genuinegirly

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
How did you come to terms with who you are and what you want to make of your life?

I wonder if others face/d a similar crisis of concience, and how you are working / have worked through it.

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Understanding my role in life is something that I struggle with.

I was raised to be a mother. My parents made it clear that my greatest goal in life should be to raise healthy, well-adjusted children. I took it to heart. I allowed it to become an obsession - constantly exploring how I could prepare myself to be a good mother. I look back at that obsession now and I realize that is not really something that is age-appropriate for a young girl to take to heart. This kind of thinking lead me, my sister, and many of our female friends raised in this same culture to believe our lives were incomplete without children. Our biological clocks don't help with trying to reverse this mentality, but that's another matter.

This obsession reached its peak at about age 16 before it began to taper off, and at age 18 I realized it would be a while until I would have kids, so I decided to dive whole-heartedly into my every dream. I learned French, took science courses and completed a bachelor's degree in a field people told me I didn't have the mental capacity to grasp at a school no one thought I was qualified to attend, chased after the man of my dreams, won him over, worked at a coffee shop, lived in a student-run co-op, backpacked through europe, did field work on a tropical island...

I'm always chasing dreams that I never thought would happen. I keep expecting to wake up to the lack-luster reality of an ugly domineering husband, too many kids, strapped for cash, etc that I fully expected to live but never wanted. Instead I wake up each morning and realize I'm still in that little dream world. I should be happy, but I find myself utterly lost. I feel like an imposter. I view myself as selfish for pursuing my dreams including my education. At every turn, there is self-doubt.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I know the answer, but I don't see how it could possibly happen. I don't entirely believe that I'm capable of those dreams.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

n0nsensical

There's nothing wrong with living your dream. And you can, within the limits of reality, and it sounds like you're doing just that. Believe in yourself first and the rest will follow. Getting an education is certainly not selfish, and in any case, if you weren't just a little bit selfish you would probably die.

A lot of people are going to try to bring you down no matter what you do, but you need not let them. Many miserable people can't stand the thought of someone somewhere enjoying their life. They don't want to look in the mirror and realize they are the only ones with the power to change their lives for the better, so instead they try to bring others to their level. Some parents live vicariously through their children and are bothered when they make choices that don't fit within expectations. They may not like the feeling of losing control, but they gave you that life and it belongs to you only. They can try to shape you but in the end they can't tell you what to do. Listen to what they have to say but don't let them pin you in a box. I don't doubt for a minute that you wouldn't let that happen, this is just a sort of general advice. For what it's worth...

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"Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of temperance. It is a species of intemperance within itself, for it goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A Prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded." --Abraham Lincoln

ametc

My whole family instilled it in me that I must be smart and marry rich and be pale. My parents wanted me to be independent like my eldest sister and my eldest sister taught me calculus while she was in high school and I was six or seven. She was always in the advanced classes and almost made it to valedictorian but ran away from home and missed some school while she looked for a place to live on her own. She's now 27 and has her own home and an awesome job. My parents wanted me to be like her but instead of being an engineer, they wanted me to be a nurse or doctor and they wanted me to marry a businessman or doctor.

I can't count how many arranged marriages my mother tried to set me up with.. I refused them all because I was a rebel.

I've yet to live the life I want, and I highly doubt I'll ever be what I've been taught to want nor will I ever be that hard partying ~cool~ aunt that has traveled the world and has a million exciting and funny stories to tell everybody. ~sigh~

But, I don't mind. I do mind when my depression gets me down... but when I feel good.. I don't mind not being what I want to be. Because really.. it's what I want to be and not what I need to be. And I honestly don't know right now what I need to be. So, until I find out what I need to be, I'm just gonna chill out for a while. We got our whole lives ahead of us and one random day it will just hit us and we'll know.

Or so I've heard from my patients that that's how it goes.

Toaster126

I don't think waiting for something to happen is a good life happiness strategy.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

amonkie

If I have learned anything, its that defining myself has be to be about ME. Not about my relationships with other people, or other expectations. Me. ME ME ME ME ME. It sounds extremely selfish, but you know what? I'm the one that has to live with the consequences, good or bad.

I was pretty surprised about some of the choices I made when I was not factoring in other people. Circumstances are a constant - they will always change. I tried in the past to define myself by a job, career, relationship status. They all failed, for one reason or another.

Now ... I at least have healthy expectations of what is required out my living sitations to help me along in the direction I want to go. For me, this means a job that I can leave at work, a place to live where I can see from the ground to the sky in one interrupted break on daily basis, and an environment that stimulates me creatively - for me, this is nature and all its related elements.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

Xerxys

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I want to get a job that I enjoy doing. A challenging job. One which I won't have to work with others to do so much because other people don't like to be challenged. If I do have to work with others, then I want it to be with at least reasonable people who get that they need to pay the bills and they aren't special.

How did you come to terms with who you are and what you want to make of your life?
I came to terms with myself by trying to be a humanitarian. And failing. People do not want to hear about your intentions. They want to see them. People are also harsh judges so they will never give you credit where it's due or acknowledge your achievements. So went my dream of being president and changing the world around me. The world is too big to be saved by me. Time for me to be selfish.

I wonder if others face/d a similar crisis of conscience, and how you are working / have worked through it.
I got my first paycheck. It was $128.00 net after taxes. Never looked back since. Life is good.

jnthnlllshprd

I decided sometime after high school that I just don't care what happens. Nothing really matters.

Push-Pull

I'll let whoever speaks at my wake attempt to define me. Otherwise, time will sort out the other two questions.

(Seriously, that's my answer....)

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"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-