What purpose does hair in your butt serve? (NSFW Warning: Man Ass) - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Rodney · 10-28-2005, 09:14 PM

If butthair is supposed to make movement "smoother and more comfortable," then why do I get a major case of MONKEY BUTT at least twice a day?

RemyLebeau97 · 11-20-2005, 11:56 PM

Just think of it as an eye lash for your brown eye

feelgood · 11-21-2005, 12:06 AM

I've always wondered why the hell they call it public hair, there's nothing public about it...

Dragonknight · 11-21-2005, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rodney

If butthair is supposed to make movement "smoother and more comfortable," then why do I get a major case of MONKEY BUTT at least twice a day?

WTF!!!

WTF is MONKEY BUTT?!? That just has me laughing my ass off!!! This stuff is great.

Rodney · 11-26-2005, 07:55 AM

Basically, monkey butt is an itchy, sweaty buttcrack; feels as if you didn't do a good job the last time you took a crap and the hairs are all... use your imagination.

Anyway, some people get it frequently, no matter how diligent they are when they wipe up, and I'm one of those. Happens more often in hot weather, but still happens year-round.

vanblah · 11-26-2005, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesus Pimp

Of all the places on my body that I want hair to grow, why does it have to be in your butt?

Now that's a funny sentence. Of all the places on YOUR body that YOU want hair to grow, why does it have to be in MY butt????

Your hair is not growing in my butt that I know of. Of course, if you believe in a holistic--we-are-all-one--universe then everyone's hair is growing in everyone's butt.

But really, the original question has been answered.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragonknight

AAAHHHHH but the question must be asked of why Women's arses are less hairy then Mens?

Less testosterone ...

taboo · 12-03-2005, 10:39 PM

this post is hilarious...

maybe it;s so that we can carry our "shit smell" everywhere and attract the opposite sex hahahahahaha

sonikeko · 12-06-2005, 01:08 AM

Perhaps it's the result of evolution. Let's think for a sec... If we did evolve from our ancestral cousins, the primates, we had no protection from the elments. A key "exit" from the body, we wouldn't want that area to get frostbitten or something now would we?

MontanaXVI · 12-09-2005, 07:35 PM

So, the question to ask is what is your position on the rectum as a hole?

Dael · 01-01-2006, 11:57 AM

Not just lubricant, but heat retention as well. Think about it... where are the warmest parts of your body on the exterior? (the places where you're told in first aid courses to put your hands in the cold to prevent frostbite?) Armpits and groin. Also our heads, because there's a lot of blood pumping up there. So hair stays there to ensure a buffer zone so not too much heat is lost through these areas... same function as animal fur.

As to men being hairier than women, since almost all mammals are MUCH hairier than us (fur) I think the real question is not why men are hairier than women, but why women are less hairy than men; we hairy men are closer to the mammalian norm. If you believe in evolution (as I do), I think the reason stems from the fact that throughout human history, the womenfolk have tended to stay closer to the home, whereas the men went out on long journeys over large tracts of land, hunting and whatnot. Therefore we kept more 'fur' on us to protect us better from the elements when out on such forays, whereas the womenfolk would have needed less 'fur' staying closer to home. Dunno if that's at all right, but it makes sense to me!

G5_Todd · 01-01-2006, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq

so that we can have the Klingons around Uranus

LOL!

Plaid13 · 01-13-2006, 09:58 AM

it helps make a space between your ass and your pants underwear or whatever to trap air. now that air has to stay there so when a dog sniffs your butt it has something to sniff. so yeah its very important.

Brilliant Idiot · 01-14-2006, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coldhands

I don't know that answer...BUT (hehe) look at all of us that bothered to read and post to the tread!

OMG! We've been, I've been, found out!

Oh, the shame.....

Sharon · 04-01-2006, 01:09 PM

I've known a few guys who had worrying amounts of the stuff... what's the best way to remove that men would actually consider?

Plucking? (Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch...)
Waxing? (doubtful)
Hair removal cream? (is it safe?)
Shaving? (the Itchy and Scratchy show)

thingstodo · 04-02-2006, 03:12 PM

I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

newtx · 04-25-2006, 12:06 PM

It has 2 basic functions.

When passing gas it acts as a combination muting mechanism and pitch tuning device.

CaliLivChick · 05-11-2006, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

After two years I'd have thought that we were safe from the hairy bunghole thread. But nooooo.

