Oi! troublebot, i fervently wish to join inthe ranks of your malicious Horde, i wish to ravage the horses and murder the women...errr...wait...no...switch that, but aye!! i shall murder and burn so that the heavens shall rain down with the blood of my fury, marking the land in lakes of death's red wine. all those who stand in our way, i will crush, and for my part, i will contribute my skills as a drunken, embarrassing fat man, aye, i can repulse mine enemies with a force such as the world has never seen, and i bring my weaponry of german beer steins, with which i can maul our opposers!

Sorry, that's my job.

Other than that mystmarimatt, welcome to the horde.

We're in the process of taking over California. After that we're pulling up stakes and heading up to take over Canada. Try to get around and meet everyone, that way you'll know all there names and they won't try and kill you.

Troublebot the chubby
Kahn
Troublebot Horde

Hi, new folks. Glad you didn't meet me while I was drunk; I might not have remembered then.

Uh, it's a good idea in general to catch us when we're not drinking. I don't think it happens that often.

not drinking- what is this thing you speak of- did you not hear the shamans warning of what happens if your blood is deprived of its precious alcohol content?

I, analog the bank teller, have been adding together some numbers and have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is, my orbs of manhood swell and tingle at the number I see before me, for it is large, indeed!

The bad news is, it could be much higher if- and i won't name any names here- SOMEONE would stop peeing on everything they come across just to "mark it". I understand you are mighty, and it is indeed yours to dirty in any manner you see fit... but we cant sell or trade things drenched in horde-urine... and keeping them around isn't practical because the stench is too great- greater than the stench of many of our finest warriors.

Oh, and I ran into Elisha Cuthbert on the way back to my tent. You know her, she was on 24 and some movies. My orbs swelled mightily at the sight of her, and now she is my wench. I taste of her sweetness as I please, and she brings beer in large quantities at my call. Who will have a drink with me, to celebrate my new conquest??

I think I'll scout ahead and be welcomed as a deserted human, only to to organize the towns for a better pillage, all while I can sit on my lazy ass and eat all their food. Could you use me? ;)

I do better than that.

I'll get you the 'tequila man', plus tha bar, from 'that corner over there'...

O Pungently Reek-Ridden Chubster, Leader of the Stinking Troublebot Horde, I have bad, really bad and horrible news.

First, rumor has it in the scientific community that the ‘Big One’ is about to hit California. I killed a few weakly scientists, but they still seem to maintain their position, therefore I take them at their word. We should probably start gathering all the good stuff and head for the other side of the San Andreas Fault.

Secondly, Amnesty International has petitioned the United Nations for Military Action against the Horde. They claim the Horde has been taking people against their will, falsely imprisoning them and doing things to them that are not even mentioned in the Geneva Convention. (Apparently no one was as creative as we are.) This should not worry us too much though as it take forever for the UN to do anything.

Lastly and worst of all Stinky Big-Boy Boss of the Horde, sources have revealed to me that there is a traitor in our midst. Someone has been siphoning off money to PETA and letting some of our captives go free (and not charging them for it). I believe this person has been videotaping out exploits and sending them to whiney groups that support freedom and other such ilk-ridden garbage. This person also has been plotting with foreign militaries to overthrow and kill YOU O Stinky One in Charge.

We must rise to these challenges and smite the traitor in our ranks.

I have a feeling that the traitor is:

Wait. Someone come and put on my blindfold, and give me the Bottle of Deduction.

*wears blindfold, takes swig from Bottle of Deduction, spins around with finger pointing, removes blindfold and gasps*

Averett!!! Was it- whoa, I gotta sit down. *collapses and bjorks*

We don't care what any Genevans think or what they talk about at their silly conventions. Why should we worry about them oh great Kahn. I shall smite them, really, I shall.

People Eating Tasty Animals are all on my list for instant anni, annhi, anikyu, ahiiilinat, crap, death. If we aren't supposed to eat them then why are they made of meat? Why do Poodles come in sandwich, dinner, and banquet size??? Let them explain that as I twist their little veggie filled bodies till they pop like oatmeal filled ticks.

I think that traitors should be drawn, quartered, broken on the wheel, burned alive, hung, stretched on the rack, whipped, beaten, crushed, drownded, and made to kiss Madonna full on the lips. I know that last part is extremely harsh but we must make an example for the others.

Argh! Snarf, snarf, kill, maim, burn, kill, kill, kill, AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

thrae, it couldn't have been averett; she was with me the whole time helping to chose background tunes for our foray into the great northern wilderness...

methinks it was midlandmadman in disguise; he was spying for stevie yzerman earlier and could easily have obtained data for our other enemies...

Traitor? Whoever it is, if they come forward now I'll make their death quick and painless. If I am forced to find you, your fate will not be so kind. You will beg for death hours before it comes.

Horde, we will collect our booty and retreat from this shaky Californian ground. Ride for the Niagra Falls my Horde! It is time we took Canada!

