CityOfAngels

I was sitting down last night, thinking about my current financial situations, relationship situations, and everything else that has caused my 4-year long depression.

But then I realized that I was sitting down, playing Advance Wars on my XBOX. I realized that I own a massive collection of basketball cards. I realized that I own a decent computer with a cable internet connection. I realized that I own a cell phone, and my iPod is ever growing with my favorite music (in large part thank to the Music Genome Project). I realized I have access to an amazing community who withholds a plethora of information that is useful to anything and everyone (you guys/gals).

I realized that, compared to the victims of Hurricane Katrina; compared to the victims in Thailand; compared to anyone who we might call "underprivileged," I've got it made. And I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I know that people just down the street from me, sleeping in alleys, bushes, and parking lots, are homeless and often go hungry; while I'm sitting here, downloading XBOX games.

What do I do about it?

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

flamingdog

Problems are problems dude. You do have a lot to be thankful for, certainly. We all do. But you're still allowed to be blue. Take it from me, you get nowhere by beating yourself up over how you feel, you just end up making yourself feel worse. Ultimately, you can change lots of things about yourself and your life, but the one thing you can't really change is how you feel inside.

Besides, stuff is just stuff. It can't be expected to make you feel good. Look inside and see what an awesome guy you are, that's why you should feel good

Hope you're feeling chipper again soon, bud.

Fly

well said...........great advice right here man.

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BASTARD

SterlingStudios

CityOfAngels

True, which is what makes me feel guilty. Stuff is just stuff, but money can be made from it; money that can be used to aid people in need. I'm in need myself, but my problems are limited to debt, finding a car, my own place to live, and finding respect from those closest to me. All I have to do is walk one block and I guarantee I'll find at least three people who have different problems entirely; problems that seem to be unlimited.

I had a conversation with a homeless man a few weeks ago, and he was telling me how someone stole his bicycle; which was his only means of getting around. This guy looked to be in his late 50's, and he was pushing around a shopping cart with a cheap radio and a couple blankets. Another guy told me about how the company he was working for screwed him out of his pension. I'll never forget how he started that conversation: "I wasn't always like this, you know." A couple I saw one time down the street thought it was Christmas when I gave them some food from Del Taco.

I guess my overall point is amidst my depression, I've realized there's no point in being depressed when there are people to help out there. In my opinion, they have more of a reason to be depressed than I; so much more in fact that it makes me seem like a spoiled complainer. Truth is, that's just what I am. It's not like I just realized there are people in need out there. It's just when you see it for yourself, and actually get to know these people, reality starts to kick in. These people are indeed, well, PEOPLE. It just makes me think; if society was so quick to toss them out on their asses, what's stopping society from doing the same thing to me?

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

flamingdog

You have problems. I have problems. The homeless people on your street have problems. They are all real problems, and we all get down about them sometimes. You need to let up on yourself about feeling guilty or feeling down, because you're just going to make the general situation worse. Your problems are just as valid as mine, and mine are just as valid as those of that guy down the road. They're not the same, nor are they all as serious as each other, but they are still problems, and they can get on top of you sometimes. Especially at this time of year. It really makes no difference if someone has more reason to be depressed than you. Fact is, you are depressed. The question now, is what do you do about it? Beating up on yourself for feeling depressed when you think you have no right is not going to help.

You need to accept that as far as other people's problems go, there's only so much you can take responsibility for. In the end, they'll have to dig themselves out of their hole, just like you have to dig yourself out of yours. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be compassionate, but you can't hold yourself accountable for being depressed, just because it looks like someone else has it worse.

Believe me, my friend, I understand this completely. Trust me when I say it's a cycle you don't want to get into. You can't look at depression that way though. You didn't choose to be depressed, any more than you chose to get a cold. Depression is an illness just the same. You can't do anything about it but deal with it the best way you can, and try not to get into a cycle of feeling bad about feeling bad about feeling bad ad infinitum. If you're depressed, you're depressed. End of story.

Depression is a spiral, and it can be really tough to break it. In truth, I'm still struggling with mine, hence my user title. I made a promise to myself the other day to just let up on myself and stop giving myself such a hard time over everything. Probably the best thing you can do right now, is to make an honest attempt not to hold yourself to account over your emotions, and make an effort to just accept yourself as you are. That's the only way you're going to get to a place where you can overcome the problems you face. And you can't expect to be of any help to anyone else until you do.

CityOfAngels

You speak the truth.

I've actually made that same promise to myself, but it's a hard habit to kick. Thing is I think too much. I think a lot actually. I figured I might be an introvert but someone here suspected that such is not the case. I really don't know why I get the way I do.

Generally speaking, I don't like to talk about it that much because I always feel like I'm putting my burdens on someone else. Because of that, it just builds up inside of me until I start going insane. It just kicks up a vicious cycle because I'm very unpleasant at that stage (over-defensive and paranoid), and I end up distancing myself from everyone even more; which in turn makes everything worse.

Maybe that's what I need to do in order to start making effective changes for my community: kick this depression. It's always been my philosophy that if you can't help yourself, you can't help others. Thing is it's been a hypocritical philosophy for me. I see changes that need to be made, and I want to catalyze it; but I guess I just have to accept that in my current state, I am not at my best of abilities to be trying that sort of thing. That in itself depresses me, though.

Vicious cycles, I tell ya.

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

Zeraph

I think one of the reasons you strugle with it is because you think there is a reason for depression. Depression isn't a logical step by step path that if you don't have X and need Z then you are depressed. It is a chemical imbalance biologically, and a disorder in the cognitive sense. Try and realize that just like being overweight, shy, sarcastic, or any other normally considered negative trait you can change it. It may be hard, but it's doable.

Redefine your problem, it has nothing to do with materials or who loves you or respects you (or more accurately it doesn't have to have anything to do with those things.) Disorders or emotional problems can't be thought of in the normal way we solve problems. Probably because we are too biased to really look inside ourselves.

Ultimately you will realize that we choose to think and feel the way we do. I've had my own problems and have been able to realize in the midst of a rage, or the depths of a depression that I'm choosing to feel this way, and the funny thing is, half the time I purposefully choose to continue acting that way. It's an odd sort of realization, one that has helped me grow a lot.

Although I don't think that choose is the right word, because it's not another reason to hate yourself since youre "choosing" to behave that way. That's not what I mean. Hmm and that's all I have to say right now. I'm still developing. I hope this patchwork has helped in some way.

CityOfAngels

Wow. Overweight, shy, sarcastic, depressed... HAHAHA that's all me right there.

Well, given depression is physiological, we do indeed 'choose' so to speak. It's our bodies that choose, not our psych. So you are indeed correct. Your input is very well appreciated.

It's funny; people wonder why people love marijuana so much. I can tell you why right now: Because right now, it is not possible for me to be sad. The New Year is approaching, I'm broke so I'm staying home, all of my friends are out having fun without me, and I am HAPPY! I was far from that about five minutes ago.

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

dawnylou

I know EXACTLY how you feel!

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