genuinegirly

This is a Ladies Lounge thread.

I realize this topic has been addressed before in various permutations. I feel that our dynamic has changed since it was last addressed. I'm curious how other women perceive their bodies. I'd like us to share advice and encouragement with each other.

Some questions to get you thinking - feel free to comment however you deem appropriate.

Here is a frank, unaltered, not necessarily flattering full-length photo of me
Here is my height and weight
I feel confident with my body when...
I do not feel confident with my body when...
I do/don't feel comfortable advising others on their body image
Sex makes me more comfortable/less comfortable with my body because...
My family impacted my opinion on my body because...
My friends impacted my opinion on my body because...
I have/haven't wanted to be thinner
I have/haven't dealt with an eating disorder
I feel I would be happiest if I weighed ________. This is why.
Weight doesn't impact my body image because ...
__________________________________________________________



Cadre got my thinking with her thread about wanting to be a personal trainer. It brought up questions about female body image - a woman's personal perception of her weight and how that contrasts with others' perceptions.

She mentioned that she is 5'3" and 107lbs. This is what started me thinking.

I'm 5'4" and 120lbs.


I have been approximately this height and weight since junior high, though my body shape has changed some over the years. Based on my blood pressure and caloric readings, physicians have told me numerous times that I need to eat more - that I should weigh closer to 135 for my body type. At one point I reached this target weight that they set for me. I was horrified and shot back down to 125 as quickly as possible. I have been accused numerous times of being anorexic, both by physicians and friends (I eat good portions. I run, do yoga and other stretches for exercise). I have been told that I'm too thin.

On the flip side, I have also been called fat. I have been told that I'm too heavy in ballet classes, that I need to slim down.

I become frustrated with these conflicting messages. I am what I am.

The one time I was really comfortable with my body weight was during a brief time in college when I was 110 lbs. But my mother and siblings were incredibly worried for my well-being when I was this weight. They begged me to put on 10 lbs. This hit me especially hard because my brother is a nutritionist/masseuse/karate instructor and he seemed the most concerned. So I put back on the weight and I haven't tried to lose it again.

Honestly, I keep thinking that it'd be nice to be 110 again. I keep thinking how nice it would be to feel lighter on my feet and to have no excess flab on my thighs. I enjoy exercising and would like to have a body that reflects the amount of exercise that I put in. I feel like my present weight is merely a reflection of my desire for my family to not disapprove.

This in mind, I realize I have started my own family. My husband and I have been married for nearly a year, and perhaps it is time I stopped focusing on pleasing my parents and siblings. My husband tells me he loves my weight, no matter what it is. He tells me that I'm beautiful. Our sex life is delightful. I feel more sexy when I am thinner. There are times of the month when I am more bloated than others, and when I feel bloated I feel less appealing. My husband never influences this feeling, though he claims he notices these fluctuations. He tells me when I look exceptionally thin, or when I'm not feeling thin he tells me that he loves my body's shape. I don't feel that I have to lose weight to please him. But knowing that I no longer have to please my immediate family, I wonder if I could lose those 10 lbs.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

*Nikki*

I think you look great and I don't find the photo at all unflattering.

That being said I think this topic was discussed very well here also.

Halanna

Here is a frank, unaltered, not necessarily flattering full-length photo of me

I would, but I have no idea how to post a picture into a thread. Maybe I need a trip to the "technical support" forum.

Here is my height and weight

Doesn't need to be answered. But I will say not necessarily "above average" or "out of the normal" body range.

I feel confident with my body when...

My husband looks at me with lust in his eyes. My jeans fit. I can buy that cute dress/skirt/shorts I'm eyeing in the store.

I do not feel confident with my body when...

After I've been working in the yard. My husband does a "double take" at an attractive woman. I need a pedicure.

I do/don't feel comfortable advising others on their body image

Don't. It makes it worse when someone calls and moans for 15 minutes how they ate a donut and they hate themselves. Life is short, very short. Eat the freakin donut and move on.

My family impacted my opinion on my body because...

Never. It's none of their business. I have this one short life and my body, mind and soul are mine and I won't ever let anyone influence that. I don't get a do-over.