No Sugar Tonight / New Mother Nature
The Guess Who

{"No Sugar Tonight"}
Lonely feelin' deep inside
Find a corner where I can hide
Silent footsteps crowdin' me
Sudden darkness, but I can see

No sugar tonight in my coffee
No sugar tonight in my tea
No sugar to stand beside me
No sugar to run with me

Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow no no
Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow

In the silence of her mind
Quiet movements, well, I can find
Grabbin' for me with her eyes
Now I'm fallin' from her skies

No sugar tonight in my coffee
No sugar tonight in my tea
No sugar to stand beside me
No sugar to run with me

Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow un-dow-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow

{"New Mother Nature"}
Jocko says yes and I believe him
When we talk about the things I say
She hasn't got the faith or the guts to leave him
When they're standin' in each other's way
You're driven back now to places you've been to
You're wonderin' what you're gonna find
You know you've been wrong but it won't be long
Before you leave 'em all far behind

'Cause it's the new Mother Nature takin' over
It's the new splendid lady come to call
It's the new Mother Nature takin' over
She's gettin' us all
She's gettin' us all

Jocko said no when I came back last time
It's lookin' like I lost a friend
No use callin' 'cause the sky is fallin'
And I'm gettin' pretty near the end
A smoke-filled room in a corner basement
The situation must be right
A bag o' goodies and a bottle o' wine
We're gonna get it on right tonight

'Cause it's the new Mother Nature takin' over
It's the new splendid lady come to call
It's the new Mother Nature takin' over
She's gettin' us all
She's gettin' us all

{1st verse of "No Sugar Tonight" sung simultaneously with
1st verse of "New Mother Nature"}
Lonely feelin'
Jocko says yes and I believe him
Deep inside
When we talk about the things I say
Find a corner
She hasn't got the faith or the guts to leave him
Where I can hide
When they're standin' in each other's way
Silent footsteps
You're driven back now to places you've been to
Crowdin' me
You're wonderin' what you're gonna find
Sudden darkness
You know you've been wrong and it won't be long
But I can see
Before you leave 'em all far behind

'Cause it's the new Mother Nature takin' over
It's the new splendid lady come to call
It's the new Mother Nature takin' over
She's gettin' us all
She's gettin' us all

Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow no no
Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow
Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow no no
Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow
{fade}

I hereby ask, Mighty Khan, that when we take Manitoba (and Winnipeg, specifically) that we leave a lawyer and a judge alive long enough to enact my divorce from my wife.

Then we can slaughter them all. I'd rather be a divorcee than a widower. :)

yessssss onward to the frozen north with wind in our hair and titans with big breasts- er, i might have got that last part wrong- no matter- btw- what is there to pillage in canada- do they export anything other than pop stars ?

Siphoning off funds, hmmm??
Oh gloriously putrid and foul-smelling leader, I will behead this pile of pus-vomit for their pusillanimous fear of all things good for the horde. He or she has shown the depth of their honor and it is nil.
Say the word, Khan, and I will unleash my 'barrow of terror upon thy enemies.



On to another topic:
Not letting the Khan have first, second, and third dibs at Elisha Cuthbert, hmmm??
Methinks Analog got some 'splaining to do. :hmm:


p.s.

Is Mexico off?

Hey now, I'm no traitor! I am all for this cause! California and Canada must fall!

Once we take over Canada, I wish to be placed as Queen of Alberta. Alberta shall be mine!

Relax oh mighty Averett, the great Kahn does not think you are the traitor.

The fact that you ride around naked on your horse may be clouding my judgement, but still...

Oh mighty warrior Fremen!

We had a pact with the Mexican Government to not attack Mexico in return for the land known as Sonora. However, I feel that, once we have leveled Canada, we may break that pact and take Mexico anyway.

Just to mess with their minds a little.

Troublebot the Perplexing
Kahn
Troublebot Horde

Canada?......North, right?.....Way north?.....Cold?.....Somewhere north of Nebraska right?.....Cars, roads, buildings, lectricity?.....Something worth stealing?.....Eh?

Well, at least I will know the Queen of Alberta.

Buttcrust the bedraggled.

I've been told that Canada has good beer, but I don't like beer. I don't think they produce good tequila, but I do think they have quantities of it stored up. That's about the only thing of theirs that I can imagine taking.

Canada has a lot of land for which I could ride my horse bareback and naked. That's all I'm after, really.

Canadian Railroad Trilogy
Gordon Lightfoot

There was a time in this fair land when the railroad did not run
When the wild majestic mountains stood alone against the sun
Long before the white man and long before the wheel
When the green dark forest was too silent to be real
But time has no beginnings and hist’ry has no bounds
As to this verdant country they came from all around
They sailed upon her waterways and they walked the forests tall
And they built the mines the mills and the factories for the good of us all

And when the young man’s fancy was turnin’ to the spring
The railroad men grew restless for to hear the hammers ring
Their minds were overflowing with the visions of their day
And many a fortune lost and won and many a debt to pay

For they looked in the future and what did they see
They saw an iron road runnin’ from sea to the sea
Bringin’ the goods to a young growin’ land
All up through the seaports and into their hands

Look away said they across this mighty land
From the eastern shore to the western strand
Bring in the workers and bring up the rails
We gotta lay down the tracks and tear up the trails
Open ’er heart let the life blood flow
Gotta get on our way ’cause we’re movin’ too slow

Bring in the workers and bring up the rails
We’re gonna lay down the tracks and tear up the trails
Open ’er heart let the life blood flow
Gotta get on our way ’cause we’re movin’ too slow
Get on our way ’cause we’re movin’ too slow

Behind the blue rockies the sun is declinin’
The stars, they come stealin’ at the close of the day
Across the wide prairie our loved ones lie sleeping
Beyond the dark oceans in a place far away

We are the navvies who work upon the railway
Swingin’ our hammers in the bright blazin’ sun
Livin’ on stew and drinkin’ bad whiskey
Bendin’ our old backs ’til the long days are done

