you know you're too drunk to drive when... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Fly · 09-24-2003, 03:09 PM

.....you have to use the vehicles lighter instead of the zippo.

now i want you all to know that this is in nonsense for a reason.....it's for fun.

i do not think drinking and driving is what people should be doing.

have a good time...but get home safe.

CHEERS

DEI37 · 09-24-2003, 03:25 PM

Fuck that. You're too drunk to drive when you've ordered the first Bud!

Fly · 09-24-2003, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DEI37
Fuck that. You're too drunk to drive when you've ordered the first Bud!

dude...relax....

it's just for fun...make somethin' up...

it is in nonsense.

Force 10 · 09-24-2003, 03:56 PM

Basically, you're too drunk to drive ever.

You're too drunk to drive when you light the wrong end of your smoke. When you can't find your girlfriend, sack or whatever else it is you brought with you to the party.

You're too drunk to drive when you've already pissed your pants...but only if someone notices.

And finally, you're too drunk to drive when you've already been driving for 10 minutes and your friend tells you to "start the car and lets go."

uncle phil · 09-24-2003, 04:03 PM

if you start seeing double, pull over...(my wife told me this, very adamantly...)

i know this is a nonsense thread, but drunk driving is really not a joke...continue...

ForgottenKnight · 09-24-2003, 04:08 PM

You're too drunk to drive when you order your first drink.

asudevil83 · 09-24-2003, 04:33 PM

you're too drunk to drive when you get in on the passenger side when you are supposed to be driving.

bparker805 · 09-24-2003, 05:06 PM

... after you have sang "I Did It My Way" at a Kareoke bar. That or successully hit on the most ragged woman in the bar and are taking her home. Remember, friends don't let drunk friends sleep with ugly bar flys.

Fly · 09-24-2003, 05:29 PM

.....when you ask your buddy in the passenger seat to close one of his eyes so you both can focus on the road.

and thanx all...i realize that one drink is too many.

carry on.it's all in fun.

vermin · 09-24-2003, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DEI37
Fuck that. You're too drunk to drive when you've ordered the first Bud!

Quote:

Originally posted by NiceGuy
You're too drunk to drive when you order your first drink.

Ordering drinks doesn't make you too drunk to drive. Consuming alcohol makes you too drunk to drive.

...And you know you're too drunk to drive when you can't keep ahold of the steering wheel 'cuz it's too slippery with vomit.

bundy · 09-24-2003, 06:56 PM

you know you´re too drunk to drive when you know you have to speed up to over 60 so that none of your own spew hits the side of the car when you drive home. and you end up forgetting to unwind the window.

QuasiMojo · 09-24-2003, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by flyman
.....when you ask your buddy in the passenger seat to close one of his eyes so you both can focus on the road.

and thanx all...i realize that one drink is too many.

Flymannnn, you started this thread for that Punchline!?

haha- what funny is that I was thinking exactly that!

carry on.it's all in fun.

Quote:

Originally posted by flyman
.....when you ask your buddy in the passenger seat to close one of his eyes so you both can focus on the road.

and thanx all...i realize that one drink is too many.

carry on.it's all in fun.

anleja · 09-24-2003, 07:19 PM

...everyone in the room is playing monkey-in-the-middle with your keys, and you are the monkey.

laxative · 09-24-2003, 09:04 PM

...you have poop in your hair.

bundy · 09-24-2003, 10:55 PM

You know you were really drunk the night before when your friends call you in the morning and tell you that your Vomit-Encrusted Adventure to the Convenience Store will be aired on Australias Funniest Home Video show the next sunday night.

irseg · 09-24-2003, 11:14 PM

...when you think "Why in the hell do they keep putting two identical street signs right next to each oher?......oh."

I've only been that drunk as a passenger. Designated drivers are your friends.

Atomsk · 09-24-2003, 11:37 PM

when i can drive a stick better than my automatic after 5 years of not driving stick. LOL

Midlandmadman · 09-25-2003, 03:37 AM

Now this is a real life story ( I'm not proud of this) But, we would park in one spot. Then walk to all the bars. Once we were done for the night we would all race back to the car. The first one back was the designated driver. The last person back was too drunk to drive. On a few occasions not everyone made it back to the car. (Damn how stupid were we??) Oh, and I am also sorry its not funny !

