JBX

It was just about 5:00 pm and I was pulling into a Boston Market, which is a restaurant a little more upscale than KFC. The lines are usually a little long at dinner time. This lady pulled in right behind me and zipped into a parking spot right along side my truck. From my vantage point I saw her glance up at me then hurriedly start working on her seat belt, opening her car door at the same time. She apparently was trying to get into line ahead of me. I really didn't care, but I was out of my truck first, because I was parked first. She got all unhooked and fast walked to the door, ahead of me. She pulled open the front door, made a fast left seeing the end of the line that had formed and BLAM, she walked right into a plate glass window. She never saw the second set of doors. She turns around her glasses askew on her face and a small cut on her nose. I asked if she was okay and she embarassed, said yes. I got in line and she went into the bathrooms. I never saw her again.

YourNeverThere

HAhahaahha thats an amazing story. I have almost the same one. I once knew a kid who was really annoying. Mean to everyone and stupid, this is when i was in like grade 6. So one day, he asks to go to the washroom and the teachers says yes. So he runs out the door and right outside the door was a bit of an uphill hall that opens into the main hall. The teacher yelled after him "Don't take too long!" he turned around while walking and answered "alright" then turned back around and slamed hard into the pole that the two hall doors close into, falls down and rolls down the hill into the classroom. Funnyest thing I've ever seem

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The Above post is a direct quote from Shakespeare

JumpinJesus

When I was in the Air Force, my best friend was in the Army and stationed at the same base as me. One day, we were in the library and were having a light-hearted discussion on which branch was more intelligent. Since I was a cop, he kept going on about cops being the least intelligent people in the military.

As we were leaving the library, he grabbed the library door and pulled but nothing happened. He pushed and nothing happened. I pointed at the big, neon blue sign in front of him that read, "This door locked, please use other door."
"Yeah, the Army is full of geniuses." I said.

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"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

clavus

This morning I saw a guy driving like a total asshole in a shiny new Porche-turbo-convertible-tiny-penis car. He tried to pass me on the right (I was only going 70mph), but was thwarted by a big freakin motorhome that wanted the same spot. Tiny-penis-man swerved left, started to slide, then over-compensated. He spun out and hit the wall to my left. Dollar signs flew off the car as it scraped along the concrete divider backwards.

Mr.-Tiny-Penis-Panic-Guy then jerked the wheel left, to try to get off the wall, and ended up shooting backwards across 5 lanes of traffic and into the trees on the right side of the road.

Maybe next time he won't be in such a big goddamn hurry.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

SecretMethod70

Every time I see someone going ~100 on the expressway and swerving between cars through really small openings, I want to see them get in an accident. Not one that injures anyone, but enough to ruin their car at least and teach them a little lesson.

It's never happened. *shrug*

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

i_t_man

This may be a little off-topic but once I was on I-5 north headed to work in Seattle and there was a state trooper pulled over on the side of the road trying to get his car door open with a slim jim.

I like to think he was getting payback for something but it made me chuckle every time I thought about it the rest of the day.

numberfive

Back in elementary school this guy was chasing a girl down the hall. She weaved quickly though a pole and he ran into it, hard. Had to be in a wheelchair for a week or two.

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P.S. Always remember: to forget is a form of suicide. (If I could only remember to forget myself.)

Fifteen Short

Why do people insist on the fact that Porches are only for men who are compensating. My friends wife has an audi TT quatro, thats a nice car. She isnt compensating, shes a lawyer. Why must any guy that has said nice car be making up for his wang, or lack thereof. I want one, I think its just envy of people who dont have them.

World's King

You mean like Cheese Cake?

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Mael

I once ordered a slice of apple pie. And I got it. :-)

oops... wrong kinda of desserts...

i play poker with buddies from high school, it's been something we've been doing off and on since senior year. there's one kid in the group who's a real cock whenever he wins, so it's always great to see him down a good $40 and pissy because of it.

Same kid also was dating this great girl. She's now dating another guy from our poker group. Anyways, he was a dick to her while dating, and they broke up a long time ago, but when he foudn out about her dating our friend, he made a go at getting back together/hooking up with her and got completely shot down. sucker.

Fifteen Short

Ive gotten my just desserts before:

I was being cocky, because I was loaded. I had a nametag and a twenty, so I folded it up and put the money in there so it was just Jackson a little off center. I was walkin around with it, hangin out with my friends. All of a sudden, three of my broke buddies jump me. Two grab my arms, and one grabs my legs. I try to keep the tag on my shirt. But one of em gets it and bolts. I run after him and slip right infront of the snack bar. Not a bad fall, but a fall infront of 50 someodd kids. I get back up and start running down the hall. Its right at the begining of lunch, in a crowded school, in a crowded hall. I am running, Nearly catch up to him, dodging doors and teachers and people eating bananas. I get so close I can almost grab him, but he gets away. All in all my losses were 2.50 or something. They just wanted some candy bars.

clavus

Sorry about the generalization. You are right. Your buddy's wife probably has a giant penis.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

CSflim

Muhahahaha! PERFECT! Absolutely perfect!

