Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Chatter > General Discussion


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-18-2004, 05:03 AM   #1 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Right here, right now.
Best euphemisms you've ever heard?

Reading the "Racist orders coffee in Glasgow" thread in General Discussion got me thinking of some of the more amusing or bewildering euphemisms I've heard or seen - some perpetrated in the name of political correctness, others maybe in a desperate attempt to save face in an embarrassing situation and others for who knows what reason.

Unfortunately, with my brain asking to be shut down for the night, I can only think of one right now:

"Negative patient care outcome" - from hospital staff, meaning the patient died.

What are the best attempts you've seen to torture the English language in this way?
OzOz is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 06:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
Observant Ruminant
 
Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town
"Differently abled" for people with disabilities. Even some people in wheelchairs spit on that one.
Rodney is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 06:18 AM   #3 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: UK
Star Wars Euphemisms for Masturbation...

12 'Star Wars' Euphemisms for Masturbation


12. Grooming the Wookie.

11. Polishing Vader's Helmet.

10. Unsheathing the Meatsaber.

9.Releasing the Special Edition.

8. Jumping to Delight Speed.

7. Communicating with Red Leader One.

6. Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo.

5. Tinkering With the R2 Unit.

4. Manually Targeting the Rebel Base.

3. Performing the Jedi Hand Trick.

2. Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears.

and the Number 1 Star Wars Euphemism for Masturbation...

1. Test Firing the Death Star!
__________________
and so ends the thought process for another day...
Stug is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 08:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
Tilted
 
jalora's Avatar
 
Location: California
I hate "passed away". Always have. Always will.
__________________
Like my diamonds? The Devil himself gave them to me...
jalora is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 11:48 AM   #5 (permalink)
Mjollnir Incarnate
 
Location: Lost in thought
Calling short people "height challenged." Come on, people. It's been an adjective for hundreds of years. SHORT
Slavakion is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 12:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Orlando, FL
Regarding masturbation, I don't like "whacking off" or "jerking off" as when one is called a jerk/whack-off it is an insult. (Hence the British 'wanker')

Also, I dislike "put to rest/sleep" when killing animals or talking about dead people. It scared me as a child when one came up to me and said my Aunt was sleeping, as I hoped she would wake up.

Also, I dislike euphemisms all together. Especially when schoolkids say "Ooh, Satan lives in H-E- double hockey sticks!" I remember that from my youth..never liked it.

Some I think that are funny is post-traumatic stress disorder, aka shell shock.

Speaking of euphemisms, listen to George Carlin's routine.."Euphemism"..it's funny.
Seandq is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 01:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
Crazy
 
NeoRete's Avatar
 
Location: Cape Cod
Many corporate buzzwords, the most egregious being "opportunity for improvement". "That doesn't work - it needs to be fixed", tell me that instead of spraying that political correctness everywhere.
__________________
Charlie was a chemist but Charlie is nomore, what Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4
NeoRete is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 01:32 PM   #8 (permalink)
Sky Piercer
 
CSflim's Avatar
 
Location: Ireland
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rodney
"Differently abled" for people with disabilities. Even some people in wheelchairs spit on that one.
That actually reminds me of a poster awareness campaign we had over here. Basically they were posters of the word:

disabled.

Always reminded me of Homer Simpson's assertion that "you can't spell dishonourable without honourable".

My mum works in a hospital and once referred to a mentally disabled person as a "patient" (well...he was in a hospital after all, it would seem to stand to reason, no?). After receiving some dirty looks, she was politely informed that they were not patients, they were 'clients'.
__________________
CSflim is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 02:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
Devoted
 
Redlemon's Avatar
 
Donor
Location: New England
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSflim
That actually reminds me of a poster awareness campaign we had over here. Basically they were posters of the word:

disabled.

Always reminded me of Homer Simpson's assertion that "you can't spell dishonourable without honourable".
So... take out the 'able' and you get dissed? Yeah, that works.
Redlemon is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 02:44 PM   #10 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: SW NEW HAMPSHIRE
when a guy dies saying dumb things like "he's left the building, or he won't be coming down for breakfast."kind of irritates me.
izzzzy is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 03:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
Upright
 
i hate when people overuse, "at the end of the day"
beofotch5 is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 03:18 PM   #12 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Washington, DC Metro Area
I've heard "Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System" for starting your period and got a kick out of that.
sparkly is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 03:25 PM   #13 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Apple Valley, CA
Undocumented instead of Illegal Alien is the one that really pisses me off.
walkerboh4269 is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 03:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
lonely rolling star
 
sadistikdreams's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seandq
Speaking of euphemisms, listen to George Carlin's routine.."Euphemism"..it's funny.
I was just thinking about that.

