Nisses

I've got an annoying habit

When I am under stress I tend to shout/swear at a point where something really doesn't go my way.

I do this quite vigorously for a good 2 minutes usually until I conquer it along with the stress, after which I get my best work done.

My gf has complained about all the swearing already, so I try to do it when she can't hear me.


My question is: Do you have a similar problem? Or if not: Would you consider this a real problem?
I look at it as releasing steam and don't have an issue with it, but I can see how some people might take offense. I'd like to know if those that take offense are in the vast majority, and if I'm effectively just lying to myself that I don't have a problem

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Moderation should be moderately moderated.

jewels

If it works for you, don't stop. She should be willing to accept that this is your way of coping and leave the room if she finds it annoying.

It's not abnormal. And if it leads to better things and maintains your sanity, keep up the good work.

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Hyacinthe

I don't see this as a huge issue but I would almost certainly leave the room or ask my SO to leave the room if they had a habit similar to yours. I rarely swear and almost never shout (barring concerts and loud noises I have to yell over)

I have a history of domestic abuse so any form of yelling, even if it's not directed at me, leaves me feeling extremely uncomfortable and intimidated to the point where I start flinching if people touch me even after the shouting has ended. That's probably the only reason I would find the situation problematic.

If it makes her uncomfortable tell her she's free to leave. You should feel free to let of steam in whatever way is most effective for you.

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little_tippler

I would look at why you feel you need to shout and swear to let off steam.

Most times, people who yell aren't actually yelling for any good reason, they are yelling because there was a previous build up of situations they have been holding in and suddenly it all came bursting out.

Maybe you need to look at why you get angry this way and work on bottling things up less and letting them go more naturally, rather than blowing up.

I disagree that your girlfriend should just deal with it. It's not something she can get away from and she has to endure it, and it can't be pleasant. Relationships are about letting people be themselves, but compromise is also important. If you think about it, do you define yourself as "someone who shouts and swears"? Because if that's not just a part of your personality, then it's clearly something you can work on. Especially if it's causing people around you distress.

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We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
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World's King

It may come to a surprise to most of you but I have somewhat of a dirty mouth. I don't see any problem with it.


Although I had a friend that said he didn't swear unless he was angry. So people knew if he was really mad. I explained to him that putting a gun in their face works too.

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Glory's Sun

I don't know what the big fucking deal is..

I have a problem with road rage. I yell and want to kill people who can't drive.

so yeah that could get me into trouble one day.. or killed.

genuinegirly

This is a common habit.

Still, I side with your girlfriend. There is nothing flattering, loving, or kind about yelling obscenities. If you feel like exploring new ways of expressing anger and frustration, she might not leave you.

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jorgelito

You most certainly have a problem. Shouting and swearing indiscriminately is a sign of a weak mind. If you are taking things out on your girlfriend then it's abuse. Please stop. Shouting and swearing is intimidation and violent. There is no reason for it.

If you need to vent, there are other outlets. I urge you to seek counseling and get help.
-----Added 16/9/2008 at 06 : 38 : 29-----
It is indeed abnormal. This is abuse, plain and simple. Ask yourself, would you do this to your kids? Your mom? In church? Even in the company of men, like on the basketball court. The guy who does this is always asked to leave. If he is a repeat offender, he is not welcome back.
-----Added 16/9/2008 at 06 : 40 : 05-----
Yes, just because it is common does not make it acceptable. This type of behavior is the precursor for domestic violence.

She may be too scared to leave actually. People who shout and swear at their loved ones hold immense power over the abused.

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Willravel

I use obscenities from time to time, but it's usually in jest. The only time I curse in anger is that rare time when I'm driving and someone around me has suddenly, without warning, applied for the Darwin Award.

I don't shout. It's simply not a healthy way to vent anger. I don't need to be loud to get someone's attention, and I certainly don't need to try and intimidate them by acting in such a way. I also don't abide yelling from other people. I see it as posturing, and I have no interest in getting in a "who's crazier/scarier" match.

If you think you may have a problem with anger, Jorg is 100% right. Counseling can really help you.

LoganSnake

I hate other drivers. I swear at other drivers.

I swear when I'm pissed off. I raise my voice when I'm pissed off. Not always, but it does happen.

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shakran

depends on the context. If you're doing it in a restaurant because they burned your steak, then yeah, it's a problem.

Doing it at home because your computer won't work right, then that's normal and I do it an average of 20 times a night

Your girl should realize that the shouting and swearing is not directed at her. That said, I used to shout/swear a lot myself, but have reduced it quite a bit over the years, and I think the people around me are happier for it.

spindles

He never said he was shouting at his girlfriend, so I'm not really following the abuse angle. I think it really depends on context. I've shouted and sworn, but it is not necessarily directed at anybody (in hearing range).

I don't see it as an issue, but obviously the OPs girlfriend does, so he has to decide if it is something he can do away from her or stop or perhaps look for another girlfriend.

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jorgelito

Then it is possible I have misunderstood or am mistaken.

__________________
"The race is not always to the swift, nor battle to the strong, but
to the one that endures to the end."

"Demand more from yourself, more than anyone else could ever ask!"

- My recruiter

The Faba

I live with three other roomies.

I've lived with one of them previous to this point in time.

I must have woken him up in the other house approximately 15 times by shouting "Fuck you game!" really loud at whatever game I was playing. Thankfully - he didn't beat me with a baseball bat. (In fact, he adopted it to anything that annoys him a lot, not simply games)

Although his current room is far away from the living room...

Nisses

Wow, this went the wrong way fast

Jorgelito:

I see that Spindles has already redirected your post a bit...

It's more the way Shakran described it.
I've never yelled at my gf, and she knows it's not directed at her at all. In fact, it's directed at me.

I use it to break down my anger quickly to get past it.


I don't go yelling at people in a restaurant for overbaking my soufflé. I yell at myself/my computer when things aren't working at all like they should and have continued to do so despite 45 minutes of trying to fix it.


I just wanted to know if more people do this, or if it's me.
I wasn't subtly bragging about how I tore my gf a new one.

__________________
Moderation should be moderately moderated.

RWE

If it's really 2 minutes, then I know only a few people who swear loudly for that long. It can be very uncomfortable to be around, but I've seen it in other people. It'd be better if they did it behind closed doors, unless they do it in a way that's entertaining...

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Dammitall

I deal with certain kinds of stress, like the scenario you've described, in the same exact way... except oftentimes it happens while I'm at work (inside my office, sometimes with my door closed and sometimes not), and I'm sure it makes my coworkers uncomfortable. My partner is convinced it's going to get me fired. I'm trying to find slightly quieter ways of dealing with things that go wrong that are beyond my control.

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