Anonymous Member

If you had the password to a boyfriend/girlfriend's e-mail, facebook, myspace, whatever... would you look if they wouldn't find out?

Post as anon if you don't want the truth out there.

I would have to say that I would, and I would guess that I was probably in the majority. I guess it's a trust issue, but be that as it may I would still do it.

Plan9

No. Never. This kind of snooping activity is a huge indicator of relationship problems. Trust issues and paranoia - GO!

Didn't you see that Sex and the City episode where Miranda ruins her relationship with the doctor by finding his spanking fetish porn?

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Martian

I actually do have the password to Magpie's email. And all of mine comes through Thunderbird, so she doesn't even need my password to see it.

I don't look. What would I possibly want to find there?

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Jetée

No. I wouldn't look. That's somewhat creepy. Just a notch below memorizing the friend's names in their personal account and seeing how many you can find in real life, "just for kicks, you know".

I hardly care what my e-mail box contains, so what trivial knowledge do I seek to gain by persuing a close friend's messages, or how many thousands of friends they have?

I'm boring; eclectic, but boring. Also, I am way too apathetic (read as: trusting) to make myself paranoid over messages in a mailbox.

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Xerxys

I have pretty incriminating shit in my inbox ... so yeah, happy I live alone!!

No, wouldn't look.

Manic_Skafe

I've snooped.

Doesn't accomplish much.

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wooÐs

If I'm suspicious of any wrongdoing on his part, of course I'd look.

spindles

I read my wife's email - but she is fully aware that I do - her computer is in the house and mine is not. I'm not looking for skeletons - don't think there are any to look for.

Would I snoop without her knowing? No.

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Plan9

My suggestion for the bigger question is:

What would you be looking for?

Infidelity? Money issues? Secret confessions to friends?

...

Why does it seem like everybody is digging for The Truth?

Perhaps because Real Honesty is so hard to come by.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

sapiens

I have my wife's passwords. I don't look at her email.

inBOIL

Maybe, if I had reason to suspect wrongdoing on her part, and if I had reason to believe that snooping would shed light on the situation.

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Willravel

Absolutely, positively not. If I don't trust her, I'm not dating her.

CinnamonGirl

Exactly. If you don't trust each other, what's the point?

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Manic_Skafe

The fact that we don't live in an ideal world?

Sometimes I wonder if we're lucky to have so many perfectly honest and idealistic members or unlucky because so many of us are full of shit.

Thus says the murderer.

Totally anecdotal but I've always found that when it comes to relationships: hard > honest.

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Daniel_

Hard one - if I'd done thins for my first marriage, I'd have nipped things in the bud before her affair spiraled into true infidelity.

But then I'd still be married to a lunatic who made me miserable.

All in all, letting things work out on their own without snooping will lead to a better resolution in the long run, based on my experience, but the long run might be longer than you thought.

I have the ability/skill to get into my wife's email, but not the desire.

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wooÐs

lol@some of the responses.

Look at the divorce rates today. How common is it for kids to say 'I'll be at my Dad's this summer' instead of 'Yeah we're going on a family vacation?' My parents met at 15 and remained together. They've been married for over 40 years. Sadly, it's just not like this anymore. It's disgusting imo.

I say there's nothing wrong with being cautious and / or aware instead of naive. You have to be nowadays.

surferlove007

This is a total double edged sword question...if I suspected wrongdoing then yes I'd look. Although when a boyfriend grabs my phone and looks through it I find that somewhat irritating. I don't keep incriminating emails in my boxes in the first place. I trust he has nothing to hide and vice versa. When it comes to personal files on my computer as in old naked photos..yes I'm not keen on him finding those and have made him his own login so he can't find them if I'm out of the room. Fuck it's 3am...

Lucifer

I have her email password, and I've looked on occasion, but it's just when she gets an email from her ex (who is a total prick), and she'll tell me to go look and read it.

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ShaniFaye

Dave and I have always had the passwords to each others stuff (going on 6 years now), not limited to email or social networking, but ALL things, bank accounts, forum accts etc. We do this so there is no "trying to figure out what to do" if something should happen to one of us. The only time I go into Dave's email is:

When he's away somewhere and cant and he asks me to look up something for him
When I've bought him a gift using our paypal account, because it goes to his email, and I dont want him knowing about it

I have no need to "snoop" and Im the type of person that IF (and with Dave thats a HUUUUGE if) I suspected something I'd have no issues confronting him about it and dealing with it without going behind his back.

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Psycho Dad

We have each other's passwords. We don't look.

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noodle

I know all of my ex's passwords. And I still don't look. That's a privacy violation.
We had an open-account policy with each other at all times, but if one wanted to look, the common courtesy was to ask. I never did, nor did he unless we were showing each other something.
Even now with the CC involved, I still wouldn't want to violate his privacy. Nor would I tolerate him doing that to me. No matter how much I've been tempted in mind-altered moments, that boundary has remained sacred.

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Glory's Sun

I don't think I'd look unless I have asked questions and didn't get an answer that seemed to match the behavior. I haven't really thought about it much to be honest.

wooÐs

Then why did you even exchange passwords to begin with?
And how would you know he hasn't changed his passwords since you broke up unless you've tried them out? lol

Cynthetiq

same reasons that shani has the passwords...

no i don't snoop, and no i don't believe she snoops either.

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Meditrina

Ok, this is going to be hard to answer. In all honesty, yes, I have looked when I knew the passwords. and it killed me. I found out things I wish I hadn't and then could not confront my now ex-husband about it because I felt guilty. It destroyed me. That was a long time ago though. A different time, a different place. The way he was acting and what he was doing on the computer left me feeling very insecure and not trusting. Of course, now we are separated. I cannot look back and regret; but look forward and learn. IF I ever have another SO, there will be no snooping. IF I suspect something, I will confront him immediately. Open and honest with my next relationship, if and when that happens.

I would suggest to anyone, if you suspect something is wrong, TALK about it. Don't snoop. Snooping kills relationships. Not that it is totally to blame for mine failing, but I am sure it contributed to an already failing relationship.

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thespian86

Same.

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Shauk

better question is, why are you letting your S.O. have your passwords if you dont expect them to use it at some point to check up on things?

Plan9

Pfft, I'm not sure how this fits in the thread. Directly, anyway. Like age matters?

...

Your parents trust each other. They grew up before the Me Me Me generation.

Trust is the foundation of a relationship, not exposure. It's like faith, ya know? You just believe. Until proven wrong, of course.

All this "plausible deniability" shit is ruining relationships today. It's selfish.

This philosophy? It's not a partnership, it's emotional chess.

Fuck that. I'll be here... arms wide open... until ya stab me in the heart.

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LordEden

I really want to get cromp a big ol' man hug... and a cookie.

I got to have man love for someone on here, Martian took POA from me. Heartless bastard. I loved that dirty man child! DAMN YOU MARTIAN! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

*****

I've had the chance to do this before, but I chose not too. I have passwords to alot of friends' computers and email addresses. I work on alot of their computers and such. I usually don't care enough to want to do this, but with anything I've put my penis into, I care a bit more. I had a good-time booty call that left her email address password on my computer. It was open to her inbox. I saw right off the bat, emails I would love to read. I logged out and told it stop remembering the password.

I couldn't do it, even if I knew I could have gotten away with it.

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genuinegirly

I don't feel the urge. It's his space.

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snowy

I know most of my SO's pins and passwords because otherwise he forgets them. We also have a "community" password that we use for everything the other might need access to.

Like Shani, I have no need to snoop, nor the desire. I sincerely doubt I ever will.

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yotta

I might look, but probably not. I'm a sysadmin, so I'm used to being able to read people's email and not doing so. I'd have them change their password though, because people shouldn't share passwords.

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Halx

I've been snooped on. Did not appreciate it. Only drove me further away.

I've been tempted to snoop, but I've held myself back. Don't think there was any real moral reason why I didn't do it. I just couldn't reconcile my curiosity with any substantiated suspicion.

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LoganSnake

I have passwords of emails, facebooks and MySpaces. I don't look at them. If I want to check somebody's friend's cause they're otherwise private, I ask if I can do so first.

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Bacchanal

I know the password to the computer and she saves all her other passwords in firefox. If I wanted to snoop, I could, but honestly I trust her.

This is specific to my current woman though, I have looked through an ex's phone, and I'm glad I did, because she was keeping way too much from me, and it helped me make the decision that I made.

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World's King

I read my ex's email all the time.

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noodle

They were exchanged in the event that something happened to one or the other of us because bills and other information that either may need in an emergency or if the other was incommunicado went to each of our email accounts.

And I don't know that he's changed them, but we've been separated several times in the past and they were the same at the time of the breakup as they were when we met. I use his newzbin and he uses my easynews so I know those are the same.

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kutulu

We know each others' passwords and are free to go into each others' email addresses. Our passwords are saved on the computer so if you open facebook or gmail it goes whoever used it last (unless one of us logged out). I usually log out of facebook so that she doesn't accidentally post as me (which has happened a few times).

Neither of us have anything to hide so going into our email isn't really snooping.

jewels

Nope. I wouldn't even take money from a husband/boyfriend's wallet without him being right there.

The guy I last lived with insisted I have his passwords and PINs. I knew he trusted me, so why would I betray that trust?

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Bear Cub

If I look, I make sure to hide the body.

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