Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Life


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-28-2006, 04:46 AM   #1 (permalink)
Misanthropic
 
Crack's Avatar
 
Location: Ohio! yay!
How to make your IT department at work happy.

I was going to put this is Computers, but the people it needs to reach don't really visit there too often.

First off, let me say, if you make your IT department happy, your life will be eaiser. I can't account for all IT departments out there, but most if not all are like us. We do this job for a different reason than most people do theirs. We actually like it. This is key when you are dealing with IT. Remember, we might not enjoy helping you send an e-mail, but we all know there are worse jobs to be had out there. A little respect and space goes a long way.

1. When we come out to look at a computer you are working on, GET UP FROM THE FREAKING CHAIR! It's our chair now. I am not going to hover around you and half stand while I am trying to use your mouse.

2. For every single post-it, picture of your dog, phone number, business card, bible verse written on a napkin you have taped to your moniter, is 5 mins less I will be there trying to help you out. Either move it before I get there, or don't have it up at all. Is it that much more trouble to put it in a folder?
2.1 That ridiculous custom mouse pointer of a banana you think is so cute actually makes it harder for me to do my job because it's not clear where the point is.

3. Icons on your desktop. If it takes me an hour to find "My Computer" on your desktop, something is wrong. You do not need a shortcut to every single website you had ever visited, every doccument you ever worked on, every picture of your son/grandson/cousin/neice/uncle doing something funny. Make a folder, put that crap in it.

4. If you don't know what you are talking about, don't talk about it. You will just look silly, and we will laugh at you later. In fact, I am laughing about something someone said right now. Don't suggest we open a port on the firewall if 1. you don't know what a firewall is, and 2. the problem is you can't open a word doccument because the CD it's on is not in your computer.

5. It's not our fault. Don't blame me when the servers go down. I didn't pull the plug. 9 times out of 10, it's something you guys did. On that rare occurance that it is my fault that the server is down, then it needed to come down, and you were told before hand. I know Lands End is having a big ole sale on mock turtlenecks, I don't care. My biggest problem right now isn't the fact that you can't look at e-bay, my problem is getting the server back up and running so everyone can.
5.1 Don't shout at me. Your embarassment that you can't work a computer is ugly and the less time you waste verbally abusing me the more work we can all get done.
5.2 If you call me and say your computer does not work in an impatient voice, please make sure you turned on the computer or check the power cord to see if it is plugged in.

6. Most IT depts have a problem tracking system. Something happens, we doccument the problem, and look at what needs to be done first. If there is something bigger going on, don't expect me to drop everything and fix your Q key, because you have to puch it a little bit harder than the others. If you Have an issue, send an e-mail. E-mail is always better than a phone call. You tell me what you can't do, or what something says, not what you think the problem is. (see #4)

7. Say thanks if we helped you. It goes a long way.

8. If you are calling me to complain about the internet running slow, tell the people in your department to stop streaming music.

9. Its a big place, tell me what room number and phone number you are in, and can be reached at, I’m not psychic, j smith is not enough for me to find you and fix your problem.


I'll add more later, but this is a good starting point for now.
__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Last edited by Crack; 09-28-2006 at 10:59 AM..
Crack is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 06:02 AM   #2 (permalink)
Muffled
 
Kadath's Avatar
 
Location: Camazotz
I would add an addendum to 2: That ridiculous custom mouse pointer of a banana you think is so cute actually makes it harder for me to do my job because it's not clear where the point is.
And also to 5: Don't shout at me. Your embarassment that you can't work a computer is ugly and the less time you waste verbally abusing me the more work we can all get done.
__________________
it's quiet in here
Kadath is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 06:16 AM   #3 (permalink)
Misanthropic
 
Crack's Avatar
 
Location: Ohio! yay!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kadath
I would add an addendum to 2: That ridiculous custom mouse pointer of a banana you think is so cute actually makes it harder for me to do my job because it's not clear where the point is.
And also to 5: Don't shout at me. Your embarassment that you can't work a computer is ugly and the less time you waste verbally abusing me the more work we can all get done.

good stuff. This is a work in progress, and those are 2 great ideas!
__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx
Crack is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 07:37 AM   #4 (permalink)
Sauce Puppet
 
kurty[B]'s Avatar
 
I have to add one to this.

8. If you are calling me to complain about the internet running slow, tell the people in your department to stop streaming music.
kurty[B] is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 09:36 AM   #5 (permalink)
Groovy Hipster Nerd
 
Jove's Avatar
 
Location: Michigan
I like this thread.

I like to add: "If you call me and say your computer does not work in an impatient voice, please make sure you turned on the computer or check the power cord to see if it is plugged in."
Jove is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 09:53 AM   #6 (permalink)
Devils Cabana Boy
 
Dilbert1234567's Avatar
 
Location: Central Coast CA
9. its a big place, tell me what room number and phone number you are in, and can be reached at, I’m not psychic, j smith is not enough for me to find you and fix your problem.
__________________
Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen
Dilbert1234567 is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 10:59 AM   #7 (permalink)
Misanthropic
 
Crack's Avatar
 
Location: Ohio! yay!
Changes made, thanks folks, let's keep it going!
__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx
Crack is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 12:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
©
 
StanT's Avatar
 
Location: Colorado
Be nice to your network guys, as well. Publicly harassing someone that has detailed records of every web site you've ever visited is probably not in your best interest.

