a different kind of relationship.....Question. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

RogueGypsy · 03-31-2009, 10:02 AM

About a month ago I met a great lady. We became great friends right away (our first date lasted 10 hrs). Since meeting we've spent every weekend together doing whatever happened to be going on. It feels like I've found my best friend. There was an instant level of comfort, like we've known each other for years, it amazing.

That said, we both seem to be on foreign soil in this burgeoning relationship. Neither of us have felt or are feeling that SHAZAAM! lightning bolt of attraction we've always experienced in the past with others. We enjoy being around each other, but don't yearn for the other when apart. We both think it's a little strange and don't know what to think of it. Neither of us is willing to 'give up' just yet, we want to see were it leads. But at the same time, neither of us wants to just prolong a relationship that is never really going to happen.

She is everything I think I'm looking for in a partner and she says the same of me. Although a small caveat to this is for both of us, we are completely different people than we are used to dating. I seem to attract and enjoy 'crazy' women, the unpredictable, high maintenance types that make life interesting. While she is very grounded, relaxed and decidedly low maintenance. She seems to attract wildly unstable men with loads of baggage and a lack of respect for their fellow human beings. While I'm, like her, settle in my life, easy going and conscious of those around me.

My question is this: Is it possible to have a fulfilling long term relationship without having that initial 'infatuation' for lack of better term?

It would be awesome to spend the rest of my life with this person, I just don't want to find myself looking elsewhere for that missing spark.

Thanks

genuinegirly · 03-31-2009, 11:00 AM

If it works, go with it.
Sounds like you're communicating well, sounds like you're having fun.
I'll gladly choose a healthy relationship that offers stability and comfort when the other option offers nothing more substantial than infatuation.

What it comes down to is what you prefer.

Do you enjoy spending hours discussing anything, spending years together with new things to say every day? Do you enjoy the security that comes along with feeling like you know someone completely - and revel in the challenge of finding a way to surprize them?

Are you the kind of person who grows more attracted to someone over time, or are you concerned the little attraction that you share will be snuffed out with constant interaction?

I honestly think that a relationship as you describe is likely to be a wild success, but it is entirely contingent upon the temperament of those involved.

Craven Morehead · 03-31-2009, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RogueGypsy

My question is this: Is it possible to have a fulfilling long term relationship without having that initial 'infatuation' for lack of better term?

Is it possible that this relationship is so fulfilling that you no longer have the need to yearn when apart? You're confident of your mate, you're secure with the relationship and don't need to constantly 'want' because you know its always going to be there. Besides infatuation is a rather fleeting element of any relation. As the relationship matures, infatuation is replaced with a whole host of other and equally strong feelings.

hunnychile · 03-31-2009, 11:19 AM

You, my friend, have landed on the great divide known as: "Is she perfect for me because it's so easy and I'm comfortable there and I can settle there....or do I need unpredictable rushes of adrenalin & wild ass excitement with a real heart-stopping Drama Queen who will "probably" rule my heart (even though I can't understand it!)"?

The Big Decision....you can settle or you can be addicted. It's your choice. Toss of the dice, so to say. But I've seen it so many times and in truth, who knows what's the better choice?!!

For me, I picked easy...or at least what I thought woulld be easy & predictable. This relationship has probably kept me alive & safe all these years. But I wouldn't say it was the best choice in the long run.

RogueGypsy · 03-31-2009, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hunnychile

You, my friend, have landed on the great divide known as: "Is she perfect for me because it's so easy and I'm comfortable there and I can settle there....or do I need unpredictable rushes of adrenalin & wild ass excitement with a real heart-stopping Drama Queen who will "probably" rule my heart (even though I can't understand it!)"?

The Big Decision....you can settle or you can be addicted. It's your choice. Toss of the dice, so to say. But I've seen it so many times and in truth, who knows what's the better choice?!!

For me, I picked easy...or at least what I thought woulld be easy & predictable. This relationship has probably kept me alive & safe all these years. But I wouldn't say it was the best choice in the long run.

Yeah, we both have. I think we've both decided we're done with the emotional roller coasters we've ridden in the past.

