surferlove007

My Sister and I are two and a half years apart in age. She lives in Atlanta, GA and goes to Georgia Tech while I live in College Station, TX. We see each other probably once a year at best. She's 22 and I'll be 20 in April.
Here comes the reason why I started a new thread.
She and I have never seen eye to eye on most things. We can only tolerate one another for a few days at a time. Since we moved apart our relationship has become more estranged but better in a sense. I'm the instigator when it comes to contact. I call, she doesn't answer 9 out of 10 times.
She lives alone with a town home my parents bought for her (yes they bought her a house) with three cats. Her boyfriend is a college drop-out who works at Target who's trying to get certifications to get better jobs. He is 24 and living at home with his parents.

Flip the situation.

I'm 20, dating Jstrider who's done extremely well for himself and we're very happy.
She has resentment towards me because of this. I don't know what to do, I'm stressed out because I want her to be with someone who can support her and take care of her if and when she'll need it. I know thats cliche but that's how I feel. A marriage isn't just love, it's a business agreement according to my mom...my mom also says she might feel as though I'm competing with her constantly in life and that resentful is a form of her feeling she is losing.

Have you guys had siblings that just express no interest in your life whatsoever or even resentment because things are great for you but not so wonderful on their end? I'm frustrated. I've expressed this to her and she said to keep my nose out of her business and leave it at that, she'll call when she calls.
My dad said there have been times where she doesn't call his siblings for years and to just let her do what she likes. If she doesn't want to be my sister then so be it according to him, can't force her.
Maybe I'm being just too emotional about the whole thing, but I want my sister to love me as much as I do her and it hurts me deeply to feel as though she hates me and wants nothing to do with me...

**sigh**

PonyPotato

My sister is two years younger than me. She's a drug addict, so we no longer have any relationship to speak of, really.

When we were kids? We got along, but it was limited. When we moved, she made friends, I was a loner.. we got on each others' nerves. Through middle school and high school I was an A student (valedictorian, whoo), she was mediocre at best because she didn't care and didn't want to be compared to me (so yes, we were somewhat competitive and she resented me as a result). She got involved with crappy people and hasn't gotten away from them.. she started stealing from me when she was in high school and our relationship just deteriorated from there.

Last spring, I had a few good talks with her. Actually offered for her to live with me away from home to try to clean up. The next day? She stole two of my credit cards. I haven't really had anything to do with her since and don't intend to unless she totally cleans up, which is doubtful.

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surferlove007

Well fortunately she's not a drug addict...but she does play WOW a lot. She's a loner/introvert while I'm more outgoing typically. Seems like you've had a similar sister experience. Except backwards where as you're the older and I'm the younger. It's frustrating because you want them to want better for themselves so much.

Cynthetiq

it's your sister, you can lead a horse to water and all that.

you can't control her anymore than I can control my sister and her family outcomes. it is what it is. accept it as it is.

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ngdawg

She's your sister, not your child. Her mistakes are hers to experience and learn from.
If it frustrates you, don't call. I bet if you just let her be and don't make contact, if and when you do get together, it'll be a lot less stressful.

snowy

My brother and I don't get along well. We stopped talking after Thanksgiving. He still lives at home with Mom and Dad, who know we aren't talking.

As Cyn said, it is what it is. I've accepted it, and moved on. I suggest you do the same. I think you'll find you feel better.

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n0nsensical

if you talk to her anything like the way you're talking to us about her, it doesn't surprise me that she wouldn't want to hear from you. people don't like to be lectured about the problems in their lives, even if they had some, and believe me hers sound mild at worst. at least one of them HAS a job, and she is GOING to college. does she resent you because of your perceived success or because you enjoy reminding her about it? maybe she is happy with her life the way it is. does SHE want better or do YOU?

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jewels

Sadly, you can't make people love you. When someone expresses that they'll call when they call, back off.

Your mom's wishes and your wishes may seem like high expectations. Give her time to find herself, time for you to learn to grant her some independence and respect, and maybe one day things will be the way you'd like them to be.

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surferlove007

To clarify, I don't talk to her with a high and mighty attitude. I'm much more delicate however I expressed the situation in this manner because it was much faster to write.
I get what y'all are saying, back off and let her do her own thing.

Also, please don't preach to me that she's mild just because she's living in a house and at school. That's already been established. I don't want her to lose her mind one day because she's depressed and doesn't have any friends in RL. Just a concerned sister. All I want is for her to have everything she wants in life and right now it sounds to me like she's lacking many things that I on the other hand have. I feel guilty about it as well along with helpless.
She calls me crying about her bills and credit card problems and complains that my parents don't love her enough. (she's always accused me of being the favorite) I suggest maybe if she called them more often and updated them on her life she would feel more connected. My mom travels to ATL at least once a month for work so she sees her and takes her grocery shopping and to lunch whenever my sister decides to make time.

The_Jazz

GG - we should get your sister and my brother together. They sound very similar.

My brother has had issues with my success (whatever form that may be) since we were little. When I did something, he (as the younger brother) thought that automatically meant he could do it, whether it was drinking, driving, etc. It didn't matter if it was allowed or not, he felt entitled to do it.

I'm not going to rehash family history, but I think it is sufficient to say that there was a streak of holidays ruined by stress. It got to the point that I would only visit once a year for a couple of days because I didn't want to deal with it.

Now that we're both in our 30's things seem to have lightened up quite a bit. I really wish I could point to a thing or a time or something tangible to give you an idea of something productive, but I can't. In my case, I think it was just time. Having kids probably didn't hurt, but don't take that as advice to get knocked up.

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Xazy

My brother places no value on my opinion. I guess I should be insulted, but he places no value on his wifes opinion either. He owes me an outlandish amount of money (if you think you can guess how much that is, you are probably guessing low). But I have come to accept it since I know how much my mom fucked him up, and how he needs a shrink (and the shrink will not help, since he can give in and change his view, but it is only as a compromise and not because he sees the flaw in himself). I can go on, but it is depressing and I try not to dwell on it.

On a family note.
I do think I hate my mom, and want nothing to do with her ever, she has the same psychological flaw, but she really crosses the line (all in my journal somewhere), and will never change.