Disk_Pusher

Before I begin, let me say that I am not attempting nor is it my intent to generalize all women, simply to express my confusion and irritation at a select and small group of women.

It seems as of late I've been forced to deal with a kind of woman I am very unfamiliar with. Our current roommate's girlfriend, as well as a former roommate, in addition to a gaggle of women I've met at college seem to have no problem taking what is not theirs (as in food and property), abusing other people's trust (said girlfriend gambled away her boyfriends portion of the rent, for example), and then demanding to be treated as equals because they "aren't little girls."

I've been raised to believe that if you want to be equal, you have to take all the responsibility that comes with being equal. That means even the little things, like not expecting others to pay your bills, feed you, or clean your house. I don't expect anything from other people unless I've done something to earn it (like a paycheck), but it seems the women I have been encountering lately really expect everything for nothing simply because of their gender, and I'm growing so frustrated to the point where I found myself thinking one night that perhaps the woman's rights movement was a huge farce and a waste of time.

Obviously, I'm wrong. I know I'm wrong. Hell, I'm HAPPY to be wrong as a woman myself! Furthermore, it scares me to be thinking along those lines, simply because (even though I'm not Christian) I believe I've committed a wrong even thinking along those lines. However, when I see women who cannot function outside of an "others will make everything right, I need not do anything" mentality, I get so incredibly frustrated and angry. It seems to me that if you can't take the responsibility of living as an adult, like paying your bills and fixing your own problems, that you can't ask to be treated as an adult, much less as an equal to a man whom you expect to correct these problems for you.

All this being said and patiently read by y'all, how should I move forward? Is there some method to dealing with such women, as it seems hopeless to avoid them entirely? Am I doing something wrong? If I am, I want to fix it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask another woman to behave maturely and responsibly, especially when they ask the same of me, but maybe it is. Maybe I’m completely backwards.

I appreciate your input and advice especially as I would like to know what other women think on this, but knowing I'm not the only one angry about this would make me feel great, sadly enough.

~Liz

lurkette

I don't think it's just women - I know plenty of men (my brother was one of them) who seemed to think the universe owed them something just for being alive, and had absolutely no clue why people got upset about it. Fortunately, for some people, it's a phase they outgrow. But for others, they just find someone whose particular neuroses mesh with their own - people who like to take care of other people and don't mind being stepped on and think it's kind of cuuuuuute. *barf* It's particularly galling, though, when it's women doing it, I agree. For one thing, it's so annoying to see them abusing gender stereotypes when the rest of us are trying to overcome them and be taken seriously. For another, it seems like people just let them get away with it, especially men, and especially if they're good looking.

My advice? Ignore it when you can, and if it's affecting you directly make sure the people involved know the rules and suffer consequences (like getting kicked out, having a lock put on the fridge, heh) if they don't play nice. Also, the words "I am not your mom" should become part of your vocabulary.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Lead543

I agree with lurkette, this issue isn't just gender-specific. Make sure you keep any valuables stashed away and if they steal your food, say something. As lurkette said, "I am not your Mom" would be the perfect response to someone stealing your food. "I'm not your Mom, I don't have to feed you."

Disk_Pusher

And suffer they shall.

Cute girlfriend (who apparently hates me because I enjoy talking about Dynasty Warriors with her boyfriend) who has been staying here for over 2 months without being on the lease and without paying any bills (as she gambles all her money away, so when we ask her to pay, she's broke and there is little my fiancee and I can do) has just been served with "Notice of Illegal Resident" papers by our landlord, who is really a cool guy. (Cool because it's not going in our record) This give her 72 hours to take her crap and go back to living with mommy, where she belongs.

We had a talk with both of them about a week and a half ago, explained her actions were violating OUR lease and it would mess up not only her boyfriend's rental history but mine and Scott's as well were we all evicted because of her. We explained that 2 nights a week staying over was as much as there could be, and instead she's stayed over EVERY night sence then. It's like I think I'm speaking English, but I'm speaking gibberish to her.

But I know she can farking read.

sexymama

Sounds like her SO needs to take a stand with her and you need to simply protect yourself. Good luck!

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

lurkette

Buwahahaha!!! Justice is enacted on her sorry ass!

Apologies, vindictive side showing.

Sounds like her bf is no prize as a roomie, either, if he lets her walk all over the rest of you like this.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Disk_Pusher

I feel badly for him. It's his first girlfriend, and he really doesn't know that there are better fish in the sea, and furthermore believes that this is totally acceptable behavior for women. Apparently, *I'M* the weird one.

But OH YES, my vindictive side has been sated, and he is leaving in 2 months to go live with his ball and chain, so as long as I don't have to deal with her? Friggin' awesome.

Gilda

In general, I believe that the women's rights movement was about freedom to make choices. We shouldn't criticize those who choose the traditional wife and homemaker role if that is what's best suited to them and if their mate prefers and/or accepts that kind of relationship. I'd say the same about men, who shoulld be allowed to be homemakers supported by their mates if thats what works best in that relationship.

The behavior described in the OP, however, is reprehensible. Stealing, mooching, and not following basic rules of courtesy are not acceptable regardless of gender or age; expecting someone else to solve all your problems for you does not make for an adult relationship; relying on a trusted partner for support in finding a solution is fine, or even makes for a stronger relationship.

I think everyone should spend at least a year living on their own, in their own place, paying their own bills from their own job as a passage into adulthood. It sounds as if the women in the OP are trying to avoid become adults.

JustJess

I bet if you asked her, she wouldn't consider herself high maintenance either. I'm glad she's moving out, she sounds atrocious.

I have to remind myself of this all the time too - people suck, not just men or women.

And I agree, Gilda - the movement was so that we could do what we want, just like the guys. (Although I imagine there is still a lot of stereotype to overcome should a man wish to be a house husband.) She's not exercising free will so much as freely passed laziness.

