Angel

When a couple gets married or decides to make a lifetime committment where they reside in the same household, Do you feel they should join their income as well, or do you feel it should remain separate?

__________________


In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

MrFlux

I think a certain percentage of what they earn should be pooled and then each gets their own spending money from the remainder that they are free to do whatever with. Dunno how well it would work but I thought it was a pretty cool idea, after seeing a few families where one or the other of them works while the other one does all the money managing, and the one who works ends up not actually being able to buy anything they want (even a coke or whatever O_o)

__________________
flux (n.)
Medicine. The discharge of large quantities of fluid material from the body, especially the discharge of watery feces from the intestines.

uncle phil

i believe it's something that has to be worked out between the parties involved...no easy task, either...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

alpha phi

Atropos and I have a joint checking account we both put an equal amount in (one fourth of our monthly bills weekly)this way we each pay exactly half of the bills. niether pays more!
Then we have our seperate accounts for saving or spending.
We have eliminated the need to argue over money this way.
the bills are paid, no one feels cheated.
I can't complain about what she "wastes" her money on....it's hers.
she can't complain about how I "invest" my money.......it's mine

__________________

4thTimeLucky

what do you do about groceries?

__________________
I've been 4thTimeLucky, you've been great. Goodnight and God bless!

ratbastid

When Lurkette and I joined lives, we joined money. Not that there was much to join at the time.... We were about three weeks out of college and didn't have jobs yet.

We've always had joint checking, savings, and credit cards. We communicate pretty well about money, so it's really not been much of an issue.

Lately I've gotten involved in some projects that take some money, and we concluded that it was unfair to draw on common funds for that. So we each opened individual checking accounts, and we get an allowance of $200/month from our joint account. That way I've got "my" money and she's got "hers", which is at our discretion to spend however we want. Groceries and bills still come out of the joint account.

Daval

My wife and I have everything joint. I also earn about 10 times more than her so she is definately getting the better of the deal :P

__________________
"It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it."
Winston Churchill

Cynthetiq

my wife and I pooled everything together. We have a spending allowance she handles all the financials such as paying all the bills and saving money. If we did it any other way I would have squandered it all.

She's a saver, I'm a spender, together we're spend thrifty.

It took a bit to get used to because I had never allowed anyone dictate how I spend my money. She has never had enough to spend. So between the two of us we are able to balance it out.

We still have some separate accounts, which will change over time because of laws. (meaning if something happens to me/her then there is no access to those accounts because the spouse name does not appear.) We decided to keep those accounts and add the other's name and use them separately so long as the bank does not charge us for them.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

BoCo

I think every couple should do it the way that works best for them. I know different couples who do it both ways, and for some, combining money works best, while others prefer to keep it separate.

__________________
Activism is a way for useless people to feel important.

SaltPork

I never understood the separate money thing. I know people that do it, though. My wife and I have joint accounts, no separate money. The only reasons to have your own account would be to hide something or if you have some psychological issues-not being sarcastic. Let me explain, if you have a separate account then you have a part of your life that is yours and yours alone. Why do you need that? Does it give you strength? No. It does give you some independence though and it's something that no one else can touch but you. You've combined everything, but money is still separate...you have your safety net in case things go bad.

Just my take...what do I know though.

__________________
It was like that when I got here....I swear.

Hycdubg

I believe it is a decision that each couple has to make for themselves, and that they should do whatever they are both comfortable with. I do, however, believe that pooling your money together and being in agreement on all expenditures is the better way to go, and that is how my wife and I do it.

__________________
Alice, that dog has been licking his own asshole for three hours. I would venture to say that there is nothing there that requires more than an hour's attention. So I would suggest that whatever he's attempting to dislodge is either gone for good....or there to stay.

-The Long Kiss Goodnight_

rockogre

All these years it has just been our money. Used for what ever was needed. If we had money for toys we usually were in agreement when we got them. If the kids need something we agree on that also.

