diddagirl

Hey all...i would like to get some advice if I could. I have a history of ending things with guys and running as soon as they start to get serious. I will literally find a flaw(s) within that guy, and turn into into something huge, to the point that I literally cant be with them anymore because they make me sick to my stomach.

So i finally think things are different......I have been dating this guy for about 5 months. I do think things got serious and deep quite fast. I thought I loved him so much, and that we were so right for each other. I never had the problems with him, the way that I did with other guys. (It usually happened with other guys within the first few weeks or a month). The one draw back is that we are doing a long distance thing, and that can be difficult.
So last week.... I went out with some people from work including this guy that I found attractive. A few of us went back to his place (we were all drinking some, but I wasnt smashed). So then I find out that mr. attractive is interested in me. And I liked that. We talked some, and he flirted alot.(he is a very big flirt...with almost all girls). I let him do some things.... feeling up my shirt and down my pants. I didnt kiss him - cause I felt like maybe it wasnt really cheating if we didnt kiss. My b/f got kinda worried and jealous when he found out I stayed out until 10 am with work people. I ended up telling him what happened, and he was hurt but felt that maybe it wasnt REALLY cheating, and that because he loved me so much, he could move past it.
Now the thing is... I am having doubts about me and my b/f. I feel like if I was sure, and content I wouldnt have done what I did, and I wouldnt still be curious about me and mr. attractive (which i am). And I am starting to feel the way about my b/f that I used to about other guys when i wanted to run..and wanted to end it. I do care for him, and love him, and I cant imagine not having him. But at the same time, I want the freedom to explore my other options.....I mean I know I cant have him and any other guys I want...but thats kinda the way i feel right now. I know my b/f is very in love with me and I just dont want to hurt him.

Am I just getting scared of how I feel and backing away like normal? Or am I just selfish and want it all? Is any of the things I am feeling normal? Any advice would help..... I would love some guidence or insight.