Recurring nightmares

[sillygirl]

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this post, so please mods, feel free to move it. It started out as a journal entry, then I put it here because I really need some insight.

This is really hard for me to post in a public forum, because it kind of seems like I'm exposing my whole life and all my insecurities. Plus I'll probably look like a total quack, but here goes.

I've been having this recurring nightmare lately. It seems as though it's been going on for a month or so, but it's hard to tell. Sometimes I wake up from it, sometimes I don't. Tonight I did, shaking and terrified.

I'm in a small town of some kind, alone. SO is not there, my son is not there. At 4:30 every day, the sun starts going down, and demons come out. They reach at you from the dark. If they get you, they take a bit of you with them.

There's a building that I go to a lot in this dream... it's really the only one I remember. My first day in this town, I was hurrying to get home from work/school/whatever, the sun was going down. I remembered thinking "Wow it gets dark here soon". Then I realized commotion around me. Doors slamming and locking, and these figures moving around. At first that's what it seems like... later I see that they seem to be people moving very quickly... spirits. Not necessarily dead though. I started running to get to my home, and one girl is getting ready to shut the doors to the building. She called to me to get inside, "Hurry, they'll get you!!!!". "What?" "I'll explain, come on!!!" She grabs me and pulls me inside.

She continues to tell me about these creatures. I don't remember really anything about what she said. Just that they come out at 430 every day when the sun starts going down. If you want to be protected, you need to stay in a well-lit place. They can reach from the shadows, but it doesn't have to be completely dark for them to touch you. If they get you, they take something from you. It was unclear exactly what it is that they take. They can get you inside of your house, but you're more protected from them if you get your doors and windows shut and locked by 430.

This building is (I believe) a book store of some kind. It's huge. One room (I believe). This girl runs tours through the building at night. I think she's crazy, or way too confident, because of course at this point I'm TERRIFIED. 'Why did I move to this place, what am I doing here? I want to go home!' Plus, these things do have the capability of killing.

She and I end up getting along, I take a job in this store. It's the brightest place during the day, which somehow gives me comfort. One day I started asking more questions. I decided that it was time for me to get over this huge fear and confront it. Now, the deal with her tours is that the front of the store is always brightly lit. There's also a section set up in the front with (if I recall correctly) a cross and a few candles. I keep thinking there was something etched, but I don't know what it was. She told me that if I wanted to confront it and felt ready that I could be responsible for keeping the front of the store lit while she did her tour. She also took me to the section that had the cross and told me it was safe, that I had to forgive myself and obey God. I had no idea what she meant. She threw a small glass of something at me. I don't think it was water, it may have been wine, but I'm not sure at all. She said "You're already forgiven, just forgive yourself". I asked her what I was supposed to do there to be safe and she told me that when the time came I would know.

I decided to man the front of the store that night. I kept thinking about what I was supposed to do if I had to go to that area. Something happened, I got terrified, and I couldn't take it anymore. I went over there and tried so hard to figure out what I needed to do. I tried praying, and I couldn't get anything more than "Oh God..." out of my mouth. Words wouldn't even come to mind. I was stuck. I was trying so hard and it felt like there was something not allowing the words to come. I freaked out and left. It was (conveniently) turning 430. I ran down the street, don't know how far I got. I remember these shadows reaching out at me and I kept just out of their reach. I somehow ended up at the house of a couple that I haven't seen in probably four years (IRL). I don't know how they got into my dream. They were a couple from our old ward in church, and friends of my parents. I haven't had any connection to them in years, other than seeing the man for a few minutes a few weeks ago when he dropped something off for my dad while I was over.

I made it to their house just as they were shutting the doors. They saw me coming and let me in, of course knew who I was. As they were shutting the doors, three of these demons got in too. We stayed in a brightly lit room with a large bed. I remember them being welcoming to me, but at the same time got the feeling that I was intruding, that they had plans that I was interrupting. I remember collapsing on their bed in tears, telling them that I needed their help. "I can't take it anymore, please, I don't know what to do. I just want to go home, I don't know how people stay here, I can't do this anymore" etc. At this point these demons, or shadows, or whatever can't get to me because the room's too bright.

Suddenly I'm standing on their stairs, I don't know how I got there but I was on my way up, and hauling ass to stay out of reach of these... things. (I don't know if this was as we were on our way to their room or if I'd left the room for something) I noticed that they had human form, but when they moved, they moved very quickly and seemed like shadows. Also when they reached, their shapes stretched some. It's hard to describe.

I don't recall at what point this happened, but one of them grabbed my wrist. My right wrist. It was a man, actually I believe it was someone I knew in high school. Our relationship was kind of a love/hate. We loved to hate each other, and it's kind of how we got along. He actually had a grip on it. I couldn't touch him, I'd go right through him, but he had a grip on me. I was so upset that I screamed at him. "GO AWAY!! WHY ARE YOU HERE? WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING ME? I DON'T WANT YOU HERE, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" I tore my arm out of his grip and hauled ass to the room where the couple was.