Now that we are older I am trying to convince my wife to put money aside in an account for her in case something happens to me so she won't have to wait for probate.

It's a partner / trust thing. I make nearly 3 times what my wife makes a year but it has never bothered me. The money belongs to the marriage.

However, if I had to start again I would have to think long and hard about sharing like that with someone else. I have kids and grandkids to think about and if someone I was serious about had the same, then I'm sure that some things would have to be in writing.

__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

Lebell

Well,

I hope I don't stick my foot in it, but when I commit to someone, it's total. I never understood keeping finances separate. Unfortunately, my ex had MAJOR issues with money. When I made more money, she was fine with sharing, but when she made more, suddenly issues started to come up.

Whatever a couple does, they had better talk about expectations just so there aren't surprises and hard feelings.

Love of money truely is the root of all evil.

__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU!

Please Donate!

WhoaitsZ

i'm not married, nor have been, so take this with a grain of salt.....

i think it should be done two ways.

first off, both people need to sit down frequently with their checks and balances. they need to see what bills there are and how much money they both have. they need to pay the bills, then figure out what they _need_ next.
after that I think they should kind of do as they will with their dough.

all important shit taken care of, as a couple, then semi-resume your private funds.

Liquor Dealer

We have a joint checking account and I do not touch the checkbook. Everytime I touch it something goes terribly wrong with the entire world's bookkeeping system - a monetraty catastrophe of world shaking proportion takes palce. I take out what I need for walkin' around money and leave the rest well enough alone.

__________________
Life isn't always a bowl of cherries, sometimes it's more like a jar of Jalapenos --- what you say or do today might burn your ass tomorrow!!!

gov135

I think you need to evaluate each person's spending habits - AND the other person's attitude towards the habit. In other words, is there a mutual trust? My girlfriend has said to me on numerous occasions that I should handle financial affairs. I will, too (her paycheck will go straight to me), for several reasons - she doesn't trust herself and I don't necessarily trust her track record either.

So I will control funds. But the funds will belong to the marriage, with joint bank accounts, investment accounts, etc.

I liked the point made above by rockogre about making sure both partners have credit. Its nice to have "together" assets, but you may want to consider making sure the person with lower income takes out a loan on their own to buy a car, etc. This way you can have a little peace of mind.

Go_AVS

I manage the money, she does not work outside the house since we have kids. Neither one of us is great with money but I try to set a budget up for certain things like food and clothes. I just have money automatically deposited twice a month into her account and if she needs more, then one of us just transfers from our joint account which pays the majority of the bills.

__________________
MIA...

Big Julie

We got married, and I quit my job to stay home with the kids, so we only have the one income, but we still would have gone totally joint, because she doesn't like having to deal with the finances. I don't abuse the trust, to the point of annoying her by telling her every little thing I spend money on.

clavus

Total commitment = total commitment.

Financial, physical, spiritual. There is no more "mine" and "yours" its all ours. Its not easy to make that kind of a commitment, but once you do it, and do it completely, everyone is better off (unless one of you is faking it or insane).

__________________
Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

Spungfoo

Never done it myself I but I've learned from other people that it's generally a very bad idea to do so. Plus, my money is my money, no one else's.

sixate

Right. The amount of money at hand is also a huge factor. I think I'd keep some seperate if I ever got married.

Angel

I like the way you put this.
I realized while reviewing this that I hadn't given my opinion. Clavus here pretty much sums it up.

__________________


In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

viejo gringo

When my first wife finally went to work, she kept her money
and mine was still used for everything else.....

My second wife and I pooled our money---she is a great book keeper---when we want something special, she will keep two
or three savings accounts running inside of one check book---

of coarse, I am like LQ, I never touch the check book---my memory gets a little short, and so does the bottom line.

My mom and step dad kept everything seperate---and when he died suddenly, she was left with $50 dollars that we found
hid away in the tools...and thats all...

Togather WE can do anything....