We are the navvies who work upon the railway
Swingin’ our hammers in the bright blazin’ sun
Layin’ down track and buildin’ the bridges
Bendin’ our old backs ’til the railroad is done

So over the mountains and over the plains
Into the muskeg and into the rain
Up the st. lawrence all the way to gaspe
Swingin’ our hammers and drawin’ our pay
Drivin’ ’em in and tyin’ ’em down
Away to the bunkhouse and into the town
A dollar a day and a place for my head
A drink to the livin’ and a toast to the dead

Oh the song of the future has been sung
All the battles have been won
O’er the mountain tops we stand
All the world at our command
We have opened up the soil
With our teardrops and our toil

For there was a time in this fair land when the railroad did not run
When the wild majestic mountains stood alone against the sun
Long before the white man and long before the wheel
When the green dark forest was too silent to be real
When the green dark forest was too silent to be real
And many are the dead men too silent to be real

Canada the land of hockey, Beer, and women who know how to keep men warm! Onward O' Mighty Horde! Just be aware that most of the men are armed with new carbon fiber sticks with curves on the end (but some still use wooden ones). Also these men are not easily knocked down! You would think they were as they are standing on 2 little strips of metal, but alas, these are sharp and tend to dig into the icy land that will be swarmed by the horde. The best part is that many are missing their teeth so they can not bite, kick and scratch yes, but no biting! Besides many are already besotten with the mead of the gods, BEER! By the way uncle phil will have much accompaniment on this journey as they seem to churn out singers left and right. I have dibs on Shania Twain, after, of course Troublebot the Terribly Tired has passed. Almost forgot, many will be the cries of anguish as our Horde rumbles through, but every cry will be followed by the Canadian National Motto, "eh!" Try to resist, it is a catchy little phrase that after you hear it 3-4 times you end up using it all the time to, eh!

Blue Rodeo
Bad Timing


Hey it's me what a big surprise
Calling you up from a restaurant
Around the bend
I just got in from way up North
I'm aching tired now
And I could use a friend
I might be a fool
To think that you do
Want to see me again

It's been awhile since I talked to you
Nothing wrong
Just nothing ever goes as planned
Many times I thought I'd call
I didn't have your number in my hand
I know it's true
You'd never do
The same thing to me

I never meant to make you cry
And though I know I shouldn't call
It just reminds us of the cost
Of everything we've lost
Bad timing that's all

Maybe soon there'll come a day
When no more tears will fall
If we each forgive a little bit
And we both look back on it
As just bad timing that's all

We used to have so many plans
Something always seemed to turn out wrong
I never could catch up to you
Moving on and doing what you've done
I don't know why
The harder I try
The harder it comes

I never meant to make you cry
And though I know I shouldn't call
It just reminds us of the cost
Of everything we've lost
Bad timing that's all

Maybe soon there'll come a day
When no more tears will fall
If we each forgive a little bit
When we both look back on it
Just bad timing that's all

Praise Troublebot, Lord of Stench and Kahn of the horde! Many thousands of apologies to you sir for my ignorance. Please allow me to humbly offer amends, as you are truly FAR mightier than I, and I am but a simple man... miss Cuthbert shall await you, freshly washed and shaved at your beconing.

Mighty Analog,

Have no fear my Horde brother. Miss Spears has turned out to be more than a handful. Even if I wanted Miss Cuthbert, I fear my loins could not take it.

I'm going to lie down now. Someone wake me when we get to Canada.

I am not familiar with this vast cold land known as Canada, but as long as it has flesh to rupture and blood to flow, I will follow suit.

Onwards!

Oh, and if you, my mighty leader, might need a UK correspondent, I am more than willing to offer my services to you, oh bearer of carnage, pervader of perverse pillaging...

*Bows deeply and skeets off into the drinking and mirth*

My lord, what became of Britney, my gift to you? Was her 'essence' not sweet enough? Fear not, for I will make amends and put upon your platter whoever you request..

This sure seems like a long trip. Which way are we going? Are we going to o'ertake any lands along the way? Where's Waldo? Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Who's got my drink? Are we there yet? Can I go potty?

I vote we play travel Scrabble! I want an X and a Z!

Scrabble? By Hades, what is wrong with you? Begone from my sight before I behead you!

Here we are at Niagra Falls my horde. Prepare yourselves for battle. I want Averett to be able to ride around here naked by the end of the day.

Go my horde, go!

(Fremen the Forlorn shuffles and mumbles to the back of the horde where the extra horses are located) ("Damn me and my love of board games!") *manly barbaric sniff*

Can we set camp over there for the night? I see lights by yonder trees and hear the sound of feminine youth ringing across the countryside...and I smell the familiar odour of neat Rum and Ale. We could replenish our stocks and swell our orbs before we head into bloody combat...

Good idea Pyrate.

Tomorrow we battle.

Tonight, maybe some Scrabble. But Horde Scrabble where we cut off your finger if you use a word that's not in the dictionary.

Some fell beast seems to have gnawed upon the handle of my axe! What evil place is this? Verily something, or many somethings, shall die for this affront.

Of course I will have to repair my axe. I suppose that first I shall avail my self of the ale and women folk that Pyrate speaks of. It's cold and feels like a three woman night at least.

Yay! I can't wait :)

Hurry up! I'm riding a wave of undirected anger, but I can't keep it up for long. I need fuel! I need slaughter!