......... you know your too drunk to drive when the grub your eating at Dennys at 3:15 AM tastes FUCKING GREAT!!!!!

bundy · 09-25-2003, 03:41 AM

you know you´re too drunk to drive, when you´ve been to the hospital twice in 24 hours to have your stomach pumped.

Fly · 09-25-2003, 04:51 AM

.......when you go through a road block and puke on the cops shiney black shoes.

Redlemon · 09-25-2003, 05:48 AM

There was a commedian talking about drunk driving with his old VW Bug. "It was handling really poorly, so I pulled over and popped the hood, and sure enough, someone had stolen the engine! Fortunately, there was a spare in the trunk, so I removed that..."

rockogre · 09-25-2003, 06:32 AM

You are to drive to drunk when you can't operate your kucking feyring and you can't seem to memember what that lable "PRNDL" means on your dashboard.

You've driven like forever only to realize that you are in the BACK seat.

You slowly realize that your vehicle looks eriely like the inside of a dumpster, and it smells that way too, and that noise you hear is laughter.

You are seeing only headlights and no taillights.

Lunchbox7 · 09-25-2003, 10:48 AM

YOur too drunk when you can lay on the ground without hanging on

uncle phil · 09-25-2003, 11:48 AM

...when you're tooling down the interstate at 85, get passed by a 1975 ford pinto, and shift into "R," thinking it means "Racing Gear..."

krwlz · 09-25-2003, 06:00 PM

PHIL!!! That was the best one yet!

Batman976 · 09-25-2003, 11:48 PM

...when you can't seem to start your car with the bottle opener on your keychain.

I'm really not very clever.

bundy · 09-25-2003, 11:53 PM

...when you have drive with the door open, so that you can look down and see how close the median strip is.

Speed_Gibson · 09-26-2003, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lunchbox7
YOur too drunk when you can lay on the ground without hanging on

that is a classic from Dean Martin
I'll try one
.....when you think that picking a fight with "Tiny", who stands 6'9" and weigh 280 lbs, is a good idea. And the fight is started over a female that was barely a two when you walked in but looks like a 9 now.

jwoody · 09-26-2003, 01:05 AM

You know you're too drunk to drive when you think you're sober enough to drive.

Solitude · 09-26-2003, 06:59 AM

you know you're too drunk to drive when...

...you have to hold onto the lawn as tight as you can to keep from falling off the Earth.

...you hug the toilet and dictate your last will and testament to your friends because, "I'm not going to make it, guys!"

...your jedi powers aren't working to pull your keys from the table on the other side of the room.

anleja · 09-26-2003, 03:38 PM

...you think this joke is funny:

A horse walks into a bar. He says "I'll have a beer."
The bartender gives him a beer and says "why the long face?"

hah.

Fly · 09-26-2003, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by anleja
...you think this joke is funny:

A horse walks into a bar. He says "I'll have a beer."
The bartender gives him a beer and says "why the long face?"

hah.

so sad.......but got a chuckle.

......i'n sorry ocifer but i honly had a cuple o beeerzzzzz

Fly · 09-26-2003, 06:31 PM

or.....

....you say...."home honey i'm high"

then she belts you and sends you to the couch.

vermin · 09-26-2003, 09:22 PM

...you watch a re-run of Three's Company on Nick at Nite and wonder why they ever cancelled that gem.

bundy · 09-26-2003, 09:46 PM

...when your reply to the female police officer is, ¨i haven´t had a cunt all night drinkstable¨...