"Regularity".
__________________
"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.
The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.
"
-Lin Yutang

hearts, by d.a.
sadistikdreams is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 03:32 PM   #15 (permalink)
Crazy
 
It's like comparing "apples and oranges." Man I hate that one!
Tralls is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 03:35 PM   #16 (permalink)
Twitterpated
 
Suave's Avatar
 
Location: My own little world (also Canada)
Afro-American or African-American. It operates under the wonderful assumption that all black people living in North America are from, or had family that emigrated from Africa. It's great because it's "politically correct", but it excludes people from at least a full other continent. Okay, so it's not a real euphemism. So sue me.

This is to you, politically correct idiots:

BTW, "comparing apples and oranges" is a cliche simile, not a euphemism.

Last edited by Suave; 10-18-2004 at 10:48 PM..
Suave is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 09:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
I dunno why but I love 'rub one out' as a euphemism for masturbating. I never heard the phrase growing up but when I lived in Boston I would hear it all the time. Not sure if it's regional or if I just lived a sheltered life.
macsmith230 is offline  
Old 10-18-2004, 09:56 PM   #18 (permalink)
Tilted
 
I cracked up in class when they used the term "unfortunate-looking" or "of unfortunate appearance" when describing ugly people, regarding the perception of beauty. I can't even remember what study used that term, but it was great. "attractive" vs. "unfortunate."
yster is offline  
Old 10-19-2004, 06:17 PM   #19 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Thats an 'outright lie'.
nottwood is offline  
Old 10-19-2004, 09:58 PM   #20 (permalink)
Tilted
 
I despise cutesy terms for going to the bathroom. "I have to see a man about a horse" is one that my teachers used in school that made me want to kick something.

I think most of us could go off on corporate lingo. When I worked for Dish Network, if I made a grievous mistake on a call, I showed up on the "Opportunity Report." If I called in sick, it was an "incident." "Flexible scheduling" meant "you'll be working some time between 8am and midnight." At one point, they decided to seat the call center on a first-come, first-serve basis every day, in effect denying their employees permanent desk locations. They called this "streamlined seating" (and we called it "my employer is too cheap to give me a wall to hang pictures on"). When someone got fired, they "left to pursue other opportunities." I could go on and on.
Echodork is offline  
Old 10-19-2004, 10:09 PM   #21 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Wylds of the Western Reserve
'He's not the coldest beer in the fridge."

-my highschool track coach refering to the class idiot
__________________
In the words of Jello: "Punk ain't no religious cult,punk means thinking for yourself. You ain't hardcore cause you spike your hair, when a jock still lives inside your head."
mkultra is offline  
Old 10-19-2004, 10:21 PM   #22 (permalink)
Insane
 
My stupid degree name. Administrative and Commercial studies specializing in finance and administration. Dammit, just call it business!
__________________
Don't mind the name. It was chosen before I discovered that there were forums that didn't start with "Titty."
jizzmasterp is offline  
Old 10-19-2004, 10:25 PM   #23 (permalink)
Twitterpated
 
Suave's Avatar
 
Location: My own little world (also Canada)
OHH BATHROOM EUPHEMISMS ARE AWESOME! My favourite is:

"pinching a giant, steaming loaf"
Suave is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 06:17 AM   #24 (permalink)
I'm a family man - I run a family business.
 
Redjake's Avatar
 
Location: Wilson, NC
"Taking the Browns to the Superbowl"


taking a shit. best one ever
__________________
Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.
Redjake is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 07:34 AM   #25 (permalink)
Squid
 
MikeyChalupa's Avatar
 
Location: USS George Washington
Dammit Redjake, you beat me to it. I use that one all the time.

And the one I absolutely hate? HOMICIDE BOMBERS! They died too, right? They knew they were going to? Then they're SUICIDE BOMBERS. Nobody ever had a problem with the term before last year, then all of a sudden you turn on the news and every terrorist with a death wish is a homicide bomber. WTF? EVERY bomber is a homicide bomber, duh. The ones who blow themselves up too are suicide bombers. Next case.

-Mikey
MikeyChalupa is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 07:44 AM   #26 (permalink)
Tilted Cat Head
 
Cynthetiq's Avatar
 
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
touched in the head...
__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.
Cynthetiq is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 08:05 AM   #27 (permalink)
on fire
 
animosity's Avatar
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
I was at work one day and this girl said, "I have to go drop the kids off at the pool." I like that one.

my new one is now "Taking the Browns to the Superbowl", thanks to redjake.

"not the brightest Crayon in the box" ... I hate that one.

Last edited by animosity; 10-20-2004 at 08:06 AM.. Reason: I cant type.
animosity is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 08:08 AM   #28 (permalink)
can't help but laugh
 
irateplatypus's Avatar
 
Location: dar al-harb
i think referring to God as "the man upstairs" is the most aggravating to me.
__________________
If you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance for survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.