Hmm I like the sound of that scrabble rule my Lord...I might lose a coupla fingers myself, give some of those doomed humans a wee chance of escape before I slaughter them...

But before Scrabble, I have some quarry to prey upon...

*Grins mischievously then lumbers off towards a group of innocent looking virgin girls, huddled terrified in a dingy shadowy corner*

Heh, I think I'll keep those fingers I mentioned before...

Ahahahahahaaaaaa!

Kahn Troublebot,

Word of the mighty Horde has spread far and wide. I have come all the way from Phoenix, where the Naugs still roam free, no threat of being hunted for their Naugahide, to join this Horde. I would love to bury my axe in some Canadians in your name. I only wish a horse to carry me into battle and all the M and M's I can eat.

I'll sneak across the border this evening and organize an anti Horde demonstration for tomorrow so that everyone is in a tight little group and defenseless when the Horde comes sweeping in. I'll be the one with the axe!

Hmmm. Gathering them up for the slaughter, eh? Not a bad idea.

Wake me up when we start. The wave has passed, and been replaced by an alcohol-induced stupor.

Yeah, why have we spent so much time running after them in the past? Why not collect 'em somewhere like a park or stadium and let the slaughter begin?

Good thinking savethenaugs, I'll make sure you get a fine horse.

O Khan, Lice-Infested Leader of the Troublebot Horde, I have wonderful news. I was trying to negotiate a surrender of Canada before we arrived. The Canadian provinces agreed not to interfere with the Horde as long as we only maim, mutilate and molest French speaking Canadians. The Prime Minister for some reason did not like this idea and nixed it. The governments in the provinces revolted and treated with us the aforementioned agreement. For some reason, the Québécois were not favorable to the agreement and petitioned France for assistance. The French ambassador relayed that the French military will provide ground troops to help stem the tide of the Troublebot Horde.

O Leader of the Stinky....I present you with Frenchman to dismember and slay in battle.

Today I shall not bathe. When the sun rises in the morning, I will go into battle with the rest of the Horde. For tomorrow we fight the French. (And the froggie wannabes, the Québécois). Remember, do not kill them all. Save some and we will force them to eat food smothered in Ketchup.
.

Sing Another Song, Boys
Leonard Cohen


(Let's sing another song, boys, this one has grown old and bitter.)
Ah his fingernails, I see they're broken,
his ships they're all on fire.
The moneylender's lovely little daughter
ah, she's eaten, she's eaten with desire.
She spies him through the glasses
from the pawnshops of her wicked father.
She hails him with a microphone
that some poor singer, just like me, had to leave her.
She tempts him with a clarinet,
she waves a Nazi dagger.
She finds him lying in a heap;
she wants to be his woman.
He says, "Yes, I might go to sleep
but kindly leave, leave the future,
leave it open."

He stands where it is steep,
oh I guess he thinks that he's the very first one,
his hand upon his leather belt now
like it was the wheel of some big ocean liner.
And she will learn to touch herself so well
as all the sails burn down like paper.
And he has lit the chain
of his famous cigarillo.
Ah, they'll never, they'll never ever reach the moon,
at least not the one that we're after;
it's floating broken on the open sea, look out there, my friends,
and it carries no survivors.
But lets leave these lovers wondering
why they cannot have each other,
and let's sing another song, boys,
this one has grown old and bitter.

you need me in your hord so i can throw the kickass rageing party after we take everey thing we want and destroy the rest

I think I know who I want to play Horde Scrabble with Next!!!! But first lets us plunder, pillage, and plow right through the Frogs's and the Canadian frogs! Be sure to save the women folk, well at least the good looking womenfolk. And keep out of Thraeryn's way I hear he has had much to drink again, and I see a Zamboni over there. That one might get messy. Eh!
*Shrugs- and wanders off to ponder Thraeryns fondness for vehicles and to sharpen sword and ice skates*

for thrae...


I WANNA DRIVE THE ZAMBONI
The Zambonis

Well I went down to my local arena.
I asked to see the manager man.
He came from his office and said, "Son can I help you?"
I looked at him and said, "Yes you can."

'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.
I wanna drive the zamboni.
(Yes I do.)

Since I was young it's been my dream
to drive that there zamboni machine.
I'd get that ice just as slick as could be,
and all the kids would look up to me.

'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.
I wanna drive the zamboni.
(Yes I do.)

The manager said, "Son, I know it looks keen,
but that right there is one expensive machine.
And we've got Smokey who's been driving for years."
About that time, I broke down in tears.

'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.
I wanna drive the zamboni.
'Cause I wanna drive the zamboni.
I wanna drive the zamboni.
(Yes I do.)

Aw. . . . *sniff* I'm all choked up, uncle phil. *smiles tearily* I always have wanted to sit up on that high seat and run people down, crushing them under the wheels of the machine and coating their broken, bloodied bodies with a thin, smooth sheen of ice!

I'm so hap- *sob* . . . Just stay out of my way tomorrow! *runs off, crying happily*

All right Horde, let's commence to slashin' and hackin'

I get first pick of the redheads.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

*Run, jump, swing, whoosh, slash, HACK! Scrape, bang, slice, lynch, turn, block, dodge, COUNTER! Stomp, kick, heads rolling, punch, thrash, bite, claw, pant, pant, gasp, "Phew! 13 down, only ??,000,000 more to go..." Run, jump, smack, slit, gut, maim, mutilate, behead, belimb, amputate, smash, swing, swoop, slash, dig, stab, hack, hack, HACK!*

Man, this is the best hording EVER!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

*Swings wildly amidst the fray, lopping off heads and releasing guts and brains...*

Lord! Tooks flying everywhere!

