cchris

Customer: "I can't print anything!"
Tech Support: "Yes, the print server's down for maintenance. Didn't you read that email I sent?"
Customer: "No, I never got it."
Tech Support: "But I got the return receipt from you. You must have seen it: 'Server down at 4:00pm for maintenance'."
Customer: "Oh, that one. I didn't understand what you meant."
Tech Support: (sigh) "The tech is here trying to fix the SCSI controller. The server was downed so he could work on it."
Customer: "What? I don't understand. Why can't I print? I'm not a computer person! I really need to get these reports out."
Tech Support: "When the message said, 'Please print your jobs before 4:00pm tomorrow,' what didn't you understand?"
Customer: "Huh? What? I really need to print these reports out. It's important!"
Tech Support: "You can't right now. The server is turned off. Like I told you yesterday."
Repeat for another ten minutes.

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Customer: "Hello, is this tech support?"
Tech Support: "Yes, it is; what is the nature of the problem you're having?"
Customer: "I can't seem to power this thing up."
Tech Support: "If you are unable to boot your computer, sir, I suggest you contact the manufacturer. This is Internet technical support."
Customer: "Computer?"
Tech Support: "Yes, your computer."
Customer: "I don't have a computer."
Tech Support: "What is the item you are having difficulty with?"
Customer: "My new lawn mower."
Tech Support: (stifling a giggle) "Sir, you have reached Internet technical support. I suggest you double-check the number and try again."
Customer: "No, I'm sure I got it right. Are you going to send anybody out to fix this damn thing?"
Tech Support: "Sir, we do not support lawn mowers. Please check the number and try it again."
Customer: "What kind of *@#%! service is this? *&$#^ you! I wasn't born yesterday, you know!" (click)

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Customer: "Are you down?"
Tech Support: "No. What's the problem you're having?"
Customer: "Netscape won't pull up any pages. Everything else works though."
Tech Support: "Did you make any changes to the system before it stopped working?"
Customer: "Of course not!"
(Skip twenty minutes of troubleshooting.)


Customer: "Could Windows 95 be causing this problem?
Tech Support: "What do you mean?
Customer: "Well, I upgraded to Windows 95 a few days ago...but I didn't like it. It wouldn't uninstall, so I just deleted files until Windows 3.1 came back."
Tech Support: (sigh) "Yes sir, that could very well be the source of the problem."

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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)


Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

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