__________________
My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

Disk_Pusher

*Sigh*

I'm at the end of my rope. We had the notice served yesterday. Bun showed it to her, and then let her spend the night. She shows up again tonight, waltzes off to bed. Scott (my fiancee) is speaking to Bun now, but I get the impression he just doesn't care. Spoke to the landlord today, and he said he'd serve an "Intent to Evict due to Illegal Resident" notice tomorrow (again, not in our record) if she stayed tonight. Past that though, he said we may have to move to another unit to rid ourselves of the problem.

I'm 5 months pregnant. I don't want to move because of THEIR problems, but if a notice from the landlord didn't set him straight, I serriously doubt a second one would either, even if it IS an intent to evict.

Gilda - I am of the same mind on the Women's Rights Movement. My comments were really spured by anger, and I should have composed myself before starting this thread. The right to choose one's path in life is a fantastic stride foreward. However, I fail to see using one's gender as an excuse, a justification, or a reason for one's personal lack of responsibility.

Well, wonderful. Stupid, stupid, STUPID me left the browser open as I composed this, left to get some food, and come back to remember I had disabled my screensaver/pass for ease of browsing. I'd like to say the baby is making me slow, but I'd rather take the burn for being an IDIOT. Nothing incriminating was visable as it was, however it could have easily been read and returned to it's previous state. And yes, they were downstairs while I was gone as lights left on were turned off when I returned. We'll see if they read anything.

~Liz, aparently a cousin to Paris Hilton.

Gilda

I'm sorry if I implied in my first paragraph that I was referring to the OP there; I wasn't. I'm completely with Disk Pusher on this; women who try to use being female as an excuse not to be responsible adults make us all look bad, and are just as bad as the guys who use being "bad boys" as an excuse for being jerks to women.

I sometimes get oversensitive about this issue and it comes out in places it doesn't belong.

Mooches and people who play the sex card, of either sex, are obnoxious and bad examples.

__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

Biscuit Buns

This situation absolutely sucks for you. I am sorry. It's certainly a good thing that your landlord is so easy about this. I hope this works out sooner than later for you and your family's sake. Pregnancy is no time for you to be needing to worry about this BS. Please keep us updated.

Hugs

__________________
A hard man is good to find. ~Mae West

Disk_Pusher

I just can't wait to move to Sacramento - going up to a very nice one bedroom, all utilities paid. But because this place is so expensive, and we have a second bedroom we don't use, we've tryed to economize by having roommates. I think we'd have more success shooting each other in the feet.

The day I asked the notice to be served for intent to evict, girlfriend came by and took a large basket of her stuff. So I thought, hey, maybe she learned her lesson. So I asked my landlord to hold on the notice. I was wrong. She's stayed anyway, and so on Monday after class I'll ask to have the notice posted.

So that's how it is. I've just gotten to the point where I'm very hesitant to trust women. We've been two for two on deadbeat chicks, and while I know that's far from statistically relevant, it's agrivating that both held this "I'm so cute! What, me pay bills?" attitude. It's really the attitude, not women, that I'm worried about, but I've yet to see a man behave like this (although aparently, some do and I've been lucky enough to miss them) and furthermore its difficult to see the attitude until you've known them for a bit (aka - they moved in).

Yeeeeeearg. At least they didn't go snooping about on my computer, as I feared earlier.

~Liz

raeanna74

At least your landlord said you could move to another of his units to leave this girl behind. Though I'm surprised he's made that offer since if the boyfriend is left to foot the entire bill and she's not the helping kind the landlord may be without money for that particular apartment quickly. I wish you good luck. I'll keep hoping she'll listen to the notice on Mon.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

ironmaiden7o7

I would say avoid them entirely, and I do agree with the others, this isn't just a female thing, there are men like that also. It makes me sick to know that people would sit there and expect to be showered with whatever. I don't expect anything from anyone, as long as I have the strength to work, I shall do so and provide for myself, and that means paying my bills, clothes, food and etc.

It's frustrating to be around people that expects certain things from you, it shouldn't be that way, it should always be you, whether you want to do something kind or not. I mean, it doesn't hurt to do something for someone every now and then, BUT, as long as that person can appreciate it.

I no longer feel that I need to do something for someone who won't be able to return their kindness in days, months, years to come, I've been burnt too many times.

I feel your pain, just move forward.

Elphaba

Isn't your "acceptable" roommate the problem here? Hasn't he taken advantage of you with bringing this gal into your home? What am I missing in this scenerio other than you don't like her, but you needed to economize expenses with him?

Sounds like there really isn't anything left to resolve. You move, he moves.

uptown

I agree.I've been in this situation before and the one that I deal with/hold accountable is my roomate as they are the person in a contract/agreement with me.

Demeter

Lord, please don't strike me down for this one...most of these women know exactly how to manipulate people. Of course, not all people can be manipulated. (read - I work my ass off, so can everyone else.)
These girls always seem to find a sucker wherever they go. For every girl who expects to be taken care off, there is a man willing to do it.

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I am not bound to please thee with my answers.
William Shakespeare

Disk_Pusher

Elphaba and Uptown -

That's what it's come to. He chose her over us, and because of that he's having to move back to Stockton because he can't keep a good paying job here in Fresno as she's constantly badgering him into "a better job". She has claimed she wants to stay, wants to get on the lease. I don't care and I sure as HELL don't want her having any legal rights in my home. I'm having the notice posted again so she'll see it (notice of intention to evict), and then I'm having the locks changed.

Demeter -

I agree completely with you. What I find most funny though is when one skilled manipulative woman encounters a man who doesn't tollerate her tricks, the man becomes "a sexist pig" or "an unsensitive jerk". Hillarious.