Social Networking and how it has impacted your romantic (or platonic) relationships

[match000]

I've given this some brief thought for a while, and just wanted to throw it out there to see what you guys think.

I've used facebook since its beginning, and I've slowly watched it grow from a selective college network to a college network to an everything network.

It now pervades every aspect of a young person's (teenager to late 20's) life. In particular, its quite the "stalker" tool.

The problem with that is -- its *quite* invasive to your privacy. Want to change your relationship status? Sure. Want to do it without everyone seeing it changed? Nope. If you change it, your friends will see, specifically, that you have changed your "Relationship Status" recently, when they click on the "Friends" tab.

Want your ex'es to stop seeing your profile? The only way to do it is to block or remove them. But if you want to be the nice guy (or gal), and not remove them from your friends list, then there is no way to stop them from seeing your profile.

One aspect I have noticed and would like to point out --- undergraduates ("young people") tend to list their relationships (and who it is with) very explicitly. Grad students ("old people") are more careful with their relationship status and often leave it blank (unknown and unlisted).

It seems to suggest that the older people know that they have to play the field more (they are more serious) and cannot afford to announce to everyone of a specific relationship until they are ready for that level of commitment. In short, the older people take it alot more seriously.



Thoughts?

[Martian]

I don't think it's 'pervasive' by any means. The only reason I joined facebook to begin with was because I had intel that people were putting pictures of me up there. I check it a couple of times a week, but I find it mostly useless.

If you're worried about people having access to sensitive information, the best solution is not publishing that information on the internet. It really is that easy.

[Jinn]

Want to change your relationship status? Sure. Want to do it without everyone seeing it changed? Nope. If you change it, your friends will see, specifically, that you have changed your "Relationship Status" recently, when they click on the "Friends" tab.

Want your ex'es to stop seeing your profile? The only way to do it is to block or remove them. But if you want to be the nice guy (or gal), and not remove them from your friends list, then there is no way to stop them from seeing your profile.

1) Uncheck the option to publish relationship status changes.
2) Put your exes in a security group for Exes, and remove viewing rights to certain parts of your profile.

I use facebook all the time, and I'm very protective about my privacy. I don't have any Applications installed, either.

[Willravel]

I deleted my myspace a while ago and trimmed down my facebook. It's just a tool for people to get in contact with me.

[match000]

Originally Posted by Martian

I don't think it's 'pervasive' by any means. The only reason I joined facebook to begin with was because I had intel that people were putting pictures of me up there. I check it a couple of times a week, but I find it mostly useless.

That's true. My OP was a little bit sensationalistic, but it *can* be pervasive if you so choose it to be. Its funny how each generation takes facebook to a new level; my generation for the most part occasionally wall posts, but the generations a few years younger all have thousands and thousands of wall posts. its crazy.

Originally Posted by Martian

If you're worried about people having access to sensitive information, the best solution is not publishing that information on the internet. It really is that easy.

Yea, that is true. There are those that have basically a blank profile, a few words here and there, an email, an AIM/MSN screenname perhaps, a few photos.. then there are those who use the tool (facebook) to the max; posting everywhere and uploading billions of pics, updating statuses every few hours, etc..

Quite the contrasts.

Originally Posted by JinnKai

1) Uncheck the option to publish relationship status changes.

Nah, that stops it from publishing it on the newsfeed. But you can still click on the "Friends" tab and on "Recently updated profiles" tab, your friends/contacts will all see that you have recently changed your profile, and the exact thing you have changed.

Originally Posted by JinnKai

2) Put your exes in a security group for Exes, and remove viewing rights to certain parts of your profile.

Yup, I've done this. Again, this is hard to do without hurting feelings. If you limit too much of the profile, they know they are limited. Also, they can also login from their friends facebook and look at your profile to see if there is a difference.

So you'd have to "cast a net" on all your ex'es friends, so to speak, to really prevent them from seeing your profile. And what if you have mutual friends? Would you have to limit your mutual friends too? Clearly, this is not feasible.