Be honest about changes you've made. We have tools to measure, monitor, and log most everything. We'll find out anyway, the flogging will be much less severe if we don't spent 2 days working on it first.
StanT is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 12:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
Willravel's Avatar
 
Spilling coffee on a keyboard voids the warentee.
Willravel is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 01:01 PM   #10 (permalink)
AHH! Custom Title!!
 
liquidlight's Avatar
 
Location: The twisted warpings of my brain.
Don't tell me that your computer "stopped working" and then claim that you haven't changed anything. Especially if the issue only affects your machine and every other computer in the office is fine. This includes lying to me about the software that you installed that was against company policy that you didn't know how to uninstall and you're hoping that I don't find and in the end is the reason your system is broken.
__________________
Halfway to hell and picking up speed.
liquidlight is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 01:23 PM   #11 (permalink)
Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
 
Daniel_'s Avatar
 
Location: Southern England
Remember: Computers do what you tell them, if they do dumb stuff, it's because you told them dumb things.

Corolary to the earlier comment: Computers remember and record everything you tell them to do somewhere. If you give them dumb instructions, they do dumb things, they then tell us that you asked them to do dumb tings.

---------------------------

Your printer is not "acting all funny" it is "out of paper". Dumbass.
__________________
╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine

╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝
Daniel_ is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 01:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
Devils Cabana Boy
 
Dilbert1234567's Avatar
 
Location: Central Coast CA
ooh i got another:

dont lie and say you spilt a cup of water on your laptop, the puddle on my bench is much more then a cup, and i dont think you drink water with bath salts in it.
__________________
Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen
Dilbert1234567 is offline  
Old 09-28-2006, 02:53 PM   #13 (permalink)
Free Mars!
 
feelgood's Avatar
 
Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time
Contray to the popular brief, the cd driver is NOT a coffee cup holder
__________________
Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war
feelgood is offline  
Old 09-29-2006, 01:09 AM   #14 (permalink)
Adequate
 
cyrnel's Avatar
 
Location: In my angry-dome.
Bath salts???

Sir, this might seem obvious on this painful morning after, but please don't pee in your computer. And if you could keep your cat from doing likewise that'd be just great.

Oh, and if you or your little friend do have one of those super festive evenings and happen to pee in your computer, it'd be a peach if you'd mention that before the tech trying to help gets inside without gloves or a FULL-FUCKING-BODY-RUBBER!

Many thanks,
-Your friendly computer repair guy.

(From the early days when board sets were gold so "short circuits" meant breaking out the scope and tracking down angry silicon. Thanks for reminding me, guys. )
__________________
There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195
cyrnel is offline  
Old 09-29-2006, 06:36 AM   #15 (permalink)
Cunning Runt
 
Marvelous Marv's Avatar
 
Location: Taking a mulligan
Quote:
Originally Posted by liquidlight
Don't tell me that your computer "stopped working" and then claim that you haven't changed anything. Especially if the issue only affects your machine and every other computer in the office is fine. This includes lying to me about the software that you installed that was against company policy that you didn't know how to uninstall and you're hoping that I don't find and in the end is the reason your system is broken.
I thought of that first!!!!

Seriously, I love it when the task bar disappears, or is vertical now, and they "didn't change anything."
__________________
"The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money."
Margaret Thatcher
Marvelous Marv is offline  
Old 09-29-2006, 06:46 AM   #16 (permalink)
Unencapsulated
 
JustJess's Avatar
 
Location: Kittyville
^^ You'd be surprised at how many people ask me to fix that kind of thing - they know it's different, they just have NO IDEA how the hell they changed it.
__________________
My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.
JustJess is offline  
Old 12-22-2006, 11:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
MSD's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: CT
You claimed the laptop we issued you had been returned for a year before you finally had your boyfriend drop it off the week your sabattical you spent teaching in England started. That laptop looked like it had been attacked by a bear.

You complained that your new laptop's keys weren't working. That's because you broke them off even though you signed it out three days ago.

We gave you a nice durable PowerMac G4 Latop and within a week keys were loose, the case was scratched, and you had managed to cause a kernel panic that not only prevents the computer from booting to OS, but prevents us from booting to CD so we can't reinstall the OS.

No, whatever you're pointing at on the shelf behind me is not available to be signed out to staff and faculty. Especially not if it's the 36" widescreen LCD monitor.
MSD is offline  
Old 12-24-2006, 11:06 AM   #18 (permalink)
Insane
 
Not an IT guy but this is a really funny list, keep it going.
jerseyboy is offline  
Old 12-24-2006, 12:04 PM   #19 (permalink)
Devils Cabana Boy
 
Dilbert1234567's Avatar
 
Location: Central Coast CA
10. We are like an army, we march on our stomach, fresh homemade baked goods just make us march a little faster.

11. With the previous exception, cash bribes only.
__________________
Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen
Dilbert1234567 is offline  
Old 12-25-2006, 06:10 AM   #20 (permalink)
A Storm Is Coming
 
thingstodo's Avatar
 
Location: The Great White North
I'm not an IT guy (but I slept in a Holiday Inn Express last night!) but I do manage a few and I can raise a toast to all of you and the crap you put up with.

Cheers!
__________________
If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves.

Stangers have the best candy.
thingstodo is offline  
Old 12-25-2006, 09:31 AM   #21 (permalink)
Devils Cabana Boy
 
Dilbert1234567's Avatar
 
Location: Central Coast CA
thank you thingstodo.
__________________
Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen
Dilbert1234567 is offline  
Old 12-25-2006, 09:14 PM   #22 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
Ourcrazymodern?'s Avatar
 
Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
WAY TOO MUCH ANXIETY, GUYS AND GALS. I'm kind of glad you don't work for the post office. ...um, thankyou?
__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT
Ourcrazymodern? is offline  
Old 12-25-2006, 10:11 PM   #23 (permalink)
Devils Cabana Boy
 
Dilbert1234567's Avatar
 
Location: Central Coast CA
i baked 5 gross of cookies for the campus that i work at, i love everyone there.
__________________
Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen
Dilbert1234567 is offline  
 

Tags
department, happy, make, work

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 09:59 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360