(sorry that one was a bit crude)

supafly · 09-27-2003, 01:20 AM

When you step into the car and you can't find the steering wheel, becouse in fact you are sitting in the back.

uncle phil · 09-27-2003, 04:10 AM

"but ossifer, i only had one beer...about 23 times..."

gloveshot3 · 09-27-2003, 05:25 AM

you is to drunk to drive when you walk up to the open driver-side window, pull out the old johnson, do yer stuff, and then pull the door handle to flush

Mupwah · 09-27-2003, 04:03 PM

When you think you can out run the police in your 78 GMC pickup. True story

09-24-2003, 03:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	you know you're too drunk to drive when... .....you have to use the vehicles lighter instead of the zippo. now i want you all to know that this is in nonsense for a reason.....it's for fun. i do not think drinking and driving is what people should be doing. have a good time...but get home safe. CHEERS __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios

09-24-2003, 03:25 PM	#2 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	Fuck that. You're too drunk to drive when you've ordered the first Bud! __________________ Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

09-24-2003, 04:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	if you start seeing double, pull over...(my wife told me this, very adamantly...) i know this is a nonsense thread, but drunk driving is really not a joke...continue... __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. Last edited by uncle phil; 09-24-2003 at 04:06 PM..

09-24-2003, 04:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
ForgottenKnight Jesus Freak Location: Following the light...	You're too drunk to drive when you order your first drink. __________________ "People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"

09-24-2003, 05:29 PM	#9 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	.....when you ask your buddy in the passenger seat to close one of his eyes so you both can focus on the road. and thanx all...i realize that one drink is too many. carry on.it's all in fun. __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios

09-24-2003, 03:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
Force 10 Had to leave this awesome space	Basically, you're too drunk to drive ever. You're too drunk to drive when you light the wrong end of your smoke. When you can't find your girlfriend, sack or whatever else it is you brought with you to the party. You're too drunk to drive when you've already pissed your pants...but only if someone notices. And finally, you're too drunk to drive when you've already been driving for 10 minutes and your friend tells you to "start the car and lets go."

09-24-2003, 04:33 PM	#7 (permalink)
asudevil83 Psycho Location: Scottsdale, AZ	you're too drunk to drive when you get in on the passenger side when you are supposed to be driving.

09-24-2003, 05:06 PM	#8 (permalink)
bparker805 is KING! Location: On the path to Valhalla.	... after you have sang "I Did It My Way" at a Kareoke bar. That or successully hit on the most ragged woman in the bar and are taking her home. Remember, friends don't let drunk friends sleep with ugly bar flys.

09-24-2003, 06:56 PM	#11 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	you know you´re too drunk to drive when you know you have to speed up to over 60 so that none of your own spew hits the side of the car when you drive home. and you end up forgetting to unwind the window. __________________ Ohayo!!!

09-24-2003, 07:19 PM	#13 (permalink)
anleja disconnected Location: ignoreland	...everyone in the room is playing monkey-in-the-middle with your keys, and you are the monkey.

09-24-2003, 09:04 PM	#14 (permalink)
laxative Loser Location: the bathroom	...you have poop in your hair.

09-24-2003, 10:55 PM	#15 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	You know you were really drunk the night before when your friends call you in the morning and tell you that your Vomit-Encrusted Adventure to the Convenience Store will be aired on Australias Funniest Home Video show the next sunday night. __________________ Ohayo!!!

09-24-2003, 11:14 PM	#16 (permalink)
irseg Junkie Location: Florida	...when you think "Why in the hell do they keep putting two identical street signs right next to each oher?......oh." I've only been that drunk as a passenger. Designated drivers are your friends.

09-24-2003, 11:37 PM	#17 (permalink)
Atomsk Crazy	when i can drive a stick better than my automatic after 5 years of not driving stick. LOL

09-25-2003, 03:37 AM	#18 (permalink)
Midlandmadman Redwing fan extraordinaire Location: Michigan	Now this is a real life story ( I'm not proud of this) But, we would park in one spot. Then walk to all the bars. Once we were done for the night we would all race back to the car. The first one back was the designated driver. The last person back was too drunk to drive. On a few occasions not everyone made it back to the car. (Damn how stupid were we??) Oh, and I am also sorry its not funny ! ......... you know your too drunk to drive when the grub your eating at Dennys at 3:15 AM tastes FUCKING GREAT!!!!! __________________ Its good to be back.

09-25-2003, 03:41 AM	#19 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	you know you´re too drunk to drive, when you´ve been to the hospital twice in 24 hours to have your stomach pumped. __________________ Ohayo!!!

