cchris

Customer: "I can't print anything!"
Tech Support: "Yes, the print server's down for maintenance. Didn't you read that email I sent?"
Customer: "No, I never got it."
Tech Support: "But I got the return receipt from you. You must have seen it: 'Server down at 4:00pm for maintenance'."
Customer: "Oh, that one. I didn't understand what you meant."
Tech Support: (sigh) "The tech is here trying to fix the SCSI controller. The server was downed so he could work on it."
Customer: "What? I don't understand. Why can't I print? I'm not a computer person! I really need to get these reports out."
Tech Support: "When the message said, 'Please print your jobs before 4:00pm tomorrow,' what didn't you understand?"
Customer: "Huh? What? I really need to print these reports out. It's important!"
Tech Support: "You can't right now. The server is turned off. Like I told you yesterday."
Repeat for another ten minutes.

.........................................................................................................


Customer: "Hello, is this tech support?"
Tech Support: "Yes, it is; what is the nature of the problem you're having?"
Customer: "I can't seem to power this thing up."
Tech Support: "If you are unable to boot your computer, sir, I suggest you contact the manufacturer. This is Internet technical support."
Customer: "Computer?"
Tech Support: "Yes, your computer."
Customer: "I don't have a computer."
Tech Support: "What is the item you are having difficulty with?"
Customer: "My new lawn mower."
Tech Support: (stifling a giggle) "Sir, you have reached Internet technical support. I suggest you double-check the number and try again."
Customer: "No, I'm sure I got it right. Are you going to send anybody out to fix this damn thing?"
Tech Support: "Sir, we do not support lawn mowers. Please check the number and try it again."
Customer: "What kind of *@#%! service is this? *&$#^ you! I wasn't born yesterday, you know!" (click)

.........................................................................................................


Customer: "Are you down?"
Tech Support: "No. What's the problem you're having?"
Customer: "Netscape won't pull up any pages. Everything else works though."
Tech Support: "Did you make any changes to the system before it stopped working?"
Customer: "Of course not!"
(Skip twenty minutes of troubleshooting.)


Customer: "Could Windows 95 be causing this problem?
Tech Support: "What do you mean?
Customer: "Well, I upgraded to Windows 95 a few days ago...but I didn't like it. It wouldn't uninstall, so I just deleted files until Windows 3.1 came back."
Tech Support: (sigh) "Yes sir, that could very well be the source of the problem."

.........................................................................................................


Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)


Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

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_Gotti_

I Fail To Find Teh Funny?

tritium

Good stuff. I've learned to try to anticipate some outlandish things... my favorite was the young woman that was attempting to access our ethernet (rj45) with a USB cable. She went through 3 different technicians until she was forwarded to me. My first question, "Do you still have the box that your internet cable came with?"
Customer: "Yes. Want me to read it to you?"
Me: "Please do."
Customer: "6 foot USB cable"
Me: "Mam, you're going to need to take that back to the store and swap it for an rj45, ethernet patch cable."
Customer: "I'd love to but the square end of the cable is stuck in the jack now and it won't come out."

I had a woman that thought computer viruses were somehow related to people viruses like the flu. No joke. South Georgia is awesome!

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Blah.

skier

hahahaha i can't get enough of these tech support stories! Anyone know of a site with lots of them?

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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

mpedrummer2

I work for a company that provides tech support and maintenance for other companies.

One particularly large customer has 4 hr response, 8 hr fix, for their servers, meaning that I must arrange for a tech and parts to fix the problem within 8 hours of recieving the call.

Naturally, this isn't cheap, and it seems they do everything to be as obscure as possible about the real problem when it's something out of scope.

So I got a call, "Hard drive bad, won't boot". As it happened, the tech was in the neighborhood and had parts, so he was onsite within 1 hour.

When he arrived, he called me:

Tech: I'm at the store, but I can't go in yet.
Me: Why not?
Tech: I have to wait for the police to come.
Me: To do what, exactly?
Tech: Get the drag queen down.
Me: What?
Tech: There's a drag queen with a gun, on top of a snowplow.
Me: Snowplow?
Tech: Yeah, snowplow. I think the drag queen was drunk.
Me: Where's the snowplow?
Tech: In the store. Come to think of it, I'll need to wait for the tow truck, too.

A freaking drunk drag queen had driven a snowplow through the store, crushing the server, and was standing on top of the snow plow threatening to commit suicide with a gun, and they told me "Won't boot".

Bastards.

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Flesh

lol, funny. love those tech support stories.

manalone

The Chronicles of George

When it's the tech support people who are faulty. This is one of the funniest web sites out there

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Man Alone
=======
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.

MexicanOnABike

fucking hilarious! happened at work too...
tech: ok type in your user number.
custumer: doesnt work.
tech: ok... tell me exactly what you're typing
c: 154 367 323
tech: that should work... tell me what you push on the keyboard.
c:154, 367, 323<enter>
tech: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! theres no , in your fucking user number!!!!!!

me: heheehahahahahah! stupid ppl do stupid things.

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Nation

mpedrummer2: That is hilarious. I love it!

If you want to see lots of stories about stupid people and computers, go here:

<a href="http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/">Computer Stupidities</a>

uffjohn

I wonder if we'll still be hearing stories like these in like 50 years.. sad thing is, we probably will

nastaX

these stories always remind me of calls from my sister-in-laws.

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dillerX