Best euphemisms you've ever heard?
 

Reading the "Racist orders coffee in Glasgow" thread in General Discussion got me thinking of some of the more amusing or bewildering euphemisms I've heard or seen - some perpetrated in the name of political correctness, others maybe in a desperate attempt to save face in an embarrassing situation and others for who knows what reason.

Unfortunately, with my brain asking to be shut down for the night, I can only think of one right now:

"Negative patient care outcome" - from hospital staff, meaning the patient died.

What are the best attempts you've seen to torture the English language in this way?

"Differently abled" for people with disabilities. Even some people in wheelchairs spit on that one.

Star Wars Euphemisms for Masturbation...
 

I hate "passed away". Always have. Always will.

Calling short people "height challenged." Come on, people. It's been an adjective for hundreds of years. SHORT

Regarding masturbation, I don't like "whacking off" or "jerking off" as when one is called a jerk/whack-off it is an insult. (Hence the British 'wanker')

Also, I dislike "put to rest/sleep" when killing animals or talking about dead people. It scared me as a child when one came up to me and said my Aunt was sleeping, as I hoped she would wake up.

Also, I dislike euphemisms all together. Especially when schoolkids say "Ooh, Satan lives in H-E- double hockey sticks!" I remember that from my youth..never liked it.

Some I think that are funny is post-traumatic stress disorder, aka shell shock.

Speaking of euphemisms, listen to George Carlin's routine.."Euphemism"..it's funny.

Many corporate buzzwords, the most egregious being "opportunity for improvement". "That doesn't work - it needs to be fixed", tell me that instead of spraying that political correctness everywhere.

That actually reminds me of a poster awareness campaign we had over here. Basically they were posters of the word:

disabled.

Always reminded me of Homer Simpson's assertion that "you can't spell dishonourable without honourable". :D

My mum works in a hospital and once referred to a mentally disabled person as a "patient" (well...he was in a hospital after all, it would seem to stand to reason, no?). After receiving some dirty looks, she was politely informed that they were not patients, they were 'clients'. :rolleyes:

So... take out the 'able' and you get dissed? Yeah, that works.

when a guy dies saying dumb things like "he's left the building, or he won't be coming down for breakfast."kind of irritates me.

i hate when people overuse, "at the end of the day"

I've heard "Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System" for starting your period and got a kick out of that.

Undocumented instead of Illegal Alien is the one that really pisses me off.

I was just thinking about that.

"Regularity".

It's like comparing "apples and oranges." Man I hate that one!

Afro-American or African-American. It operates under the wonderful assumption that all black people living in North America are from, or had family that emigrated from Africa. It's great because it's "politically correct", but it excludes people from at least a full other continent. Okay, so it's not a real euphemism. So sue me.

This is to you, politically correct idiots: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

BTW, "comparing apples and oranges" is a cliche simile, not a euphemism. :)

I dunno why but I love 'rub one out' as a euphemism for masturbating. I never heard the phrase growing up but when I lived in Boston I would hear it all the time. Not sure if it's regional or if I just lived a sheltered life.

I cracked up in class when they used the term "unfortunate-looking" or "of unfortunate appearance" when describing ugly people, regarding the perception of beauty. I can't even remember what study used that term, but it was great. "attractive" vs. "unfortunate."

Thats an 'outright lie'.

I despise cutesy terms for going to the bathroom. "I have to see a man about a horse" is one that my teachers used in school that made me want to kick something.

I think most of us could go off on corporate lingo. When I worked for Dish Network, if I made a grievous mistake on a call, I showed up on the "Opportunity Report." If I called in sick, it was an "incident." "Flexible scheduling" meant "you'll be working some time between 8am and midnight." At one point, they decided to seat the call center on a first-come, first-serve basis every day, in effect denying their employees permanent desk locations. They called this "streamlined seating" (and we called it "my employer is too cheap to give me a wall to hang pictures on"). When someone got fired, they "left to pursue other opportunities." I could go on and on.

'He's not the coldest beer in the fridge."

-my highschool track coach refering to the class idiot

My stupid degree name. Administrative and Commercial studies specializing in finance and administration. Dammit, just call it business!

OHH BATHROOM EUPHEMISMS ARE AWESOME! My favourite is:

"pinching a giant, steaming loaf"

"Taking the Browns to the Superbowl"


taking a shit. best one ever

Dammit Redjake, you beat me to it. I use that one all the time.

And the one I absolutely hate? HOMICIDE BOMBERS! They died too, right? They knew they were going to? Then they're SUICIDE BOMBERS. Nobody ever had a problem with the term before last year, then all of a sudden you turn on the news and every terrorist with a death wish is a homicide bomber. WTF? EVERY bomber is a homicide bomber, duh. The ones who blow themselves up too are suicide bombers. Next case.

-Mikey

touched in the head...

I was at work one day and this girl said, "I have to go drop the kids off at the pool." I like that one.

my new one is now "Taking the Browns to the Superbowl", thanks to redjake.

"not the brightest Crayon in the box" ... I hate that one.

i think referring to God as "the man upstairs" is the most aggravating to me.

I read somewhere that the SR 71 Blackbird spyplane did not have an engine flameout, it suffered an unstart condition.

Snow white and the verticaly challenged septuplets.


Star Trek always had the best one: Offline (as in a system is offline).
It's probably the worlds most unspecific answer. They're offline, they could be out of power, or floating off into space, but it doesn't matter, because they're not online.

I used to collect trash at the RenFest. In an attempt to feel important, I dubbed myself a "post consumer product technician"

When I was let go of my last teaching job because the lady I was covering for was coming back and there were no new positions open to me, it was explained before the staff that I was going to be "seeking new adventures". Bullhonkey! I was the fat that they were trimming.

"i've got to go see a man about a horse"
code for going to take a dump
:P

first time i heard it i couldnt stop laughing

Sanitary napkin instead of pad.

I hate passed away as well. They died, what's rude about saying someone is dead?

Possibly the worst one of all: "Let's go grab some grub." Grab? So you're going to grab your spaghetti? It's not grub, it's food. UGH!!

-Lasereth

what about "wetback"?

thats what we call them here. even the people from mexico call them that

Weird. Over here, the phrase "going to see a man about a dog" means having to go and do some unspecified business. e.g. having to go on an errand of some sort.

Personally, I refer to them as mass-murderers.

The only possible good outcome from an idiot who blows himself up with a bomb is if they also Darwined their defective genes.

Eventually, hopefully, probably never, everyone will realize that religion is a farce designed to feed parasitic do-nothings.

Tropple, I'd appreciate it if you could state your opinions without coming off as being, what's the euphemism? "Touched in the head". Eventually, hopefully, probably never, everyone will realize that atheism is a farce for elitist pseudo-intellectuals. OH I'M SORRY, DID THAT COME OFF AS RUDE?

OK, kids. Play nice, or else someone will have to separate you.

On the euphamism side, I like " motivationaly challenged" which in plain english means lazy. I use this one far too often. :)

Musicians' euphs

Trombone: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.