My friends impacted my opinion on my body because...

Never.

I have/haven't wanted to be thinner

Sometimes. I am what I am. I think every woman at some point or another wishes they were the "ideal". The problem with that is the ideal woman is different for every man. So some women want to be all angles and bones when their partner prefers more hills and curves. We all want to be perfect, look like movie stars, that just isn't going to happen in the real world.

I have/haven't dealt with an eating disorder

Haven't.

Weight doesn't impact my body image because ...

It has no reason to. You are who you are. As long as you're not 200lbs overweight, and you're doctor isn't telling you your weight is life threatening, then why worry?

Too much TV, too many magazines, too much porn, point women in the wrong direction.


__________________________________________________________

And herein lies the problem. Women place way too much importance on other's perception and not enough on being healthy, strong and happy. No one, including a spouse, has the right to influence how a woman feels about herself or her body.

Women are much harsher critics of women than men are of women. Why do we allow other women to judge us?

If you are excercising as your body needs too, then your body DOES relfect what you are putting into it. Your heart is healthy, your lungs are healthy, your muscles are firm and strong. Do you look like you are ready to pose for Playboy? Probably not. But this in no way means that your body does not reflect the effort you are putting into it. Ever read the obituaries? Some die at 50 60 or 70. Some die at 90 or 100. Then there are those that die at 30 40 and 20. You will fall in there somewhere. Be healthy, you are not living to impress anyone but yourself.

Your husband is happy? Check.

You are healthy? Check.

Life is good? Check ( By that I mean you are not obsessing over 100 calories you put in your mouth, it means you enjoyed, lived and were happy).

Life is short. Check

Look, you are not your body. You inhabit your body. Your spirit, your life force is in your body, but you are not your body.

Love, live, laugh, cry, share and just be happy. Stop obsessing, stop worrying, stop measuring.

Love life, it doesn't last as long as you think.

ametc

This topic seems slightly different from the one you mentioned above so...



That is me on the right.

I am 5'3" and I weigh..right now..about 220 lbs. The girl with me is my older sister who is 4'10 and 105 lbs.

I felt confident about my body when I weighed 130 lbs in highschool. I was put on Seroquel by my psychiatrist when I was 17/18 and I gained 70 pounds within a year even though I was just as active as ever before and ate the same amount as ever before.

I am half Asian and I grew up in an Asian community with two older full Asian half-sisters. My frame has always been larger than theirs and larger than my Asian friends and I've always felt like the fat kid or the fat friend. Also, a lot of my friends in junior high and high school were anorexic or bulimic and were able to get their weights down to 90 lbs while I became bulimic and could only get down to 120 lbs. It didn't help at all that I had a large rear and bosom.

I have a couple friends that are nearing the 400 lb mark and they barely even have the energy to swim in a pool anymore. They just stand there in the water and move their arms around. I'm genuinely concerned about them in this state especially because, as a healthcare worker, I have had patients who were just 100 lbs heavier than my friends and were completely bedridden. Bed sores were a very common problem with those patients.

Though I'm chubby, sex makes me feel awesome about my body. I'm still able to get on top and not die of exhaustion yet... and my stomach does not overlap my knees so that's a good thing, too.. and I still have a shape to my body.. it's not all rolls.. so ..yeah. haha **shrug** I actually don't care how I look during sex... I am just concerned with how it feels.. and how to make it feel better.

My family thinks I eat way too much and that I need to stop eating and go run outside. They're all, "Well, you're sisters aren't that big. You used to be thinner because you didn't eat as much as you do now." They don't know that I was bulimic... mainly because my psychiatrist never told them. I told him not to because a therapist I once had fucked up and asked my father, "How do you feel about her cutting her wrists?" and my father hadn't previously known about me cutting my wrists at all. After my family found that out about me, I felt like such a failure and a loser around them. My family isn't very emotionally supportive at all.