Its really quite hard to do it perfectly.

Originally Posted by willravel

I deleted my myspace a while ago and trimmed down my facebook. It's just a tool for people to get in contact with me.

I agree, that's a good way to avoid the problems.

However, its undeniable that Social Networking sites are here to stay, and that they are a tool. Its equal in the sense that everyone has the same tool. If you limit yourself, you're cutting yourself out of the loop -- why give yourself a disadvantage when everyone else is making full use out of the tool ?

[telekinetic]

Originally Posted by match000

Nah, that stops it from publishing it on the newsfeed. But you can still click on the "Friends" tab and on "Recently updated profiles" tab, your friends/contacts will all see that you have recently changed your profile, and the exact thing you have changed.

Yup, I've done this. Again, this is hard to do without hurting feelings. If you limit too much of the profile, they know they are limited. Also, they can also login from their friends facebook and look at your profile to see if there is a difference.

So you'd have to "cast a net" on all your ex'es friends, so to speak, to really prevent them from seeing your profile. And what if you have mutual friends? Would you have to limit your mutual friends too? Clearly, this is not feasible.

Its really quite hard to do it perfectly.

Here's a solution: Don't care so much about your exes. Delete them and move on. They're your exes for a reason, they can't expect to continue to influence your life. They don't like that your status is now "banging that one chick from biology?" Fuck 'em!

[abaya]

Originally Posted by match000

then there are those who use the tool (facebook) to the max; posting everywhere and uploading billions of pics, updating statuses every few hours, etc..

That's 100% THEIR problem, not yours. You are responsible for your profile and participation on Facebook, regardless of who your potential audience may be.

For example, I have a few of my old high school students added as friends now (they are all frat/sorority students in college now, with all the pics and Wall posts to exhibit that glorious fact), and of course they have all left that information open to me, because they don't think about it. When I added them, I made sure that they were on my limited profile, and I plan to keep it that way. If people's feelings get hurt, that's their problem. It's my privacy, and they have no expectation to "see" my whole life. No one does.

Originally Posted by twistedmosaic

Here's a solution: Don't care so much about your exes. Delete them and move on. They're your exes for a reason, they can't expect to continue to influence your life. They don't like that your status is now "banging that one chick from biology?" Fuck 'em!

Yeah, no kidding man. One of my exes (from like... 5 years ago!) has blocked me the whole time I've been on FB, and it cracks me up every time I'm reminded of it. I just can't believe he even bothers, after this long. I've been together with ktspktsp and married for a while now, so it's not like my relationship status is going anywhere fast... but even if I were still dating and getting together/breaking up with other people, I either wouldn't put that info on FB in the first place; or I would, and then I wouldn't give a shit about people seeing it. You can't do both.

[Shauk]

facebook is utterly worthless and I don't know why people even use it. Myspace has a bit more customization imo, and they've cut down on the metric fuckton of spam that people used to get (just turn on captcha you noobs) I'm lucky to get one or two bogus friend request or messages in a month, IF I GET ANY.

I'm kind of retreating back to LJ for now because it has the ultimate vision policy in place when it comes to letting who see what.

I just wish there was a little more to LJ and a little less to myspace and it would be the perfect medium. *shrug*

[snowy]

Both are just tools I use to keep in touch with people I probably wouldn't otherwise keep in touch with; it also gives me a non-TFP way of getting ahold of TFPers. The latter proved to be incredibly useful when the server died.

I keep my privacy on those sites under strict control; only my friends can see my complete profile. If you search for my name, you will only get to see that I have a profile. I do not post my real name and my screen name anywhere side by side on the net that is publicly accessible; meaning, the only place you can see these two things is on my Facebook, if you're my friend, and in that case, you probably know both of those things already. My intention in doing this is to keep people from finding information about me via the internet; I'd rather keep my private life private, thanks. And even on Facebook, it can be such.