diddagirl

Hey all...i would like to get some advice if I could. I have a history of ending things with guys and running as soon as they start to get serious. I will literally find a flaw(s) within that guy, and turn into into something huge, to the point that I literally cant be with them anymore because they make me sick to my stomach.

So i finally think things are different......I have been dating this guy for about 5 months. I do think things got serious and deep quite fast. I thought I loved him so much, and that we were so right for each other. I never had the problems with him, the way that I did with other guys. (It usually happened with other guys within the first few weeks or a month). The one draw back is that we are doing a long distance thing, and that can be difficult.
So last week.... I went out with some people from work including this guy that I found attractive. A few of us went back to his place (we were all drinking some, but I wasnt smashed). So then I find out that mr. attractive is interested in me. And I liked that. We talked some, and he flirted alot.(he is a very big flirt...with almost all girls). I let him do some things.... feeling up my shirt and down my pants. I didnt kiss him - cause I felt like maybe it wasnt really cheating if we didnt kiss. My b/f got kinda worried and jealous when he found out I stayed out until 10 am with work people. I ended up telling him what happened, and he was hurt but felt that maybe it wasnt REALLY cheating, and that because he loved me so much, he could move past it.
Now the thing is... I am having doubts about me and my b/f. I feel like if I was sure, and content I wouldnt have done what I did, and I wouldnt still be curious about me and mr. attractive (which i am). And I am starting to feel the way about my b/f that I used to about other guys when i wanted to run..and wanted to end it. I do care for him, and love him, and I cant imagine not having him. But at the same time, I want the freedom to explore my other options.....I mean I know I cant have him and any other guys I want...but thats kinda the way i feel right now. I know my b/f is very in love with me and I just dont want to hurt him.

Am I just getting scared of how I feel and backing away like normal? Or am I just selfish and want it all? Is any of the things I am feeling normal? Any advice would help..... I would love some guidence or insight.

sillygirl

Well, I heard this analogy once from a good friend of mine, we'll see if I can make it make sense.


Say you have Kix for breakfast every day. You love your Kix. You have it religiously for breakfast, and you never want to have anything else for breakfast.

Then one day, you go to the store to restock on your Kix, and you see that there's a multipak of different cereals sitting there. Kix is not one of them, but these cereals look tantalizing. Now, you know that if you get these new and different cereals that you can never go back to Kix. Cuz Kix won't let you. You just have to decide if you can live without Kix for the rest of your life becuase you wanted to try the multipak. Sooo, whaddo you do?


*btw, sorry if that didn't make any sense, I did my best, and I'm reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally lacking in the sleep department right now*

__________________

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

emidew22

Long distance relationships are hard. Sometimes you can forget how good it feels to be with a person when you haven't seen them in weeks or monthes. I think you should go and visit your boyfriend and see if it awakens any memories. I think it will. I also think that it could be foolish to throw something that's been so good for so long away because you're attracted to someone else. It's natural to be attracted to more than one person, but that doesn't mean you should act on it. And think about how much you'll regret dumping the guy you love when you lose interest in "mr. attractive" after a month. I think you should avoid seeing him anywhere other than a work setting so that you won't be tempted, and explain how you're feeling to your boyfriend without ending things. I really think that if you broke up with him, it would be a mistake.

diddagirl

Thanks for all your input.
But emidew... if I need to avoid seeing "mr attractive" so that I wont be tempted.....isnt that wrong, and a problem in itself that I am in fact "tempted"? If I was 100% sure, wouldnt I want my b/f and only him? I just want to be fair to him, and I just dont trust that I wont hurt him in the future.

__________________
"Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done."
-Matthew Arnold

gabshu

Diddagirl, I think it's normal to be tempted, to find other people attractive. Your boyfriend probably does too. But acting upon it might be a problem. I do think you should try to get together with your boyfriend soon if at all possible. My boyfriend is away at the moment but we talk online everyday and we play computer games together. I think that if you really love this guy you should try to continue to be with him. It's not worth it to throw away something good because of a one night thing.

