Jonsgirl

TexanAvenger doesn't chew his food at all. He inhales it through his evil food hole. And he doesn't read things, he absorbes the words through his evil eye lenses.And he most certainly doesn't talk to people, he issues his evil plans from his evil voice talkie-box thing.
He is the evil sum of many, many evil parts.

__________________
Someday, someone will best me.
But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

Tophat665

Jonsgirl redubbed episodes of the Powerpuff Girls with voice tracks from Cheech and Chong movies. She's been selling these as English learning tapes for children in the Mexican community in Dubuque.

She is singlehandedly responsible for the occasional metric highway signs you may still see.

Late at night, she sneaks onto civil war battlefields and buries modern ammunition next to Roman era bronze armor and weaponry.

When she grows up, she would like to be an activist judge.

All about chaos, is our jonsgirl, and that makes her a naughty one indeed.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Jonsgirl

Tophat, do you really think that my corruption of the "innocent youth" is all that bad? You forgot to mention that your precious community is in, fact, the twisted drawfish mutations caused by the emanations from your chemical X factory. How dare you accuse me of being evil when all I do is bring laughter and 30 minutes of sunshine into these poor, blighted soul's lives.

Tophat also came up with the metric system in the first place.

Late at night, he's spying on me. I mean, come on man, I could so have you brought up on charges of stalking, but I'm giving you a second chance here.

When he grows up (which I doubt he ever will, he feeds off the souls of orphaned kittens to keep his cold, black heart pumping) he wants to be the 54 member of president bush's cabinet to resign.

All I can say is:
It is a sin to believe in the evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.

__________________
Someday, someone will best me.
But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

Stiltzkin

Jonsgirl forgot to water her plants.

__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.

Jonsgirl

Stiltzkin is a plant. An evil venus flytrap-like plant. That eats little children. And kittens.

__________________
Someday, someone will best me.
But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

Tophat665

Methinks the bad lady doth protest overmuch. What's with the eating kittens fixation, jonsgirl? Could it be that you are just looking for someone who will eat your cooking? Jonsgirl cooks kittens, and records the sounds they make while they are cooking and sells the tapes as Ornette Coleman Bootlegs.

That's a recipe for Evil!

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Stiltzkin

Tophat buys the tapes, and masturbates to them
Tophat is also the one who created the chain of stores known as GameStop; I assure you, there is <i>nothing</i> in this world any more evil than that. There may be equally appalling things in this world, but none that surpass Tophat's evil chain of stores.

__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.

Jonsgirl

Except Stilzkin's Starbucks chain. I'm afraid that's way more evil. By an evil order of magnitude. That's even more evil than the time slitzkin tried to build a giant moogle to mate with the statue of liberty.

__________________
Someday, someone will best me.
But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

Bawn

Jonsgirl is evil because her name starts with "Jon" and every "Jon" i know is a duche.

Stiltzkin

Bawn is evil hecause his name is almost Dawn, yet not quiet; his name is also almost Brawn, yet not quiet either. Therefore:
lim B(x)awn
x->r

lim Bawn
B->D

As we all know, asymptotes are evil, because they approach a certain point forever, but never reach it.

__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.

Jonsgirl

Stiltzkin is evil because only evil people are crazy-smart enought to talk like that in real life.
Normal people know that is, but refrain from talking about it out of common decency. Not our evil moogle friend!
Oh no, boys and girls and hampsters, Stilzkin refuses to be boud by our 'morals' or even our 'laws.'
Such things are mere words to him.

