|
Then I guess you should whip it. Whip it good.
My back's awful stiff. |
rub your ears.
No, really. Do it. Now. I'm on a slippery slope. |
Better hold on to that strawman.
I feel fuckin stupid. |
Stop feeling yourself, you could go blind.
I'm so persnickety. |
All you require is the deep, penetrating love of a good hamburger.
My right thumb is really messed up. |
Deeply penetrate that thumb into a hamburger.
I am bigger than a hotdog. |
They plump when you cook 'em so cook 'em 'til they plump.
I used 'plump' twice in one sentence and with only a single punctuation mark. |
Try this: "They plump when you cook 'em, so cook 'em 'til they plump."
I feel kinda burned out. |
relight yourself with gasoline
I am messy |
Clean your damn room, or get your girlfriend to do it.
Nobody is playing my games |
Quote:
Simply install some very sproingy springs on both your sides and your front and back; when you fall, you shall rebound to an upright position! :D |
I swear, I meant to edit my previous post, not double-post... >_<
Might as well put it to good use then! Quote:
And now for my malady: My thumbs have swollen to triple their normal size. What should I do? |
Take up extreme Hitch-hiking!
I've got 57 channels and nothing on. (w00t! Glad this one is back!) |
Turn on the set. Being nekkid doesn't influence your cable channels.
I have a worry wart. |
rub honey on it
i got hair growing on the bottom of my foot |
Start whacking off with your <i>hands</i>. Sicko. :D
My computer has rhinovirus. |
Preparation H will reduce your computer's virus to the size of a large dog.
My RAM has no ewes. |
spelt it RUM...
now its got a U i got a green thumb |
Wait till St Patricks day and take part in the parade.
I've got hammer toes. |
Start hammering some nails.
I have way too much time. |
Since time is money, yoyu should give me our money, and then you won't have so mych time.
I was buggered by Texans and Arabs at the gas station. |
I've found that a good remedy is to leave my knickers on whilst pumping petrol.
Whenever I see a monkey masturbate at the zoo, I get a headache. |
The monkey is obviously attracted to you. This is a normal reaction when you are not in the *mood*.
I can't find my third eye. |
Check behind your couch cushions.
My cat's breath smells like cat food. |
Start eating cat food yourself. It's cheap and you won't notice the smell after a period of acclimatation.
My elbow looks funny. |
erase the picture of the clown you drew on it.
i have a hairy tongue. |
Shave it regularly. Better yet, use a dipilatory cream twice daily.
I seem to have misplaced my sense of youthful optimism. |
Jump in mud puddles.
I have no depth perception. |
Use your third eye and triangulate.
I am jonesing for a Big Turk http://www.nestle.ca/en/Products/Bro...view=BrandView |
Take 2 tablespoons of MoM, it'll cure your jones.
I've got the fever for the flavor of a Pringle. |
Get thee to the nearest 7/11. Get naked. Scream, "I love Pringles! I love Peter Pringle!!" Then jump on the nearest chip display. (works for me every time).
I think my brain is stuck in gear. |
A KY enema will loosen you up.
I hate contankerous old men. |
You must learn to love yourself. I have some KY left over... it makes the lovin' easy.
My eyes are dim, I can not see. |
open them, you can't see through closed eyelids.
I've got the case of the heebie-jeebies. |
Add a case of beer and you can party.
People hate me because I am beautiful. (Name that ad) |
But gee your hair smells terrific. Just use Panteen.
My hair smells like crisco |
You say that like it's a bad thing... OK. Here's what your're going to do. Dip your head slowly into a deep fryer. Hold there until crispy. Trust me it's all the rage.
I have a waxy buildup on my butt. |
I go get it, I'm going there next week.
I got phantom pains from my appendix surgery. |
give Casper some Tylenol
You can't stop rock 'n' roll. |
Why would you want to?
I have tinnitus... |
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