And go figure, it appears that this is the only thing the restarter has ever posted. =)

stdavid555 · 02-08-2007, 12:45 PM

My GF thinks hair isnt very good for you.
IM am very hairy ..

sapiens · 02-08-2007, 01:06 PM

I didn't notice anyone who suggested this, but perhaps butt hair serves no purpose. Not every aspect of our bodies has evolved to serve a specific purpose. Butt hair could be a byproduct of the evolved capacity to have hair on other parts of our bodies. The genes responsible for hair on our heads or hair around our genitals may also produce hair in our butts.

Bill O'Rights · 02-08-2007, 02:22 PM

Not again.

Willravel · 02-08-2007, 02:45 PM

It's a conspiracy by Nair and Gilette, the two most powerful evil corporations in the world, to control people through shame.

But yeah, it's pheremone related.

Sage · 02-08-2007, 06:50 PM

To keep your farts from sounding like

FRRRRRRRRRRRRRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

soniclifemonkey · 02-18-2007, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charlatan

from Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pubic_hair

Function of pubic hair
protection from the friction of sexual intercourse.

Does that mean somebody should be fucking me in the ass?

Sharon · 02-19-2007, 03:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soniclifemonkey

Does that mean somebody should be fucking me in the ass?

Of course.

bermuDa · 03-18-2007, 06:41 PM

This thread reminded me of something I read long ago, and surprisingly, a quick search was all it took to resurface this hilarious story:

Quote:

WARNING!!!
Date: 2004-07-01, 2:15PM PDT

Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

From Best of Craigslist (but probably originally from elsewhere)

Astrocloud · 03-18-2007, 07:31 PM

No, you are all wrong. It prevents your asshole from freezing.

Delirious · 03-26-2007, 01:26 PM

This is probably TMI for most people but... Anyone ever try using deodorant on your butt crack area? It's a great lubricant, and even the slimiest of shits won't stick to your ass hair thus always keeping your anal area clean and sweet smelling should the need arise for that area to be in that condition.... ok i'll shutup now...

Lucifer · 03-27-2007, 07:00 AM

you are one twisted fuck!

Sharon · 03-27-2007, 12:55 PM

I'm not letting you anywhere NEAR my roll-ons.

ghostmoon · 05-23-2008, 12:18 AM

I too have wondered this before. Until I started reading this post though, I really hadn't brainstormed more than a moments worth to come up with anything. My feeling on the matter is...

long ago when man walked around naked or in those little genital/ass flaps, I imagine flies and other such bugs (who are of course more than attracted to the smell of ass, especially (I imagine) cave man ass. So perhaps ass hairs provide the same function as nose hairs, to keep pests away?

(Sorry if this has already been said or something, I haven't finished reading the thread)

little_tippler · 05-23-2008, 12:28 AM

Hahahaaa and we're off again lol

ghostmoon that idea is pretty...scary...yuck. *GAG*

I have never given this any thought before and I'm glad...though this is one funny thread

vancityboi · 05-23-2008, 03:34 PM

hmm i can add this to my list of questions...

1) whats the meaning of life.....

2) why do we have ass hair....

OH the many mysteries of life

Bear Cub · 05-23-2008, 04:13 PM

Not sure why this is even questionable. Everyone knows its the most efficient way to harvest dingleberries.

snowy · 05-23-2008, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bear Cub

Not sure why this is even questionable. Everyone knows its the most efficient way to harvest dingleberries.

Gross.

Shauk · 05-23-2008, 04:15 PM

Quote:

I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

You know we've all had this happen, shaved or not. I can't be the only one. Those farts that just don't make it all the way and created the "omg gerbil" sensation?

god, what a visual.

allaboutmusic · 05-23-2008, 04:46 PM

This thread is like a floater that just won't flush away.

ngdawg · 05-23-2008, 08:37 PM

What's all this talk about residual hair clinging dingleberries? Don't you people use

Hair or not, I can't live without those.

TheNasty · 05-24-2008, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharon

I've known a few guys who had worrying amounts of the stuff... what's the best way to remove that men would actually consider?

Plucking? (Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch...)
Waxing? (doubtful)
Hair removal cream? (is it safe?)
Shaving? (the Itchy and Scratchy show)

You don't want to use Nair anywhere near your anus, TRUST me.

It doesn't work to well on the twig and berries either, to harsh.

I'm not an expert on hair removal creams, is there a product out that isn't as harsh as Nair?

