Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Life


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-18-2009, 03:48 PM   #1 (permalink)
Banned
 
Zeraph's Avatar
 
Location: The Cosmos
Shy girl tactic or coincidence?

So I'm getting older (25) and my dating pool is more through friends and meeting people at stores and such. Normally I'm fairly quick to pick up on signals if she's interested but lately I've come to a confusing situation that's happened several times.

The gist of it is that a pretty woman will bump into me (or my cart) and say "Excuse me." This is generally preceded and followed by circling and most likely checking me out. It often happens in a section that she seems not to have any business in (like men's department) that she soon leaves after the little encounter without having really looked at anything or picked anything up. Hence my likely suspicion of the intentional bump. Sounds fairly standard stranger meets stranger, now to the conundrum. The last couple times they just haven't made eye contact (like I'd expect of someone interested) so perhaps its all a coincidence. But so far 9 out of 10 bumps are from pretty girls so either they tend to be much more clumsy than the general population or this is a tactic I haven't known about :P

1. Do you think this is in my head or are these shy girls trying to spark a meeting? 2. Regardless of 1, what's a good ice breaker after she says "excuse me" so I'll have something to say besides, "no problem?"
Zeraph is offline  
Old 12-18-2009, 03:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
Baraka_Guru's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
It's an old tactic.

It's evolved from the handkerchief dropping to get the attention from some gallant young man who would pick it up and retrieve it for her.

It's the classic "oops" maneuver to get your attention.

Or it could just be a coincidence.

It's not like women can be figured out or anything.
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
Baraka_Guru is offline  
Old 12-18-2009, 04:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: My head.
huh? ice breaker eh? Use your surroundings, store ... ask about paprika. Walmart, ask about dogfood, in the park, ask for directions. Once she's talking to you and you took the time not to dress like a hobo then you're one foot in the door.

Secondly, this is why I have a facebook account. I always keep track of events and happenings around my area. "Gee thanks I actually never knew that about chilli sauce. Y'know, I'd like to thank you but have no way of doing so now, would you like to go see Better than Ezra at the amphitheater? I have two tickets ... ?" All this of course is incumbent on her body language and whether or not she tried to blow you off as soon as you engaged her.

I've been asked out a total of 1 time in my life so I am accustomed to being the one who engages. This or I live vicariously through other TFPers!
Xerxys is offline  
Old 12-18-2009, 04:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
Young Crumudgeon
 
Martian's Avatar
 
Location: Canada
You're going about it all wrong.

Whether or not it's an accident is irrelevant. If you (literally, in this case) run into a girl you think is attractive, you might as well go for it.

Breaking the ice here is the same as elsewhere. I like jokes or quips, but you need to be quick on the uptake to use that.

Also worth considering is that someone who's shopping may not be interested in being chatted up. That isn't to say you can't make an effort, but if she seems eager to get on her way, just let it go.
__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
Martian is offline  
Old 12-18-2009, 04:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
ratbastid's Avatar
 
Location: Yonder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeraph View Post
I'm getting older (25)
Oh my god I'm prehistoric.
ratbastid is offline  
Old 12-18-2009, 05:43 PM   #6 (permalink)
Banned
 
Zeraph's Avatar
 
Location: The Cosmos
Haha, I said, old*er* not old. No worries bud I just meant I can't meet women from college anymore. The days of easy meets are over.

I guess I'm not very good at acting ignorant of things on the fly. Sounds silly I know, but its true. It just doesn't (and won't) cross my mind to ask her about something in the moment. My usual stick is to ask her something about herself, and then ask about the answer, but that initial question requires some observation first and these moments happen on the fly when I'm not prepared. Which I'm not at all good at.
Zeraph is offline  
Old 12-18-2009, 05:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
lightform
 
lostgirl's Avatar
 
Location: Edge of the deep green sea
If is has just been happening recently, as in around Christmas time, she may have reason to be in that section after all, buying a gift.

The others are right, you have to make a move, and gage the situation from there. If she is interested, she probably feels the same as you, and is not prepared, and trying to figure out if you are interested or not.
__________________
We're about to go through the crucible, but we'll come out the other side.
We always arise from our own ashes. Everything returns later in its changed form. - Children of Dune
lostgirl is offline  
Old 12-18-2009, 05:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
Plan9's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeraph View Post
Haha, I said, old*er* not old. No worries bud I just meant I can't meet women from college anymore. The days of easy meets are over.
Zigga-puhleez. Online dating is the easiest game on the planet.

...

I'm voting for: Girl could be incredibly clumsy. But use the interaction to your advantage. You seem to be doing the right thing in chasing their coyness.
__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Last edited by Plan9; 12-18-2009 at 05:53 PM..
Plan9 is offline  
Old 12-18-2009, 06:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
Banned
 
Zeraph's Avatar
 
Location: The Cosmos
Quote:
Originally Posted by lostgirl View Post
If is has just been happening recently, as in around Christmas time, she may have reason to be in that section after all, buying a gift.
Recently for my age, like last year or so.

