taog

I haven't been on this site for quite some time. I have done a few searches on the porn pages here and there, but haven't actually come on the message boards all that much since the TFP crash years ago.

Either way, I knew I could come and ask you people about this. I know I will get some good insight, and maybe some things to say to my girlfriend that won't make her want to run me over with her car.

Anyway, I introduced my girlfriend to that msn myspace thing that msn offers and all that crap. I am sure you have all seen it. The topic about blogs came up a while ago. I told her about blogs and how google purchased blogger (I think) and the fact that blogging has changed the internet a little bit and has changed how people interact on the internet a little bit. I didn't know much about them at the time, so I couldn't go into too much detail.

Anyway, after realising that a blog is simply just a journal entry type thing, I realised that I was correct in what I said. So, I started her up on this msn myspace thingy, as well as one for myself. She posted a bunch of pictures on there and wrote one blog entry.

Her blog entry basically said that she doesn't understand the purpose of blogs. She said that she thinks that they will take away from someones social life and remove people further from the social sphere, and these people removing themselves from the social sphere will have less face to face human interaction than normal, which I guess isn't good for you.

Now, I post on message boards regularly. Unfortunately I only use them for business purposes, and sometimes the odd question on the TFP, because it is the only public message board I will ever turn to. Anyway, don't really post on blogs, because it's hard to find time. But, as you can tell from this statement of hers, it hit me, because she was basically calling me a social retard, since I am one who engages in activities similar to blogging.

We went on and argued about the fact that some people use blogs for business purposes, and some people use them for personal purposes, to connect with their friends and what-not. Some people even use them to meet people. I think it's a good way to meet people if you can't find time time/lack the ability to go up and talk to someone when you see them. She found it odd that places like somethingawful exist where people regularly meet and call themselves goons. I mean, i found it odd and one point in time too, but I could easily be convinced otherwise, because I have met people who have met online, and so has she.

Either way, she is very negative about a lot of forms of communication over the internet and doesn't realise that just because people chat online doesn't mean that they have removed themselves from the social sphere and seems to think that meeting someone from the internet in person is bad or something.

How can I show her that these types of communicatons are causing more good than bad? The catch is, I think this is going to be hard to get into her head. She is set on one way of thinking, so I think it will be hard to change her mind or to get her to admit that her original thoughts on the situation were wrong. She even said that she would need to see a study done on it that shows that it doesn't create socially retarded people.


I don't know if any of this makes sense. I am so tired right now, because it's late and I am up staring at this glowing screen typing my problems away on a message board to people i have never met before. Does that make me crazy? She seems to think so.

Anyway, I will come back and explain things further when I wake up if I need to. I am going to bed. Let me know what you think about this and what I can do to show her that people aren't crazy. Or, should I just drop it. Or, should I just talk to her about the fact that she doesn't seem like she can admit that she is wrong?

Thank you

Goodnight

Suave

I suggest using the "everything in moderation" argument. People can live what she considers to be a 'normal life' and still partake in discussions with people on the internet, so long as it doesn't rule their life (and possibly sometimes even if it does).

She does have a point on the socially retarded person concept. Certainly if someone were to become a complete recluse and only contact the 'outside world' through the internet, what social skills they had would slowly atrophy. They might continue to be polite, and to be able to speak, but body language would probably become completely lost on them for one thing.

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"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

FngKestrel

I think you should drop it. She sounds set in her worldview and it'll just cause you anguish to try to force the issue.

It's been said that the internet doesn't do anything new, it just does things faster. Message boards and e-mails allow people to communicate faster. Dating sites and business sites put one in touch with more people faster. There are risks involved, but there are risks in face-to-face communication as well. The risks just crop up faster, like everything else.

Socially retarded people? Is it a problem that the internet allows wallflowers and naturally shy people a place to communicate? Does it create socially retarded people? Uncertain, but there's no doubt that you'll meet more shy people online, simply because there is the comfort of anonimity.

Do blogs in particular remove people from a social sphere? I've seen it on occasion dominate people's lives with their desire to post every aspect of their life on their page. And when they talk to people, instead of talking about their lives, they'll insist that the other person visit their blog. I think it's soapbox kind of thing. People want their own personal forum to be heard and they want to know that people are listening to them.

