the great insult thread
 

post a great insult you heard/said.

OR

make up a great insult and post it.


mine:

heard in 9th or 10 grade in the computer room at school...said one chick to another: "You fat cuntpicker!"

just made this up: you (or this/that/he/she/whatever) suck(s) 9 kinds of ass.

This thread is so shitty that it stinks worse than a soiled baby nappy left in the summer sunshine just outside your window in front of the fan you attempt to use for ventilation.

:D

Man, your brain must rattle around like a BB in a boxcar.....

Or, a variation of my signature,
You're just like a Slinky. Not good for much, but still fun to throw down a flight of stairs.

Some of my favorite articulate insults...

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others"
Samuel Jackson

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop

"He had delusions of adequacy."
Walter Kerr

From myself: Had a new kid working with me for about a week telling me all about the idiotic things he does while drunk and how he doesn't like to think and just do. So I told him he was the "Rebel without a thought". He had no idea what I talking about but the boss found it amusing.

you're an example of why some animals eat their young

you're a poster child for planned parenthood

you're the reason they invented condoms

your mom shouldn't have swallowed

beauty may be only skin-deep, but in your case, ugliness goes right to the bone

dog shit is easier to pick up than you are

Id rather tie a pork chop around my neck and go play with a starving rabid pit bull.

Id rather sew my twat shut, gouge out my eye balls and slit my throat.

Id rather have sex with a telephone pole wrapped in barbed wire.

Of all the days for your mom NOT to have a headache.

The best part of you ran down your moms leg.

My personal favorite....

Youre nothing more than a simpletonistic fuckwit stagnant cum puddle whose mother should have had a migraine or otherwise found some way of preventing your scum bubble cum puss existance from being inflicted upon the human gene pool.

Imagine how angry I had to be for that to come tumbling out of my mouth like a freight train going down a mountain without brakes.

Just think. Out of millions of sperm, that was the quickest.

Edit: I saw the Churchill quote up above and had to add this one

Lady Astor "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!"
Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober."

Haha! :thumbsup:

Actually... all of these are great. It's sad that I probably won't remember them at the appropriate time.

"so's yer ol' man!!!"

These ones come to mind..... I've actually heard the first two given out..

"You should've been nothing more than a regurgitated cum bubble"

" Basically, you're just the mutilated afterbirth of a lesbian gutter slut"

"I'd like to see things from your point of view but i can't seem to get my head that far up my ass"


And i found these ones..... and also found them pretty hilarious...

"Are your parents siblings??"

"I don't know what makes you so dumb...but it really works."

.....................................

ItWasMe's two daughters fighting recently:

"You stupid son of a moron stick"

"You two headed moldy rabbit sucker"

"Bitch"

.....................................

On my daughter's shrit:

"I'm not mean. You're just a sissy."

so, she called you a moron stick?

I'm going to have to ask her that. :D

"over a million sperm cells, and you're the one that survived..."

(sorry, pesto...i must have skipped right over yours...)

"Teeeenagers!"...as said by my 7 year old, meant to be an insult.

I love it!

This one works in the Denver area: "Thanks, but I ride the RTD bus, not the STD bus".

How's your wife and my kids?

Subtle.

"When your IQ hits 50, sell. You will profit."

Overheard in my fraternity house after way too much beer, "That dumb cunt is a cum chugging fuck pig." Gotta love the assonance.

Groucho Marx, "Begone, and never darken my towels again!"

"your existence is the equivalent of a celestial wetfart"

"you're the posterchild for abortions"

"every time you open your mouth, I wonder why your dad couldn't have had the decency to cum on your mother's face"

if you were a pokemon, you'd be suckachu

if you were a transformer, you'd be a retardocon

http://jadedvideo.com/yz_result.asp?PRODUCT_ID=201036

http://jadedvideo.com/yz_result.asp?PRODUCT_ID=241483

you don't look as pregnant as you did two weeks ago...

Y'all are just humans.

"You smell like an anchovie's cunt."

george carlin

I heard you were so tight you squeak.

I'm not even sure this is an insult, but it got a powerfully negative reaction out of the person I said it to the other day...

he/she is a tight ass?

The greatest insult a man can give a woman: Call her fat.

The greatest insult a woman can give a man: Tell him he has a small penis.

there's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure...

mmm one i thought was at least mildly insulting, but the person who was asking me to be on his inet radio show told me "Thats EXACTALLY why I want you on the show!"

