Grasshopper Green

I am a woman with short hair. I like my hair short and I cut it like this for a reason; I think long hair makes me look frumpy, and I have to be at work at 6 am and need an easy hairstyle. Since my hair is thick and wavy when it's long, it takes a long time to style when it's long and I don't think it even looks good then.

Here is my problem/rant. I know that a lot of men find longer hair sexy or more attractive, but WHY must they comment on it? I've received comments from three co-workers lately about my hair; all implied that I should grow it out longer. They weren't come-ons or anything like that, just casual comments about growing it out. I just don't understand why someone would tell someone they don't know that well that they should change their appearance. I guess I'm just peeved.

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"They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king"

Formerly Medusa

Phage

Actually I prefer shorter hair, from just above the shoulder to the sort of frizzy grown-out military haircut. I cannot stand my hair getting very long because it tends to start curling a bunch, and I probably don't see extremely long hair as attractive in women because my sister had hair down to her knees for several years.

veruca

I have short hair..and I think I look 100% better with it short..when people tell me to grow it out I tell them to shut up...I hate that people seem to think they can tell you to change your appearance

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Slavakion

As long as it fits the person, I don't care how long his/her hair is. My (male) cousin has hair a little longer than shoulder length. One of my (female) friends at school has a short pixie cut. They both look good with it.

rainheart

They probably just pictured you with longer hair and thought of it as more attractive, and thought maybe you weren't even aware that you could grow your hair longer.

It really doesn't matter. Just tell them you don't really care and find shorter hair easier to manage. Easy as pie.

World's King

If it makes you feel better...


I think short hair is super sexy.

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MSD

The vast majority of the time, I find long hair more attractive. Sometimes, short is better. Do whatever you feel best with, and don't let anyone give you shit about it.

Also, thank you for giving me another excuse to post a picture of myself with a silly facial expression.

Halx

I find short hair hot.. but I've sorta reach my quota of women from Utah.

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pinkie

I've been wanting to cut my hair short again... Screw 'em. I'm sure you look great.

jaco

I'm personally guilty of telling some women that they would look better with long hair but then again I have hair that reaches to my back. I don't expect anyone to change the way they look on another person's opinion because if i did, i wouldnt have long hair. If they insist on commenting you should either return comments about their personal appearence or just ignore them.

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viejo gringo

I prefer short hair on a women.....

One day, one of my coworkers came to work with very short hair and a tear in her eye...her dork of a husband said she looked like a boy......

Now this lady was sporting a set of 44DD's, and we assured her there was no way anyone would mistake her for a boy..

So, I nicked named her "SAM" soft sam, that is...the name stuck and she loved it and the short hair from that day on...

...wonders where soft sam is now.hmm

ngdawg

Spouse likes long hair. I look like a horseface with it. I also like it a bit shaggy-looking. My mother says I need to 'do something about that hair'. Screw what others say or think. If they say it again, just look'em right in the eye and ask why would they say that? Put them on the spot, not yourself.

Gilda

I think it may be that the double standard regarding men's and women's appearance surfacing. People seem to feel more comfortable commenting on a woman's appearance and making suggestions for improvement than on a man's. Would a man ever be told he'd have a nice face if he weren't hiding it under those extra pounds? People just seem more comfortable commenting on women than on men.

I'm not saying that I'm immune, either. I'm more likely to notice a change in hairstyle or the way one of the other women at work dresses than any of the men. I would never comment except to compliment, but others aren't quite so restrained.

I've worn my hair short and I've worn it long. I think I look kinda boyish with the short hair. Grace says I'm sexier with short hair, but prettier with longer. The people at school are of mixed opinion, some telling me I look like a model with the short hair, and others sharing my opinion that it makes me look a bit androgynous. I'll change back and forth as the mood strikes me, but I've found that I stick with longer more as get farther from my teens. I don't really find that the longer hair takes much longer to get ready in the morning, and I'm usually at work at about 6:30.

TexanAvenger

Personally, I think it's a matter of how a woman carries it off... And, to the best of my memory-searching ability, I can't remember a time I've told a woman one way or the other that she looked better, though I have, if rarely, thought it.

As for the question about why guys feel the need to comment... we like sticking our noses where they don't belong and expressing opinions we'd be better off not having in the first place. Only thing we like better is making stupid, annoying comments, more often than not to the very ones we like the most. It's a gift.

Suave

Next time someone really pisses you off by giving unsolicited advice, give them some. "Thanks! And I think you should have your mouth diameter decreased. "

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"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

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rainheart

I don't think it should be taken so personally. It's just a comment, afterall, from a bunch of male co-workers. I know as a guy myself, I prefer to and usually do take most things at face value. At my old workplace there was this girl with whom I'd always exchange views on what looked attractive and what didn't on the opposite sex, she told me a few things about what I should do with my appearance and I even made a few comments myself and we got along very well because neither of us took it as to mean "you are ugly the way you look with (x)". We never even changed our appearances after what we'd told each other.

billege

I'll take a stab at this one.

