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08-17-2010, 10:01 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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I Confess a Shiver
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Things Nobody Wants In Their Pants
Put a bunch of rowdy military guys around a table with some beer for a few hours and you'll get this level of discussion: "Okay, who'd win in a fight? Heathcliff, Garfield, Sylvester, or Tom the cat?" "Tom, he was the most violent." "Nah, I think Garfield... Garfield was really sneaky."
You'll also get: Things Nobody Wants In Their Pants - a gallon of warm pudding - a dozen disassembled doorknobs - your signed Michael Jordan rookie card - a family of shaved badgers - a tube leading to your nose - a brick of cocaine (while in an airport or at a border crossing) It was far more amusing while inebriated, but I figure TFP could come up with some pretty unique things that shouldn't be located underneath the crotch-covering garment. So, yeah, I'm off to hydrate. |
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08-17-2010, 10:07 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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comfortably numb...
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
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a wet fart?
rosie o'donnell?
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. |
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08-17-2010, 12:35 PM
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#6 (permalink) | |
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Une petite chou
Location: With All Your Base
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Michael Jackson
Ants (actually speaking from experience) Oatmeal (see above)
__________________
Here's how life works: you either get to ask for an apology or you get to shoot people. Not both. House Quote:
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand
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08-19-2010, 02:41 AM
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#8 (permalink) |
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comfortably numb...
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
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__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. |
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08-19-2010, 07:05 AM
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#11 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: Greater Harrisburg Area
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Glue Traps
Baby Alligators Plutonium A set of ginsu knives A gallon of cottage cheese As for the original question, what's on the table for the winner? Pride, or Lasagna?
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The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game. |
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08-19-2010, 07:40 AM
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#12 (permalink) |
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Tilted Cat Head
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
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an angry poo poo.
__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. |
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08-19-2010, 07:47 AM
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#13 (permalink) |
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warrior bodhisattva
Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
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__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot |
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08-19-2010, 08:09 AM
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#14 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
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-Razors blades
-A Catholic priest -Inflatable raft with the handle pulled -A see-thru window -A badger/porcupine
__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928 |
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08-19-2010, 08:47 AM
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#16 (permalink) | |
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Junkie
Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
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Quote:
Okay; -A tiny penis -A massive vagina -Your nipples -Sand -A cheese grater
__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928 |
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08-19-2010, 10:10 AM
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#19 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
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-Granola
-Computer chips -A kitten (think of the tiny little claws) -An anvil
__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928 |
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08-19-2010, 11:32 AM
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#20 (permalink) |
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Insane
Location: The Great NorthWet
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Black Berry brambles
Rose bush Pissed off Cat Squirrel Rabid dog Thistle Dental Floss Metal shavings Broken glass My fav is "Family of shaved Badgers", that's a good one. .. ... ..
__________________
Methods, application and intensity of application vary by the individual. All legal wavers must be signed before 'treatment' begins. Self 'Medicating' is not recommend. However, if necessary, it is best to have an 'assistant' or 'soft landing zone' nearby. Any and all legal issues resulting from improperly applied techniques should be forwarded to: Dewy, Cheatum & Howe, Intercourse, PA 17534. Attn: Anonymous. |
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08-19-2010, 11:40 AM
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#21 (permalink) | |
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Junkie
Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
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Quote:
 -Operating magnetron -Roofing nails -A picture of your Grandma (imagine getting caught) -A used urinal cake -a sea urchin
__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928 |
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08-19-2010, 12:51 PM
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#23 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
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Last ones before I head home;
-Herpes -A Dalek -Naturally occurring bald patches -plutonium isotopes -a spider
__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928 |
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08-19-2010, 12:55 PM
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#24 (permalink) | |
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Une petite chou
Location: With All Your Base
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Sandspurs
Tiger Balm A bottle cap Bacon, whilst standing in front of a pit bull Parmesan cheese Habanero peppers An inflated balloon Lit candle... sometimes A harmonica
__________________
Here's how life works: you either get to ask for an apology or you get to shoot people. Not both. House Quote:
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand
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08-19-2010, 01:16 PM
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#26 (permalink) |
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Forming
Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.
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A cactus...
__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager "Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike |
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08-19-2010, 01:18 PM
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#27 (permalink) |
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comfortably numb...
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
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a rhinocerous...
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. |
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08-19-2010, 02:35 PM
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#28 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
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-Pastry (seriously, is anyone into that?)
-A 3-cheese pizza fresh from the oven -Tiger Woods -A tiara -A laptop power pack after twelve straight hours of use
__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928 |
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08-19-2010, 02:43 PM
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#30 (permalink) |
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warrior bodhisattva
Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
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A Taser with the safety off.
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot |
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08-19-2010, 02:52 PM
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#31 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
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Plan9 and his buddies?
__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928 |
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08-19-2010, 04:14 PM
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#32 (permalink) | |
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Paladin of the Palate
Location: Redneckville, NC
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a gallon of icy hot
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Quote:
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08-19-2010, 04:18 PM
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#34 (permalink) |
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Young Crumudgeon
Location: Canada
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__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame |
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08-19-2010, 04:19 PM
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#35 (permalink) | |
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comfortably numb...
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
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Quote:
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. |
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08-19-2010, 04:28 PM
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#37 (permalink) |
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warrior bodhisattva
Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
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Tom Dickson with a Blendtec blender.
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot |
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| things pants |
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