It is truly great to be part of this horde!

I'm hereby passing around earplugs, because I'm tired of hearing their cries of "Stop that, that's not very nice, eh!"

I'll stick my earplugs up my nose, 'cos the smell of cleanliness in this country is intolerable...

*cries happily* we get to slaughter the French?? i never imagined such a day!! Elisha (as in elisha cuthbert, now my bride), get me my finest sword!! I've got sissy frenchmen to behead!! But first give my loins the pleasure of your silken tongue, for it makes me ripe for slaughtering!!

My brave, blood-engorged horde,

I have urgent business to the south that will keep me away for a week. Continue our piliging of Canada and try not to get into too much trouble.

I'll let you decide amongst yourselves who will be Kahn in my absence.

Troublebot the Vacationing,
Kahn
Troublebot Horde

I vote for me, because I CALL KAHN!!!

I got shotgun!

Fellas, make me a nice trail to Alberta!

*Whispers to a horde comrade*

"Let us allow Thraeryn to lead us in The Kahn's absence. Then if anything goes wrong while our Lord's away, he'll get the chop!!!"

*Looks down innocently as Thraeryn glances in my direction...*

Heh, t'was only a joke, sir...

*Walks off, muttering to himself.*

Don't you see my avatar?! Don't you know my tastes for flesh and for late model automobiles?!

If anyone thinks I'm not a suitable leader for this Horde in Troublebot's absence, let him or her stand and face me! I have recently seduced several Ford Explorers, and they will stand behind me on the field of battle.

(for Averett...)


ALBERTA BOUND
Gordon Lightfoot


Oh the prairie lights are burnin' bright
The Chinook wind is a-movin' in
Tomorrow night I'll be Alberta bound
Though I've done the best I could
My old luck ain't been so good and
Tomorrow night I'll be Alberta bound
No one-eyed man could e'er forget
The Rocky Mountain sunset
It's a pleasure just to be Alberta bound
I long to see my next of kin
To know what kind of shape they're in
Tomorrow night I'll be Alberta bound

Alberta bound, Alberta bound
It's good to be Alberta bound
Alberta bound, Alberta bound
It's good to be Alberta bound

Oh the skyline of Toronto
Is somethin' you'll get onto
But they say you've got to live there for a while
And if you got the money
You can get yourself a honey
A written guarantee ta make you smile
But it's snowin' in the city
And the streets and brown and gritty
And I know there's pretty girls all over town
But they never seem ta find me
And the one I left behind me
Is the reason that I'll be Alberta bound

Alberta bound, Alberta bound
It's good to be Alberta bound
Alberta bound, Alberta bound
It's good to be Alberta bound
It's good to be Alberta bound

Sure, lets let him be khan- how will the frenchies react to that- god knows the one indignaty they've never suffered is having their crappy french cars raped. that should get em

AHOY THERE Thraeryn the replacement yet mighty and bloodythirsty Kahn! I have come-eth from far and wide to join your mighty horde. I see-eth thou ist searching for battle-scarred female warriors and I be-eth one. I pride myself on being quite battle scarred and particuarly bloodthirsty. I lust after men who equal me in vigour - to pillage and plunder from but also to pleasure me. However, I must apologise for my late arrival, I was detained by a longrunning scrabble match against some Microsoft executivess; I am proud to say it was a bloody victory on my part.
So, Oh Glorious Thraeryn the Substitute yet Splendid and Manly Kahn, be there are place for me in your all-powerful horde?

Pleeeeeeeeeeeez let her join, oh mighty one, oh impressive interim invigilator, oh temporary leader of us!

*Lets slip a sly and mischievous laugh...and winks at Miranda in a 'friendly' manner.*

:)

Welcome, Miranda! In the absence of our regular leader, I've taken the liberty of making up these entrance exams. Rip yours up, throw it on the ground and spit on it, and we'll get down to outfitting you with steed and sword. ;)

Hail Fools of Little or No Memory!

I was dragging my knife across throats whilst you still sucked the thin, sour milk from your whore mother's wiener shaped teats. Do you think you could command Giant Hamburger? I break necks like rotten twigs in the daily strangling contests I hold for mine own amusement and exercise. I can also spell "Khan." That being said, I have been quite busy at work these days so will give the nod to Thraeryn as interim leader. Just do not doubt that I will split the skulls of those who dispute my rightful due.
Carry on,
-GH

You know, oh rightful second in command Giant Hamburger, I tried to surreptitiously spell "Khan" correctly in my posts for a while, but no one took the hint. Rather than go against a Horde as foul-smelling and poor-spelling as this one, I let it lie.

I am glad to see that someone else has noticed the error, and I promise that I shall defer all larger decisions and tributes to you in our Khan's absence.

I shall also try to find you a picture of a hamburger in a schoolgirl outfit.

Hail Thraeryn!

You have chosen your words wisely.
Your reward has been bathed and sent to your tent.

When you have satiated your appetites, we will discuss our next bloodcurdling move. We must have a throne of fresh enemy skulls for our Khan to lounge upon his return.
-GH

What I promise, O Second in Command and First in Hamburgers, I deliver.
http://www.thraeryn.net/images/burge...ed_britney.gif

Wow....a Horde with its own spell-checker (thanks Hard8s)!

