clavus

When they made my new phone, I don’t think they adult, hetrosexual males in mind. First of all, the damn thing is tiny. It’s roughly the size of a Hotwheel and not nearly as cool. The phone is actually too small to use. When I try to dial a number, I end up mashing my thick, awkward fingers across several buttons at once. I feel like I’m trying to give a pygmy marmoset CPR.

And if I should happen to successfully dial a number, then I have to actually hold the itty bitty thing up to my head and speak into it. It is so much smaller than my hand, there is literally no comfortable way to hold the thing. It’s like taking into a snack cracker. I’m afraid that I might accidentally swallow it. I’m thinking about duct-taping a brick to it, just so I have something substantial to grab onto when I’m speaking

The phone should be sold with a tiny Japanese woman who holds the phone for you and pushes the appropriate buttons. The user would just lift her up to his ear when he needs to chat.

And what in the name of Richard Simmons is going on with the graphics? The phone has a full-color screen with several less-than-masculine backgrounds to choose from – fluffy kitty, rainbow flag, fruit cup, and google-eyed Pokemon children holding pink hearts. What the Hell am I supposed to pick? Apparently, if I go on line, I will have a host of new screens to choose from…for a price.

And it’s a price I’m willing to pay. Here’s my ten bucks, now upload picture of a stealth fighter, or Strogbad, or Aurora Snow…ANYTHING cool. Please! My default options don’t look so good.

What would happen if I let a client use my phone? Uh, “Cute kitty, dude.”

And don’t get me started about the ring tones. It’s the same deal. You want your phone to sound like something other than a pocket-size gay bar, pay up and go on line.

Someone needs to make an old-school cell phone. I want a big fucker, like a WWII combat radio handset, with a crank on the side and a cord that runs to a car battery that I carry on my back.

What the Hell happened? When did cell phones puss out?

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dieseldog

Hilarity abounds in this thread.

KellyC

Chris Rock mentioned in Lethal Weapon 4 the reason why they make cell phone smaller and smaller is so you can loose 'em, so ya hafta buy another one. There's some truth in it. Bastards...

IMO, all these new features on cell phones are a bunch of bullshit. Companies use them to lure more customers, mainly the suckers. Not to say that I'm not a sucker myself...at least not in this

A cell phone's function should be only for talking, I don't need a god damn camera; internet access; mp3 player and such crammed into my cell phone. I already have all of those at home, and in much better quality. If I want to take a picture, then I'll bust out my Nikkon Rebel. If I want to browse the 'net, then I'll use my comp....bastards...

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Squishor

Just curious, Clavus - is it a Samsung?

Y2KDREAD

It must be a samsung, right now those are the phones they are giving out all that time. and yes, they are THAT SMALL!

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Pip

The taping to a brick-part made me laugh! Also, it made me love my Nokia from last century even more. It can store a bunch of phone numbers, send and recieve text messages and play Snake! Amazing!

stevie667

Very funny, and so danged true.

Gortexfogg

Hehe!
I know what you mean. I think it's all part of the continuing move of cellular companies to target teenagers while continually thinking "Smaller must be better!"

maleficent

My hand cramps up if I use my cell phone for too long... I miss my old Qualcomm monster of a phone...

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clavus

Hooray, my brothers and sisters! I'm glad you are all with me on this one. Let's start a revolution! Bring back the big equipment! Say it with me now -

"Size matters! Size Matters! Size matters!"

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maleficent

The worst part of my puny little phone, is that if I just toss it into my bag (which my laptop and other things live in, I often have to take everything out fo the stinkin' bag to find the phone, it's especially entertaining when the phone is ringing... (please keep ring so I can find you)

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Charlatan

I just got rid of my tiny phone and got a Treo 600... it isn't too big and it isn't too small... It's also completely modifiable... my own picutres and ring tones...

I love it.

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the_marq

Mark my words, by the end of 2005 phones will be coming in custom shapes like:

--Hello Kitty
--That thing from Pokemon
--SpongeBob
--a penis
--a handgun

They'll be shaped like everything under the sun, except for... a fone.

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feelgood

LOL!!!! That's golden!

I remember the good old times when I would drive around and spot some drivers talking in portable phones like they're coordinating air strikes.

Those things were huge back in early 90s

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oblar

hmm, i actually dont mind the size of the samsung i have.. granted, I have one before the camera/color screens and all of that jazz. It fits just about right.. not too comfy so I talk on it for long, but not so large I dont like carrying it around.

however, I have seen some that were just way too small.. the ones where the mouth piece goes to the middle of your cheek if you have it up to your ear. As far as the buttons, the newer ones are crazy.. I can barely dial a number with them.. It is probably why they store the numbers on them

as far as price and abilities.. I am with you in what I want my phone to do. Just give me a phone that is reliable, gives a good signal, and lets me send and recieve phone calls. The colour screen, the camera, the wireless web.. Those only hold my interest for a few moments when you first have it.. After that they are forgotten. actually, my phone has the wireless web now, but it costs extra, so I have yet to use it

basmoq

I like my phone as small as possible, I don't understand what the problem is, I have BIG THICK fingers, but I don't have any trouble with my little old nokia... Heck, I have troubles finding bowling balls with holes big enough, and when I do, there always like 18 lbs. which is waaaaay too heavy for me...

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Halx

"pocket-size gay bar"

so fuckin' true.. I can't stand all these ring tones. What happened to a fuckin' phone ring sound.. they ALWAYS forget to include that classic.

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*Nikki*

I agree mine could be bigger also. I hate the fact that I cannot hold on to it with my chin when talking so that I can be hands free.

If I want to do that I have to pay an additional 50 bucks for a headset.

