Jimellow

One of the most interesting things I've noticed about the comparison between "reality" and online social sites is that they both have strong positives, and negatives.

Reality offers the ability to meet someone in person right away, but the person one gets is generally totally random. Example: I meet someone at a book store. We have a few things in common, but generally are not compatible due to differences that are unappealing to both of us.

Online social sites allow users to find compatible friends/partners based on a very strict set of guidlines (likes/dislikes, interests, etc.) but the barrier of distance generally exists. Example: I meet a person that I consider to have almost identical interests and a personality that I find attractive, but they live in Alaska.

In general, I think the "online approach" is a more controlled approach to finding a compatible partner, but I am curious about how realistic people meeting (even dating) after meeting initially online is?

To me, meeting someone online is ideal, as it allows me to find someone that is compatible and has similiar interests, instead of just taking crap shoots in person and hoping to stumble across a compatible person eventually. Furthermore, online opens up a door to meet people I literally would never have met otherwise in a lifetime.

So, how realistic is it to meet up with someone that I (you, anyone) meets online?

__________________
Desperation is no excuse for lowering one's standards.

shesus

I think on-line is just another avenue people can take to try to find that person that makes them happy. Or to find friends they enjoy talking to. It is difficult to meet people espcially when everyone is wrapped up in their own life. But on-line is nice because you have the comfort of your home, you can come and go as you please in the midst of a conversation, and do other things while spending time with friends.

As for a romantic relationship, there are 2 things I see with this that may be a problem. One is distance as you mentioned. What if you met the perfect person, but they lived across the country and neither one of you could move? The other is in person likability. While on-line people act differently than in real life. It may not be a lot, but there is a bit of a difference. What if you met on-line and adored each other, but couldn't stand a person's habits or mannerisms in person? You would have invested a lot of time in a relationship and then finally meet and not have that spark or whatnot.

I'm not saying it's good or bad, it's definitely another option, but I think distance is the biggest deterrent of this type of romantic hook-up. Unless you are on a site that is regionally based like find single people in your area. Then it could be a good thing. But a gamble like any other way of meeting people.

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

Manic_Skafe

There's so many layers of personality to each person that to a certain extent, we are clueless as to who we actually are and there's no form of dating (internet, speed dating, blind dates) that'll get around that fact. Although online dating and the browsing of profiles may provide fuel for those first dates and conversations it isn't in the slightest sense indicative of how a person will be years down the line.

The risk is always there and so I prefer to take my chances in person.

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

ShaniFaye

I say this everytime this comes up....Dave and I met online Sept of 2003, moved in together in Oct 2003, big wedding Oct 2005....so of course I highly support online meeting/dating lol hehehehehehe

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Toaster126

I would not recommend moving in with someone one month after you meet, regardless of meeting scenerio.

I think online relationships are fine, one just has to remember that is all they are. You should not invest too much emotional energy on anyone you haven't met in person. I don't have any qualms about people connecting online and then meeting up in real life, though. I just think it's unhealthy for people to have serious relationships\friendships\love interest in someone they haven't met in person.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Daniel_

I met my wife online and after a couple of months we met in person and married a year later.

I think just like any other form of meeting it can be good or bad.

For me it worked. YMMV.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

jth

I have a lot of experience with friends and online relationships. Some of them have worked out and some have fallen to pieces.

Examples

A friend of mine met a Woman on a chat room from the US (we grew up in Canada) and over the course of several months, and phone calls etc they decided that they were 'in love'. However real that was is not sure to me but shortly my friend confessed he was going to ask her to marry him without meeting face to fact. This to me was just stupid. Most agreed with me, however it was his choice. He went to her home, they spent 2 weeks together and he proposed, she accepted. She married him and then took him for every cent he had and devorced him a year later.

Another friend of mine met a guy in a chat room. They lived about 2 hours apart. My friend was hesistent but agreed to meet him. They began a real relationship, and have been married now for 5 years.

So two extremes of the coin. Now my own Sister is getting involved with a guy online. I'm not happy about it. She went to go see him this weekend and I decided not to criticize her choices since she's my older sister and she's got more shit together in her life then I do (a career, paying back her debt etc). On the inside I just am not happy about it. She's never met this guy, he's put off meeting her several times coming down to visit her, now she's gone up to see him (it's thanksgiving in canada). I'm suspicious of him and know nothing about what he does for a living or anything.

Anyway it's her life.

I think that it's to easy to fake who you are on these forums. Its pretty easy to say you are one thing and be the oposite. Maybe that's the alure of the fantasy you can create for yourself on the internet. I could say I'm anything I want to be, you have no choice to take it for face value unless. When people's feelings get involved it can create a mess.

__________________
"A real leader faces the music, even if he doesn't like the tune." - unknown quote

Lady Sage

Most that I have seen dont work...

I have, however, seen several happy ever afters. Go in with your eyes open and your brain functioning and you should be fine.

Best of luck

__________________
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
Minds are like parachutes, they function best when open.
It`s Easier to Change a Condom Than a Diaper
Yes, the rumors are true... I actually AM a Witch.

ShaniFaye

Dave would disagree with you When its right and you both know it, as we did the very first day we met...its right....but then we were not 20 somethings that had never been in a relationship before

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Sugarmouse

I think they are a really good way to get to know someone.People are less nervous and more open..its easier.but obviously the crunch comes when you meet in person![/

__________________
Sugarmouse=Festered

Jove

I suppose if you are willing to spend ~$20 a month to find a date from a online dating service, go for it, but it seems awfully expensive.

