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Old 05-22-2009, 04:10 PM   #4 (permalink)
ametc
Psycho
 
This topic seems slightly different from the one you mentioned above so...



That is me on the right.

I am 5'3" and I weigh..right now..about 220 lbs. The girl with me is my older sister who is 4'10 and 105 lbs.

I felt confident about my body when I weighed 130 lbs in highschool. I was put on Seroquel by my psychiatrist when I was 17/18 and I gained 70 pounds within a year even though I was just as active as ever before and ate the same amount as ever before.

I am half Asian and I grew up in an Asian community with two older full Asian half-sisters. My frame has always been larger than theirs and larger than my Asian friends and I've always felt like the fat kid or the fat friend. Also, a lot of my friends in junior high and high school were anorexic or bulimic and were able to get their weights down to 90 lbs while I became bulimic and could only get down to 120 lbs. It didn't help at all that I had a large rear and bosom.

I have a couple friends that are nearing the 400 lb mark and they barely even have the energy to swim in a pool anymore. They just stand there in the water and move their arms around. I'm genuinely concerned about them in this state especially because, as a healthcare worker, I have had patients who were just 100 lbs heavier than my friends and were completely bedridden. Bed sores were a very common problem with those patients.

Though I'm chubby, sex makes me feel awesome about my body. I'm still able to get on top and not die of exhaustion yet... and my stomach does not overlap my knees so that's a good thing, too.. and I still have a shape to my body.. it's not all rolls.. so ..yeah. haha **shrug** I actually don't care how I look during sex... I am just concerned with how it feels.. and how to make it feel better.

My family thinks I eat way too much and that I need to stop eating and go run outside. They're all, "Well, you're sisters aren't that big. You used to be thinner because you didn't eat as much as you do now." They don't know that I was bulimic... mainly because my psychiatrist never told them. I told him not to because a therapist I once had fucked up and asked my father, "How do you feel about her cutting her wrists?" and my father hadn't previously known about me cutting my wrists at all. After my family found that out about me, I felt like such a failure and a loser around them. My family isn't very emotionally supportive at all.

My junior high friends were all the losers and loners of the school. Everybody had some type of problem they were dealing with. We were the reject emo kids. Then, in high school I befriended a few people and one day I forgot how but one of them found out I cut myself. They spread the word and then the ~popular~ emo kids started talking to me. I was never friends with the popular emo kids but they all knew my name. They encouraged my cutting and encouraged my hatred for myself. Totally fucking gay. My real friends tried to help me and encouraged me to let go of my problems. In Junior year I stopped cutting and was open and wild and crazy and fun and I loved myself.

I want to be thinner now because I AM overweight. I don't care about the numbers, really.. I just know what shape and size I want my body to be. And I want to be able to fit my favorite clothes again! haha

I WAS bulimic.. but I'm over that. Nowadays.. that just seems like soooo much work, man.

My ideal body shape and size for myself is ..nice and plump. I want to be able to jiggle my ass, wiggle my tatas, and have people use me as a pillow. haha BUT, I don't want to have backfat or arm fat or cankles. :P
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