09-25-2003, 04:51 AM	#20 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	.......when you go through a road block and puke on the cops shiney black shoes. __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios

09-25-2003, 05:48 AM	#21 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	There was a commedian talking about drunk driving with his old VW Bug. "It was handling really poorly, so I pulled over and popped the hood, and sure enough, someone had stolen the engine! Fortunately, there was a spare in the trunk, so I removed that..." __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

09-25-2003, 06:32 AM	#22 (permalink)
rockogre I aim to misbehave! Location: SW Oklahoma	You are to drive to drunk when you can't operate your kucking feyring and you can't seem to memember what that lable "PRNDL" means on your dashboard. You've driven like forever only to realize that you are in the BACK seat. You slowly realize that your vehicle looks eriely like the inside of a dumpster, and it smells that way too, and that noise you hear is laughter. You are seeing only headlights and no taillights. __________________ Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G. I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

09-25-2003, 10:48 AM	#23 (permalink)
Lunchbox7 Addict	YOur too drunk when you can lay on the ground without hanging on

09-25-2003, 11:48 AM	#24 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	...when you're tooling down the interstate at 85, get passed by a 1975 ford pinto, and shift into "R," thinking it means "Racing Gear..." __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. Last edited by uncle phil; 09-27-2003 at 04:07 AM..

09-25-2003, 06:00 PM	#25 (permalink)
krwlz Fledgling Dead Head Location: Clarkson U.	PHIL!!! That was the best one yet!

09-25-2003, 11:48 PM	#26 (permalink)
Batman976 is you wicked? Location: I live in a giant bucket.	...when you can't seem to start your car with the bottle opener on your keychain. I'm really not very clever. __________________ The following statement is true. The preceding statement was false.

09-25-2003, 11:53 PM	#27 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	...when you have drive with the door open, so that you can look down and see how close the median strip is. __________________ Ohayo!!!

09-26-2003, 01:05 AM	#29 (permalink)
jwoody Shackle Me Not Location: Newcastle - England.	You know you're too drunk to drive when you think you're sober enough to drive. __________________ .

09-26-2003, 06:59 AM	#30 (permalink)
Solitude Tilted Location: LA and Orange Counties	you know you're too drunk to drive when... ...you have to hold onto the lawn as tight as you can to keep from falling off the Earth. ...you hug the toilet and dictate your last will and testament to your friends because, "I'm not going to make it, guys!" ...your jedi powers aren't working to pull your keys from the table on the other side of the room. __________________ Champagne for my real friends... and real pain for my sham friends. Last edited by Solitude; 09-26-2003 at 07:07 AM..

09-26-2003, 03:38 PM	#31 (permalink)
anleja disconnected Location: ignoreland	...you think this joke is funny: A horse walks into a bar. He says "I'll have a beer." The bartender gives him a beer and says "why the long face?" hah.

09-26-2003, 06:31 PM	#33 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	or..... ....you say...."home honey i'm high" then she belts you and sends you to the couch. __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios

09-26-2003, 09:22 PM	#34 (permalink)
vermin Indifferent to anti-matter Location: Tucson, AZ	...you watch a re-run of Three's Company on Nick at Nite and wonder why they ever cancelled that gem. __________________ If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.

09-26-2003, 09:46 PM	#35 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	...when your reply to the female police officer is, ¨i haven´t had a cunt all night drinkstable¨... (sorry that one was a bit crude) __________________ Ohayo!!!

09-27-2003, 01:20 AM	#36 (permalink)
supafly Psycho Location: Rotterdam	When you step into the car and you can't find the steering wheel, becouse in fact you are sitting in the back. __________________ Thumbs up

09-27-2003, 04:10 AM	#37 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	"but ossifer, i only had one beer...about 23 times..." __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

09-27-2003, 05:25 AM	#38 (permalink)
gloveshot3 Crazy	you is to drunk to drive when you walk up to the open driver-side window, pull out the old johnson, do yer stuff, and then pull the door handle to flush

09-27-2003, 04:03 PM	#39 (permalink)
Mupwah Tilted Location: Rock Ridge	When you think you can out run the police in your 78 GMC pickup. True story __________________ "Scuse me while I whip this out"