A must-have for any century.

I too will lend my vast skills to your worthy cause of causing murder, mayhem and alcohol-consumption on a global scale. Here are my qualifications....

I, Commando the mightily-endowed, have left a field of broken bottles through many a bar and nightclub, have utterly destroyed many a closing-time, and have single-handedly turned once hard-drinking bartenders into sober citizens from the hangovers I induce. No bar, party store, liquor aisle or farmer's daughter is safe within 500 miles of wherever I happen to be at any given moment. No shot is too big, no tab is too big.

I also bring my own weapon: a multi-functional bottle opener/cork pull/broadsword. As for horses, don't need 'em....I ride the beer trucks I capture, ride the cars of the bartenders I put under the table, ride the farmer's daughters I.....never mind!

Just one thing: why aren't we sacking Las Vegas? Think about it, guys....showgirls, strippers, shitloads of cash, strippers, showgirls, mountains of booze in every hotel, showgirls, strippers. I say we make Las Vegas our base of operations and then send out raiding parties across the land! Once we settle in, we can hunt Sigfried & Roy's animals for sport.

Just a thought.

Well Done Thraeryn!

You have earned a place at my table. The burger-headed schoolgirl will serve me well. Let Thraeryn's gift-giving acumen be a lesson to all you would be hordesmen. If you lay prizes such as this at my bloodstained boots then I will show you a harvest of death you farmers turned warriors have not seen in a lifetime of seasons.
-GH

Hail Giant Hamburger! Hail Thaeryn! Death to the Frenchies- oh great stand-ins of destruction, let us add unto our grimy mass the worthy among the canucks, let us recruit amongst their mighty lords of the game they call hockey! they already have armor, and from what I have seen they share our mindset....

Welcome, Commando the Hard Drinking! Many of us are of a like mind as you, and I suspect that the drinking contests among the Horde will be continuing long into the night and on through to the next day.
This were a good idea, ere we slaughtered them all. Now, the necromancers it would require would put too much of a strain on this mighty Horde's resources.

And Commando, I would take Las Vegas, but that an old man, bald of pate and on drugs, smoking with a cigarette holder and carrying a typewriter, made me believe that I would one day perish there! I would not bring this fortune upon myself so soon and, knowing Fate, I would rampage through the streets, crushing the masses, then at the after-party I would fail to notice half a broken tequila bottle and step on it, severing important arteries in my foot. Such is the way she mocks us!

Through the next day??? Try, "long into the night and on through to the next week," and you'll start getting close! This is a mighty Horde, one which knows not the meaning of words such as "Designated Driver", "Hangover", "Alcohol Poisoning" and their ilk.

Quote:

Originally posted by Thraeryn And Commando, I would take Las Vegas, but that an old man, bald of pate and on drugs, smoking with a cigarette holder and carrying a typewriter, made me believe that I would one day perish there! I would not bring this fortune upon myself so soon and, knowing Fate, I would rampage through the streets, crushing the masses, then at the after-party I would fail to notice half a broken tequila bottle and step on it, severing important arteries in my foot. Such is the way she mocks us!

Don't let Hunter S. Thompson get you down, Thraeryn....he's just telling you that to keep you out of his back yard; for he is a sly and crafty old hippie. Realizing that offending you outright would only serve to bring your mighty wrath - and the wrath of we, your Horde brothers - down on his oh-so-shiny head, he has chosen instead to use subrefuge and his rumored powers of prophecy to instill the dread of a tequila bottle into your soul.....besides, nobody walks in Vegas! That's why we'll leave a limo driver or two alive (especially if they are of the buxom female persuasion).

Think on it, oh substitute Horde-master!

Eternally Drunk, Horny and Searching for a Party,

Commando the Hard-Drinking

Hmmmm. I would like the run of Caesar's Palace. We could rename it "Thraeryn's Palace"! The Bellagio could be the "Troubellagio"! And the Luxor could be the "Giant Hamburgor"!

I feel my opinion swaying.

All hail the mighty Troublehorde!

It is good to be amongst you again my horde. I find my visit to the south has left me invigorated and lusting for blood, power and fine lasses!

Allow me to say that I return to find you all hording well, burning and destroying in a dignified way and not hurting each other too much. It brings a tear to this Kahn's eye.

My loyal Thraeryn, you have done well in my absence! You have recruited new members and seemed to have burned Canada to a blackened cinder. I appreciate you holding the horde together in my absence and make you ruler of Toronto. Do with it as you deem fit.

My dear friend Giant Hamburger, it troubles me that I had forgotten my original decree, making you my second in command. Can you find it in your heart to forgive an old Kahn?

Pack it up and prepare to move it out of town my horde. We will act on Commando's idea to take Vegas. It's twinkling lights and warm desert winds call out to us.

Troublebot the unruly
Kahn
Troublebot Horde

Hail Troublebot!

No apology is required.
I have been quiet during the Hordes activities.

As you may have noticed, I will emerge when necessary to remind those of my rightful place.
When you need me, I will be there whether you remember or not.