Perhaps you look bad with short hair?
I’ve personally seen dozens of women that could look so much better, if they only made small changes. Granted, I’m assuming a lot.

I have this: The "not quite fat girl" at work, you know her? The one squeezing into clothes 2 sizes too small? She’d look 100% better if she wore clothes that fit. However, I damn near guarantee no one will tell her that. That kind of criticism is not handled well. From what you say even “insinuating” that your hair should be longer is worth a rant on a forum. How fragile thy ego is.

Perhaps you, with short hair, do not meet what societally pushed standards of attractiveness dictate; but, those commenting feel you would be closer with long hair.

Further, maybe those around you making this suggestion, are making it because it's a genuinely held opinion intended, and given, with goodwill? You are aware that to be called “socially inept” would be a compliment for many people. Could be they don’t know what kind of power you let their words have over you.

Maybe these men have read one too many copies of their wifie's Cosmo, an obvious bastion of female power, and summarized that all women are looking at all times how to "make that style POP this spring.:

I know that's insane. Crazy even. But, what if?

What if, someone felt they had the right to suggest, in what they thought would be a helpful manner, you grow your hair longer? "Those fuckin bastards!" I say.

They really should keep their opinions to themselves. I mean, by speaking aloud what they think, your fragile ego may shatter / or your feelings might be hurt / whatever, something negative could come of it, however unintentional.

I would make a suggestion:

If you have short hair, and you’re satisfied it’s helping you present whatever image you desire, then be genuinely proud of your hair.
Try remembering that a man who likes long hair, has a right to that. Even more shocking, the bastard can say that out loud. When he does, you should be thinking it’s his loss for finding longer hair more attractive than short.

You are right, that can be presumptuous for a person to tell another adult how to dress. I guess it depends on the motivation of the speaker, and the presentation.

It’s easy to get up on a horse, soapbox, etc. when things like this happen. However, I’d opine that it’s better to learn how to handle criticism. Other people do have opinions. You may not like all of them. Consider them for what they’re worth. But consider them.

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Suave

The irony is delicious. I agree with what you're saying, but it could definitely use more tact.

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"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

snowy

Actually, billege, as a woman with (usually) attractive short hair I can say that some men just don't like the idea of women with short hair. I know when I cut off all my hair (after growing it out for several months and disliking the length) a lot of guys were disappointed that I had done so. Many of them let me know how much they missed my long hair, even though according to female friends my short hair was much sexier and more...playful.

I think it's some kind of thing some men have...maybe hardwired, maybe not...that women are meant to have "long" hair and men are supposed to have "short" hair.

Personally I just think you should go with what works for you. I change my mind every so often...grow it out and chop it off again--usually at the point where I'm sticking it in a ponytail every day.

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Redlemon

So, just think of your short hair as a quick way to weed out those men who haven't evolved yet.

/ loves short hair, and wife has short hair

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snowy

I do.

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bernadette

anytime someone begins a sentence with "you should..." i immediately tune them out. unsolicited personal suggestions tend to irk me. a lot. we've been remodeling our home this past year & a half. i have had to tune out many people telling me how i <i>should</i> design MY home. more often than not, the "you should" comments came from people with absolutely NO TASTE & their own homes look like worn out pieces of shit. so... grain of salt, yknow.

short hair can be really sexy on women. and there's so many very CUTE haircuts.
anyway, it's your hair! wear it however, you like it best.

not that i would recommend this, but... you/we could always pick out something about them & retort, "you should do something about that <i>big nose</i> of yours!" or worse yet, "yknow while we're giving unsolicited advice, it wouldn't hurt you to drop 15 lbs." etc.

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Grasshopper Green

Hmmmm....ranting on a forum is a better way to express myself rather than say...keeping stuff in all the time. This isn't about ego, it's about people giving "advice" that isn't wanted. I certainly didn't tell my coworkers to quit wearing such ugly shoes, shave that ridiculous porn star mustache, or that he could stand to lose a little weight. It's about tact, as a previous poster said. I realize that other people have opinions, but personally, I don't think that telling people that I barely know that they need to change their appearance is an opinion that needs to be expressed. THAT is what my post is about. And if I didn't make that clear, well, my apologies.

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"They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king"

Formerly Medusa

ratbastid

Yep. I used to have that. Then I grew a ponytail down to my waist in college... After getting called "ma'am" from behind my thirtieth time, I sort of had to rethink that.

Weird, to... I'd be an enormous woman. I don't think I've ever seen more than a handful of women the same size as me.

