Best euphemisms you've ever heard? - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Rodney · 10-20-2004, 04:48 PM

Two computer-related ones:

*My wife works for the second-or-third-largest computer company in the country (depending on the day of the week), and the corporate attorneys have informed everyone that the term data corruption may no longer be used in company documentation. Instead, the term data integrity issues will be used. Like what, the data cheats on its income tax? Was found in bed with another women? Bullshit bullshit bullshit.

*Also, where there's a software bug you didn't have time to fix, you jus call it a feature.

feature

dobster · 10-20-2004, 04:52 PM

The 'features' just allow them to sell you upgrades.

Kalnaur · 10-20-2004, 05:12 PM

I can hear it now . . . .

"Sure, this is a great program. It has over one thousand features!"

mbaha · 10-20-2004, 06:02 PM

free coffee

MageB420666 · 10-20-2004, 06:56 PM

Ok, I just got George Carlin's new book: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
It is stuffed full of euphemisms.

original - Euphemism(s)
stomach - belly, tummy
mole - beauty mark
crow's feet - laugh lines
pimples - skin blemishes
non-profit - not for profit
free - complimentary
free doughnuts - complimentary continental breakfast
ideas - concepts
shell shock - battle fatigue, operational exhaustion, post-traumatic-stress-disorder
toilet paper - bathroom tissue
loafers - slip-ons
running shoes - athletic footware
sweatshirt/pants - Activewear
second-hand clothing - vintage wear
toupees - hair appliance
false teeth - dental appliance
hair replacement system - rug, hairpiece
answering machine - voice-processing system
matress and box-spring set - sleep system
mop - mopping system
heater/air conditioner - climate control system
brakes - braking system
seatbealts/airbags - impact-management system
dashboard - instrument panel
leather seats - leather seating-surfaces
cartoon - animation
rerun - encore presentation
soap opera - daytime drama
theater - performing arts center, performance spaces
nightclub - party space
arenas - event centers
hospital - medical center
library - learning resource center
profits - earnings
personnel - human resources
complaint department - customer relations
criticism - feedback
car sickness - motion discomfort
messenger - courier
junk mail - direct marketing
special delivery - priority mail
information - directory assistance
used car - certified pre-owned vehicle
dump - land-fill
garbageman - sanitation engineer
garbage collection - environmental services
apartment - dwelling unit
janitor - custodial engineer
peephole - observation port
bucktoothed - overbite
glasses - prescription eyewear
motel - motor lodge
house trailer - motor home,mobile home,modular home,manufactured housing
medicine - medication
mouthwash - dental rinse
deodorant - anti-perspirants
sweat - nervous wetness
soap - bath bar, cleansing bar, clarifying bar
hair spray - holding mist
shaping mouse - sculpting gel
cough drops - throat lozenges, troches, pastilles
diarrhea - lower gastric distress
roughage - fiber
vaginal friction - personal dryness problem
douche - feminine wash
scabs - replacement workers
fired, released,terminated - non-retained, dehired,selected out

and there are plenty more in the book, but I'm to tired of typing right now to list them all, plus the book is great, so I don't want to ruin everything for those of you who have it or are going to get it.

JaySpencer · 10-20-2004, 07:04 PM

Useful as a wart on a boar hog's ass. If you want to make it a little worse, add: "And twice as ugly too!"

Useful as tits on a boar hog

Looks like that one fell out of the top of the ugly tree and impacted each and every stick, branch, and twig about the head and face on the way down.

spindles · 10-20-2004, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suave

Tropple, I'd appreciate it if you could state your opinions without coming off as being, what's the euphemism? "Touched in the head". Eventually, hopefully, probably never, everyone will realize that atheism is a farce for elitist pseudo-intellectuals. OH I'M SORRY, DID THAT COME OFF AS RUDE?

Maybe rude, but also rather funny

OT: I wonder when the day will come that people realise that trying to "change" people with respect to their opinion on religion is a complete waste of time /OT

Euphemisms -
"Waste Management Engineer" for the guy who empties my garbage can.
and any other work related jumble of words that are passed off as a job title.