~ Winston Churchill
irateplatypus is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 09:18 AM   #29 (permalink)
I aim to misbehave!
 
rockogre's Avatar
 
Location: SW Oklahoma
I read somewhere that the SR 71 Blackbird spyplane did not have an engine flameout, it suffered an unstart condition.
__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

Last edited by rockogre; 10-20-2004 at 11:50 AM..
rockogre is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 10:28 AM   #30 (permalink)
Too Awesome for Aardvarks
 
stevie667's Avatar
 
Location: Angloland
Snow white and the verticaly challenged septuplets.


Star Trek always had the best one: Offline (as in a system is offline).
It's probably the worlds most unspecific answer. They're offline, they could be out of power, or floating off into space, but it doesn't matter, because they're not online.
stevie667 is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 10:32 AM   #31 (permalink)
Junkie
 
fhqwhgads's Avatar
 
I used to collect trash at the RenFest. In an attempt to feel important, I dubbed myself a "post consumer product technician"
fhqwhgads is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 10:35 AM   #32 (permalink)
Loser
 
When I was let go of my last teaching job because the lady I was covering for was coming back and there were no new positions open to me, it was explained before the staff that I was going to be "seeking new adventures". Bullhonkey! I was the fat that they were trimming.
Grace, Too is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 11:00 AM   #33 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: SLC, UT
"i've got to go see a man about a horse"
code for going to take a dump
:P

first time i heard it i couldnt stop laughing
__________________
<Arcane> so if you banged 2000 chicks then at least one had a pen0r?
arcane is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 01:39 PM   #34 (permalink)
Knight of the Old Republic
 
Lasereth's Avatar
 
Location: Winston-Salem, NC
Sanitary napkin instead of pad.

I hate passed away as well. They died, what's rude about saying someone is dead?

Possibly the worst one of all: "Let's go grab some grub." Grab? So you're going to grab your spaghetti? It's not grub, it's food. UGH!!

-Lasereth
__________________
"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert
Lasereth is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 01:46 PM   #35 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: aqui
Quote:
Originally Posted by walkerboh4269
Undocumented instead of Illegal Alien is the one that really pisses me off.

what about "wetback"?

thats what we call them here. even the people from mexico call them that
__________________
Phant

Irrationality is the square root of all evil
Phant84 is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 02:11 PM   #36 (permalink)
Sky Piercer
 
CSflim's Avatar
 
Location: Ireland
Quote:
Originally Posted by arcane
"i've got to go see a man about a horse"
code for going to take a dump
:P

first time i heard it i couldnt stop laughing
Weird. Over here, the phrase "going to see a man about a dog" means having to go and do some unspecified business. e.g. having to go on an errand of some sort.
__________________
CSflim is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 02:17 PM   #37 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeyChalupa
Dammit Redjake, you beat me to it. I use that one all the time.

And the one I absolutely hate? HOMICIDE BOMBERS! They died too, right? They knew they were going to? Then they're SUICIDE BOMBERS. Nobody ever had a problem with the term before last year, then all of a sudden you turn on the news and every terrorist with a death wish is a homicide bomber. WTF? EVERY bomber is a homicide bomber, duh. The ones who blow themselves up too are suicide bombers. Next case.

-Mikey
Personally, I refer to them as mass-murderers.

The only possible good outcome from an idiot who blows himself up with a bomb is if they also Darwined their defective genes.

Eventually, hopefully, probably never, everyone will realize that religion is a farce designed to feed parasitic do-nothings.
__________________
+++++++++++Boom!
tropple is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 02:26 PM   #38 (permalink)
Twitterpated
 
Suave's Avatar
 
Location: My own little world (also Canada)
Tropple, I'd appreciate it if you could state your opinions without coming off as being, what's the euphemism? "Touched in the head". Eventually, hopefully, probably never, everyone will realize that atheism is a farce for elitist pseudo-intellectuals. OH I'M SORRY, DID THAT COME OFF AS RUDE?
Suave is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 02:44 PM   #39 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Kalnaur's Avatar
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
OK, kids. Play nice, or else someone will have to separate you.

On the euphamism side, I like " motivationaly challenged" which in plain english means lazy. I use this one far too often.
__________________
PC: Can you help me out here HK?
HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags.
PC: And the other 2 percent?
HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.
Kalnaur is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 02:53 PM   #40 (permalink)
Insane
 
dobster's Avatar
 
Location: South London, UK
Musicians' euphs

Trombone: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.
__________________
sig-na-ture
1. One's name as written by oneself.
2. The act of signing one's name.
3. A distinctive mark, characteristic, or sound indicating identity.
dobster is offline  
 

Tags
euphemisms, heard

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:47 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360