Cromp- (yes cromp, I'm not sure I can ever call you plan9 :P) bleh. I used to get easy dates from online sites but geese. So much effing work involved and 2/3rds are effing off their bonkers crazy. Not to mention all the liars and scammers. Just so sick of dealing with that cesspool. How's your luck been?
Zeraph is offline  
Old 12-18-2009, 07:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: My head.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martian View Post
... Also worth considering is that someone who's shopping may not be interested in being chatted up. That isn't to say you can't make an effort, but if she seems eager to get on her way, just let it go.
Numbers game my friend. You can easily tell those who want to get out of the store right now and you can tell by those who lounge. I do so mainly by shopping at 1am. Usually I have the entire store to myself and any pretty stragglers will be hit on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeraph View Post
... I guess I'm not very good at acting ignorant of things on the fly. Sounds silly I know, but its true. It just doesn't (and won't) cross my mind to ask her about something in the moment. My usual stick is to ask her something about herself, and then ask about the answer, but that initial question requires some observation first and these moments happen on the fly when I'm not prepared. Which I'm not at all good at.
Acting ignorant? Who says it's an act? I genuinely did not know how to make meatloaf until a month ago when I met R***** . This is merely your excuse to make an excuse to not be creative.

I will attempt a tough love approach ...

Zeraph, your dick hates you. You can't ignore the hate mail it sends you forever.
Xerxys is offline  
Old 12-18-2009, 07:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
Plan9's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xerxys View Post
I genuinely did not know how to make meatloaf until a month ago when I met R***** .
Robert?
__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."
Plan9 is offline  
Old 12-18-2009, 07:32 PM   #12 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
Baraka_Guru's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
Oh, shit, I thought it was Romano.
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
Baraka_Guru is offline  
Old 12-19-2009, 05:55 AM   #13 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: My head.
^^ Less male-ish ...
Xerxys is offline  
Old 12-19-2009, 06:23 AM   #14 (permalink)
You had me at hello
 
Poppinjay's Avatar
 
Location: DC/Coastal VA
Rudyard.
__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet
Poppinjay is offline  
Old 12-19-2009, 01:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
Banned
 
Zeraph's Avatar
 
Location: The Cosmos
Rachel
Zeraph is offline  
Old 12-19-2009, 01:24 PM   #16 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: My head.
^^ Wow, on the money!
Xerxys is offline  
Old 12-21-2009, 01:45 PM   #17 (permalink)
Tired
 
Esoteric's Avatar
 
Location: Florida
Smash into her cart really hard and see how she reacts.
__________________
From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch
Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck
I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change
Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins
Esoteric is offline  
Old 12-21-2009, 02:51 PM   #18 (permalink)
zomgomgomgomgomgomg
 
telekinetic's Avatar
 
Location: Fauxenix, Azerona
Rupert?
__________________
twisted no more
telekinetic is offline  
Old 12-21-2009, 03:44 PM   #19 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: My head.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plan9 View Post
Robert?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru View Post
Oh, shit, I thought it was Romano.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poppinjay View Post
Rudyard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by telekinetic View Post
Rupert?
I am so sorry for derailing your thread man!
Xerxys is offline  
Old 12-21-2009, 03:58 PM   #20 (permalink)
Banned
 
Zeraph's Avatar
 
Location: The Cosmos
Was it a derailment? Or was it what I had intended all along to reveal my psychic gift?
Zeraph is offline  
Old 12-21-2009, 04:26 PM   #21 (permalink)
Leaning against the -Sun-
 
little_tippler's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: on the other side
speaking of derailed...

I think if you want to initiate contact regardless of whether it was accidental or on purpose is say 'no problem. Can I help you at all?'

If a girl is interested she may respond...

'yes, this trolley is all wobbly, I can't seem to get it to go in a straight line!'

or

'well...actually, I was looking for x, do you know where that is?'

In either case, a conversation can follow and she thinks you're a gentleman.

To be honest I have never done this kind of thing on purpose. But maybe some girls do, who knows.
__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.


Fernando Pessoa, 1918
little_tippler is offline  
Old 12-21-2009, 05:13 PM   #22 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: My head.
^^ Exactly, pro-tip, always talk to her (them?) she may even respond with "uh .. bu.., wha.., sorry" but key is to always talk to her and see if she wants to have a conversation. Thing about girls is (note I do not know if you are looking for a relationship or a date) they either forget due to the overwhelming propositions they receive or they ACT a fool which essentially means you have to do all the work. Leaving an impression, ANY impression is important.