MSD · 05-25-2008, 04:46 PM

You don't want to get rid of all the hair because of stubble when it comes back. To simulate the effect, rub a piece of 100 grit sandpaper across your face for a few seconds, then imagine that in your ass crack every time you take a step; add some ingrown hairs for extra fun.

Buzzing it with clippers works pretty well, it's a tiny bit scratchy for the first day, but the hair softens right back up (and it doesn't hurt to do it right before a shower so the hair absorbs a bit of conditioner when you rinse it out of your hair.

Bear Cub · 05-25-2008, 04:53 PM

If removal is such an issue, why remove it at all?

Why not style it? Fauxhawk? French twist perhaps? Emo swoosh?

11-21-2005, 12:06 AM	#43 (permalink)
feelgood Free Mars! Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time	I've always wondered why the hell they call it public hair, there's nothing public about it... __________________ Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

12-06-2005, 01:08 AM	#48 (permalink)
sonikeko What the HELL? Location: Bowling Green, OH	Perhaps it's the result of evolution. Let's think for a sec... If we did evolve from our ancestral cousins, the primates, we had no protection from the elments. A key "exit" from the body, we wouldn't want that area to get frostbitten or something now would we? __________________ "Adolescence is short, maturity is forever"

12-09-2005, 07:35 PM	#49 (permalink)
MontanaXVI Junkie Location: Go A's!!!!	So, the question to ask is what is your position on the rectum as a hole? __________________ Spank you very much

01-01-2006, 11:57 AM	#50 (permalink)
Dael Upright	Not just lubricant, but heat retention as well. Think about it... where are the warmest parts of your body on the exterior? (the places where you're told in first aid courses to put your hands in the cold to prevent frostbite?) Armpits and groin. Also our heads, because there's a lot of blood pumping up there. So hair stays there to ensure a buffer zone so not too much heat is lost through these areas... same function as animal fur. As to men being hairier than women, since almost all mammals are MUCH hairier than us (fur) I think the real question is not why men are hairier than women, but why women are less hairy than men; we hairy men are closer to the mammalian norm. If you believe in evolution (as I do), I think the reason stems from the fact that throughout human history, the womenfolk have tended to stay closer to the home, whereas the men went out on long journeys over large tracts of land, hunting and whatnot. Therefore we kept more 'fur' on us to protect us better from the elements when out on such forays, whereas the womenfolk would have needed less 'fur' staying closer to home. Dunno if that's at all right, but it makes sense to me! Last edited by Dael; 01-01-2006 at 11:59 AM.. Reason: spellchecking

04-02-2006, 03:12 PM	#55 (permalink)
thingstodo A Storm Is Coming Location: The Great White North	I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit. __________________ If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves. Stangers have the best candy.

10-28-2005, 09:14 PM	#41 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	If butthair is supposed to make movement "smoother and more comfortable," then why do I get a major case of MONKEY BUTT at least twice a day?

11-20-2005, 11:56 PM	#42 (permalink)
RemyLebeau97 I stole my boyfriends TFP, hehe !! Location: Galveston, TX	Just think of it as an eye lash for your brown eye

11-26-2005, 07:55 AM	#45 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	Basically, monkey butt is an itchy, sweaty buttcrack; feels as if you didn't do a good job the last time you took a crap and the hairs are all... use your imagination. Anyway, some people get it frequently, no matter how diligent they are when they wipe up, and I'm one of those. Happens more often in hot weather, but still happens year-round.

12-03-2005, 10:39 PM	#47 (permalink)
taboo Crazy	this post is hilarious... maybe it;s so that we can carry our "shit smell" everywhere and attract the opposite sex hahahahahaha

01-13-2006, 09:58 AM	#52 (permalink)
Plaid13 I want a Plaid crayon	it helps make a space between your ass and your pants underwear or whatever to trap air. now that air has to stay there so when a dog sniffs your butt it has something to sniff. so yeah its very important.

04-01-2006, 01:09 PM	#54 (permalink)
Sharon Coy, sultry and... naughty! Location: Across the way	I've known a few guys who had worrying amounts of the stuff... what's the best way to remove that men would actually consider? Plucking? (Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch...) Waxing? (doubtful) Hair removal cream? (is it safe?) Shaving? (the Itchy and Scratchy show)

04-25-2006, 12:06 PM	#56 (permalink)
newtx Addict	It has 2 basic functions. When passing gas it acts as a combination muting mechanism and pitch tuning device.