My words are iron.
-GH

VIVA LAS VEGAS
Elvis Presley


Bright light city gonna set my soul
Gonna set my soul on fire
Got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn,
So get those stakes up higher
There's a thousand pretty women waitin' out there
And they're all livin' devil may care
And I'm just the devil with love to spare
Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas

How I wish that there were more
Than the twenty-four hours in the day
'Cause even if there were forty more
I wouldn't sleep a minute away
Oh, there's black jack and poker and the roulette wheel
A fortune won and lost on ev'ry deal
All you need's a strong heart and a nerve of steel
Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas with you neon flashin'
And your one armbandits crashin'
All those hopes down the drain
Viva Las Vegas turnin' day into nighttime
Turnin' night into daytime
If you see it once
You'll never be the same again

I'm gonna keep on the run
I'm gonna have me some fun
If it costs me my very last dime
If I wind up broke up well
I'll always remember that I had a swingin' time
I'm gonna give it ev'rything I've got
Lady luck please let the dice stay hot
Let me shout a seven with ev'ry shot
Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas,
Viva, Viva Las Vegas

Okay, who farted!

....um, wait. Sorry....that was me.

Oh mighty Khan! One who reeks of toe-jam and onion/garlic bagels! Troublebot the mightily odiforous! Welcome back.

With your permission, oh malodorous one, Thraeryn's desire to mark territory is a wise one. He has shown his desire for Caesar's Palace, and has wisely offered you that jewel known as The Bellagio for your own pleasures, and not to forget has offered Giant Hamburger that oasis called Luxor.

If this is to your liking, I would beg a boon, my lord.....allow me to lay claim to Paris hotel & casino. And if she is there, to Paris Hilton as well! Actually, I would prefer her sister Nikki, but would defer and offer her to you as your rightful due....

And remember, everybody: Nobody trashes the buffets! We need to be able to replenish ourselves after it's all said and done.

Hail the return of our mighty horde leader! Troublebot the brave, the wise, the filthy! I bow before you once more as you see fit to grant us your presence. Mightiest Khan of all!

I find it difficult to give my full ravaging to the people we slaughter, and to pillage as much as I should, because my fair maiden Ms. Elisha Cuthbert drains my energy with her insane hotness. Were it not for you, oh Master Stenchmeister Khan, I would not have such pleasures to await me when I return from a good slaughter/pillaging. Please accept my hunble gift of 4 fried chickens and a Coke. Ms. Cuthbert screams and squeels like a banshee during sex, and my loins are forever in your debt.

As for my duties as banker, I can report nothing but good. We have frightened, weak-willed people sending us cash to avoid invasion- the fools! Ha ha ha... also, I too have a desire to mark my territories, and I have found a way to get more money for those items we mark- we sell them as "collectible". People will buy ANYTHING that's "collectible".

Hail Khan Troublebot!

Hmmmmm. "Troublebot Horde Limited Edition Collectible Knocked-Out Teeth". . . .

Welcome back, mighty Khan! I'm glad I could hold things together in your absence; they were a good group of kids, and didn't complain TOO much when I put them down to bed. They wanted to stay up later and watch tv, of course, but I stood my ground.

I do think, however, that we should have a Horde roll-call. I think some of our ranks have silently slipped off after pillaging to settle down and raise ill-smelling families. *shakes his head sadly* It would behoove us to know which are still with us, if this lot can remember their own names. (They've gotten used to chanting "Thraeryn" and "Giant Hamburger" while you were gone, so expect a few of them to get confused and give those names.)

Sorry, I was looking at postcards and lost track of the time. Las Vegas you say? Many of my coins have been left in that town, perhaps this is a chance to re-claim mine, and others.

Having been the ill smelling family route I am more than enthused to continue pillaging in such a place. Many tourists, and their nubile young duaghters, shall rue my arrival.

I have a hankering to own the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign out on the west end of the strip for my shop if the great and strangely goat smelling Kahn has no use for it.

By the way, that guy on the SeaDoo in the Belagio fountain will be me so no shooting.

rockogre got me thinking.....I want to make a special request of ye, oh Mighty Khan - he of the sweat-sock stench from seven leagues away!

May I humbly beg your permission to bring a PT Boat into the Venitian Hotel so I may cruise up and down the indoor canals, shooting up the gondolas (and more importantly, those singing gondoleers)? As you are so generous to grant leave for rockogre to use your fountain for his SeaDoo, this insignificant request of mine should not trouble you in the least.

Oh, and one last thing: Averett (our lusty, busty, horse-riding-across-Alberta Hordester) has asked me to find out who crazy-glued the toilet seat up?

So please 'fess up if it was any of you. Personally, I'm putting my money on one of those pissed-off Canucks......

Yeah, who did it. It's not funny guys.




I like pretending to be busty ;)


*rides off on her trusty steed*

'twas not i, fair maiden of the strip...

Come on now Horde, this is Vegas. All requests will be granted, of course.

Hey, Uncle Phil, hide this crazy glue for me...

done, most odiferous one...



STUCK ON YOU
Elvis Presley


You can shake an apple off an apple tree
Shake, shake, sugar but you'll never shake me

Chorus
Uh uh ooh yes siree ooh ooh
I'm gonna stick like glue
Because I'm stuck on you

Yea, I'm gonna run my fingers through your long black hair
Squeeze you tighter than a grizzly bear

[chorus]

Hide in the kitchen, hide in the hall
Ain't gonna do you no good at all
'Cause once I catch you and the kissing starts
A team of wild horses couldn't tear us apart

Try to take a tiger from his daddy's side
That's how our love is going to keep us tied

[chorus]

Hide in the kitchen, hide in the hall
Ain't gonna do you no good at all
'Cause once I catch you and the kissing starts
A team of wild horses couldn't tear us apart

Try to take a tiger from his daddy's side
That's how our love is going to keep us tied

[chorus]

I'm gonna stick like glue, ooh, ooh
Because I'm stuck on you

I was going through an old Bloom County cartoon book that I had found whilst cleaning my humble (yet smelly - gotta' obey Horde rules, donchaknow...) apartment. In it, I found the lyrics to a song by Billy & The Boingers which seems to fit this group pretty damned well.....