Most of you have seen lurkette's hair. It's way short right now, and I like it a lot. I think my favorite length it's ever been is chin-length, but I like this too.

lurkette

I have supashort hair and I love it - I think it's sexy and I look like nobody better give me any shit :-D It's way easier to take care of, it's easier to dye, and everyone who matters thinks it's sexy. And frankly I don't look that good with longer hair - it's fine and tangles easily, and doesn't like to stay put up in any kind of "do" and won't hold a curl.

Thank the people who tell you how much better you'd look with longer hair and tell them cheerfully that they could use some concealer, or that they'd look a lot better if they lost 10 pounds

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Joan of Arc

I only like mine if it's long enough to put in a ponytail.

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muttonglutton

I only tell women with short hair that they would look better with long hair under one circumstance.

When they just cut it all off for no good reason! (Well, one girl donated her hair to Wigs for Kids (with cancer) which is an astoundingly amazing cause. Thing is, she was also my crush for five years, and I loved her hair to pieces. Then she went and cut it all short... and dyed the rest... and now I don't like her anymore.)

I swear the hair and the crush-ness have nothing in common. Totally circumstancial. Honest.

In reality though, women look good with whatever length of hair suits them. A lot of it is how comfortable you are with it. If you don't like it, other people won't either.

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meembo

That's it. To thine own self be true!

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StanT

I agree that unsolicited comments on hair length are incredibly rude. However, if you cut off your hair and ask someone what they think, they have every right to answer honestly.

pinkie

I agree with all of this, and have done the same, but now that I'm older, I'm keeping it long. My tomboy-bisexual-androgynous days are over. I feel to boyish with short hair, and I like to feel like the true fem that I am... Although every month I get the urge to whack off hair, but then it subsides and I'm happy with it growing out again.

guthmund

I think people just love to play the critic.

If they're rude, take them task, but otherwise....meh, what can you do?

I think if you like your short hair, then fuck it, keep your hair short. I, for one, love short hair on women and I can't be the only one, no?

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billege

You've got a very good point there, and I hadn't thought about it.

The thing I wonder about is: does expressing what they prefer translate to telling you what you "should?"
I suppose if somone said "you should grow it longer" they're saying both. I doubt unless they're a close friend though, that you'll take that "you should" part seriously. So they're not really telling you what to do, they're expressing an an invalid opinion. Harmless.

Either way, you typed well.

As to my level of tact, certainly Sauve has a point. I will take it into consideration. I just put it out there. It's up to you all to do with my words what you will do, if anything. My heart won't break either way. The feedback is always appreciated. In case I really DO want to win hearts and minds, it can't possibly hurt to better understand how people take things in.

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I can sum up the clash of religion in one sentence:
"My Invisible Friend is better than your Invisible Friend."

Bobaphat

I am a huge fan of short hair on women. I wish I could talk my fiance in to cutting hers short again. Do what you like, screw eveyone else

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Min

I think it is all about what people are used to seeing. Men still get flack for having long hair, saying they look like a girl and vise versa for women.
Being a fan of long-haired men, I want to see the trend end.
The images the hair style creates are what we all suffer from, as we do with personal clothing style.

One step closer to style freedom.
You'll know we've won when a CEO wears jeans and t-shirt to work, with hair down to his waist and tattoos.

HAL3000

Great responses. I'd like to add another to the "short hair is hot" count. Long hair can be boring and very cliche'... it' about expressing who you are and how you feel.

Next time your co-workers make a comment, tell them you love bald heads on men and don't want to hear another word until they step up.

JustJess

I can sympathize - I recently cut off about a foot of hair to the shortest it's ever been. Luckily, most people have been kind so that I could ignore those "long hair is better" people. And you're right - my friends never said such things, it was only mere acquaintances that dared to be so rude!! All I say is "Really? I'm so happy with it this way." Seriously 'pollyanna', I know...

Vent all you want, we'll make more.

And hey, the other theory is that *perhaps* they are a little envious that they're not nearly as ballsy as you to make such a change. My own ego demands I assume that from time to time.

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Charlatan

I love all kinds of hair on women... if it suits you, don't sweat it...

As long as I've known my wife she has either had chin length, very short or (as she is now) bald.

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maleficent

I've seen people with long hair that looks like it's a fire hazard, one loose spark, and they'd go up like a roman candle... Long or short doesn't matter as long as it's healthy looking, doesn't matter what length. Some people just cant grow their hair long. I wish I could wear my hair short - but my hair is way too curly, I'd look like little Orphan Annie.. not exactly a good look.

Long or short, you and your hair are adorable, and not the least bit boyish. The short is very pixie-ish.

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Demeter

Bah, just hit them with
"you know, you'd look better with breast implants/a six pack/blue eyes/face lift..."
Short hair is sassy, and after recently liberating myself from long arduous locks, I totally agree with you on the early morning point. My work day starts at 5am.

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Pip

The only time I envy orthodox Muslim women is when random people makes "helpful suggestions" about my hair. Like I'm going to take any advice from strangers seriously? I bet it's the same people that tells unknown overweight people that they should diet.