__________________
Someday, someone will best me.
But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

Stiltzkin

Finally, someone who understands me! /cries
Only someone as tremendously evil as Jonsgirl could possibly accomplish that feat! EVIL!!! ^^;

__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.

heccubusiv

Stilzkin is evil b/c he is a moogle and moogles only cause problems. They travel to various terrains to learn new dances to cause death and destruction(FFIII) and you are made out of bad karate

__________________
Fuck Ohio

Stiltzkin

Have you played FFXI? Moogles are the sweetest, kindest, cutest mythical creatures you'll ever meet. We store your items and teleport across nations to check on your plants, and we don't even ask for anything in return, ever. We even call you "master", just because you pay $12.95 to an evil company known as Square-Enix. Only a truly evil mind would not realize the good that moogles truly are. Be damned our ancestors whose history is recorded in the documentary known as Final Fantasy III!

__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.

lite campfire

Stiltzkin is evil (again) for deriding FFIII and promoting FFXI in it's place.

Jonsgirl

lite campfire is evil. I don't really think there is a reason, He just is. He spends all his time playing chaotic evil characters and feeding the evil coporate monster that is Square/Hasbro/TSR/etc.
If he ever left his evil nerd lair, you could find him working at microsoft and relaxing at starbucks. Aiiieeeee!!!!

__________________
Someday, someone will best me.
But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

Tophat665

Jonsgirl knows D&D, which makes her evil. Just ask that kid in Putnam county who shot himself in the head over a D&D game. Just ask the Dead Alewives, who are all out of Moutain Dew because of Jonsgirl. Just ask the EPA about the geek superfund site that Lake Geneva Wisconson has become.

I've seen the drafts Jack Chick has done of his Jonsgirl Strip and then discarded because she was too evil to be believable as an evagelizing tool.

I have plumbed the depths of FRPG. I have beheld the munchkins with their vorpal blades. I have Larped. I have grasped the essential, yet magnetic badness of GURPS, but never before have I seen evil like Jonsgirl that wasn't in fact, Jonsgirl.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Stiltzkin

Tophat is evil because he promotes the combustion of human carbon molecules (refer to his signature).

Furthermore, Tophat wears spandex sweatpants to church and nothing else. Tophat is also known to have forcefully fed marshmallows to pigeons at his local zoo when no one was watching.

It is also purported that Tophad was sighted at a local Walmart shoplifting school supplies in bulk quantities. When questioned as to his motives, he simply cited an obscure passage from the Koran and ran off screaming the names of Greek gods.

In his latest caprice, Tophat was spotted selling hotpants in the playground of an elementry school. Tophat insists that he was being mind-controlled by demons and sincerely apologized to the staff and students after the fact, but suddenly burst into a full run and tripped over several desks, ruining at least two kids' art projects. He has not been seen or heard from since.

__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.

heccubusiv

Stilzkin is evil because he hates all thing snoop dog and hip-hop due to the fact he is afraid that this bling bling is not shizzle

__________________
Fuck Ohio

Jonsgirl

heccubusiv is way more evil than anyone who has ever posted on this evil thread.

C'mon, man. Pittsburgh? Superbowl?

That's just, like, wrong on so many levels. I bet it's all an evil plot by heccubusiv to make a laughing stock of one of America's favorite pastimes. And you know how evil it is to mess with America and it sports! It's...it's...ANTI -American!

__________________
Someday, someone will best me.
But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

Stiltzkin

heccubusiv speaks the truth about me. However, this does not excuse Jonsgirl from being disfiguringly evil. I once spake to my partner of things and said unto them: lo! Jonsgirl ist evil!
Whence, my partner of things (a partner of things being a person who is not essentially a partner at all), completely became disfigured, for this partner of mine could not fathom the evil.

In layman's terms: when speaking of Jonsgirl's evil, the person who is being told of the evil becomes crippled. It makes no sense, but it is true.

__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.

Jonsgirl

Stiltzkin is evil because he is obviously high on crack and did not bring enough to share with the whole class.

In layman's terms: If we can't understand you through all the evil babbling, you must be evil.

__________________
Someday, someone will best me.
But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

TexanAvenger

Jonsgirl is horribly evil for having let this thread go so long without a post... leaving me to pull it out of exile.

Stiltzkin

TexanAvenger is evil for avenging... Texas. Yeah. I think.