__________________
Go Kool Aid. OH YEAAHH

http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2003/koolaid/

diddagirl

So I went out with "mr attractive" and some other work friends tonight. I was upfront and told my b/f right away. He proceeded to get all jealous, and asked why of all people i had to hang out with him. I told him because we are all friends at work, and I will not stop hanging out with people just because my b/f is jealous or has a prob. He then got mad...and said "Fuck it. Its over"
I hung up on him, and he called me back, he was upset and apologized for what he said. I know ending it is the last thing he wants to do...but when he does stuff like this, I want to end it with him. I am young, and allowed to have fun and dont desereve for him to make me feel like an awful person for it. Ohhh...this all just keeps getting worse and worse.

__________________
"Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done."
-Matthew Arnold

gabshu

Do what feels right. If you think that it's worth it to put in the effort that this seems to require, then go ahead. If not if you want to end it it's up to you, I just recomend that you think this onw through carefully, and keep us posted.

__________________
Go Kool Aid. OH YEAAHH

http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2003/koolaid/

diddagirl

So to keep u updated.... i broke up with my b/f. He seemed to take it very hard.... A few days later I ended up fooling around with "mr attractive". Me being the honest person that I am..tolf my bf and he got mad and didnt want to speak to me any more. I was like, WTF? cause we werent even together. Anyways, we talked and worked it out, and we r actually back together now. Things seems to be going well......

__________________
"Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done."
-Matthew Arnold

txgirl

Hope it works out for you...but he'll always question everything you do now and where you are and who u r with and that's going to be terrible! I wish you all the luck in the world!

raeanna74

Ever girl friend I've had has gone through a time when she hasn't been excited by her man. I have myself become extremely disgusted with *shhh* hubby and wanted to cut things off. It's part of being in a relationship. Stick with it and talk things out. I'm glad you are back together. Give your boyfriend lots of credit for jumping back in with you. Also understand that he was probably very upset about you playing around with "Mr Attractive" a second time because he really wanted to be with you. Telling him about it was just rubbing it in his face. I'm not saying you should have hidden it but just that you should understand his reason for being upset. I really hope you can prove yourself to him. Be reasonable and open and willing to constantly check in with him especially if you go out. If you are willing to do that it will help him trust you more. I wish you good luck.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

diddagirl

Hey girls...
In answer to Raenna and tx girl.... i am not cool with that..nor do I think I deserve for him to always question and wonder what I am doing. Yes, I messed around with another guy..but my b/f and I werent technically "together". I have always always been honest with him, and I dont think I was rubbing it in his face at all. If he had found out some time in the future, he would have been crushed and mad that I never told him before. Maybe I am rude and selfish..but I cant see myself "checking in" with him, because I just cant bring myself to feel like I have to answer to anyone.

__________________
"Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done."
-Matthew Arnold

ariekitten

diddagirl....i can give you some advice since i have been in the same boat. my boyfriend and i had been dating for a whole year, and it had been the first person i really and truly had loved, and had been completely intimate with. this person blew my mind all the time, and i loved it. then i had to move back home temporarily and the long distance thing was really hard on both of us. i know we both started feeling tied down, and i became attracted to a guy at work. fortunately, nothing ever happened between that guy and me, though i know he was interested. but my boyfriend and i broke up anyway. i would say don't doubt yourself, and you don't hafta "check in". if you love this guy enough to be with him, then i imagine he can look past that "incident" and you two can work it out. you have to ask yourself if you want to risk giving up a person you love to find something new, or do you feel as though your current bf is not worth giving up? maybe if i had had more dating experiences prior to my recent breakup, i might have seen that this one was worth keeping, and maybe things woulda worked out differently. just for your sake i hope that you can find the right answer in yourself and make the right decision for you. and remember, you're the one who has to live with the decision and ultimately be happy with it. if you're not happy with the current boyfriend, then by all means end it. i hope things work out for you, and i wish you the best. we're all rooting for ya.

__________________
I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call.
~Vash, Trigun

>'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~