external factors or just the anniversary?

A little of both I think, but I'm doing things a little different. I'm not trying to be the strong one, ignoring it until it goes away...and I know I have some support.

Today will be tomorrow, soon.

The best fix I have come across was visiting a buddhist monastery, we chatted to the monks, and then we sat down on cushions in a blank and tranquil room, and a monk talked us through breathing. I went in with the pressures of being a single parent full time student and part time worker with essays due - and on the bus back to college - I just felt so tranquil. I try to pull the memory back to me when I am at the dentists - of like when they were shoving a needle in my spine and hitting bone - repeatedly. If I am stressed my blood pressure goes up and I hit the floor - never took myself for a fainting girlie. Nip of spirit is advisable - veterinary advice - those extra two years of training tell dont they. If I am in a panic - I try to pull back the memory of that young monks voice telling us how to breathe. Would strongly recommend the experience. Please take food. They are not allowed to ask for it nor to take it, but at meal time 'gifts' are put in their bowls. Someone asked if st johns wort really works - it levels out your moods more, takes enough of the edge off to make life more bearable.

Best advice for getting over addiction is to walk in the morning and write all your thoughts down in a journal or a blog so you are keeping in touch with your inner dialogue.

Fuck. I've done nothing but lay in bed and cry this morning. A lot of reasons, yet no reason. I feel so fuckin weak. My life has pretty much come crashing down around me, yet again. I am...broken. I try to think positive, but I am having a hard time seeing anything positive. I don't want to fight anymore...I want to give in, however, I cannot.

cj - maybe its the time of year, all my slightly eccentric friends seem to be feeling it. It will pass - you know this so you have one positive. Sometimes the best place to stay is safe under a duvet - I have three dogs sharing mine, so I get sympathetic looks and concern. Are you alone?

No, I'm not alone, and not suicidal at least. Just incredibly sad. The last week has or so has just flat kicked my ass. I don't want to blame this on any one person or event. Last week just sucked in a lot of ways, and I was already slipping a little. Many times just telling somebody takes the power away from the depression for me. This has helped a bit.

I'll start getting depressed tomorrow, when the day is shorter. I have more & better reasons, but refuse to use them. You, cj2112, should probably try to find someone with bigger problems & try to help them. That attempt alone might distract you from your own.

cj2 - feeling down myself today - so I am in bed with my three little dogs - who I bring tea up for. (one of us got trained!) I get understanding eyes to talk to, and know that at least three beings in this world give a toss - and best off all I get hugs. I was hoping you would have a being of a similar nature with you - loving hugs make you feel better sometimes.

I fee like shit. Third day in a row. Candle burning at three ends. This will not end well if I keep up as I am. Something will give. I've been in risky situations, locations, and behaviors.

I've got 2 more days to hang on until I can straighten it out.

Tonight will be a little forgiving because I will meet a serenity brother.