Vent... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

newlyable · 10-15-2007, 01:34 PM

Granted that I am almost 9months pregnant and not the easiest person to be around. Last December I got out of a very long and serious relationship. I was devasted to the point that I couldnt imagine my life ever getting better. I threw myself into a much to fast relationship. I started dated this guy that I had dated off and on for about 5 years. It was alright I guess you could say for awhile. Partying having a good time, not really giving a shit about what I would eventually get myself into. We got engaged, WTF was I thinking. A month later I found out I was pregnant, and I didnt want to have this baby out of wed lock. So I married a complete asshole, control freak. My mother tried to get me to end the marriage a month after it had began. I am now living with my parents, me, my husband, mom, step-father ( another complete ass), and my 2 younger siblings. I can't move out because although my husband brings home 2000.00 a month we have shit to show for it, but all his debt. So here I am my mom working 6on, 8off 12hr shifts, and my playing mother to my brother 4 and sister 3. I clean, cook, give baths, do laundry. Only to turn around and do it all over again the very next day. I feel like I am losing my freaking mind. The worst part, is when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter ( whom Is the only thing I am excited about) I prayed that my ex would for some reason beg for me back. Sad I know. I do this everyday. I think about him, I dream about him. I spend my wedding day hoping he would walk into the church and annouce that he objected. None of which happened obviously. I feel like im in way over my head, very depressed, and on a spiral of down falls. I cant decide if I should go back to school and month after my daughter is born , or go to work. Maybe if I went to work things would get better financially I dont know. I am major need of advice and a big slap in the face I dont know. This is far from being an organized vent, but I had to get it out. Advice Please!

ngdawg · 10-15-2007, 04:10 PM

First, breathe.
Now...think about what you can control in your life. How would you go about it?
Going to school with a newborn probably would not be a good idea. And it costs a bundle.
Set some goals, maybe go to work in three months-start part time and when the husband can be there at home. Talk to him. Is he an ass for real or does he become a control freak because you two don't talk about anything so he thinks he has to take command? He helped make the kid to come, he should be involved in 50% of its life.
$500 a week ain't much, but it's doable if there's no rent to pay. Discuss where you want to be in a year with the spouse. Make a plan, stick to it.
Don't suffer silently. Giving birth, having a baby and all that goes with it is overwhelming enough. Ask for help assertively.
Breathe....

good luck.

Eowyn_Vala · 10-25-2007, 04:49 PM

It's been said already, but yes breathing is good. You realize some of your decisions weren't the best. To me that's the first step. Now you need to start making what to you are the right decisions. If you aren't happy then start changing that. Communication is a key to any relationship, even if you don't want to be in it right now. And school is a great goal, but right after a child might not be possible. Waiting for things to fix themselves, or your ex to come back isn't going to change the situation you are in. Positive thoughts also help. Finding something that gets you out of the house, brings in some money, and that you enjoy doing would be good.

*Nikki* · 10-25-2007, 06:32 PM

First, congrats on your little girl!! That is wonderful.

I hope that you can find a way to bring her into your life in a healthy environment. Since you are already living with your mom and it sounds like more then earning your keep, what is preventing you from getting rid of your husband? Kick his ass out!

TotalMILF · 10-25-2007, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Nikki*

Since you are already living with your mom and it sounds like more then earning your keep, what is preventing you from getting rid of your husband? Kick his ass out!

What she said!

And go back to school as soon as you can afford it.

newlyable · 10-26-2007, 04:40 AM

Thank you guys for all your advice. I just have to learn to be strong and stand on my own.... Nikki thanks for the congrats on my little girl. Much appricated X

10-15-2007, 01:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
newlyable Upright	Vent... Granted that I am almost 9months pregnant and not the easiest person to be around. Last December I got out of a very long and serious relationship. I was devasted to the point that I couldnt imagine my life ever getting better. I threw myself into a much to fast relationship. I started dated this guy that I had dated off and on for about 5 years. It was alright I guess you could say for awhile. Partying having a good time, not really giving a shit about what I would eventually get myself into. We got engaged, WTF was I thinking. A month later I found out I was pregnant, and I didnt want to have this baby out of wed lock. So I married a complete asshole, control freak. My mother tried to get me to end the marriage a month after it had began. I am now living with my parents, me, my husband, mom, step-father ( another complete ass), and my 2 younger siblings. I can't move out because although my husband brings home 2000.00 a month we have shit to show for it, but all his debt. So here I am my mom working 6on, 8off 12hr shifts, and my playing mother to my brother 4 and sister 3. I clean, cook, give baths, do laundry. Only to turn around and do it all over again the very next day. I feel like I am losing my freaking mind. The worst part, is when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter ( whom Is the only thing I am excited about) I prayed that my ex would for some reason beg for me back. Sad I know. I do this everyday. I think about him, I dream about him. I spend my wedding day hoping he would walk into the church and annouce that he objected. None of which happened obviously. I feel like im in way over my head, very depressed, and on a spiral of down falls. I cant decide if I should go back to school and month after my daughter is born , or go to work. Maybe if I went to work things would get better financially I dont know. I am major need of advice and a big slap in the face I dont know. This is far from being an organized vent, but I had to get it out. Advice Please!

10-25-2007, 04:49 PM	#3 (permalink)
Eowyn_Vala Insane Location: There's no place like home..	It's been said already, but yes breathing is good. You realize some of your decisions weren't the best. To me that's the first step. Now you need to start making what to you are the right decisions. If you aren't happy then start changing that. Communication is a key to any relationship, even if you don't want to be in it right now. And school is a great goal, but right after a child might not be possible. Waiting for things to fix themselves, or your ex to come back isn't going to change the situation you are in. Positive thoughts also help. Finding something that gets you out of the house, brings in some money, and that you enjoy doing would be good. __________________ Cain: I know what you're doing. I've lead troops into battle before. DG: And, how am I doing? Cain: Well, there's less hugging when I do it

10-15-2007, 04:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	First, breathe. Now...think about what you can control in your life. How would you go about it? Going to school with a newborn probably would not be a good idea. And it costs a bundle. Set some goals, maybe go to work in three months-start part time and when the husband can be there at home. Talk to him. Is he an ass for real or does he become a control freak because you two don't talk about anything so he thinks he has to take command? He helped make the kid to come, he should be involved in 50% of its life. $500 a week ain't much, but it's doable if there's no rent to pay. Discuss where you want to be in a year with the spouse. Make a plan, stick to it. Don't suffer silently. Giving birth, having a baby and all that goes with it is overwhelming enough. Ask for help assertively. Breathe.... good luck.

10-25-2007, 06:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	First, congrats on your little girl!! That is wonderful. I hope that you can find a way to bring her into your life in a healthy environment. Since you are already living with your mom and it sounds like more then earning your keep, what is preventing you from getting rid of your husband? Kick his ass out!

10-26-2007, 04:40 AM	#6 (permalink)
newlyable Upright	Thank you guys for all your advice. I just have to learn to be strong and stand on my own.... Nikki thanks for the congrats on my little girl. Much appricated X