fallenangel

my boyfriend and i of nearly three years recently decided it was time for a break... i'm still living here unfortunately, because i've no where else to go and can't until the end of the month... we want to just stay friends right now because quite honestly, we're doing better as that. I'm still young so i know i need to get out there,but how am i supposed to move on but remain friends when my natural instinct is to push him away so i can avoid feeling hurt again...? thanks ladies

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all I wanna do is - give the best of me to you

BlueBongo

Well, you're going to feel hurt. I don't think there's any way around that at all. Wether you push him away or keep him around as a friend, unfortunately, the feelings are still there.

I would say break away from him for a while and take some time for yourself to figure things out. If you would be comfortable with him around as a friend go for it... but just be careful with that. I think just breaking away for a while and sort of "finding" yourself or just reflecting... would probably be best.

Not that it's helpful, but in my experience with breakups after a couple years of being together it is hard. I would take time to myself away from them and I figured if we wound up communicating again, then that was fine. But I have a hard time remaining good friends with ex-boyfriends. I still talk to some of them, but I wouldn't call them friends. I don't care about them talking about their current relationships, I'm happy for them to have been able to move on and get married and be happy themselves. But I felt it best to break away for a while, sometimes a year or two, just to take care of myself. But I'm pretty "independently" minded.. so it may be different for someone else.

That's my 2 or 20 cents.

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"Things can only get so bad before they have no choice but to get better.."

lisa

I would like to give you the perfect manual how to deal with this situation, but unfortunately, i don't think we can do this...

In my private experience... i've always had a lot of difficulties with this situation... I 'm not good at keeping a good relation with previous "lovers", mostly because 1) i feel akward being around them and having to approach them in a totally different way then you're used to do... 2) there are always emotions left, either on my side, either on the other side, which can make confrontations difficult...

I guess the important thing to do, is never stop talking to each other. When you feel hurt, or bad, or you blame him for something whatsoever, you have to talk about it, and not keep it all inside... Honesty is important not only in a love-relation, but also in a friendship; especially friendships AFTER love-relation...

Well, i'm just guessing here, I'm actually the last person that should be preaching about this!

Good luck to you!!!

fallenangel

thanks ladies... wish it would just get easier, too much gray area right now, need a little more b/w... i'm just afraid that if i start to see things more in b/w then i won't like where i end up and that's one of the big things preventing me from moving on i think.

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all I wanna do is - give the best of me to you

Amaelisen

How do you bring yourself to stay away and forget when this person has played a huge role in your adolescent life? He is everything that reminds me of my childhood. We were always thinking of marriage and a life of happiness together. Suddenly, he drops me on Christmas Eve for a girl who can play up his male ego. He stopped calling ever since he went on that "trip" of his, and expected me to automatically know. Three years together, and that is how I get dumped. I don't know about anyone else, but I think it is pretty tactless.

Since I have started my first year in College, it has gotten rather lonely during the ridiculously long breaks. It is so difficult to forget… and sometimes I feel as if I were still obsessed with the idiot who has broken my heart (I can assure you, this does not come about with boredom). Three months later, my mind has cleared up and I am able to see all the things he has done to me. He was a compulsive liar, a cheat, and someone who could care less about what happened to me. He left me completely broken, and never regretted it. Sadly enough, I still cannot say that I am quite over him.

Talking to him was never a problem, because he has been ignoring me ever since. He had his friends tell me that it was over. I was hoping the reason he never spoke to me afterwards was because the guilt was eating him up or he was afraid of my wrath, but more likely than not, it was the new girl telling him not to talk to me. I introduced them to each other too. Some friend she was.

fallenangel: BlueBongo and lisa have already said it, but I'll repeat it anyway: it will hurt to remain friends after the breakup. Although they both offer different solutions, I'm willing to bet that the majority of women will have gone with BlueBongo and completely break away from the guy.

lisa, I think that it's great that you can talk to your ex's. I totally agree that honestly is important in relationships. I have tried talking to my ex after a break up before, and it ended up with the both of us throwing accusations at each other. ^^; That really hurt... but we ended up back together... and then broken up...

It just never works out in the end, does it? :x
At least this time, I know never to trust him.

Any advice from the ladies for getting over him? Telling me how much of a moron I am might prove to me a good motivation method.

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"...it is a mark of prudence never to place our complete trust in those who have decieved us even once." - René Descartes

sapphire

Im going through the exact same situation right now, and unfortunately I am stuck living with him till next month. We are trying to stay friends but it is very difficult, especially since he is starting to see a new girl, and it brings up all the hurt feelings.

I think the best idea is to get away from him for a while and reevaluate the situation when the hurt feelings have somewhat subsided, and then decide if hes worth staying friends with.

Best of Luck!

Rowan

Right now I am going through one of the hardest break ups ever. He and I have been together for two and half years. For the last six months it's been on again off again, attention given by him then he ignores me. It's really hard because we are in the same band so I can't really get enough space. I am trying really hard not to allow him back into my life that way and to stop thinking about him. . .but it's so damn hard.

Any suggestions to distract myself?

Redgirl

I would suggest doing something completely new with your time you usually spent with him, but not by spending it with another guy. Take a fun class you always thought about trying, or volunteer somewhere. I know especially volunteering can give you a new perspective on life in general. It would probably take your mind off him and give you someplace to go when you're feeling lost.

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

txlovely

I agree - staying friends will make the breakup harder, linger on too long and also prevent you from being able to find someone else more worthy of your time. Plus, why risk jeopardizing a relationship with a new guy because you're still in contact with your ex? The only time I think that's fully accepted to remain "friends" with exs is when you have a child with said ex and in that case, it's not an option.
Get the heck out of that apartment as soon as you can and move on.

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Cruel words erode self-esteem like the ocean eats away the shore.

sillygirl

Uh.. .yeah.. SO TRUE. Been there, done that. No ex is going to be happy seeing his ex girl with another guy. No new guy is going to be happy seeing his new girl with her ex.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...