What felt in the dream as a bit later (so I guess there's a chunk of time missing or something), I was asking them "Have either of you ever had that happen before?".

There's something that had to have happened that I don't remember, because I woke up shaking. I've been up since then. I think it's been two hours now.

Since I've been having these dreams, I've even had a bit of a fear of the dark, which is totally embarrasing to admit. Little things make me jump, like walking through the house to feed the baby in the middle of the night and noticing a shape on the floor, which ends up being the cat. Stuff like that. I didn't really link the two together until tonight.

My SO's been having weird dreams too but he doesn't really remember them. He says it just feels like something bad has happened, "like someone kicked my dog".

I don't know what to do. I've tried analyzing this, and so has he. I've gotta shake it. Ideas, anyone?

[Sharon]

I have recurring nightmares too.

In the first part of my dreams, I am always with friends and family. One by one I discover that they are actually against me and betraying me. The details of this vary from dream to dream, but that's the gist of it. Eventually I am alone.

I suddenly realise I am alone for what feels like the longest time. I go around looking for help, and there's no one on the streets (a bit like Vanilla Sky). My phone has no connection.

Suddenly, I hear people behind me and suddenly I'm being chased. I can never quite see them, but I am running as fast as I can, to get away. I run faster and faster but they are gaining on me, and I daren't turn around... and then they catch me. I usually wake up around this point.

I'm also afraid of the dark. I sleep with my light on, tight against the wall in corner of my bed, with my duvet over my head. Sometimes when I wake up at night, I am terrified to get up to go to the toilet, often staying in bed paralysed, desperately trying to hold the pee in.

I actually went out and bought a bed which has a divan so that nothing could hide under my bed to grab my legs at night if I have to go to the toilet. I still jump from my bed to the far corner of my room.

It's very childish and I feel quite ashamed of my behaviour sometimes, it makes no sense. The best part of being in a relationship for me is just the security of having someone else there with me in bed.

I'm glad it's not just me.

[analog]

sillygirl:

1. that is fucked up. I know the bad reality of having recurring nightmares that scare the shit out of you, and I empathize.
2. the dream seems very long and convoluted, it could mean a whole bunch of things... if you believe that dreams are supposed to mean something personal to you. Have you started any new medications or supplements recently? Dramatic change in your diet or recent personal issues that bother you? I don't believe that it always has to mean "something", just that it could mean something in general is disrupted and your subconscious is getting feisty. lol

[sillygirl]

I haven't started any new medications or supplements. I've tried to change my diet, but it's not a huge change.

I have, though, actually had some HUGE issues lately, but really just the past week or so. I'm also currently having a gallbladder attack (yay) and starting a cleanse today. From the research I've done, it seems as though all the stress I've been dealing with lately (mostly by NOT dealing with it and trying to be strong for everyone else involved) is finally just all falling down on me.

The thing is, the dream's been going on for longer than the current issues. I know that I suck at forgiving myself and letting go of things. Shit, sometimes little things that I know no one else would remember come up and haunt me and I end up being self-conscious for no apparent reason (to anyone else).

I'm really trying to get this worked out. The past two days have been the worst two days of my life. This gallbladder attack is worse than labor and childbirth.

[Ourcrazymodern?]

You are a goddess and you always win.
When I was having recurrent nightmares about killing somebody, it took until I couldn't figure out who, when, why, or how, that I finally stopped asking WHAT? Our brains play tricks on us, it seems mostly while we're asleep.

[shesus]

Sillygirl, I responded in your journal, but I'll post here too.

Sounds to me like there are many religious references in yoru dream. Do you feel guilty for not going to church or do you feel like you are ashamed of something that would have religious reprecussions?

Stress can cause crazy dreams. I always have nightmares when I'm stressed. The recurring ones are when I have on-going stress.

As I said, one way that I have made recurring nightmares stop is by facing the fear and finishing out the dream. My grandmother had to do the same in her recurring nightmares. You're going to have to stand up to those little trolls or demons and see what happens.
FYI, if you die in your dream, you won't die in real life. I've died a few times in my dreams and usually a piece of myself changed. (aka quit smoking or a personality change).

Good luck and face your fears...the only reason they are fears is because you are scared. If you face them, you're no longer scared and they're no longer considered fears.

[Sharon]

shesus - very interesting the way you died in your dream and a piece of yourself changed. If dreams are what happens in your subconscious life, then perhaps by taking action in your dream, you are changing your subconscious thinking pattern.

[sillygirl]

The stress lately has indeed been absolutely killing me, so that would probably explain why the dream suddenly got worse. As far as the religious references go, I don't know that I necessarily feel bad for not going to church, as I think that I can worship in my own way without needing to go listen to someone telling me what I'm doing wrong. Anyone who knows me knows I'm hard enough on myself- I don't feel I need that. I do, however, kind of miss going just for the social aspect of it. Being around other people and being able to create friendships and a kind of support group I guess. God knows I could use one of THOSE right now. I don't know why it would be a cross though, as the religion I was brought up with doesn't use them. That whole part of it really confuses me. Especially the etchings that I can't remember.

