Kelzie

Alright, so I'm not quite sure how starting new threads works in this forum, but I did search before I started this one (okay, okay, I read through the first page of search results. That counts, right?). So, I want to know, who has the biggest sex drive, you or your Significant Other. How do you handle a big difference in how often you want to do the funky chicken.?

As for me, I find that the social norms can be rather cruel. I love sex and my boyfriend is rather "meh" about it. The fact that he, according to social norms, should be wanting it all the time, gives him a complex and leads to arguments every time I bring it up. Oy vey.

Hey, where's the spell check?

sillygirl

We've gone in waves. Before I got pregnant, we were about the same... both pretty much perpetually ready for sex. It was up and down while I was pregnant... he's pretty much just... always wanted sex. I'd go through stages where I wanted it all the time, then the next day I'd suddenly hate the thought of having sex. Now I'm kinda turned off about it most of the time. I'm so busy with work/the baby/the house and I've been so stressed lately that if he doesn't take it when he has the chance who knows when his next chance is gonna be. I try to make an effort though....

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mixedmedia

Oh boy...what a question. I have to go through the rundown.

Husband #1
We both seemed to have the same sex drive when we met. Basically all the time. Then, after having our first daughter, he almost completely lost interest in sex. Referred to his seeing me "as a mother now" whatever that means. In fact, we once went an entire year without sex. It never really came back. Our age difference might have been a factor, as well. I was 18 and he was 35 when we were married. We stayed together for 10 years.

Husband #2
Again, like most new relationships, we both wanted sex all the time. For the first few years, even though his drive was definitely much stronger than mine, I was able to show up most of time. But mitigating circumstances that I won't go into here took a definite toll on our relationship and by the time I left him 12 years later we were not having sex at all even though he was constantly pressuring & attempting to manipulate me for it. I had absolutely NO interest. Let me rephrase that, sometimes I would give in, but it wasn't sex to me - it was like I was just there, I felt nothing. Too much information? I think I oughta start a journal....lots of unpacked baggage with this one.

Current Flame
Well.
Now that I am past the dark days I meet someone who seems to be my ideal. He lives 250 miles away and I get to see him about once a month. He is HOT - by which I mean he is a great lover. Perfect for me anyways. Our sex drive and inclinations are perfectly matched. I feel as though I am experiencing a sexual renaissance...or I am feeling the consequences of stifling my sex drive for so many years. I don't know, I don't care. When we are together, he wants sex all the time and I want sex all the time. It works - I think I'm onto something here.

So how does all this relate to your question?

1) The sex drive can be low in both men and women. I think it is more common among men than is popularly recognized due to certain stigmas and stereotypes. Just as a low sex drive is popularly attributed to women because of stigmas and stereotypes. And you're right, it is cruel. And unfair.
But I can tell you that pressure doesn't help and can actually make it much worse. After all, there is little he can do about it. If it's not there, it's just not there. Having it pointed out can be very demoralizing for both men and women. I don't say that to infer that you are over-emphasizing it to him, only to point out that, if it's a sore spot, it will take very little attention on it to put him on the defensive.

2) Sex drives wax and wane with the course of a relationship. But if the relationship is sound, then it shouldn't be a problem. But, if there are exacerbating problems with the relationship it can become a major issue.

3) Maybe adding a little spice to the sex life might peak his interest a little bit more.

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zpeanut

Interestingly.. I had a bit of tiff with my bf about this a couple weeks ago.

This argument actuallly started out by me asking if he'd read an e-book that I'd found on sex tips. The reason for my request was because I was secretly a bit dissapointed after a session of absolutely non-titillating sex, he seems to have forgotten that women like foreplay and slow-sex is preferred. So I decided I'd try to passively make him look into it.

I usually like to read up a little on this sort of stuff to spice up our sexlife. So I didn't feel my request was unreasonable.. its always nice to do something for him and see good results. Sex is an important part of a relationship, so I should put effort into it, like watering a flower.

Well the answer to my question was no. So I erged him to read it and he started getting upset about it because he felt no need for such things! Then the argument started because I couldn't understand why doing something to improve things for both of us could be bad! I mean, its what I do so why doesn't he do it too?! And then it just came out. He told me he wasn't having sex cos he felt like it, he was doing it because I wanted to and he felt pressured to please me, that on average hes horny maybe once a week (shockingly much less than I thought and much less than me)... I felt like shit for a couple days.

I felt like an over-sexed crazed animal on heat.. I was kind of ashamed.

I'm over it now and discussed it with him later. He put it down to pressure and stress about career and such things. Apparently if I give him four years, the sex is going to be amazing and I may not be able to handle the demand! ...who knows.. 3 years and 40 days to go..

These days it seems as though hes read the book and I don't initiate as much as before. I thought maybe starving him a bit would be good, plus walking around naked sometimes or giving him a bit of a massage helps.. hehe. I can go without it if I have to.. I suppose its acceptable for now.

So its established, women are on top in this relationship!

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surferlove007

Well when JS and I first started having sex it was pretty frequent...
He lost alot of his drive for it when school was stressing him out, bummer for me, I'm always up for sex with him no matter what time. I sometimes feel like I'm asking too much as I initiate alot of the time. Although with the loss of sex drive we still got it on pretty decent amount of times, I'd say maybe 4 to 5 times a week.
Since leaving for break we've both been consistently re-iterating how much we want eachother. Hopefully his drive will return with full force for the spring. I am hoping we'll get to much more this semester. I can't help it I just always want to jump his bones when we're together. Can never get enough. He's just so good in bed.
Part of me thinks my sex drive might be a little higher though...*shrug*
It's important to me.
When I stress I want more closeness to feel comforted

maleficent

a male member responds

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pornclerk

My boyfriend is pretty much always ready to go (good for me because I can get it whenever I want), but my sex drive goes up and down in phases. One week it will be the only thing on my mind and the next I don't even want to hug anyone. I feel bad for my boyfriend because he has a pretty high sex drive and I'm not enthusiastic all the time.

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Sultana

A question for the ages, to be sure.

I would not say necessarily that my sex drive is higher than my hubby's, he's always "up for the job" (yay!), pun intended. ;P But we do have conflict in other areas (vanilla vs. anything else, for example) that impact that area of our life.

I suspect that if life had turned out to happen to put me with someone who matched me in that area exactly, we likely wouldn't be very compatible in the rest of life, which would be much harder to deal with. So I am willing to put effort into resolving these particular issues to benefit from the matching in the rest of our life.

I suddenly realize I am writing this to myself, more than anyone else.

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hagatha

Mine is always higher than anyone I've ever dated. Always a problem and I usually end up frustrated. Especially if that is the part of the relationship that really seems to be working. I like to cuddle as much as the next woman, but its never as intimate, to me, as a good fuck.

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