My junior high friends were all the losers and loners of the school. Everybody had some type of problem they were dealing with. We were the reject emo kids. Then, in high school I befriended a few people and one day I forgot how but one of them found out I cut myself. They spread the word and then the ~popular~ emo kids started talking to me. I was never friends with the popular emo kids but they all knew my name. They encouraged my cutting and encouraged my hatred for myself. Totally fucking gay. My real friends tried to help me and encouraged me to let go of my problems. In Junior year I stopped cutting and was open and wild and crazy and fun and I loved myself.

I want to be thinner now because I AM overweight. I don't care about the numbers, really.. I just know what shape and size I want my body to be. And I want to be able to fit my favorite clothes again! haha

I WAS bulimic.. but I'm over that. Nowadays.. that just seems like soooo much work, man.

My ideal body shape and size for myself is ..nice and plump. I want to be able to jiggle my ass, wiggle my tatas, and have people use me as a pillow. haha BUT, I don't want to have backfat or arm fat or cankles. :P

genuinegirly

Nikki: thank you for posting that link.
Halanna: Sounds like you have a healthy body view. Comparison isn't what I was going for with this thread, rather self-analysis. Still, you provide sound counsel.
amtec: Thank you for your honesty. Family pressures are the worst kind. They just don't seem to understand the damage. I hope that you've been upfront with your physicians about the weight gain side effects of your drugs. My best friend is epileptic and the meds she's on encourage weight gain as well. She has been going to weight watchers for years on and off, always struggling with her weight and body image. It makes me sad to see what she deals with - the out-of-control aspect. I imagine you face something similar. I think it's healthy to have an ideal weight. It's something to work toward, and something to be excited about when you get there.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

little_tippler

Here is a frank, unaltered, not necessarily flattering full-length photo of me

will come back to give you that one.

Here is my height and weight

I am 5'4" and 116 lbs.

I feel confident with my body when...

I'm told I look good. Or I feel that I'm looking good. It's a mood thing for me.

I do not feel confident with my body when...

I'm in a bikini and feeling like my pale white skin hasn't seen the sun in months. When I look and see flabby bits or stretch marks.

I do/don't feel comfortable advising others on their body image

I feel comfortable with giving people compliments. I make an effort to do that because I think generally people don't hear them often enough. Often times I get a surprised look.

Sex makes me more comfortable/less comfortable with my body because...

less comfortable at times (because I worry about body parts I'm not as happy with) but when I'm in the middle of it I forget that. I can be shy so that includes my body at certain moments. I'd also like to be fitter than I am because I think it makes sex more energetic.

My family impacted my opinion on my body because...

They didn't. My family has always accepted me as I am. In high school I used to be rake thin and that was fine. After 18 I gained weight and that was fine too. They have never passed judgement on my figure, the most they have said is that I look well or healthy, or that I've lost weight or gained it.

My friends impacted my opinion on my body because...

Not through anything they've said. But all my friends have always been thin with a good shape, so I inevitably compare. I wish I had bigger boobs like her, a flatter stomach like her, toned arms like her, cool hair like hers...etc. But it's only ever a passing thing. I know they don't judge me that way. More like we appreciate each other's individual appearance and compliment each other when we feel like it.

I have/haven't wanted to be thinner

Yes, I have. I still do. But I'm pretty thin by most standards already. When I say thinner, I only mean on specific bits. Arms, stomach, love handles. I'd like a better shaped behind. I'd like my neck to be more toned. That's pretty much the extent of my dissatisfaction. Like genuinegirly, I also feel better when I'm thinner. Even if that's when people start worrying I'm looking too thin.

I have/haven't dealt with an eating disorder

No, I love my food far too much and I'm too lazy to be controlling that way. I'm only good at bossing others around.

I feel I would be happiest if I weighed ________. This is why.

I'm happy with what I weigh now. But I'd like to weigh 110 lbs again. It's a comfortable weight. But overall what I'd really like is to get more toned and fitter. Why? Because I'd feel more confident about my body and that's a good thing.

Weight doesn't impact my body image because ...

Of course it does, but only a bit. I think at the moment, any thoughts of weight are just in my head. Everyone tells me I'm thin. So I try to not let it affect me and put those thoughts aside. My last long-term boyfriend pretty much ruined my mental body image by making me feel unattractive and fat. I'm strong, but I let him affect me. Still healing those wounds.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918