McFrosticles

I'm pretty sure I am over-reacting (because I am stressed out with summer classes at college and my full time job) but lets see what you guys think.

So me and my girlfriend wake up this morning, everything is normal, shower, eat breakfast.

As we are leaving, she turns and says "could you do me a favor? I need a pick me up, could you go to Starbucks for me and get me a latte?"

Obviously starbucks is out of my way and will delay my studies of Russian history. I also don't really understand why she doesnt make coffee during breakfast. It's alot cheaper than starbucks and would not delay her getting to work on time. but I love her and care about her and say "sure".

Now here is where I felt odd. She just started kissing me alot and then she said "I love you."

I guess I forgot to note that that rarely happens. I usually have to initiate kissing, I am the one always saying "I love you" (she says it back but she never says it first). I guess I kinda felt like she only did that cause I was doing something for her.

I feel like I do alot for her and I get nothing in return. Shouldn't love be reciprocal?

I pretty much feel like my avatar right now (Charlie Brown). Am I overreacting or what?

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Good Grief

hagatha

It depends, are you dating Lucy? In which case, you're in for a bumpy ride.

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GingerRoot

I had a relationship somewhat similar to that for about 3 years and I really regret not appreciating this guy more. Things didn't work out between us and I don't think that they were meant to be - but it doesn't mean you two won't be able to work this out.

I've done a lot of reading on how to love and accept and appreciate people (they helped me all across the board). Finding such a book would be a nice way for you both to spend time together. Try to find one that is SHORT and illustrated though, If you are already having trouble with your studies and time. Sometimes we just need a little reminder to put us backon track. By participating and showing her that you too are willing to make an effort to change should prevent her from feeling defensive. This could be a way to put a postive spin on it. Enjoy the opportunity to rexamine your relationship and rekindle the romance,

All the best.
- GingerRoot

xepherys

Well, my chilly friend, how do you decide if it's reciprocal? Is she a good girlfriend? Does she love you? Does she SHOW you that she loves you? If so, it seems to be reciprocated to me. Are you meaning, more specifically, that she doesn't do favors like that for you? Do you ask her to?

My ex-gf and I were in a similar situation, but this was an item that never really bothered me too much. My biggest concession like this was always driving to see her on the weekends (she went to Michigan State and I lived outside of Detroit, a roughly 1 hour drive each way). Her excuse was always school, that she could use the time I was driving to study and have more time for me when I was there. Logically it made sense, but I couldn't help but feel sometimes that she could just as well drive to see me if she really wanted to. Eventually it bothered me enough to really talk to her about it. After that, she drove to see me at least one weekend a month. *shrug* Sometimes it's just not asking or not communication that a seemingly little thing is important.

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Push-Pull

Is this a constant thing?

If it happens all the time, without reciprocation OF ANY KIND then yes, that's being taken advantage of.

If not, then well, you just upped your bonus points a bit. It's up to you to cash those points in.....

The thing to remember is that there are a LOT of things that she may do that you don't realize and in her mind, she may consider herself as "reciprocating".

As an example, my wife and I used to argue about housework a LOT. Then, her back got so bad and couldn't work and now stays home. She realizes that I work, and that her "share" is to do the daily stuff as much as she can. I try to help when I can by doing a load of my own laundry (she won't let me touch hers), emptying the dishwasher, or making dinner. Point is, it took a while to find that balance, but it did level out and we both feel that each other is contributing.

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DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

McFrosticles

No it is not a constant thing. I realized I was simply over-reacting and I feel alot better now. I went and watched a movie with her tonight, and she said "thank you again for getting me that coffee, I know it was out of your way and I really appreciate it, I just really needed something to wake me up."

So all is well.

Thanks for the support TFPer's

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Good Grief

snowy

I give my SO cards that say "Hip Hip Hooray! You made my day! Good for 1 favor" when I ask him for a favor that involves him really going out of his way for me. It's a good way of keeping track of the favors we do for each other in our relationship and a good way to keep things balanced. But we also do a lot of things for each other "just because".

Relationships are, in the end, about balance. Some weeks you'll take more than you give, and vice versa. The important thing is that when you look at your relationship over time that how much you give and how much you take end up about equal, and same goes for your SO.

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analog

she doesn't even initiate kissing? that's an issue.

hambone

People show affection/love in different ways.

I don't even think that she doesn't initiate kissing means anything, other than she doesn't show her affection that way normally.

I take this situation to be that she recognized you were doing something nice and responded by rewarding you. Even by doing something that is not her normal thing to do.

I am somewhat the same in that I don't initiate kissing all that often. Not that I don't want to, but I just don't think to do it honestly. And when I DO initiate, I can tell it means a lot to my wife.

I just think this is a case of you both doing something nice for each other.

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soma

It's a wonder how far a simple thank you can go.

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Having Girl Problems?

guthmund

You weren't taken advantage of...you were being tested, brother.

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Merlocke

it's not as important to keep score as to ask yourself "am I happy?". If you're not getting what you need - then sometimes you just have to communicate and ask for it. Sometimes one side will work "harder" than the other, but as long as both sides are satisfied all is well.

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