I'm assuming we are talking the most annoying euphemisms...

CSflim · 10-21-2004, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kalnaur

On the euphamism side, I like " motivationaly challenged" which in plain english means lazy. I use this one far too often.

"motivationally challenged"...I like! That's a keeper.

10-20-2004, 04:52 PM	#42 (permalink)
dobster Insane Location: South London, UK	The 'features' just allow them to sell you upgrades. __________________ sig-na-ture 1. One's name as written by oneself. 2. The act of signing one's name. 3. A distinctive mark, characteristic, or sound indicating identity.

10-20-2004, 05:12 PM	#43 (permalink)
Kalnaur Psycho Location: Portland, Oregon	I can hear it now . . . . "Sure, this is a great program. It has over one thousand features!" __________________ PC: Can you help me out here HK? HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags. PC: And the other 2 percent? HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

10-20-2004, 06:56 PM	#45 (permalink)
MageB420666 <Insert wise statement here> Location: Hell if I know	Ok, I just got George Carlin's new book: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? It is stuffed full of euphemisms. original - Euphemism(s) stomach - belly, tummy mole - beauty mark crow's feet - laugh lines pimples - skin blemishes non-profit - not for profit free - complimentary free doughnuts - complimentary continental breakfast ideas - concepts shell shock - battle fatigue, operational exhaustion, post-traumatic-stress-disorder toilet paper - bathroom tissue loafers - slip-ons running shoes - athletic footware sweatshirt/pants - Activewear second-hand clothing - vintage wear toupees - hair appliance false teeth - dental appliance hair replacement system - rug, hairpiece answering machine - voice-processing system matress and box-spring set - sleep system mop - mopping system heater/air conditioner - climate control system brakes - braking system seatbealts/airbags - impact-management system dashboard - instrument panel leather seats - leather seating-surfaces cartoon - animation rerun - encore presentation soap opera - daytime drama theater - performing arts center, performance spaces nightclub - party space arenas - event centers hospital - medical center library - learning resource center profits - earnings personnel - human resources complaint department - customer relations criticism - feedback car sickness - motion discomfort messenger - courier junk mail - direct marketing special delivery - priority mail information - directory assistance used car - certified pre-owned vehicle dump - land-fill garbageman - sanitation engineer garbage collection - environmental services apartment - dwelling unit janitor - custodial engineer peephole - observation port bucktoothed - overbite glasses - prescription eyewear motel - motor lodge house trailer - motor home,mobile home,modular home,manufactured housing medicine - medication mouthwash - dental rinse deodorant - anti-perspirants sweat - nervous wetness soap - bath bar, cleansing bar, clarifying bar hair spray - holding mist shaping mouse - sculpting gel cough drops - throat lozenges, troches, pastilles diarrhea - lower gastric distress roughage - fiber vaginal friction - personal dryness problem douche - feminine wash scabs - replacement workers fired, released,terminated - non-retained, dehired,selected out and there are plenty more in the book, but I'm to tired of typing right now to list them all, plus the book is great, so I don't want to ruin everything for those of you who have it or are going to get it. __________________ Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn. Last edited by MageB420666; 10-20-2004 at 06:59 PM..

10-20-2004, 04:48 PM	#41 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	Two computer-related ones: My wife works for the second-or-third-largest computer company in the country (depending on the day of the week), and the corporate attorneys have informed everyone that the term data corruption* may no longer be used in company documentation. Instead, the term data integrity issues will be used. Like what, the data cheats on its income tax? Was found in bed with another women? Bullshit bullshit bullshit. Also, where there's a software bug* you didn't have time to fix, you jus call it a feature. feature

10-20-2004, 06:02 PM	#44 (permalink)
mbaha Tilted	free coffee

10-20-2004, 07:04 PM	#46 (permalink)
JaySpencer Tilted	Useful as a wart on a boar hog's ass. If you want to make it a little worse, add: "And twice as ugly too!" Useful as tits on a boar hog Looks like that one fell out of the top of the ugly tree and impacted each and every stick, branch, and twig about the head and face on the way down.