U Stink (But I Love You)
-By Billy & The Boingers

I hate the way you act
And I hate the way you smell
I hate the way you look, girl,
'Cus you just look like hell

Chorus:
You make me sick! Way-oh, Way-oh, Way-oh
You make me sick! You really stink, girl
You make me sick! Way-oh, Way-oh, Way-oh
You make me sick!
(Tuba solo)
......But I luuuuuv you

I hate your polyester pantsuits
And your greasy hair
And that stuff between your braces
And your hairy derriere

Chorus
(Guitar Solo)

When I got you to my backseat
And I tried to make my move
I had to roll down all the windows
To keep my face from turning blue

Chorus
(Tuba Solo)


-----------


I hope you all appreciated this! And a special thank-you to our Honorary Horde-member (on my say-so, and hopefully with the Mighty Khan's forebearance....after all, this might just appease the creator of this song so that I/We don't get sued for Copyright infringement by the RIAA) Berke Breathed for his incredibly-far-ahead-of-his-time rendering of this song for us, the Troublebot Horde!

We are pretty crafty, though that sounds like the sort of thing those stuck up Montrealers would do.

It looks like we've got a couple of whiners who are unhappy that they didn't get to join the Horde....cnor started his own little thread, titled The Days of Hordes Are Finished (I've linked it for y'all) and now Bones has joined it.

Bones! Dammit, Bones! I expected better from your thug ass, man! Oh the loss, the betrayal, the stench from our imperious leader's unwashed person!

...Sorry, got a little sidetracked in my lamentation. But let's face it, our leader is well and truly ripe today!

Speaking of our leader, Oh Great Khan Troublebot, I had yet another idea for a locale to plunder and pillage: once we've conquered Las Vegas and have subjegated its puny denizens to our unquestioned rule, I say we head on over to Salem, Massachussetts and give those witch-burning troublemakers a little dose of long overdue payback. It's got a nice Halloween theme to it, and it'll put us on the East Coast. I'm thinking once we finish there, we head south, hitting Boston, New York (preferrably in time for New Year's Eve - all those tourists to plunder and enslave), D.C. (hey, do you have any idea just how much $$ those lobbyists have?) and then spend the rest of the time just ransacking the south.

But it's all up to you, oh he whose stench drives skunks away!

Whiners?:hmm:

Oh mighty wry1,

A thousand thank yous for the information regarding our new opposition. While I remember them both as brothers in our foul-smelling Horde, it is obvious they have turned against us. It breaks your Kahn's heart when these things happen.

I will ponder your east coast campaign while we plunder the Las Vegas Strip. Perhaps we can meet at the Chicken Ranch afterwards to discuss battle plans.

Troublebot the severely mussed
Kahn,
Troublebot Horde

we need more than just horses, we require elephants and camels and some flying wombats to mount. oh yeah and a unicorn

Elephants and camels should be easy to find in Vegas.

Tigers might be a little scarce though.

Ohhh I would love a unicorn!

I could use a new trusty steed. Mine seems to be lame. I nearly took a tumble just outside of Calgary the other day.

I'll be joining the horde in Las Vegas soon. I have some business to attend to in So. Alberta first.

I'm totally in. Sounds like fun.

another one for averett...


THE UNICORN
The Irish Rovers

A long time ago, when the earth was still green,
There were more kinds of animals than you've ever seen;
They'd run around free while the earth was being born,
The loveliest of all was the Unicorn.

There was green alligators and long-necked geese,
Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
The loveliest of all was the Unicorn.

Now God seen some sinnin' and it gave Him pain.
And He said, "Stand back, I'm going to make it rain."
He said, "Hey, brother Noah, I'll tell you what to do.
Build me a floating zoo."

And take some of them green alligators and long-necked geese,
Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
Don't you forget my Unicorn."

Old Noah was there to answer the call,
He finished up making the Ark just as the rain started fallin',
He marched in the animals two by two
And he called out as they went through,
"Hey, Lord: I've got yer....

Green alligators and long-necked geese,
Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but Lord, I'm so forlorn,
I just can't see no Unicorn."

Old Noah looked out into the driving rain,
Them Unicorns was hiding, playing silly games,
Kicking and splashing while the rain was pouring,
Oh, them silly Unicorns.

There was green alligators and long-necked geese,
Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,
Noah cried, "Close the doors 'cause the rain is pourin',
And we just can't wait for no Unicorns."

The Ark started movin', it drifted with the tide,
Them Unicorns looked up from the rock and they cried,
And the waters came down and sorta floated them away,
That's why you'll never see a Unicorn, to this very day.

You'll see green alligators and long-necked geese,
Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
You're never gonna see no Unicorn.

when we arrive in vegas we must sieze roy's tiger- it would make an excellent mount and shares our mindset

I've never mounted a wombat, but I'm up for anything.

Vegas will burn!

Mighty Khan,

I have one small request. For my share of the plunder in Las Vegas, I would like to claim the land of the Jaguars as my own.