the "Your Prescription" Game
 

The game rules are simple. Write down your illness, symptoms, problems etc. The next person will give you a prescription and follow with their illness.

Example:

Person 1: I have a headache

Person 2: Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.
...
I have a large duck with sleeper jammies in my bed.

Note that the cure for the previous poster must always be followed by a problem, symptom or illness otherwise there is no cure for the next poster.

Starting now.

My back hurts and my hair is falling out.

Use less gel in your hair, that way it won't puncture your back as it falls off of your head.

My right instep hurts when I walk in slippers.

don't wear a slipper on your right foot.

My hands are very dry.

Maturbate daily... Semen is a good moisturizer.

My duodenum is swollen.

Well just quit your bellyaching and jump off your roof.


My...ummm...buttocks quiver just a bit too much when I run.

Keep one small purple onion betwixt them whilst you run.

The emptiness inside me is growing.

Have flyman reach around and hold them for you while you run...


My epiglottis is itchy...

eat something course like grits to scratch it

GH hamburgers are good for that problem

my hair is too heavy and causing headaches

Hire a band of Ubangi Tribesmen to carry your hair for you...

My cochlea is speaking to me in tongues...

Get down to Barnes and Noble for the English translation guide.


Sometimes I fall down and can't get up.

Man that is so NOT FUNNY............ :lol:

Flyman's problem : He can't follow directions

Cure: Get more weed! :)


Amonkie's prob: I keep falling asleep in class

Fill it with the dark legions of Cthulu...


Wear a collar with sharp spike pointing upwards... When you nod off the resulting pain of impalement should bring about wakefulness...


I seem to have lost my mind.

Call a search and rescue posse to scour the wastelands

I forgot my lunch, and i have no money.

Just bat those pretty eyes of yours at the guy behind the counter.

I can't sleep at night

Choke yourself until you lose consciousness.

I have lost my pants.

put superglue on your crotch before you put them on...

I have terrible BO...

Move to Boulder, you'll fit right in with the unwashed masses.


My selective hearing is failing, I can't tune out people like I used to.

Just add an O... then you have a terrible BOO... It's handy at Halloween!

My flanges are sweaty.

Get a hearing aid and adjust it to your liking

girls don't like me

then stick to boys

I have a hard time doing work

Stay home and watch TV...

I've got a pain in me gulliver...

Slug off school tomorrow and engage in some Ultraviolence...


I have no money for porn

Get thee to the Titty Board... and make haste my good man!


My heart is broken.

Listen repeatedly to "I Will Surivive"

I think I have ADD

Take a cup of MINUS. ;)

I'm having a bout of the 'ol' flaming squirts'.

xxxxxxeditxxxxx

Well, slow down and add some vodka.




I believe I've lost my nouns.

nope, you have not, "nouns" is a noun.
<font size=1>I believe it is anyway. Ready for crucifixtion if I am wrong.</font>


I can't lick my elbow

Come over here and I'll lick it for you...

My testes are festering...

you just need a reach around and you'll be fine.


my penis was green and i didn't understand!!!!

It ain't easy being green... No worries though, it was just jealous of PaddyJoe that he got so close to Uncle Phil's ass during the Rochester meetup.


My funny bone has no sense of humour.

You might need electroshock therapy on your funny bone, Charlatan. Take 100 pills of amoxicillin and call me in the morning.

My malady: My left nostril flares out erratically.

Flares are for hippies... If you are a hippie I suggest you stretch your other nostril to match... flares should always be even... If you are not, then depending on the severity of your flare you can either sand it down with some sandpaper (start a low number and work up to very fine grit) or just snip it off with some shears... be careful to maintain symmetry...

My sacroiliac is soggy...

Take a tissue and stroke from your sacrum to your ilium until your sacroilac isn't soggy any more.


Nobody likes me

Assuming everybody hates you, go eat worms

I've got something lodged in my ear

iadsfmnnadgfgadfregrv... Sorry couldn't type, I had my finger in your ear.


I don't feel all that well after licking Clavus' medulla oblongatta...

wash it out with some spinal cord juice. It neutralizes the flavor.

I think I'm allergic to a bending square.

Try using a folding circle. Or a pillable pentagon.


I left my heart in San Fransisco.