Blackarican

Yeah so about three weeks ago I was dating a girl whom I had more feelings for than you are supposed when you are in a college relationship. The first couple of weeks seemed to be going great, I mean we hung out daily, saw each other in class, and felt that we had connected pretty well. Three weeks into the relationship, she completely falls off the face of the Earth...No message, no hint to explain what happened, no nothing, not even a good-bye....just gone.

So a week after her disappearance I visit her work to find her not there and but that she works now full time. Finally less than a week ago she calls me to say that she had to work and that she thought that things wouldn't work out because of certain issues such as her new job getting business, finding an apartment, and getting a car.

I then told her how I felt, which seemed to affect her more than I thought it would as she then said things along the line of "I wish you had told me before". Then it went to "I don't know" to "I don't want to say what I want to say".

After explaining myself to her, it almost made her cry and then she told me that we would make this work. Now yesterday she has sent me a message via the internet (ahh wtf!?) to tell me that she is too busy for a relationship and that shes happy where she is. If thats the case with her then...okay but I can't help but ask....

A. have any of you guys done this/ have this happen to you where the person just drops the relationship without any word?

B. I know it could be multiple factors but I would appreciate if people gave me their detailed thoughts on this as to why someone would do this to another.

C. what do you think was the reason she has done what she did?

I'm aware that the relationship was only a month but it still meant something to me. Enough to keep me from doing things I normally did. Now I am not going to play that little violin for myself but can anyone care to explain what went awry from their experiences on life?

I concur the fact that she is having difficulties in her life but before we even started I told her that I wasn't going to commit unless she thought that it was worth it. She said she did so that is the only reason I ever opened up. I can't help but feel like this was just a cheap getaway.

I know that life comes with hardships, whether expected or not, and I'm already rolling with the punches and making lemonade but...the question still burns and eludes me as to why people would do this. To forsake relationships with another even when they tell them otherwise from the beginning. Don't want to come off as whiny but I just want to understand what went on so I can learn from this to take precautions in the future.

Domo.

Seer666

This all smacks of mind games to me. "oh my, he likes me, what is he willing to do to keep me" etc.

Seems to me she likes the fact that you like her. That is about where it ends. Wish her a nice life and move on. The very fact that she was to spineless to tell your to your face speaks volumes about her character. Keep in mind I'm also incredibly bitter before you take any advice I give.

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fresnelly

I'm inclined to take her at her word. If she has some really serious shit to deal with (say, family strife causing her to lose financial support for college/daily living) a budding romance would be overwhelming so maybe she pragmatically cut you off. Insensitive and cold yes, but perhaps just socially incompetent.

I can imagine another thread where a young woman who is in the early stages of a relationship and the early stages of her serious education, is suddenly thrown a curveball by her family or work or education and it completely overwhelmes her. The advice to cut off the relationship for the sake of reducing the drama in her life would be reasonable, no? Especially if the romantic relationship was casual in her mind despite your own understanding.

Back off, offer her support if she needs it but prepare yourself for the result that this relationship is over for real. You can check in with her occasionally as a friend would, but don't hang around her balcony like a Romeo. She obviously can't handle the drama and you should move on.

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soma

I'm by no means an expert, but here are my two cents.

She definitely doesn't seem interested so the only thing you can do is drop contact with her, don't ask her why she dropped you, or even think about it and just move on. Although what she did to you was shitty, at the same time, she doesn't owe you a relationship just because you like her.

move on bro!

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Having Girl Problems?

Jinn

Seer, your avatar scares the piss outta me.

Blackarican, it's unfortunate but I concur with Seer. She likes being liked, not being with you. I've had many women like this in my life (toxic), and the best thing is to give them the seyonara.

And I can tell you that the reason she agreed to "make it work" etc., etc., was that she felt bad for the whole thing and she didn't want you to think she was a mean person. Many women have a desire to appear 'nice,' no matter the consequences. They're terrible to be in a relationship with, because if there's something she really wants or needs, she won't tell you, because it might mean that she appears mean or angry.

It probably wouldn't have worked out, anyway.

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Ustwo

She's seeing someone else.

She's also not apparently worth it.

Move on.

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soma

I'm surprised Ustwo. Not recommending new pussy?
hehe

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Having Girl Problems?

Seer666

Mission accomplished

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Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

World's King

Walk away.


You're in college. There is plenty of girls out there.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

clavus

Ya, this shit happened to me more than once.

Best advice I can dish out is to stop asking "Why? What happened?" and move on. Some women are pre-programmed to break your heart. They make no sense, so all you can do is accept it.

I talked to a woman who put me through the ringer 20 years ago. She's happily married, bright, stable etc. and there is no wierdness between us now.

One day, out of the blue, she explained to me why she did what she did, how she felt back then, etc.

I've heard more coherent statements from the hopped up, homeless, pan-handlers.

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Ustwo

Move on = new pussy.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

soma

awesome. this thread is now complete.

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Having Girl Problems?

rlbond86

Sort of. My girlfriend of 19 months wanted to end it after a month or so by not calling me...
She (later) said that she really thought she wasn't ready for a relationship, she was really just scared. Luckily, she subsequently realized that she was madly in love with me

But, as to why she would do this? She thinks it's the right thing to do -- she thinks it can't work, or she is scared, or she believes she isn't ready, etc. Is any of that true? Who knows.

Mister Coaster

Like others have said, move on.

