot better than that.) As far as sales people, women in any sort of customer service job get it all the time and most likely don't want to hear it from you unless they start it. Never hurts to try as long as you're not pushy.

bagatelle

Since my mind's set on shopping at the store, not dating, I would find it intruding, if a stranger would start analyzing the contents of my trolley, so I don't think of it that way.

I may have to observe the lonely male shoppers a bit differently from now on, to see if they are actually looking for a date. Hm... but observing them might make them think, I'm after something, when I'm not. I'd end up starting something I didn't intend to.

I was getting these thoughts on sales people after my husband was eager to do the shopping alone in a certain store. They need to be careful how much friendliness they show towards customers.

Plan9

Let's assume that this is some type of National-Lampoon's-Chevy-Chase-in-a-lingerie-department scenario.

How is this anything but good for the store's business? I'd sell my soul for a salesperson to take interest in my shopping goal.

Honestly, if the pencil-neck'd bimbos behind the counter at Victoria's Secret paid more attention to customers instead of their nails and their Blackberry beeps, they'd be more than just a messy teenager's bedroom with a fancy sign pushing cheap thongs made by dying slave children in Vietnam.

/threadjack

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."