__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.

Tophat665

They say it was Sue Ellen, but it was actually Stiltzkin who shot JR. It's not that he hated JR or anything, it was just the evil thing to do.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

mojodragon

Tophat665 is actually Tophat666's evil neighbor. They like to rip tags off mattresses, as a hobby!

TexanAvenger

mojodragon pays Tophat665 to rip off mattress tags... mojo's a mattress salesman.

Stiltzkin

TexanAvenger is mojodragon's pimp-person and gets paid every time Tophat665 rips off mattress tags. Being a pimp person for someone who pays someone else to rip off mattress tags is extremely evil. TexanAvenger will burn in heck for this!

__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.

TexanAvenger

How can I be evil? Stiltzkin has failed to recognize my avatar, an ankh, the hieroglyph that stands for life. And failing to recognize life is a sure sign of evil.

Tophat665

Of course TexanAvenger is evil. Despite his protestations, that is not an ankh at all, but the Wing&eacute;d Teaspoon of Tormentine, which flies through the night scooping the souls out of those destined to be tax inspectors, landlords, and school administrators.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

TexanAvenger

Tophat665 is just jealous because as a tax inspector, landlord, and school administrator, he has no soul. And it's not because I've been scooping them out; Wouldn't it make more sense that those destined to become such started without them? They'd lose them in the process of becoming anyway...

Astrocloud

Texas is the reason that the president's dead.

TexanAvenger likes to picnic in the grassy knoll. Sometimes he smiles and chuckles... real evil like.

TexanAvenger

Astrocloud's dark... and a banana.... There's a question as to the evilness of that?

Just think of the havoc all that potassium could do to your system...

Tophat665

Texas Avenger is predjudiced against dark skinned fruit. He once told Ru Paul that hir hair look awful. Is there anything more evil than running down a drag queen's hair?

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Stiltzkin

Tophat gave me homework, after he found out that I already have way too much homework. There is nothing in this universe more evil than that. I win, hands down.

__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.

Tophat665

Stiltzkin fed that homework to his Dog, which gave him papercuts on his bottom. Evil dog torturer!

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Jonsgirl

Oh, you foolish, foolish man! Coming back here for me to expose your evil-ness once again. Why will you not learn that you cannot hide your true self from us? Why must you continue to taint us with your very presence?
You leave me no choice, O' hatted one. For the good of the community I must reveal this deepest of dark secrets and hope that my fellow tfp'ers will follow me with torches and pitchforks to rid us of your evil nature.

Tophat has a collection of care bear heads mounted over his bed.

See! Do you see how deeply the evil is ingrained into his soul?!? Care Bear heads! Over his bed! Oh, the humanity!!!!!

__________________
Someday, someone will best me.
But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

victorjara

Jonsgirl is pure evil. In the nine weeks she was gone and not posting, she was a serial killer in Oregon, pulled the feeding tubes out of 24 comatose patients in the Northeast, sold hot dogs with bacon wrapped around them in Tijuana, Mexico, sexually harassed elderly men in Miami Beach, went to Bolivia and tried to start a revolution but failed, and had to screw the chief of police to keep from getting executed, bit the tail off a dog, threw a cat into a brick wall, spit in someones coffee, drilled a hole in the Alaska Pipeline in a very ecologically sensitive area, and stole a homeless guys bedroll and dumped it 10 miles away.

Its good to have you back, where you will not cause so much chaos and havoc.

Ishmal

well Victorjara is one EVIL motherf**ker...

i mean that literally!!!

this list is nothing but a way for Victorjara to track you down and screw your mother...
everyone who has ever posted here has had this done to them!
trust me, i know...
the seagulls told me.

__________________
"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

Stiltzkin

Ishmal is monstrously evil for reviving this ghost of a powerful evil that once was. Was it wise for Ishmal to have reawakened this dormant evil? That is a question I will leave to the philosophers; all I know is that Ishmal did the evil thing in reviving this thread!