It's just a little confusing to skip over all the nervous discomfort of a new relationship and go straight to the 'relaxed, known you forever and still like you' stage. I guess the main concern for both of us is whether or not the attraction will grow with time or just remain as it is.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful, it just seems like something is missing at this point for both of us. If that fervor of attraction is unnecessary, then so be it. We could probably be happy as things are, but we both want more. Sounds selfish, I know, but what's a birthday cake with out the candles. Hell, we both want big ass candles that burn like flares and blind the casual observer. But do we need that? We don't know and as everyone is an individual, all we can hope for is some insight from other who may have gone before us.

03-31-2009, 10:02 AM	#1 (permalink)
RogueGypsy Insane Location: The Great NorthWet	a different kind of relationship.....Question. About a month ago I met a great lady. We became great friends right away (our first date lasted 10 hrs). Since meeting we've spent every weekend together doing whatever happened to be going on. It feels like I've found my best friend. There was an instant level of comfort, like we've known each other for years, it amazing. That said, we both seem to be on foreign soil in this burgeoning relationship. Neither of us have felt or are feeling that SHAZAAM! lightning bolt of attraction we've always experienced in the past with others. We enjoy being around each other, but don't yearn for the other when apart. We both think it's a little strange and don't know what to think of it. Neither of us is willing to 'give up' just yet, we want to see were it leads. But at the same time, neither of us wants to just prolong a relationship that is never really going to happen. She is everything I think I'm looking for in a partner and she says the same of me. Although a small caveat to this is for both of us, we are completely different people than we are used to dating. I seem to attract and enjoy 'crazy' women, the unpredictable, high maintenance types that make life interesting. While she is very grounded, relaxed and decidedly low maintenance. She seems to attract wildly unstable men with loads of baggage and a lack of respect for their fellow human beings. While I'm, like her, settle in my life, easy going and conscious of those around me. My question is this: Is it possible to have a fulfilling long term relationship without having that initial 'infatuation' for lack of better term? It would be awesome to spend the rest of my life with this person, I just don't want to find myself looking elsewhere for that missing spark. Thanks __________________ Methods, application and intensity of application vary by the individual. All legal wavers must be signed before 'treatment' begins. Self 'Medicating' is not recommend. However, if necessary, it is best to have an 'assistant' or 'soft landing zone' nearby. Any and all legal issues resulting from improperly applied techniques should be forwarded to: Dewy, Cheatum & Howe, Intercourse, PA 17534. Attn: Anonymous.

03-31-2009, 11:00 AM	#2 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	If it works, go with it. Sounds like you're communicating well, sounds like you're having fun. I'll gladly choose a healthy relationship that offers stability and comfort when the other option offers nothing more substantial than infatuation. What it comes down to is what you prefer. Do you enjoy spending hours discussing anything, spending years together with new things to say every day? Do you enjoy the security that comes along with feeling like you know someone completely - and revel in the challenge of finding a way to surprize them? Are you the kind of person who grows more attracted to someone over time, or are you concerned the little attraction that you share will be snuffed out with constant interaction? I honestly think that a relationship as you describe is likely to be a wild success, but it is entirely contingent upon the temperament of those involved. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

03-31-2009, 11:19 AM	#4 (permalink)
hunnychile Alien Anthropologist Location: Between Boredom and Nirvana	You, my friend, have landed on the great divide known as: "Is she perfect for me because it's so easy and I'm comfortable there and I can settle there....or do I need unpredictable rushes of adrenalin & wild ass excitement with a real heart-stopping Drama Queen who will "probably" rule my heart (even though I can't understand it!)"? The Big Decision....you can settle or you can be addicted. It's your choice. Toss of the dice, so to say. But I've seen it so many times and in truth, who knows what's the better choice?!! For me, I picked easy...or at least what I thought woulld be easy & predictable. This relationship has probably kept me alive & safe all these years. But I wouldn't say it was the best choice in the long run. __________________ "I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB Last edited by hunnychile; 03-31-2009 at 11:24 AM..