I haven't had another one of these since that night, so Shesus, I think/hope you're right that since I confronted it they'll stop. I think it's so weird that the one that grabbed me was the guy from high school! I haven't thought of him in years!!

[abaya]

I'm a big dreamer... I dream every time I fall asleep, and I usually remember everything when I wake up (in the first 5 mins). My husband can tell you how fascinated he is by my half-awake dream-telling in his ear, first thing in the morning...

For the last couple of weeks I've been waking up at 7am with ktspktsp, eating breakfast, then going back to sleep for a morning nap before starting my day. I've found that towards the end of those sleep cycles, whatever I am dreaming turns sour and disturbing. This has happened a handful of times already, and it bothers me... I am always terribly relieved to wake up and realize "it was just a dream." There is nothing recurring, except that I have bad dreams towards the end of the cycle... weird. Maybe my body feels guilty for sleeping in so late, and is trying to wake me up?

Also, the only two actual "theme" recurring dreams I've had are these:

1) I dream about my old house, the one I lived in for most of my life and which my mom sold and had demolished last April. Even though I know it no longer exists, in my dreams it shows up all the time. Most of my dreams about home take place in that house, exactly as I remember it. I lost my grandma just a few months before that, but I rarely dream about her. It's always the house, which was a great loss for me. I guess that is my brain's way of coping with the loss of home.

2) I dream of losing contact with my husband... it's usually on the phone, when we are traveling somewhere and I have to call him or find him for some reason, and he's not there. Then I get very frustrated/worried/sad in the dream. The dream is not about him neglecting me (it's always an accident, the network is down, we just "lost" each other in a crowded place, etc)... it's just more about circumstances that separate us, and I get upset by the end of the dream. I dreamed about this much more often when we were long-distance, but it happens now and again when we are actually together. Another way for my brain to process fears, I guess

Anyway, I guess I don't have any insight for you on your own dreams, but I wanted to let you know how I interpret my common ones I guess. I find it difficult to interpret other people's dreams, even though there are books and all that for doing so.

[surferlove007]

I think you should rent the movie "Silent Hill"
Your dream is envisioned in my head as this movie. Look into it if you get a chance. Movie scared the crap out of me, but it seems like a good visual to what you're going through.
Please lemme know!

[sillygirl]

GG, I've seen it. It's been months though, and I think I slept through part of it.

I found it to be kinda freaky but it didn't really have any kind of affect on me. I think really the only true similarity is that it goes dark and creatures come out. Maybe I should watch it again.

[Sharon]

Silent Hill bored me to tears as well. It was weird, but not really scary.

[sillygirl]

Oh I liked it alright but really my favorite part (that I recall) is the big scary dude with the blades //lacks knowledge of the video game

[Sharon]

Oops, sorry. Ok then rephrase that - Silent Hill bored me to tears.

Sorry, didn't mean to take away from your thread.

[surferlove007]

Meh I tried :-p
Yea it was a really awful and gross movie to me too..but it did remind me of her dream atleast the description. I remember walking out of it thinking "DAMN! Can I have those two hours from my life please?"
Sorry to segue off away!

[sillygirl]

hahahah no worries. I woke up my SO, shaking harder than I ever have in my whole life, and he told me halfway through, "This makes me think of Silent Hill".

Lucky for me, shesus was right so far and I haven't had any more of these dreams. We also moved our bed back from under the window, which is apparently a bad place to put it due to energy stuff (if you believe in that... I'm a pretty firm believer now). Immediately we both stopped having disturbing dreams, and I felt about 90% better (as in not sick). *shrug*

I've also been really working on issues that I've been holding in for a long time and trying to become a better person over all, more secure, and that's forcing me to make some changes within myself.

I think that'll help me stop having this particularly disturbing dream.

[pig]

sillygirl, what kind of dream interpretation do you get into? i personally like a combination of the idea that every person / animate object / situation in the dream represents an externalization or personification of different aspects of your own personality - combined with the idea that important things occurring in your life / ideas you're pre-occupied with tend to show up. i remember reading up a little bit on it a while back for personal reasons, and i see many symbols in your dreams that people tend to report; therefore, some people theorize that these symbols have common meaning to us. such, a library or room filled with books is frequently interpreted as having some relationship to your mind, your memories, your repository of knowledge.

i personally find it interesting that the person in the first room is a (young, presumably?) girl, and the fact that y'all get along i would find comforting were i in your shoes. i think the cross is probably representative of your faith, regardless of your actual religious upbringing - the cross is a very concrete symbol. that the cross is located in the front, at the entrance so to speak, of the building i also find interesting. i also find it interesting that the demon/shapes, by virtue of the fact that you seemed to recall one of them as being someone from your past, would seem to be somewhat related to your memories of your youth / childhood, etc.

very interesting dream - thanks for sharing.

[Ourcrazymodern?]

Point your head north and feel the flow.
I doesn't matter where the windows are.