Anyhow, I'm preaching to the choir here. Let her be and let her find her own niche on the internet.

tecoyah

I wrote this for the Magazine several months ago.......but it seems pertinent


Realationships

There is a saying, all good things come to those who wait. Experience has shown this to be a wonderful example of wisdom passed down through time. In youth we all find the sexual aspect of “hooking Up,” to be the pinnacle of relations, then reality bites off a chunk of our collective asses. Shortly after our partner does the same.
There are way too many stories of the wake up call to what actually thinking about relationships entails. Some people never actually decide to take it seriously…what a pity. The value of attempting to understand, and live with someone is incredible. And the payoff that comes from the commitment, as well as the compromise cannot be overly stated. Few things in this life offer the opportunity to better ourselves, and manage to give back such a huge benefit.
I am not simply referring to the sexual payment of a love relationship, as that is but one aspect of what we can experience. As an example, How many people here on the Tilted Forums have you had the Joy of Sexing? Probably not many. Yet it is likely there are quite a few you have come to appreciate for advice, humor, interaction, or just to shoot the shit. These are excellent relationships to explore, as they carry no serious obligation in this world of wooden tables and comfy chairs. We all seem to be a bit more open with ourselves due to these limited obligations, and I would think, a bit more of the actual “Us”.
Given the opportunity to spend time with someone, here or in the world outside, is the key to starting any relationship. Having the chance to watch someone, spy on them if you will, before actually saying hello is just damn sweet. Think of how many broken hearts would be avoided if this were available in the physical realm. There are some who you see on the boards, and know to avoid. There are others that may draw you in, connect with you in some way. And so a relationship begins.
In this realm of unseen faces, it is far too easy to accept the projection of another. I have found the Avatar says much about the person behind the nickname, often more than a profile can hope to do. The avatar seems a definition of who we want to be seen as and sometimes who we really are. My job is to watch others and make many judgments based on who I think they are, as with personal relationships this is never easy. I have learned much about many people here by doing this Virtual People Watching, and have grown to feel emotional about quite a few. Truly it makes for a dynamic, and more complete life to do so.
Rare though it may be, we have created a beautiful thing here. The community is healthy, the membership diverse, and freedoms abound. If only such a place existed as more than digital data, though I suppose it really does, in the minds and hearts of us all.

tecoyah

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

ratbastid

No she didn't. You go back and re-read that entry of hers and find where it says, "My boyfriend taog is a social retard." Unless it SAYS THAT, it doesn't say that.

A big part of having relationships work is giving your partner the benefit of the doubt in communication. It's hard, because we human beans are wired up to hear things the worst way they could possibly be meant. We LOVE being offended and hurt, it activates the Martyr Region in our reptile-brain limbic system, and satisfies us deeply. High dudgeon looks good on us. And it really doesn't work in relationships.

I bet if you re-read what she said and give her the benefit of the doubt, you'll find that she actually wrote something like, "I don't understand this, it seems to me that...". That's called an opinion. It's as valid and right as any other opinion, including yours.

Glory's Sun

I agree with her to a point. I see the value in the online community.. but I also see how it kind of seperates the person from reality a bit. Some people I know spend all their time on the computer. They don't go out, they don't do anything except chat, play games and such on the comp. When it gets to this point, then and only then is it socially damaging. Moderation (as previously said) is key.

Then again, I think the internet is the downfall of mankind....

tspikes51

Taking it in another direction, I've seen Myspace and Xanga type sites destroy real life relationships. Your computer screen gives you a shield that you wouldn't have otherwise, and you will say things about people that you normally wouldn't say. I've personally swore off blogging because, first of all, the word is stupid, and most importantly, they can damage friendships easily.

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"I'm telling you, we need to get rid of a few people or a million."
-Maddox

lurkette

Let her have her opinion - what's the big deal? The more you try to convince her the more dug-in she's going to get. Agree to disagree and don't take shit so personally. If she has concerns about how you're spending your time online, that needs to be addressed, and this might be a way of her obliquely expressing those concerns. Otherwise, it just sounds like you have two different opinions and I don't see why you need to convince her except for an overwhelming desire to be right.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

aberkok

Blogs don't make people socially retarded, people make people socially retarded!

The internet is just a technology. Sure it can be easy to lose yourself in the digital domain, but you can't blame the technology. Besides, my friend, it seems that by turning to us on the internet - instead of communicating with your GF, you've almost proven her point, no? All kidding/harshness aside, if you've come here for advice, you'll find many who'll give it, myself included. Now that you've read a few replies, get back out there and listen to what she has to say!

Prove her wrong by what you do and not what you say. Ratbastid is right - she didn't call you a social retard, did she?

