Things Nobody Wants In Their Pants
 

Put a bunch of rowdy military guys around a table with some beer for a few hours and you'll get this level of discussion: "Okay, who'd win in a fight? Heathcliff, Garfield, Sylvester, or Tom the cat?" "Tom, he was the most violent." "Nah, I think Garfield... Garfield was really sneaky."

You'll also get: Things Nobody Wants In Their Pants

- a gallon of warm pudding
- a dozen disassembled doorknobs
- your signed Michael Jordan rookie card
- a family of shaved badgers
- a tube leading to your nose
- a brick of cocaine (while in an airport or at a border crossing)

It was far more amusing while inebriated, but I figure TFP could come up with some pretty unique things that shouldn't be located underneath the crotch-covering garment.

So, yeah, I'm off to hydrate.

a wet fart?

rosie o'donnell?

A Hornet's Nest....









A smooth spot :thumbsup:

Sorry...Couldn't resist.

poison ivy

crabs

Michael Jackson

Ants (actually speaking from experience)

Oatmeal (see above)

I wouldn't say no to a gallon of warm pudding if the time was right.

rat trap.

Rubbing alcohol

a ferret

cracker jacks

'D' cell batteries

staples

Glue Traps
Baby Alligators
Plutonium
A set of ginsu knives
A gallon of cottage cheese


As for the original question, what's on the table for the winner? Pride, or Lasagna?

an angry poo poo.

-Razors blades
-A Catholic priest
-Inflatable raft with the handle pulled
-A see-thru window
-A badger/porcupine

You guys crack me up.

Inflatable raft is a good one.

...

I was thinking about the underwear bomber guy and how he probably didn't want those components by this wedding tackle.

Thanks! Still hung over, are you?
Okay;
-A tiny penis
-A massive vagina
-Your nipples
-Sand
-A cheese grater

I've also determined that a wide variety of musical instruments have no business in my pants.

This made me think of Kindergarten Cop. "This ist mein ferret!"

I can feel potential positives from pudding and oatmeal, even cottage cheese.

OTOH, alcohol would be bad. As would any astringent. Absorbine Jr. and HEET would be very bad.

-Granola
-Computer chips
-A kitten (think of the tiny little claws)
-An anvil

Black Berry brambles
Rose bush
Pissed off Cat
Squirrel
Rabid dog
Thistle
Dental Floss
Metal shavings
Broken glass

My fav is "Family of shaved Badgers", that's a good one.


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Oooh, I had to think about that one. Brilliant!:thumbsup:

-Operating magnetron
-Roofing nails
-A picture of your Grandma (imagine getting caught)
-A used urinal cake
-a sea urchin

This thread is good for morale in my time of need.

I almost choked to death on beer at the "used urinal cake" comment.

Last ones before I head home;
-Herpes
-A Dalek
-Naturally occurring bald patches
-plutonium isotopes
-a spider

Sandspurs

Tiger Balm

A bottle cap

Bacon, whilst standing in front of a pit bull

Parmesan cheese

Habanero peppers

An inflated balloon

Lit candle... sometimes

A harmonica

Harmonica. Wow. Just imagine walking with that one.

A cactus...

a rhinocerous...

-Pastry (seriously, is anyone into that?)
-A 3-cheese pizza fresh from the oven
-Tiger Woods
-A tiara
-A laptop power pack after twelve straight hours of use

Gray back gorilla.

A Taser with the safety off.

Plan9 and his buddies?

a gallon of icy hot

stun gun or tazer... don't taz my bros!

jeebus, got to agree with that...

Nice! "My bros."

Tom Dickson with a Blendtec blender.

Anything equipped with Lambo doors.

...

Man, Amaras is really good at this. I keep chuckling at his suggestions.

Andy Dick...

http://topnews.in/light/files/Andy-Dick.jpg

Or any dick other then mine.

Oh, the pictures make it better.