Plan9

Put a bunch of rowdy military guys around a table with some beer for a few hours and you'll get this level of discussion: "Okay, who'd win in a fight? Heathcliff, Garfield, Sylvester, or Tom the cat?" "Tom, he was the most violent." "Nah, I think Garfield... Garfield was really sneaky."

You'll also get: Things Nobody Wants In Their Pants

- a gallon of warm pudding
- a dozen disassembled doorknobs
- your signed Michael Jordan rookie card
- a family of shaved badgers
- a tube leading to your nose
- a brick of cocaine (while in an airport or at a border crossing)

It was far more amusing while inebriated, but I figure TFP could come up with some pretty unique things that shouldn't be located underneath the crotch-covering garment.

So, yeah, I'm off to hydrate.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

uncle phil

a wet fart?

rosie o'donnell?

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

FuglyStick

__________________
AZIZ! LIGHT!

Hektore

A Hornet's Nest....









A smooth spot

Sorry...Couldn't resist.

__________________
The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

Ourcrazymodern?

poison ivy

crabs

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

noodle

Michael Jackson

Ants (actually speaking from experience)

Oatmeal (see above)

__________________

Giant Hamburger

I wouldn't say no to a gallon of warm pudding if the time was right.

uncle phil

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Jove

rat trap.

Lucifer

Rubbing alcohol

a ferret

cracker jacks

'D' cell batteries

staples

__________________
I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29

1123, 6536, 5321

Hektore

Glue Traps
Baby Alligators
Plutonium
A set of ginsu knives
A gallon of cottage cheese


As for the original question, what's on the table for the winner? Pride, or Lasagna?

__________________
The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

Cynthetiq

an angry poo poo.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Baraka_Guru

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Amaras

-Razors blades
-A Catholic priest
-Inflatable raft with the handle pulled
-A see-thru window
-A badger/porcupine

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

Plan9

You guys crack me up.

Inflatable raft is a good one.

...

I was thinking about the underwear bomber guy and how he probably didn't want those components by this wedding tackle.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Amaras

Thanks! Still hung over, are you?
Okay;
-A tiny penis
-A massive vagina
-Your nipples
-Sand
-A cheese grater

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

Plan9

I've also determined that a wide variety of musical instruments have no business in my pants.

This made me think of Kindergarten Cop. "This ist mein ferret!"

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

BadNick

I can feel potential positives from pudding and oatmeal, even cottage cheese.

OTOH, alcohol would be bad. As would any astringent. Absorbine Jr. and HEET would be very bad.

Amaras

-Granola
-Computer chips
-A kitten (think of the tiny little claws)
-An anvil

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

RogueGypsy

Black Berry brambles
Rose bush
Pissed off Cat
Squirrel
Rabid dog
Thistle
Dental Floss
Metal shavings
Broken glass

My fav is "Family of shaved Badgers", that's a good one.


..
...
..

__________________
Methods, application and intensity of application vary by the individual. All legal wavers must be signed before 'treatment' begins. Self 'Medicating' is not recommend. However, if necessary, it is best to have an 'assistant' or 'soft landing zone' nearby. Any and all legal issues resulting from improperly applied techniques should be forwarded to: Dewy, Cheatum & Howe, Intercourse, PA 17534. Attn: Anonymous.

Amaras

Oooh, I had to think about that one. Brilliant!

-Operating magnetron
-Roofing nails
-A picture of your Grandma (imagine getting caught)
-A used urinal cake
-a sea urchin

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

Plan9

This thread is good for morale in my time of need.

I almost choked to death on beer at the "used urinal cake" comment.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Amaras

Last ones before I head home;
-Herpes
-A Dalek
-Naturally occurring bald patches
-plutonium isotopes
-a spider

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

noodle

Sandspurs

Tiger Balm

A bottle cap

Bacon, whilst standing in front of a pit bull

Parmesan cheese

Habanero peppers

An inflated balloon

Lit candle... sometimes

A harmonica

__________________

Plan9

Harmonica. Wow. Just imagine walking with that one.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Punk.of.Ages

A cactus...

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

uncle phil

a rhinocerous...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Amaras

-Pastry (seriously, is anyone into that?)
-A 3-cheese pizza fresh from the oven
-Tiger Woods
-A tiara
-A laptop power pack after twelve straight hours of use

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

Jove

Gray back gorilla.

Baraka_Guru

A Taser with the safety off.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Amaras

Plan9 and his buddies?

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

LordEden

a gallon of icy hot

__________________
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

Tully Mars

stun gun or tazer... don't taz my bros!

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

Martian

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

uncle phil

jeebus, got to agree with that...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Plan9

Nice! "My bros."

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

Tom Dickson with a Blendtec blender.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

Anything equipped with Lambo doors.

...

Man, Amaras is really good at this. I keep chuckling at his suggestions.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Tully Mars

Andy Dick...



Or any dick other then mine.

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

Plan9

Oh, the pictures make it better.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."