MageB420666

Ok, I just got George Carlin's new book: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
It is stuffed full of euphemisms.

original - Euphemism(s)
stomach - belly, tummy
mole - beauty mark
crow's feet - laugh lines
pimples - skin blemishes
non-profit - not for profit
free - complimentary
free doughnuts - complimentary continental breakfast
ideas - concepts
shell shock - battle fatigue, operational exhaustion, post-traumatic-stress-disorder
toilet paper - bathroom tissue
loafers - slip-ons
running shoes - athletic footware
sweatshirt/pants - Activewear
second-hand clothing - vintage wear
toupees - hair appliance
false teeth - dental appliance
hair replacement system - rug, hairpiece
answering machine - voice-processing system
matress and box-spring set - sleep system
mop - mopping system
heater/air conditioner - climate control system
brakes - braking system
seatbealts/airbags - impact-management system
dashboard - instrument panel
leather seats - leather seating-surfaces
cartoon - animation
rerun - encore presentation
soap opera - daytime drama
theater - performing arts center, performance spaces
nightclub - party space
arenas - event centers
hospital - medical center
library - learning resource center
profits - earnings
personnel - human resources
complaint department - customer relations
criticism - feedback
car sickness - motion discomfort
messenger - courier
junk mail - direct marketing
special delivery - priority mail
information - directory assistance
used car - certified pre-owned vehicle
dump - land-fill
garbageman - sanitation engineer
garbage collection - environmental services
apartment - dwelling unit
janitor - custodial engineer
peephole - observation port
bucktoothed - overbite
glasses - prescription eyewear
motel - motor lodge
house trailer - motor home,mobile home,modular home,manufactured housing
medicine - medication
mouthwash - dental rinse
deodorant - anti-perspirants
sweat - nervous wetness
soap - bath bar, cleansing bar, clarifying bar
hair spray - holding mist
shaping mouse - sculpting gel
cough drops - throat lozenges, troches, pastilles
diarrhea - lower gastric distress
roughage - fiber
vaginal friction - personal dryness problem
douche - feminine wash
scabs - replacement workers
fired, released,terminated - non-retained, dehired,selected out

and there are plenty more in the book, but I'm to tired of typing right now to list them all, plus the book is great, so I don't want to ruin everything for those of you who have it or are going to get it.

__________________
Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.