Bryndian_Dhai

Call the lost and found and have them Fed Ex it back.


My tongue's over my eyeteeth, I can't see what my lips are saying.

__________________
“When facism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.”
~Sinclair Lewis

Astrocloud

so don't talk.

Flyman stole my special brownies

Charlatan

Make some more with a special laxative ingredient and leave it where flyman can steal it again... He will be sitting for so long he won't remember how to reach around...

My femur is fibrilating...

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Tophat665

It's obvious to me that you have contracted the highly virulent Boogie Fever. This should be treated immediately lest it turn into a sad, sad case of Dirty Low Down. I will refer you to a specialist in the treatment of this malady, one Dr. Funkenstein. They say the bigger the headache, the bigger the pill.

I have two left feet.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

paddyjoe

I suggest you take great care when shopping for shoes.



Some how I lost the hitch in my giddy-up.

Tophat665

OK, this is more of a DIY than a perscription, but, if your hitch fell down into your giddyup, then the first thing you're going to need to do is invert your giddy-up and gently rock it back and forth over an old mattress. Make sure you don't do it over your feet, or the hitch might fall on them and turn your instep inside out. Also don't do it over a hard surface or you might fracture your hitch, in which case you would have to use it on a mosey rather than a giddyup.

Now, if inversion doesn't work, you're going to nead a forked manzanita branch, 200 yards of 10 gauge copper wire, an 8 oz wad of used chewing gum (still moist), a box kite, and a thunderstorm. Place your giddy-up on the ground with the bright side facing up. Hold the branch by the end of the forks with the single end pointing up, and pass it over your giddyup until the end drops down. Mark the spot where it points with a grease pencil. Attach the copper wire to the kite in lieu of string and get it up in the air. Make a small loop in the free end of the wire and press the gum around it. Then press the gum to the spot you marked earlier. (You should wear rubber gloves and hip waders while doing this.) Now, keep that kite aloft and wait for lightning to strike it. When this happens it should set up an electromagnetic resonance that will draw the hitch rapidly to the wire loop where it will adhere to the bubble gum and can then be retrieved when you regain consciousness.

My Complaint:
I am going to presently split my infinitive. Damn! I have split my infinitive.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

bundy

i love you guys.

__________________
Ohayo!!!

Tophat665

You should learn to know us better.

I still have a split infinitive. I sure hope it doesn't get inflected.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Manuel Hong

Crap, you're quick!
Your split infinitives are poor style, not neccesarily bad grammar, don't worry.

My spleen is damp.

__________________
Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)

Fremen

Get Brawny, the quicker picker-upper, it works wonders.

I have something stuck in my vagina.

__________________
Google

Astrocloud

Remove and replace it; Remove and Replace it; remove and Replace it; remove and replace it; Remove and replace it; Remove and Replace it; remove and Replace it; remove and replace it; Remove and replace it; Remove and Replace it; remove and Replace it; remove and replace it; Remove and replace it; Remove and Replace it; remove and Replace it; remove and replace it; Remove and replace it; Remove and Replace it; remove and Replace it; remove and replace it;

Ahhh that's better.

I have spooge all over my keyboard.

Fly

buy a box of kleenex and start using 2 at a time.......


the bananas i eat make me wanna pee.........

__________________
BASTARD

SterlingStudios

Charlatan

Eat apples...

My urine smells funny.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

tecoyah

Drink peppermint oil, and then stop sniffing your piss


My teeth itch

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Charlatan

It's all in your head. (get it?) Stop smoking flyman's weed and your problem should resolve itself.

My backbone won't slide... Damn you Maestro Fresh Wes!

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Manuel Hong

y'all I don't give a damn
if ya backbone quiver....sorry, I just don't. :wink:

my qi is stagnant

__________________
Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)

Astrocloud

Change the mats at your dojo

Martians are my secret puppeteers

Giant Hamburger

Eat more hamburgers.

Everyone I meet reminds me of Astrocloud.

Charlatan

Stop going out... that way you won't meet anyone else.

My lungs are languishing.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Manuel Hong

Let two live albino geckos (male and female) run down your throat.

I regret that I have but one life to live for my country.

__________________
Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)

Astrocloud

Get dual citizenship. That way you'll get two lives.

I am always hung-over on Friday mornings.

Zephyr66

wait till friday to start drinking

I lost my shins in vietnam

Charlatan

Learn to be short... and to bitch and moan about it... you will find that people will take pity on you and give you an easier life.

My synapses are not synapting...

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Astrocloud

Don't worry everything is NORMAL.

Tequila makes me puke.

Fly

drink rum then....it's also cheaper.


my beer fridge is empty

__________________
BASTARD

SterlingStudios

tecoyah

Take two worms....and call me in the morning-or- switch to Rum


I no longer fear death

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Charlatan

Smoke pot and drink some water when the pasties set in...

My eyes are gummed up...

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

tecoyah

Damn...beat me to it


Get a smaller fridge, and switch to GOOD beer


I still do not fear death

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

tecoyah

ah hell.....quit Blowing big bubbles with bubblicious



I still have no fear of death

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Charlatan

Have you been to see *my* family doctor? It spelled, K-e-v-o-r-k-i-a-n...

I've lost my sense of youthful optimism.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Astrocloud

Take up snowboarding:


I don't have the money to ski this year.

Astrocloud

Oh darn...

Find a young person and fuck with them enough to drain all of their youthful optimism out.

I still don't have the money to ski. (And the skiing is good this year too)

Manuel Hong

Bump.
(I liked this game)

Astrocloud, sell your skis to get some money...

I got toe jam.

__________________
Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)

TexanAvenger

Sell it to Smuckers.

All I've got is unrequited love.

paddyjoe

Hmmm, well...maybe you could apply for a job at Hallmark.


My aim is NOT TRUE!!

Tophat665

Stick a Tilde in front of it and it will become true.

I am addicted to obscurity and obfustication.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

TexanAvenger

Use a thesarus

I've got this pain in my back....

Astrocloud

Get spine removal surgery



I don't have time for anything fun.

paddyjoe

Practice growing hair.......time is not of the essence...



I can't decide between white or red

tecoyah

Get Both....you look good in pink


Everytime I Pee....the dog bites my cat

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha