top 10 ways to get over a breakup - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

ariekitten · 10-17-2003, 12:53 PM

hey, i don't have any ways to get over a breakup, and seeing as how i just had a breakup, i was wondering if anyone would like to contribute their advice/ideas about this.

thanks.

anti fishstick · 10-17-2003, 01:14 PM

- start meeting new people. date casually. no further than a kiss or two. going to the extreme would really be a rebound but getting to know someone w/ low emphasis on sexuality i think fixes the skewed perspective.
- do something new everyday but honor your feelings. when you feel sad, don't cover it up by trying to keep busy. be aware of it. and let it ride.
-cry when you feel like crying
-don't speak to him for awhile. it will be hard but the transition is always awkward and who really wants to play post-breakup games? don't make it any harder than it should be
-enjoy a sappy movie or two. that always makes me feel better at least
-talk to family and friends for support
-embrace being single. realize that it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Minx · 10-17-2003, 01:52 PM

anti fishstick has good advice...especially the "cry when you feel like crying"...there is no shame in that, it doesn't make you a weak person, you need an outlet for grief at times.
I would also suggest getting out and doing things with your good girlfriends...embrace their support and getting out and doing things with "just the girls" will help you take your mind off things.
Do something just for yourself.....go get a kick-ass manicure or go tanning....play tennis or whatever it is that you love to do. Just having some time for yourself away from any pressures will do you a world of good. Enjoy your time and your own company.....remind yourself how good it is to just be you!
Don't be afraid to be sad and remember the good times. Memories are the novels of our lives....one day you may look back and smile and be glad for them.
Hold your head up high and smile and carry on. You have lots of support here if you ever need a cyber hug!
Good luck and quick recovery!

Litespeed · 10-17-2003, 03:57 PM

Eat moderate amounts of chocolate and keep yourself busy. Keep your eyes open, don't shut yourself off from the world of romantic possibilities.

sillygirl · 10-17-2003, 04:45 PM

Double Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream

sexymama · 10-17-2003, 07:31 PM

Time!

(General rule, one month of recovery for every year you were together.)

StormBerlin · 10-17-2003, 08:52 PM

Go on vacation... that's what I did the first time I got dumped (at 16, but hey, the feelings are still the same) I stayed with my sister for a few weeks in another state, and that made it so much easier. Not having to risk running into him and stuff made it alot easier. good luck.

sillygirl · 10-18-2003, 07:15 AM

ariekitten , I feel for you... I just went through the same thing (last night, as a matter of fact

)... if you want someone to chat with/vent with/ whatever, let me know!

wannabenakid247 · 10-18-2003, 10:45 AM

I agree with all of the above but also its really important that you stay single for a bit i think. Yeah go out and meet loads of new people but dont get romantically involved with anyone for a good while. Then you know your totally over the last person before you start some thing new. And it does get so much easier after time. Good luck

ariekitten · 10-20-2003, 01:43 PM

thanks everyone...i'm still missing him but things are gradually getting better i think

cruisergirl · 10-20-2003, 02:36 PM

I think the key is no contact with this person. And never, never do the drunk call in the middle of the night! Designate a really good freind to be on "drunk call alert" and they can confiscate your cell phone at the first sign that you might be dialing their number. Have some girls nights that don't involve bars, like going to one of those make your own pottery shops or a wine tasting festival or a road trip. And spend some time figuring out what you want. And if you need anything or anyone to talk to, feel free to im me!! That goes for anyone.

Rubyee · 10-20-2003, 06:26 PM

Hmmm. Don't sit alone with nothing to do. Clean. Read. Sew. Walk. Ride a bike. Go out with friends. Cry. Write- this helps more than you will know. Bake. Just get new hobbies. Don't talk about him/her, either. Even if you are bad-mouthing, it will make you dwell, and that is what you don't want to do.

shannon · 10-21-2003, 08:24 AM

i only broke up with one guy and i didn't really care much but i still cried. i'd have to support the crying theory, cause i do it all the time to release any kind of tension and i'm usually a pretty happy gal. good luck.

lurkette · 10-21-2003, 09:15 AM

I think it's important to work on being happy with yourself, by yourself. Not like you'll never have another relationship, but this is a really good time to do some self-assessment and self-development. Emotional trauma can often show you who you are, and this is a good time to find out what aspects of your psyche need healing and what things need changing or strengthening. Reach out to people who are good for you.

I also agree with the folks who have said cry when you need to cry. Acknowledge to yourself that this sucks, this isn't how you wanted things to be, and that it will get better but for now it hurts.

ally · 10-22-2003, 11:54 AM

The cry when you want to is great advice. But have FUN too!!! go out and do stuff. May be do something crazy you wouldn't have done before because you were afraid of disaproval. Experament, discover what you like.
Don't try to forget him just don't worry about him!!! You have better things to do.... and soon you'll realize that you really do have a lot of better things to do than feel bad.
Don't expect to be happy immediatly just take things a s they come. I found that that was the best advice anyone ever gave me.

ariekitten · 10-22-2003, 02:04 PM

well i read the 5th harry potter book, which was 870 pages long!

and i've been playing video games, i have plans of going out, and i actually have cried more in this last month than i have ever in my life. it's so wonderful to have other women to go to for advice and support. thank all of you.

*Nikki* · 10-22-2003, 04:57 PM

I did a whole lot of crying at first once you get on the other side of that there is a ton of smiling to be done.

You will see. You are young and attractive. You have the whole world in your hands.

raeanna74 · 10-23-2003, 09:02 AM

Going through breakup is a type of grieving. You are grieving the loss of a friend, lover, relationship, and all the hopes and dreams that you had for that relationship. You can expect to feel anger, depression, denial, and everything in between. Allow yourself to feel this way and even record your thoughts in a journal should that be something you enjoy. Putting your emotions and thoughts into words acknowledges them and allows you to see what is going on inside. Take time for yourself and don't ignore the emotions. Once you acknowledge how you are feeling it will be easier to move on to the next stage of working through grief. Before long you will be past it and will look forward to your next step in life. You will be stronger for facing this hard time. Hugs hon. I hope you find joy soon.

crayzeeredhead · 10-31-2003, 01:20 PM

I agree with all of the above but since I am in the exact situation and didnt listent to the same advice I am already in a new relationship 3 months after my relationship of 5 yrs !! I am totally Not over the ex yet but really really care about my bf! I know my marriage is over( i think) I just feel like I need closure!! how do i get it?

galaxygirl · 11-03-2003, 05:20 PM

ariekitten - I'd add journalling to all this advice. My last really bad break up I cried ALOT, and then to avoid the pathetic "I miss you and it hurts" type of phone call I started writing out my feelings. That helped alot - made it much easier to sleep.

crayzeeredhead - you think you know your marriage is over? Sounds like you need to do more thinking!! As for closure, sometimes you have to find it yourself. I wish there was a way to celebrate the end of a marriage - some kind of marriage funeral ceremony, because I think it would definitely make it easier for people. But for now all we have is the final divorce hearing/

onodrim · 11-18-2003, 07:30 AM

I'm dealing with a break-up now too, and this is all wonderful advice, as always. Thanks girls.

10-17-2003, 12:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
ariekitten bAck iN aCtiOn! Location: in my imagination	top 10 ways to get over a breakup hey, i don't have any ways to get over a breakup, and seeing as how i just had a breakup, i was wondering if anyone would like to contribute their advice/ideas about this. thanks. __________________ I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call. ~Vash, Trigun >'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

10-17-2003, 01:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	- start meeting new people. date casually. no further than a kiss or two. going to the extreme would really be a rebound but getting to know someone w/ low emphasis on sexuality i think fixes the skewed perspective. - do something new everyday but honor your feelings. when you feel sad, don't cover it up by trying to keep busy. be aware of it. and let it ride. -cry when you feel like crying -don't speak to him for awhile. it will be hard but the transition is always awkward and who really wants to play post-breakup games? don't make it any harder than it should be -enjoy a sappy movie or two. that always makes me feel better at least -talk to family and friends for support -embrace being single. realize that it's not necessarily a bad thing. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

10-17-2003, 01:52 PM	#3 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	anti fishstick has good advice...especially the "cry when you feel like crying"...there is no shame in that, it doesn't make you a weak person, you need an outlet for grief at times. I would also suggest getting out and doing things with your good girlfriends...embrace their support and getting out and doing things with "just the girls" will help you take your mind off things. Do something just for yourself.....go get a kick-ass manicure or go tanning....play tennis or whatever it is that you love to do. Just having some time for yourself away from any pressures will do you a world of good. Enjoy your time and your own company.....remind yourself how good it is to just be you! Don't be afraid to be sad and remember the good times. Memories are the novels of our lives....one day you may look back and smile and be glad for them. Hold your head up high and smile and carry on. You have lots of support here if you ever need a cyber hug! Good luck and quick recovery! __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

10-17-2003, 04:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Double Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-17-2003, 07:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Time! (General rule, one month of recovery for every year you were together.) __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

10-17-2003, 03:57 PM	#4 (permalink)
Litespeed Loser Location: Thousand Oaks, CA	Eat moderate amounts of chocolate and keep yourself busy. Keep your eyes open, don't shut yourself off from the world of romantic possibilities.

10-17-2003, 08:52 PM	#7 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	Go on vacation... that's what I did the first time I got dumped (at 16, but hey, the feelings are still the same) I stayed with my sister for a few weeks in another state, and that made it so much easier. Not having to risk running into him and stuff made it alot easier. good luck. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

10-18-2003, 07:15 AM	#8 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	ariekitten , I feel for you... I just went through the same thing (last night, as a matter of fact )... if you want someone to chat with/vent with/ whatever, let me know! __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-18-2003, 10:45 AM	#9 (permalink)
wannabenakid247 Registered User Location: Wales, UK	I agree with all of the above but also its really important that you stay single for a bit i think. Yeah go out and meet loads of new people but dont get romantically involved with anyone for a good while. Then you know your totally over the last person before you start some thing new. And it does get so much easier after time. Good luck

10-20-2003, 01:43 PM	#10 (permalink)
ariekitten bAck iN aCtiOn! Location: in my imagination	thanks everyone...i'm still missing him but things are gradually getting better i think __________________ I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call. ~Vash, Trigun >'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

10-20-2003, 02:36 PM	#11 (permalink)
cruisergirl Upright Location: Mesa	I think the key is no contact with this person. And never, never do the drunk call in the middle of the night! Designate a really good freind to be on "drunk call alert" and they can confiscate your cell phone at the first sign that you might be dialing their number. Have some girls nights that don't involve bars, like going to one of those make your own pottery shops or a wine tasting festival or a road trip. And spend some time figuring out what you want. And if you need anything or anyone to talk to, feel free to im me!! That goes for anyone. __________________ If your going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair. Love, Cruisergirl.

10-20-2003, 06:26 PM	#12 (permalink)
Rubyee I'm baaaaack!	Hmmm. Don't sit alone with nothing to do. Clean. Read. Sew. Walk. Ride a bike. Go out with friends. Cry. Write- this helps more than you will know. Bake. Just get new hobbies. Don't talk about him/her, either. Even if you are bad-mouthing, it will make you dwell, and that is what you don't want to do. __________________ You don't know from fun.

10-21-2003, 08:24 AM	#13 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	i only broke up with one guy and i didn't really care much but i still cried. i'd have to support the crying theory, cause i do it all the time to release any kind of tension and i'm usually a pretty happy gal. good luck. __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

10-21-2003, 09:15 AM	#14 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I think it's important to work on being happy with yourself, by yourself. Not like you'll never have another relationship, but this is a really good time to do some self-assessment and self-development. Emotional trauma can often show you who you are, and this is a good time to find out what aspects of your psyche need healing and what things need changing or strengthening. Reach out to people who are good for you. I also agree with the folks who have said cry when you need to cry. Acknowledge to yourself that this sucks, this isn't how you wanted things to be, and that it will get better but for now it hurts. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

10-22-2003, 11:54 AM	#15 (permalink)
ally Insane Location: Boone,NC	The cry when you want to is great advice. But have FUN too!!! go out and do stuff. May be do something crazy you wouldn't have done before because you were afraid of disaproval. Experament, discover what you like. Don't try to forget him just don't worry about him!!! You have better things to do.... and soon you'll realize that you really do have a lot of better things to do than feel bad. Don't expect to be happy immediatly just take things a s they come. I found that that was the best advice anyone ever gave me.

10-22-2003, 02:04 PM	#16 (permalink)
ariekitten bAck iN aCtiOn! Location: in my imagination	well i read the 5th harry potter book, which was 870 pages long! and i've been playing video games, i have plans of going out, and i actually have cried more in this last month than i have ever in my life. it's so wonderful to have other women to go to for advice and support. thank all of you. __________________ I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call. ~Vash, Trigun >'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

10-22-2003, 04:57 PM	#17 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	I did a whole lot of crying at first once you get on the other side of that there is a ton of smiling to be done. You will see. You are young and attractive. You have the whole world in your hands.

10-23-2003, 09:02 AM	#18 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Going through breakup is a type of grieving. You are grieving the loss of a friend, lover, relationship, and all the hopes and dreams that you had for that relationship. You can expect to feel anger, depression, denial, and everything in between. Allow yourself to feel this way and even record your thoughts in a journal should that be something you enjoy. Putting your emotions and thoughts into words acknowledges them and allows you to see what is going on inside. Take time for yourself and don't ignore the emotions. Once you acknowledge how you are feeling it will be easier to move on to the next stage of working through grief. Before long you will be past it and will look forward to your next step in life. You will be stronger for facing this hard time. Hugs hon. I hope you find joy soon. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

10-31-2003, 01:20 PM	#19 (permalink)
crayzeeredhead Tilted Location: here& there but here today	I agree with all of the above but since I am in the exact situation and didnt listent to the same advice I am already in a new relationship 3 months after my relationship of 5 yrs !! I am totally Not over the ex yet but really really care about my bf! I know my marriage is over( i think) I just feel like I need closure!! how do i get it? __________________ For everything there is a neverending cycle- birth, death, rebirth. Evil can and will not exist without good and visa versa. You also reap what you sew. There is a sliver of truth in every saying -those are a few!!

11-03-2003, 05:20 PM	#20 (permalink)
galaxygirl Insane Location: NH	ariekitten - I'd add journalling to all this advice. My last really bad break up I cried ALOT, and then to avoid the pathetic "I miss you and it hurts" type of phone call I started writing out my feelings. That helped alot - made it much easier to sleep. crayzeeredhead - you think you know your marriage is over? Sounds like you need to do more thinking!! As for closure, sometimes you have to find it yourself. I wish there was a way to celebrate the end of a marriage - some kind of marriage funeral ceremony, because I think it would definitely make it easier for people. But for now all we have is the final divorce hearing/ __________________ Drawing strength from His acceptance, offering all that I am and ever will be

11-18-2003, 07:30 AM	#21 (permalink)
onodrim Cosmically Curious Location: Chicago, IL	I'm dealing with a break-up now too, and this is all wonderful advice, as always. Thanks girls. __________________ "The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides" -Carl Sagan