'I'd rather be locked in a room with my Ex husband, 5000 angry killer bees and a blowing air raid siren while doing my taxes longform and having my teeth cleaned with a running chainsaw"

Be that as it may, you STILL have to take a shower today.

Now, where did I put the garden hose?

The god that created you must have been insane.

You're ugly, and your mother dresses you funny.

So...what do you know?

i just learned of your illness...i hope it's nothing trivial...

I might have felt something just then. No, before that!

Aw, hell, crawl off!

I'll be back...

thank you for sending me a copy of your book; i'll waste no time reading it...

I probably heard it somewhere before but I used this one to end a high school argument with a very self-conscious girl:

"You think I'm an asshole? Look at what God did to your face"

Donated his brain to science before he was done using it


You set low personal standards and then consistently fail to achieve them.

you have van gogh's ear for music...

Focus fucks us.

you can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man i know...

I'd have been your father if that Pit Bull Terrier hadn't gotten over the fence before me.

you love nature in spite of what it did to you...

You should be ashamed of yourself speaking to me in that tone, considering that I'm the only one on this forum who likes you. Tsk-tsk! :no:

Yeah, I had an idea once, too.

My sister called me a pigposser one time.

You aren't listening.

These features:
Our (maybe) prides and joys
can hardly make us.

(Automerged triplepost)

hurtful thoughts born into words, sticks and stones,
tend to boomerang wang around.

I remember to mind my mind most of the time.

:icare: :wave: :love:

I, ho?

I love you .

No insult can bear
the weight of what we're doing.
We'll listen harder.

YES?

all ears .

The fucknuggetry emanating from the cesspool you call your mouth could be bottled and sold as rat poison, and makeup for trolls.

Ooh! That's a good one. I am going to file that with asshattery and faggotry in my "vaguely archaic souding insult" file. I think grabasstic would make a good adjective for that. Sucktastic would work too.

What manner of grabasstic fucknuggetry is ensuing here?

Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?
 

"cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit"

Clark W. Griswold

If there were no laws against killing, someone would've done evolution a favor with you by now.

What a total waste of oxygen you are.

I crap turds that have more warmth and charm than you.

If there were an asshole Olympics, he'd be a gold medalist.

[So-and-so]? Yeah, smarter than a prison rapist, but not as well-mannered.

You know, one day, when you learn to read, you're going to be embarrassed about what you just said.

Yeah, he's less together than a crack whore's legs.

It'll be a miracle of improbability if he ever figures out how to reproduce.

He's not really quite as smart as the average woodchuck.

mean words hurt.
why add insult to injury?


heh, ok, In all honesty I have used this one in real life,

"I've never hated anyone as much as I want to hate you right now"
and I borrowed that line from a movie...

BASTARD





that's it..........just Bastard.



right joe?

:lol:

I would call you a moron but I don't want to offend morons

Out of all those millions of sperm you were the fastest?

I might have felt that. Nah.

It somehow comforts me that you believe in Hell.

Fuck Off.......



it's just that simple..........kinda like joe.....

Boneheads all...

What is your head made out of?

lick me like a lollipop........

or


eat me like an oreo.


ask joe...........he's good at both.

Uh-oh!

Yeah, and I got nothin'.

You were saying?

What color is the sky in your world?

May you be excused?

why am I so disrespected in western canada..........:confused:

it's the weather......:oogle:



oh yeah........




in one ear,out your mother......

You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece.

How tall are you? I did not know they stacked shit that high.

Did any of your mother's children live?

Put your pants on! You're confusing the children and making the women snicker.

If you were half the man you're mother thinks you are, you'd be twice the man you are.

What's the matter? Is your brain cell lonely?

If that was your best idea, give it a second. It'll die of loneliness.

And in honor of Gary Gygax:
Great Athena's Tits! What saving throw did you fail? If you're charisma were cut in half it would be an improvement. Quick, throw some holy water on it and see if it bubbles.

I can tell, you at least finished grade level sophomoric.

To a woman; "You are a sperm burping tavern wench!"
To anyone; "Blind people find you ugly!"

Someone pissed in your mother.

(warning, this will get you struck in some mediterranian countries...)

One I heard in college: That dumb cunt is a cum chugging fuck pig.
Personally, aside for the lovely use of assonance, I think that one really crosses the line.