Mantus

I know people who get by rather well with online dating sites. I am not sure if the ideal place to meet "the one". There is too much deception involved. Great for finding people to date casually and FB's though. It's really rather time consuming unless you know what you are doing from my experience.

If you wish to meet people do something co-ed. Top places to find someone you like: a trendy gym, salsa dancing, voleyball, outdoor activity club, art lessons.

tecoyah

All relationships carry risk, and require work to be successful. I have found in general, Online interaction can be very helpful in getting to understand how another thinks...which can certainly lead to development of real life meetings (Ask Amonkie...heh). The Key is to use the Internet as the tool it can be, and pay close attention to the larger picture it paints as the Chats become more involved.

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Prince

Met my wife online in '99. Got married in '03. I left everything behind in Europe, just brought a couple of suitcases and myself. Have no regrets whatsoever.

Online relationships, or any long distance ones, are tougher than you may think. Some have the stomach or the heart for it, some don't.

It worked for me quite beautifully, but all in all I can't say it's something I would recommend. Too many nuts out there.

__________________
Who is John Galt?

SugahBritches

No one has mentioned this yet, but think of the Mail Order Brides back in the day. I bet that was scary! I mean sometimes you didn't even have that many letters to go on what you might or might not be getting into. But those women either didn't have another solution or were very adventurous!

I guess it must be sorta like that in a way. It was dangerous back then, and I guess it could be now too. But, it is interesting to know that for some it does work! Happy for you Shanifaye.

LoganSnake

I met my girlfriend on MySpace. We've been dating for 8 months.

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

abaya

Yup, it still happens, perhaps now more than ever in history... women from Southeast Asia and Eastern Europe/Russia, among other desperate places, get "ordered" on a daily basis and shipped off to unknown men in unknown circumstances. Many of them end up in abusive circumstances, though I'm quite sure that many others do find a way to make themselves happy in their new life, language, and country. I do think it's more about having no other solution out of poverty, rather than a taste for adventure... but that's my bias (it's my line of work... not human trafficking, but studying it).

That said, I full agree with Prince here...
What's interesting is that I don't think one can predict who has the stomach for something like this. I never, ever intended to go thorugh any period of time in a long-distance relationship... I thought those people were crazy. And yet, here we are, after going on two years of middle-distance (3 hours' drive) and getting married in the thick of it. One finds one's guts as one goes along, I suppose.

Takes all types of relationships to make the world spin. If people can allow online relationships to morph into real ones, despite the distance, god bless 'em. If not, I don't blame them one bit. None of it is easy, after the initial attraction... it just takes work.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Aro23

meeting someone online is not a bad idea as you can get to know the person first rather than meeting people randomly through friends. atleast you would know something about the person and not be shy or be too cautious not to offend the other person.

Kali

Go very slow with a relationship found online. Remember, seeing and being with him is very important and not so much what is said online.

__________________
"According to the map we've only gone four inches" -Dumb and Dumber

analog

Yes. Yes they can.

I met my first real girlfriend on the net, was with her for almost 4 years, 3.5 of which was long-distance. Why did we break up only a few months after finally moving in together? At the time, we were of ages when people do a lot of their "growing up", and personaly change a lot. Three and a half years at just that point in a person's life can make two people not "growing up together", grow apart.

Really though, it was a very mutual end when all was said and done, but the relationship was wonderful and i'd do it again if I found the right woman. I wouldn't recommend it for just anyone, however, because it can be very taxing. It's hard, there's no two ways about it- but it's also ultimately very rewarding, and who can argue with that? lol

(Plus, there's nothing quite like the energy level of the sex you have when you only get to see each other twice or absolute max 3 times in a year, for usually a week or two at a time. Insane. )

mixedmedia

Yes, I think they can work. I have a relationship with a man I met online who lives 250 miles from me. We've agreed, having both been married twice, that what we are looking for right now is someone to share good times and common interests with without it turning into something serious. (Although admittedly, maintaining that balance can be difficult, ehem, once you start becoming fond of that person.)

It is an odd way to start a relationship. At least it seemed odd to me. I never thought I would have a real-life relationship with someone I met on the internet, but I'm so glad I did it. I wouldn't recommend going into it too fast, though. Long distance, online relationships really are a way to get to know each other better than you might otherwise when you have the ability to get your hands on each other, so take advantage of it. I also highly recommend the use of webcams as, of course, you can see the person - how they talk, behave and look - these are important in determining your compatability with and attraction for each other. Plus they, well, uhhhhh, you know.....they're fun.

But that said, no amount of success stories should betray the fact that you should always be careful of who you are inviting into your life. This is true whether you have met someone online, in a bar, at church or wherever. Always use caution and if something just doesn't feel right, explore it, don't ignore it.

This I would have to agree with.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Leto

I met a girl once over the CB radio. Does that qualify? It was our "chat room" equivalent in the '70's.

And it did last for a few weeks....

little_tippler

one of my closest friends met her first boyfriend online and they are now living together and have a little girl who is one year old.

Of course it can work. It's just another way of meeting people. I think though a lot of people can tell lies online, that a lot of people can tell things they'd never tell face to face, and it can be easier to find someone compatible that way, because your ideas/values are similar, than to "stumble" along as another poster said and hope you meet someone compatible where your first interaction with them will most likely be visual, and that can be so misleading. Maybe online is actually better...or just different.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918