Redgirl

yeah, that's why I went with the flip phone. They are compact to store, but bigger to talk on. Mine has a camera, the web, and it can take little videos. I love my phone! Maybe I have some japanese in my family?

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billege

I laughed, I cried. Hell, I'm still crying. That was great.


I hear you...wait...hello?...shit *click* shit. *dials*
hey, sorry the connect...*click* SHIT! *dials*
Yeah, sorry my phone sucks sometimes. Yeah, so what were we talking about?
Oh yeah, man I.....dude?....I can hear you....can you hear me?...dude keep talking it will come back.....No! don't hang up! I can hear you! *click* FUCK! *dials*
DUDE, I could hear you, why'd you hang up? You coulnd't hear me? No, it's your phone, it sucks. No. It's your phone. Mine's brand new! Well, anyway, don't hang up, it comes back......dude.....dude you're all broken up....move around or something....there that's.....FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

*throws phone*

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Confederate

this thread is useless without pics of said cellphones

heyal256

I have an old samsung flip phone that I like much better then these new tiny phones.
Besides, my criteria for picking a phone was that it neede to be a flip phone AND feel like I could slam it onto a table without worrying about the damn thing breaking. The new phones out now, just look like 1 sneeze at it and it will fall apart.
P.S. anybody know if they still make phones that don't have the million and 1 features that aren't necessary for a phone?

SecretMethod70

I swear, one day I will be watching Conan, and I will hear him saying precisely what's in one of Clavus' posts, and I will think to myself "shit! Clavus is Conan!" (or some other comedian)

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JStrider

i remember seeing a little news article about a guy who was attaching older wired phone headsets into little boxes that had a gutted cell phone... so it was basically like the phone in your home with a cord going to a box you caried...

i thought it was kinda cool...

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Speed_Gibson

my first thought on the the thread title was Zoolander
and I completely agree with

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maleficent

Having internet access on the cellphone has come in handy when I needed directions to some place (I know I could have easily used the phone to call, but I really don't like talking to people and avoid it as much as possible) My currentl phone doesn't have web access, my last phone did, and used it more than once to rebook flights and secure a hotel reservations during flight cancellations (since I didn't have to wait in a two hour line, it paid for itself then and there)

Regular surfing, naw, the screen is too small, and just not practical.

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combatmedicjen

Yes!!!!!! It's compact, but twice as big when you're actually talking on it. It's great!! I have a Samsung flip phone w/ camera that I bought it in Texas so I could send pictures of myself to hubby while I was in training... and he could send pictures to me

ratbastid

I had to use lurkette's phone a couple of times this weekend, and MAN is that thing tiny! It took me three or four tries to dial anything (big ol sausage fingers over here), and then I couldn't chin the phone and have my hands free. Terrible.

I'll stick with my reasonably-sized clamshell phone.

mirevolver

Just bought a new flip phone yesterday. While they're nice when talking to, because they double in size, when they're closed they're really small. Just today, I picked up the phone in my condo and called my cell phone so I could figure out where I put it.

Anybody remember those nice motorola phones from the early 90's that had a battery about the size, weight and density of a brick. And no matter where you were, you could be out in the middle of nowhere and the thing could still pick up a signal.

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vermin

I don't have a cell phone. And if my job doesn't require me to get one, I will never have one. I have yet to hear a ring tone that isn't really fucking annoying.

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MikeyChalupa

I want a fruit cup background...

-Mikey

feelgood

Ya gotta love them bad boys theme ring eh?

Cell phone in question

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Mephisto2

You need one of these.



http://abcnews.go.com/wire/SciTech/r...40729_303.html
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...sPageName=WDVW

And yes, they are real "handsets" for cellphones. They've even become "cool", as some rapper had one at recent award ceremony.

Some cellphone are actually designed for women, so maybe you actually bought one of these by accident? You're not wearing tight, hip high, cut-off jeans too, are you?




I like reading your stories clavus. You make me laugh.



Mr Mephisto

JStrider

yaah... thats what i was talking about...

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arch13

Now that's the damn truth. SE now ships phones that have an "old time phone" ring, but not a regular one. arghhhhh.
Stil, I value the size of my phone, smaller than the old bricks but not flip phone tiny.
Besides, so few phones have a decent implamentation of bluetooth that the only well designed choices where SE. Nokia's recall of 100,000 phones for having the incorrect BT firmware have not helped boost confidence in their ability. But don't get me started on that.

On a side note, has anyone heard about the new sim cards that will even prevent the installation of wallpapers or themes not received from your service provider over their DL'ing service?
I for one welcome our new big brothers....

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Redgirl

I guess I'm just not fashion forward enough- those handsets posted above look fucking retarded to me. *shrug*

If you can't hold the phone to your ear because it's too small, just get a hands free headset. The ones with noise cancellation technology sound crystal clear and it's much safer to drive with one than to have that clunky receiver OR your cell phone to your ear!

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bonehed1

holy crap thats a big ass phone....I can imagine what it would be like with the WW2 phones but that would be insane and everyone would have huge ass arm muscles carrying those suckers....I like the phones the way they are now because they fit into my cell phone pocket in my dickies pants..

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omega2K4

You need to get you one of these (the phone, not the old man.):

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Date the Banana

re: getting wallpaper and crap to the phone. My new one has a built in Mini SD card that I just pop into my laptop. All I have to do is resize a jpg to screen dimensions (240x320px on mine, I think) and drag it to the picture folder on the card.
Thank you Toshiba! You are smart people!
(also lets me play tetris in full colour...god bless the Japanese...)

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Munku

Omega! Man I was about to post the exact same googled up picture.. But yeah, brick included on that bad boy..