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SecretMethod70

It has been said already, but it's all about moderation. She can be 100% correct in some instances and 100% wrong in others. One of the great things about internet communities is that they can expose people to friendships outside of their typical social spheres. There are not many places where a 23 year old college student can befriend 18 year old college students at other universities along with 50 year olds as well. And it doesn't have to be only over the internet - plenty of people on TFP have met in real life and some, after meeting once, continue to meet afterwards.

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Demeter

I think social retards were socuial retards before th einternet, it just became a way for them to access the world that they wouldn't normally bother with at all.
I can see how a few people can & have become so obsessessed with the internet that they push everyone away. For me, it's been a blessing, I can send off an email to keep in touch with someone that I wouldn't bother to call (I hate using the phone) and talk to family & friends on MSN, which I wouldn't do over the phone that often because I can't afford to.
Another plus is being able to read the local paper online...I won't subscribe to it. but here it is for free. I know more about the goings on in my community than ever before.

I also have a feeling that a teensy bit of your girlfriend's hesitance is that she's unsure of what she is doing. She may not feel comfortable around computers, but can't or doesn't want to come out and say "I don't understand this!" so she takes a defensive stance.

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I am not bound to please thee with my answers.
William Shakespeare

taog

Basically all I did was tell her that I am sorry for taking the whole thing too far, which is true, I did. She just wasn't listening to what I had to say and was saying things that made myself repead myself over and over again. She then apologized for being stubborn and then said that she doesn't feel that she would include any of this into her life and admitted that one might not become all crazed and consumed by it if they use the internet in this way.

The thing that surprised her was the fact that places like something aweful have meetings (goon meets) regularly and that people actually do meet online. She had originally said that it's unlikely that you would meet someone in person that you met online, mostly because of location. I don't think she was aware that there are a tonne of people in every area, including our city, who are willing to maybe meet up with someone they met online.

I was just trying to show her that the internet and these communities open many doors and it probably opens more doors than she thought.

Also, in response to the person that was talking about the fact that me posting my concern on here proves her to be right in a way. Well, no, it doesn't. My point was, I am not a social retard and I do engage in internet communities. Not as often as I used to, and I do it now mostly for business purposes. Also, wouldn't it be better to come to the source to get information on the subject?

But, yes, you are right. I should be spending my time listening to her concerns and I should be communicating with her, rather than focusing on the responses of random people I have never met on a message board. This is also the reason why I haven't come to check the responses to my thread topic until right now. The internet has not consumed me and I am not a social retard who spends all of his time on the internet waiting for responses from other people. So, even though it doesn't matter because it is over now, I proved myself right, for my case. I engage in these things but it has not consumed me.

I also posted this because I was stressed at the time and wanted to vent a little. I did so on here because I had no one to talk to at the time. It felt good to vent.

I would like to switch this to a normal conversation now, rather than one regarding the fight between my girlfriend and I. The title should be, 'are you a social retard?'

Lets just talk about blogs and message boards and their effects on society. It is an interesting topic and many people have many different views on the subject.

I agree that moderation is a key component in this situation. I also think that the people that don't include themselves into the social sphere probably wouldn't in the first place and that the online communities they are involved in are probably good for their social life. They are social digitally, which may not be bad if they can survive and make money off of it too. I think that the communities on the internet do much more good than bad, but I can agree that there will be some situations where it consumes one so far that they end up becoming a psycho serial killer or some crazy thing.

Moderation is the key to keep yourself sane!

Gilda

I think the internet and communities like TFP can be a boon to those of us who are socially inept or just very shy in real life. The opportunity to pick topics of interest and respond only to those, and the ability to carefully choose and edit your words produces, for me anyway, a sense of security, a sense of control that I don't feel in other situations. I'm careful not to let it interfere with my relationship with my wife and sister, but I have found that I'm about a dozen times more articulate here than in real life.

I don't doubt that the internet becomes an obsession with some, to the point that it can greatly interfere with real life, but that doesn't necessarily mean that a person who is having difficulty relating to others in real life is having that difficulty because of the internet. It could be the other way around. It could be that a person turns to online communities because she is very socially awkward in real life, and the distance and time and relative anonymity serve as a social lubricant. I've put things up here that I've never shared with anyone in real life other than my therapist, wife, and a friend I had who died not too long ago.

Do some of us use the internet as a crutch? Sure. That doesn't mean it's a bad thing. If you've got a broken leg, a crutch may be what allows you to stand and to walk.

Gilda

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Ganggreen

OH HELL! now i'm gonna feel guilty every time i come on here!!! j/k