The basics are that despite falling for this chick, the reality is that you have only a month 'invested' in this pseudo-relationship. You were much farther into her than she was into you, that's all. She's decided to go the other way, you should too.

I had done the same thing, but in a much longer time frame with a girl, and I had put her up on such a pedestil, that when my fantasy world came crashing down, I was REALLY in a bad way. In fact, I very nearly drank myself to death. I wish that this defining moment had come in only a month, rather than the over a year I had invested in my non-relationship with this girl.

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If you have any poo... fling it NOW!

Moriarty

Move on and act like it does not bother you. There is no bigger turn off than if you act like you need her in your life. Chalk it up to bad timing.

Menoman

Ya I wouldn't get too into mental games and that kind of shit. It doesn't always have to come down to those types of answers.

Bad timing imo too

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Hyacinthe

I had a BF with who I thought things were going absolutely great just up and leave the state so yeah kindof. It was very sudden we'd spent the weekend right before he left painting his house together (he asked me for help I wasn't making him redecorate). Then all of a sudden he just starts avoiding my calls and never called me. I got a call from him about 8 months later saying he was doing some 12 step program and was meant to ring and ask for forgiveness all the people he felt he had wronged. He then proceeded to try to get back into a relationship with me, just because you tell someone you forgive them doesn't mean you're stupid enough to open yourself up to that kindof pain again.

It's hard to deal with it though because it just seems so out of the blue when it happens there's no hints that anything was wrong, that something was bothering them, not that you can see anyways and then suddenly 'poof' everythings gone and you're left wondering how long they were lying to you about being happy.


To me it sounds like things came up in life and she's been completely overwhelmed. Maybe stuff suddenly came up with her family and she lost her financial backing. That means she needs to find a decent paying job, a car, a place to stay, money for rent, food, electricity, phone etc etc etc That doesn't leave alot of time for you. Maybe she really liked you can doesn't think it's fair to keep you around when her life is so fucked up and she isn't capable of putting her all into the relationship.

Or maybe for her it was just a fling.

No matter how much you try to figure it out you'll never know what was going through her head during this. Fact is the relationship is over, you're not going to get back together with her. Not much you can do but take a deep breath and move on (which from me does not necessarily mean new pussy the way it does from Ustwo).

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soma

Aright. This took way longer than I thought it would...

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Having Girl Problems?

Charlatan

Soma!

Genius.

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Ustwo

Ok I'm laughing out loud, I hope I didn't wake my wife.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

soma

Hehe. You guys like the flowchart? Good!

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Having Girl Problems?

Blackarican

Moving on. BTW thanks for the replies.

Shauk

hahahaha, hahahahaha I love it. I need one for my thread, it was all "run away" and stuff, not new pussy though.

monkeysugar

It's nothing you did or didn't do, she either decided for whatever reason she just doesn't want to be with you and is avoiding you like the plague. Or she's "seeing" someone else. Either way don't take it personally, if someone wants to act like that they really aren't worth your time and they certainly aren't worth beating yourself up over. Just chalk it up as "another one bites the dust," move on and be happy. I've been through this sort of thing more times than I even want to think of over the last year and once you get used to it the whole situation becomes more tiresome than anything else.

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I've got the love of my life and a job that I enjoy most of the time. Life is good.

Barstool

Awesome, how long did that take?

Nimetic

Very cool. Particularly the loop on the RHS.

jewels

Nice, Soma

Either she wasn't ready for a committed relationship but saw the symptoms and freaked out, or you have really bad breath.

Since it was just a few weeks, it should be easier to move on once you've decided to just let it go. Don't let it burn. Poof.

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girldetective

Original poster:
My own thoughts when reading your OP, and without knowing any other information (in other words almost blindly), are that she did it because she didn't care enough. She behaved callously because she didn't want to confront hurting you. She wasn't as invested as she thought she was. She lied to you or was mistaken. It doesn't matter though really, does it? I'm sure it had nothing to do with you. It was her thing, and you just got in the way. Let the girl go and get going. The best and worst thing thing Intellectual martyr taught me was detachment. It has become my mantra, sort of. At least for the time being. We'll see.

Sugarmouse

Soma, you are a genius.JinnKai, I am so the woman you described..wanting to appear nice no matter what else is going on, and ultimatly this is a bad way to be.
Blackarican, do not let this experience have you become bitter. It sounds as if no matter what issues were apparent, she is not right for you (obviously i do not know you but the way you describe yourself being in this situation maeks your personality appeal)
and she ended it pretty cleanly..albeit not in a particularly good way. You are doing the right thing, drink your lemonade put it down to experience and move on.

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Sugarmouse=Festered

Wyodiver33

Having just gone through a bad breakup with my Pycho Ex-GF, that was the laugh I needed. Thanks!

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I like stuff.

Ayashe

Love the picture, though I don't think new pussy would solve the problems of my world, lol.

Iliftrocks

She just wanted some of ya bro. She played at the relationship until she was finished with what she wanted. I've been similarly used. It's not fun when you're young and in the middle ( or should I say end) of it, but remembering someone wanted you at some point in your past is kinda cool, when you get 40 or so.....

Of course she could just be nuts, there's a whole Hell of a lot of that going around, especially in the young ladies. Dodged a bullet maybe

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

toxic515

+1 for Soma... I need to make flowcharts for all relationship dilemmas... oddly, I think only the starting questions are likely to change much.

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like a banana.