Or alternatively you could go the Larry David (think George Costanza) route and do as Esoteric says but not to elicit a response but to yell "You want my shopping?? Huh? Take it! Here, take the cheerios goddammit! I mean there's only a shelve full of them on isle 4 but noooooo ram my cart and take mine!!" This is the part you start madly grabbing at items in your cart and flinging them into hers ... "Take it, TAKE IT ALL!! What the FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!! WHY CAN'T I FUCKIN' SHOP IN PEACE?!?!?!?!"

/southpark
Xerxys is offline  
Old 12-23-2009, 10:37 AM   #23 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
MSD's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: CT
You must bump her back no less than twice as hard as she bumped you to assert your dominance or she may see you as easy prey and drag you home to feed to her offspring.
MSD is offline  
Old 12-23-2009, 12:34 PM   #24 (permalink)
Banned
 
Zeraph's Avatar
 
Location: The Cosmos
Quote:
Originally Posted by MSD View Post
You must bump her back no less than twice as hard as she bumped you to assert your dominance or she may see you as easy prey and drag you home to feed to her offspring.
haha, I laughed hard.
Zeraph is offline  
Old 12-23-2009, 01:01 PM   #25 (permalink)
Psycho
 
bagatelle's Avatar
 
Location: Europe
Would it be top rude to start asking about the stuff she has in her trolley?

I'm married with children and have no experience of these kind of situations. Have you ever thought of picking up a saleslady from the store, are they too old there, where you go?
bagatelle is offline  
Old 12-23-2009, 04:14 PM   #26 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
Plan9's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MSD View Post
You must bump her back no less than twice as hard as she bumped you to assert your dominance or she may see you as easy prey and drag you home to feed to her offspring.
So you're an advocate of "To the moon, Alice!"
__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."
Plan9 is offline  
Old 12-23-2009, 10:42 PM   #27 (permalink)
Eat your vegetables
 
genuinegirly's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: Arabidopsis-ville
It is not uncommon for a woman to window-shop in a region of the store where "they have no business." Especially so during the holiday season. It's also not uncommon to become distracted by a display and lose track of where your cart has wandered.

That said, there is no reason not to treat these women to a, "Hello there, happy holidays," or "Ooops. No worries. Good day." If they feel like chatting with you more, great. If they don't, well, at least you've shown that there are some friendly people left in the world.
__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy
genuinegirly is offline  
Old 12-24-2009, 04:50 AM   #28 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
MSD's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: CT
Quote:
Originally Posted by bagatelle View Post
Would it be top rude to start asking about the stuff she has in her trolley?

I'm married with children and have no experience of these kind of situations. Have you ever thought of picking up a saleslady from the store, are they too old there, where you go?
Rude to fin an easy conversation starter after someone else initiates the interaction? Far from it (but you can probably do a lot better than that.) As far as sales people, women in any sort of customer service job get it all the time and most likely don't want to hear it from you unless they start it. Never hurts to try as long as you're not pushy.
MSD is offline  
Old 12-25-2009, 06:27 AM   #29 (permalink)
Psycho
 
bagatelle's Avatar
 
Location: Europe
Quote:
Originally Posted by MSD View Post
Rude to fin an easy conversation starter after someone else initiates the interaction? Far from it (but you can probably do a lot better than that.) As far as sales people, women in any sort of customer service job get it all the time and most likely don't want to hear it from you unless they start it. Never hurts to try as long as you're not pushy.
Since my mind's set on shopping at the store, not dating, I would find it intruding, if a stranger would start analyzing the contents of my trolley, so I don't think of it that way.

I may have to observe the lonely male shoppers a bit differently from now on, to see if they are actually looking for a date. Hm... but observing them might make them think, I'm after something, when I'm not. I'd end up starting something I didn't intend to.

I was getting these thoughts on sales people after my husband was eager to do the shopping alone in a certain store. They need to be careful how much friendliness they show towards customers.
bagatelle is offline  
Old 12-25-2009, 08:58 AM   #30 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
Plan9's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bagatelle View Post
I was getting these thoughts on sales people after my husband was eager to do the shopping alone in a certain store. They need to be careful how much friendliness they show towards customers.
Let's assume that this is some type of National-Lampoon's-Chevy-Chase-in-a-lingerie-department scenario.

How is this anything but good for the store's business? I'd sell my soul for a salesperson to take interest in my shopping goal.

Honestly, if the pencil-neck'd bimbos behind the counter at Victoria's Secret paid more attention to customers instead of their nails and their Blackberry beeps, they'd be more than just a messy teenager's bedroom with a fancy sign pushing cheap thongs made by dying slave children in Vietnam.

/threadjack
__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Last edited by Plan9; 12-25-2009 at 09:02 AM..
Plan9 is offline  
 

Tags
coincidence, girl, shy, tactic

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:33 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360