Q: What did you decide to go as last Halloween?

A: Grandfather perverts.

Q: Name the most unlikely humans you can think of.

A: Because there are sperm.

Q: I feel the contents of my drink gliding sensuously down my gullet. It's awesome, but I can't think why?!

A: Lubrication is the way forward.

(Darlin'!)

Q: All around and backwards it works. What is it?

A: Everything you didn't understand when younger.

Q: Why didn't Santa Claus ever bring me what I asked for?

A: He is a diabolical genius!

um...
Q: Why was Satan expelled from heaven?

A: This bluish thing came up.

Q: Why did your last girlfriend decide to kill herself?

A: Hearing "huggably and rapably soft" behind the door.

Q: Why did Sharon abandon me?

A: Forgot to lock the cage.

Q: How did the cobras get into the sewers?

A: Boyo came home and freaked out.

Q: Surely he didn't do anything rash when he saw Bozo blowing his glass?

A: Getting a strict lesson.

Q: Where's OCM?

A: He decided to put his testicles on ice.

Q: What happened after Bill had his ninth kid?

A: Going, going, gone.

Q: Progressing quite quickly towards completion, and sounding like a fuzzy jackhammer, Jetstream was...?

A: It's where heaven comes from.

Q: Where are you located Waldo?

A: In your dreams.

Q: When I wished for something, where did I most often find it?

A: I have three of them.

Q: What do you have to say about testicles.

A: Kinda ballsy, don't ya think?

Q: What was wrong with what I said?

A: I didn't understand the question.

Q: What's the best thing to say to stall for time while trying to think of a good lie?

A: Because they're worth it!

Q: Why do men end up buying women nice things?

A: Weaklings, the lot of them!

Q: What are suicide bombers?

A: Mycelia.

Q: What is your favorite type of salad?

A: Green and leafy.

Q: How are trees different in the spring than they are in the winter? They're...?

A: Political correctness.

Q: Why didn't you call out your ex for the cheating, low-life, fuckin' stupid-ass scum loser bastard asshole who gave you herpes intentionally lying pussy-ass bitch for what that cock-sucking fucker truly is?

A: Because I'm a whore.

Q: Why must you dress like a prostitute?!?!?!

A: I suffer from a lack of parental supervision

Q: where did you get that tattoo of a beer bottle on your freakin' nose?


A: the eleventh commandment

Q: What happens if we should fail in our endeavors?

A: Ooga-Booga!

Q: What did you say?

A: Our fragile social structure.

Q: Why did the tower of humans fall down? (OMG PUN ALERT OR SOMETHING!!!)
AHAHAHAHAHAHA

A: A big gust of wind

Q: So you accuse me of farting... I hope you've got a good reason. Did you sense something?

A: There is a disturbance in the force.

Q: Did you feel that, Yoda?

A: I was driving a little too fast.

Q: The valley that runs down the trail over the west bank of the glorious state of Natchez-Pierce was the site of my own hideous undoing. My whole family was lain waste, no care taken by the natives that even baby Coolidge was to be spared an ounce of pain. How I came to be spared, by the grace of God, I shall never know. I had been smashed in the head with a boulder over fourteen times by a young Indian brave. When I awoke, with eyes still stinging from the smouldering decimation, my large blue eyes looked up into the burning sun of the late summer sky. No sooner had I stirred when four horsemen approached my wilted carcasse. In their stilted English, they told me in great detail how they had massacred mine own Ma and Pa, how my elder brother Ham had given no resistance to his own flogging, and how easy it had been to make my sickly sister, Sarah Susanna, wail and sob like a sea creature. I clenched my long, graceful fingers into tight fists at my sides, and turning my head away, laughed quietly to OH MY GOD LOOK OUT FOR THAT TREE!!!!

*crash smash boom*


*tinkle tinkle*

BARRY, ARE YOU OKAY?!??!

BARRY?!

WAKE UP

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

*crying*

WHY
WHY
WHY

Oh, you're moving

Hi. How could you have not avoided the tree?!?!

~brought to you by Rasputina - My Captivity by Savages~


A: Greenpeace can cause more problems than PETA sometimes.

Q: Name a reason why financial backing can be detrimental.

A: They were landlocked and surrounded by enemies.

Q: Why does swiss cheese contain so many holes?

A: Three cups of flour and a little baking soda.

Q: This fruit punch is disgusting... what the hell did you put into it?!

A: A dead rat.

Q: Sarge push his cap over his brow and scratched his head with the butt of his police issue. They had got there too late to save 'Fingers' mcGoo. Still, he'd spilled his guts to the Feds earlier that day, looks like he got what was coming to him... 'What had the Lieutenant called him?'...

A: Spanky the clown and his dancing beaver.

Q: What was that pile of goo on the freeway yesterday?

A: (tic) She said she had to squeeze it, but she, and then she...

Q: Doctor in the ER asked what happened?

A: a wet hamster

Q: What's a good snack for a wet cat?

A: Poof!

Q: What does a British gay magician say to make things disappear?

A: Go away.

Q: What should you say to a telemarketer when they call?

A: Nail polish remover, paint thinner, and my mother in-law.