There's also a deadly insult in Spanish that translates to: I shit on the bad milk of your whore mother who spat you from her twat.

And an insult in Russian that translates to: You'll live, but you won't feel much like fucking. Mostly insulting because it's cast in the familiar mood.

You are the reason why condoms are invented.

I used to be against abortions, I changed my mind after I met you.

You are proof that God is playing a prank on us.

You are 12 kinds of ugly and twice as dumb.

The reason why you have younger siblings is because your parents didn't get it right the first time.

You look like you have an extra set of chromosome in your DNA.

When given the choices, Hitler decided it would be easier to take over the world than to make you look pretty.

Your parents must have beaten you with an ugly stick when you were little.

You're so ugly, the doctor slaps your mom instead of you when you were born.

Mexican farts smell better than you.

You look like a retarded offspring of a sasquach and a monkey.

One chromosome over being severely retarded. (one of my faves)



And this I wrote in my blog about a painfully idiotic co-worker:

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. ... You are so unimaginative you make me sick, you are as talentless as a towel.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL


those r gr8 1s but the best was "how's ur wifey and my kids"

cracked me up :D

nice 1s

Weapons Grade Dumb.

just heard guccilvr use the term "emo bitch" cracked me the fuck up,
not really sure why....

Pity, if your brain were only larger we could get you to stop humping ladies legs at cocktail parties.

Knock that off; you're getting your stupid on me.

You have such an open mind. I believe I can hear the wind whistling through it.

When your IQ hits 50, sell. You will make a profit.

For no reason at all, today the word "muff-trumpet" popped into my head.

You confuse me.

I've said this at work so many times, it might as well be my name:

"I can fix anything but stupid."

You can't be fixed.

if TFP management stepped up and did their jobs for once by deleting this assinine thread, they'd do the world a favor since I'm only seeing the bottom of the barrel members even posting in this lame as thread... please don't drool on yourselves as you contemplate this fate :)

Ocm? what gives
why are you even in here
I only see "fail"

Wipe your chin, Nick. You're drooling again.

shows how much you know....I've not had a vasectomy, so, in fact, I CAN be fixed. :devious:

I honestly don't know if I heard it somewhere or I invented it, but someone said something incredibly insulting to a poor innocent passerby.

My response?

"It's a pity your mother didn't abort you..."

Your whipping boy awaits you...

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we
say in Texas, you couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions
printed on the heel. You are a canker, an open wound. I would rather
kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You took your last vacation in
the Islets of Langerhans.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little
worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a
cad, and a weasel. I take that back; you are a festering pustule on a
weasel's rump. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench,
a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same
species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at
the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut.
Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are
a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. You are a technicolor yawn.
And did I mention that you smell?

You are a squeaking rat, a mistake of nature and a heavy-metal bagpipe
player. You were not born. You were hatched into an unwilling world
that rejects the likes of you. You didn't crawl out of a normal egg,
either, but rather a mutant maggot egg rejected by an evil scientist
as being below his low standards. Your alleged parents abandoned you
at birth and then died of shame in recognition of what they had done
to an unsuspecting world. They were a bit late.

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting
to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a
nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able
to access it ever so much more rapidly. If cluelessness were crude
oil, your scalp would be crawling with caribou.

You are a thick-headed trog. I have seen skeet with more sense than
you have. You are a few bricks short of a full load, a few cards short
of a full deck, a few bytes short of a full core dump, and a few
chromosomes short of a full human. Worse than that, you top-post. God
created houseflies, cockroaches, maggots, mosquitos, fleas, ticks,
slugs, leeches, and intestinal parasites, then he lowered his
standards and made you. I take it back; God didn't make you. You are
Satan's spawn. You are Evil beyond comprehension, half-living in the
slough of despair. You are the entropy which will claim us all. You
are a green-nostriled, crossed eyed, hairy-livered inbred
trout-defiler. You make Ebola look good.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid,
nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an
ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with
you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in
a land that reality forgot. You are not ANSI compliant and your markup
doesn't validate. You have a couple of address lines shorted together.
You should be promoted to Engineering Manager.

Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be
read? Everyone plonked you long ago. Do you fantasize that your
tantrums and conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.000000001
worth of electricity used to send them? Your life is one big
W.O.M.B.A.T. and your future doesn't look promising either. We need to
trace your bloodline and terminate all siblings and cousins in order
to cleanse humanity of your polluted genes. The good news is that no
normal human would ever mate with you, so we won't have to go into the
sewers in search of your git.

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and
obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living
emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a
loathsome disease, a drooling inbred cross-eyed toesucker. You make
Quakers shout and strike Pentecostals silent. You have a version 1.0
mind in a version 6.12 world. Your mother had to tie a pork chop
around your neck just to get your dog to play with you. You think
that HTTP://WWW.GUYMACON.COM/FUN/INSULT/INDEX.HTM is the name of a
rock band. You believe that P.D.Q. Bach is the greatest composer who
ever lived. You prefer L. Ron Hubbard to Larry Niven and Jerry
Pournelle. Hee-Haw is too deep for you. You would watch test patterns
all day if the other inmates would let you.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are
deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of
wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted.
Spammers look down on you. Phone sex operators hang up on you.
Telemarketers refuse to be seen in public with you. You are the source
of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
May you choke on your own foolish opinions. You are a Pusillanimous
galactophage and you wear your sister's training bra. Don't bother
opening the door when you leave - you should be able to slime your
way out underneath. I hope that when you get home your mother runs
out from under the porch and bites you.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock.
You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted
boggish foot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You
gormless crook-pated tosser. You bloody churlish boil-brained clotpole
ponce. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered
bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You
dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. May your
spouse be blessed with many bastards.

You are so clueless that if you dressed in a clue skin, doused yourself
in clue musk, and did the clue dance in the middle of a field of horny
clues at the height of clue mating season, you still would not have a
clue. If you were a movie you would be a double feature;
_Battlefield_Earth_ and _Moron_Movies_II_. You would be out of focus.

You are a fiend and a sniveling coward, and you have bad breath. You
are the unholy spawn of a bandy-legged hobo and a syphilitic camel.
You wear strangely mismatched clothing with oddly placed stains. You
are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just knowing that
you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go
away. You are jetsam who dreams of becoming flotsam. You won't make
it. I beg for sweet death to come and remove me from a world which
became unbearable when you crawled out of a harpy's lair.

It is hard to believe how incredibly stupid you are. Stupid as a stone
that the other stones make fun of. So stupid that you have traveled
far beyond stupid as we know it and into a new dimension of stupid.
Meta-stupid. Stupid cubed. Trans-stupid stupid. Stupid collapsed to
a singularity where even the stupons have collapsed into stuponium.
Stupid so dense that no intelligence can escape. Singularity stupid.
Blazing hot summer day on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one
minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. It cannot
be possible that anything in our universe can really be this stupid.
This is a primordial fragment from the original big stupid bang. A pure
extract of stupid with absolute stupid purity. Stupid beyond the laws
of nature. I must apologize. I can't go on. This is my epiphany of
stupid. After this experience, you may not hear from me for a while.
I don't think that I can summon the strength left to mock your moronic
opinions and malformed comments about boring trivia or your other
drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped
away most of your of what you wrote, because, well ... it didn't
really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was
pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a
load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after
you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more
success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal"
people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering.
But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this
world who find these things to be difficult. If I had known that this
was true in your case then I would have never have exposed myself to
what you wrote. It just wouldn't have been "right." Sort of like
parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the
emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a
demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful,
cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable,
belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal,
fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic,
brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame,
self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent,
libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, EDLINoid,
illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking,
devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic,
fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased,
suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim,
crazy, weird, dyspeptic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim,
unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive,
mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive,
abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, and Generally Not Good.

In fact, you are so stupid that I won't even bother writing an original response to your post - even copying and pasting the above, which can be found in numerous places on the internet, was already enough of a waste of my time.

God, newbie-whose-name-I-can't-be-bothered-to-scroll-up-to-see, that more slack-jawed rambling than I ever see in one place. Somewhere a million monkeys with a million typewriters are angry that they're going to have to eventually retype that. Ferns that have been dead for millions of years are cursing you for having given their lives to supply the coal that was burned to power your computer. Your suckitude is only eclipsed by those sad sacks that had the misfortune to post above you.

Just cos you've got hairs round your lips, it doesnt mean you can talk like a cunt

He's a twat-thats why his breath smells of fish

Wow.

Me likeee