02-08-2007, 12:45 PM	#58 (permalink)
stdavid555 Upright	This thread is not over yet, Cuz I have butt hair too.. My GF thinks hair isnt very good for you. IM am very hairy ..

02-08-2007, 01:06 PM	#59 (permalink)
sapiens Junkie Location: Some place windy	I didn't notice anyone who suggested this, but perhaps butt hair serves no purpose. Not every aspect of our bodies has evolved to serve a specific purpose. Butt hair could be a byproduct of the evolved capacity to have hair on other parts of our bodies. The genes responsible for hair on our heads or hair around our genitals may also produce hair in our butts.

02-08-2007, 02:22 PM	#60 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	Not again. __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

02-08-2007, 06:50 PM	#62 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	To keep your farts from sounding like *FRRRRRRRRRRRRRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!* __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi

02-08-2007, 02:45 PM	#61 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	It's a conspiracy by Nair and Gilette, the two most powerful evil corporations in the world, to control people through shame. But yeah, it's pheremone related.

03-18-2007, 07:31 PM	#66 (permalink)
Astrocloud Apocalypse Nerd	No, you are all wrong. It prevents your asshole from freezing.

03-26-2007, 01:26 PM	#67 (permalink)
Delirious Crazy Location: Queens, NY	This is probably TMI for most people but... Anyone ever try using deodorant on your butt crack area? It's a great lubricant, and even the slimiest of shits won't stick to your ass hair thus always keeping your anal area clean and sweet smelling should the need arise for that area to be in that condition.... ok i'll shutup now...

03-27-2007, 07:00 AM	#68 (permalink)
Lucifer Husband of Seamaiden Location: Nova Scotia	you are one twisted fuck! __________________ I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls. - Job 30:29 1123, 6536, 5321

03-27-2007, 12:55 PM	#69 (permalink)
Sharon Coy, sultry and... naughty! Location: Across the way	I'm not letting you anywhere NEAR my roll-ons.

05-23-2008, 12:18 AM	#70 (permalink)
ghostmoon Upright	I too have wondered this before. Until I started reading this post though, I really hadn't brainstormed more than a moments worth to come up with anything. My feeling on the matter is... long ago when man walked around naked or in those little genital/ass flaps, I imagine flies and other such bugs (who are of course more than attracted to the smell of ass, especially (I imagine) cave man ass. So perhaps ass hairs provide the same function as nose hairs, to keep pests away? (Sorry if this has already been said or something, I haven't finished reading the thread)

05-23-2008, 12:28 AM	#71 (permalink)
little_tippler Leaning against the -Sun- Super Moderator Location: on the other side	Hahahaaa and we're off again lol ghostmoon that idea is pretty...scary...yuck. GAG I have never given this any thought before and I'm glad...though this is one funny thread __________________ Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918

05-23-2008, 03:34 PM	#72 (permalink)
vancityboi Tilted Location: Vancouver,BC	hmm i can add this to my list of questions... 1) whats the meaning of life..... 2) why do we have ass hair.... OH the many mysteries of life __________________ I reject your reality and substitute my own -MythBusters Life is easier to measure by experience points -Watch The Guild

05-23-2008, 04:13 PM	#73 (permalink)
Bear Cub The Reverend Side Boob Location: Nofe Curolina	Not sure why this is even questionable. Everyone knows its the most efficient way to harvest dingleberries. __________________ Living in the United Socialist States of America.

05-23-2008, 04:46 PM	#76 (permalink)
allaboutmusic Aurally Fixated	This thread is like a floater that just won't flush away.

05-23-2008, 08:37 PM	#77 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	What's all this talk about residual hair clinging dingleberries? Don't you people use Hair or not, I can't live without those.

05-25-2008, 04:46 PM	#79 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	You don't want to get rid of all the hair because of stubble when it comes back. To simulate the effect, rub a piece of 100 grit sandpaper across your face for a few seconds, then imagine that in your ass crack every time you take a step; add some ingrown hairs for extra fun. Buzzing it with clippers works pretty well, it's a tiny bit scratchy for the first day, but the hair softens right back up (and it doesn't hurt to do it right before a shower so the hair absorbs a bit of conditioner when you rinse it out of your hair.

05-25-2008, 04:53 PM	#80 (permalink)
Bear Cub The Reverend Side Boob Location: Nofe Curolina	If removal is such an issue, why remove it at all? Why not style it? Fauxhawk? French twist perhaps? Emo swoosh? __________________ Living in the United Socialist States of America.

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