MuadDib

I got an invitation to an ex's wedding today and it really threw me through a loop. I've had several of my exs get married before and even gone to a few of the weddings. In fact, I'm starting to feel like Dave Cook from 'Good Luck Chuck' (and trust me, it pains me to compare myself to that no-talent ass-clown) since this girl was the last of my serious girlfriends to not get married.

This particular ex, however, is the one I was with the longest (almost 4 years) and probably was the most serious about. I don't really know if that's what's bothering me about it though. Since we parted ways, we've still kept in occasional (though declining) contact and I've become more and more distraught about the choices she has made with her life and generally who she has become as a person. That isn't to say she isn't an extremely good person in a traditional manner, but it's a very different person from the one I knew and loved for a very long time.

And I think that's what my real problem here is. All my other ex's who got married were essentially the same people they were when I was with them. If I didn't like that person anymore then they were gone. If I did then after a time we could be friends based on many of the qualities we liked about each other. I guess this whole thing is forcing me to actually deal with the fact that I really miss who she was and that relationship and all that after I'd thought I had that out of my system quite some time ago.

I guess this just kind of has gotten me down and I'm trying to make sense of it. Typing things out helps me get my thoughts in order and, I figure, typing it here might open me to people who have had shared experiences. So... comments? Thoughts? Stories of your own?

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"The courts that first rode the warhorse of virtual representation into battle on the res judicata front invested their steed with near-magical properties." ~27 F.3d 751

Derwood

if it would be uncomfortable to attend, politely decline and send a card of gift. people have conflicts with weddings all the time

little_tippler

Hah funny. My latest ex just recently got engaged to be married. To a girl he's only been with a year and a half. Who he got together with pretty much straight out of our relationship ending. We were together 3 years.

It bugged me a little. Didn't expect that from the person I knew, but he's obviously not that person anymore. So, good for him I guess. I just wondered at the time, why him and not me? Because he really hurt me.

Not that I'm thinking of rushing to marry someone...I just wish I could stop thinking that maybe, just maybe, I'm the problem.

What can I say, I feel like I'm in a cheap chick flick movie, but that's life.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

MuadDib

Yeah it's really hard not to have that thought cross your mind when exs move on. I really don't know if that's the problem I'm having here, but I suspect not since I've experienced those questions with her a while after we split. In a way what is bothering me the most is that I don't understand why I am so bothered. Maybe it's just that guys, whether they are still interested in an ex or not, like to think of their past girlfriends as sexually dead after they split. Them getting married messes with that illusion. Then again, that doesn't explain why I am specifically bothered by this wedding.

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"The courts that first rode the warhorse of virtual representation into battle on the res judicata front invested their steed with near-magical properties." ~27 F.3d 751

snowy

Oh, it totally bugged the shit out of me when one of my exes got married 6 months after we broke up.

I think a large part of it had to do with pride.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

telekinetic

Two of my ex's were already married when I dated them

Of those, one of them has gotten remarried, which didn't really phase me. Other than that, haven't had to deal with this yet.

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twisted no more

soma

This is what I'd do:

1. Not go
2. Thank her for the invite
3. Keep the past in the past

Good luck

__________________
Having Girl Problems?

Plan9

What was said about the M-bomb in Wayne's World, again?

"No way. Marriage is a punishment for shoplifting in some countries."

...

Avoid the drama.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

MuadDib

Oh, I have no intention of going and the past is certainly in the past. I'm just trying to figure out why I'm kinda bent out of shape about it.

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"The courts that first rode the warhorse of virtual representation into battle on the res judicata front invested their steed with near-magical properties." ~27 F.3d 751

Seaver

This is what I've done:

1. Go to the wedding, be friendly and have a good time.
2. Sleep with a bridesmaid.
3. Thank her for the invite.

Ends much better in my humble opinion.

__________________
"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

genuinegirly

I agree, it is odd that the news has affected you so.
People progress and change. You know this, though.

Tt and I recently chose to send an invite to a good friend of his, who happens to be an ex (5 years ago). She sent a decline to the invitation, her best wishes, and a gift. I was relieved to avoid any chance of confrontation.

I do think this is a bit different than your scenario, though. They are friends presently, and she lives across the country.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

jewels

If you're over it and honestly and truly glad that she's happy, share her joy and go.

If you're still bothered by it, decline.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain