Call the lost and found and have them Fed Ex it back.


My tongue's over my eyeteeth, I can't see what my lips are saying.

so don't talk.

Flyman stole my special brownies

Make some more with a special laxative ingredient and leave it where flyman can steal it again... He will be sitting for so long he won't remember how to reach around...

My femur is fibrilating...

It's obvious to me that you have contracted the highly virulent Boogie Fever. This should be treated immediately lest it turn into a sad, sad case of Dirty Low Down. I will refer you to a specialist in the treatment of this malady, one Dr. Funkenstein. They say the bigger the headache, the bigger the pill.

I have two left feet.

I suggest you take great care when shopping for shoes.



Some how I lost the hitch in my giddy-up.

OK, this is more of a DIY than a perscription, but, if your hitch fell down into your giddyup, then the first thing you're going to need to do is invert your giddy-up and gently rock it back and forth over an old mattress. Make sure you don't do it over your feet, or the hitch might fall on them and turn your instep inside out. Also don't do it over a hard surface or you might fracture your hitch, in which case you would have to use it on a mosey rather than a giddyup.

Now, if inversion doesn't work, you're going to nead a forked manzanita branch, 200 yards of 10 gauge copper wire, an 8 oz wad of used chewing gum (still moist), a box kite, and a thunderstorm. Place your giddy-up on the ground with the bright side facing up. Hold the branch by the end of the forks with the single end pointing up, and pass it over your giddyup until the end drops down. Mark the spot where it points with a grease pencil. Attach the copper wire to the kite in lieu of string and get it up in the air. Make a small loop in the free end of the wire and press the gum around it. Then press the gum to the spot you marked earlier. (You should wear rubber gloves and hip waders while doing this.) Now, keep that kite aloft and wait for lightning to strike it. When this happens it should set up an electromagnetic resonance that will draw the hitch rapidly to the wire loop where it will adhere to the bubble gum and can then be retrieved when you regain consciousness.

My Complaint:
I am going to presently split my infinitive. Damn! I have split my infinitive.

i love you guys.

You should learn to know us better. ;)

I still have a split infinitive. I sure hope it doesn't get inflected.

Crap, you're quick!
Your split infinitives are poor style, not neccesarily bad grammar, don't worry.

My spleen is damp.

Get Brawny, the quicker picker-upper, it works wonders.

I have something stuck in my vagina.

Remove and replace it; Remove and Replace it; remove and Replace it; remove and replace it; Remove and replace it; Remove and Replace it; remove and Replace it; remove and replace it; Remove and replace it; Remove and Replace it; remove and Replace it; remove and replace it; Remove and replace it; Remove and Replace it; remove and Replace it; remove and replace it; Remove and replace it; Remove and Replace it; remove and Replace it; remove and replace it;

Ahhh that's better.

I have spooge all over my keyboard.

buy a box of kleenex and start using 2 at a time.......


the bananas i eat make me wanna pee.........

Eat apples...

My urine smells funny.

Drink peppermint oil, and then stop sniffing your piss


My teeth itch

It's all in your head. (get it?) Stop smoking flyman's weed and your problem should resolve itself.

My backbone won't slide... Damn you Maestro Fresh Wes!

y'all I don't give a damn
if ya backbone quiver....sorry, I just don't. :wink:

my qi is stagnant

Change the mats at your dojo

Martians are my secret puppeteers

Eat more hamburgers.

Everyone I meet reminds me of Astrocloud.

Stop going out... that way you won't meet anyone else.

My lungs are languishing.

Let two live albino geckos (male and female) run down your throat.

I regret that I have but one life to live for my country.

Get dual citizenship. That way you'll get two lives.

I am always hung-over on Friday mornings.

wait till friday to start drinking

I lost my shins in vietnam

Learn to be short... and to bitch and moan about it... you will find that people will take pity on you and give you an easier life.

My synapses are not synapting...

Don't worry everything is NORMAL.

Tequila makes me puke.

drink rum then....it's also cheaper.


my beer fridge is empty

Take two worms....and call me in the morning-or- switch to Rum


I no longer fear death

Smoke pot and drink some water when the pasties set in...

My eyes are gummed up...

Damn...beat me to it


Get a smaller fridge, and switch to GOOD beer


I still do not fear death

ah hell.....quit Blowing big bubbles with bubblicious



I still have no fear of death

Have you been to see *my* family doctor? It spelled, K-e-v-o-r-k-i-a-n...

I've lost my sense of youthful optimism.

Take up snowboarding:
http://www.ab-livrex.ch/photo/propac...SKI_Danger.jpg

I don't have the money to ski this year.

Oh darn...

Find a young person and fuck with them enough to drain all of their youthful optimism out.

I still don't have the money to ski. (And the skiing is good this year too)

Bump.
(I liked this game)

Astrocloud, sell your skis to get some money...

I got toe jam.

Sell it to Smuckers.

All I've got is unrequited love.

Hmmm, well...maybe you could apply for a job at Hallmark.


My aim is NOT TRUE!!

Stick a Tilde in front of it and it will become true.

I am addicted to obscurity and obfustication.

Use a thesarus

I've got this pain in my back....

Get spine removal surgery

http://www.members.cox.net/city_of_arkham/backbone.jpg

I don't have time for anything fun.

Practice growing hair.......time is not of the essence... :lol:



I can't decide between white or red

Get Both....you look good in pink


Everytime I Pee....the dog bites my cat