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Splice

When I was younger I was good/best friends with this guy. He was a total dick and he would put others down to make himself feel better. When we got older he was still a dick. Years later when I found out he lost his job, I didn't feel bad at all. He had it coming to him. Now he kind of understood what it's like to feel down. Being unemployed has a way of messing with people's egos! I would feel bad for anyone else, but this guy was a total dickwad!

almostaugust

Hows this.....

A good friend of mine was being a real dick in high school, throwing eggs from a car. They went past this poor guy broken down on the side of the road, and my mate threw an egg at him. Anyway, about two minutes later they were stopped at traffic lights, and my friend is sitting there with the window down when suddenly this huge arm reaches through the window and starts pummelling the shit out of him. The guy broken down had somehow got his car started and given chase. My friend was bleeding and briused, i still laugh about it.

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'And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass'

MSD

Well, during my daily commute to school, I run across a lot of assholes. There are the ones who cut me off and get tickets, that's always good to see. There was teh guy who almost hit me three times weaving in and out of traffic, but I got the last laugh, he was driving a rusty Geo Metro.

The one that stands out happened at the beginning of the summer. A guy in a minivan passed me on the right after tailgating me for 6 miles. Five minutes later, traffic is stopped. After fifteen minutes of stop and go, I passed the mob of firetrucks and state troopers congregated around the same minivan, (driver was fine) upside down and leaning against a tree.

krwlz

I second that!!! I think that comment made me laugh harder then any of the stories on this thread!!!

Raw Kuts

Is it just me, or has anyone else never heard the expression "get their just desserts"?

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( o< --!"Take that bass out you're voice, you talk to me in treble."
/ / \
\/_/_ -->Mos Def

marshall26

i'm with RK on that....i figured it out though

laxative

my boss will soon be too fat to walk.

JBX

From: The Phrase Finder

Just Deserts:

Meaning
The receipt of a fair punishment for ills you have created.

Origin
Note the single s in deserts. It is more often given with two as it is pronounced like desserts (the sweet course at the end of a meal) rather than deserts (arid sandy regions). The word originates from the French deservir, meaning deserves - hence the spelling.

BTW - the reply from clavus was indeed funny.

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"Youth and Strength is no match for Age and Treachery"

TIO

Two car stories:
We were driving along once, and there was a guy in some kind of red convertible going about the same speed as us. This guy thought he was pretty hot shit, and was leering at any and all girls he saw. Anyway, we get to an interstate exit, and this guy starts to turn left. Stalls the car, right in the middle of the intersection. Didn't look so cool after that

Next guy: we're in New Orleans, it's a lovely day, and we're having iced coffees outside the Cafe du Monde. Then this guy rocks up in another convertible; this one's purple, and he's had the suspension done. He's got his stereo all the way up, and he's doing laps of Jackson Square or something. He keeps driving past, playing with the suspension, bouncing the car, all that. Seriously, this guy thinks he's cooler than the first one. But he won't turn the stereo down, and he's starting to annoy us. Anyway, one pass, he flips his front right up, the back right down, and tries to give the car a bit of a bounce. There's an almigty bang, and this guy's muffler and exhaust fall right out of his car. There's a cop who won't let him drive the thing without the muffler, so he's waiting for a tow truck right in the middle of Decatur Street, with half the Quarter pissing themselves laughing at them. Sweetest karmic revenge I've ever seen

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Strewth

StormBerlin

She has an Audi, not a Porsche. And women don't buy cars to compensate... men do.

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"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

StormBerlin

I had a guy that I worked with that was always bashing Gays and Lesbians. You're entitled to your opinion, but saying things like you're going to kill them the next time you see one... that is totally innapropriate. So I told him he'd better be nicer cuz Karma's a bitch. He tells me I'm a bitch and sits down on a lawn chair behind him. All four legs break out from underneath him and he smacks his head against a wall... That was great.

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"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

Rodney

I have a great friend who's a war gamer; I'm not interested at all, but he dragged me into one once with his gaming circle. It's one of those conquest/strategy games where everybody has a country and spends 1/2 hour making deals and secret alliances between moves. I'm kind of a straightforward guy, so it bored me.

Anyway, I make a deal with one of my neighbors not to attack my border. So, on the next move he attacked my border. I invoked our deal, and he gave me a big shit-eating grin and said, "I lied." Mind you, this is an uber-geek, this is all of life that he knows.

Anyway, it was time for actual "combat:" rolling the dice to see how the battle would work out. I was full of righteous wrath, and I rolled higher than him 11 times in a row, until his army was basically gone (there may be something to telekinesis). His face fell, and he said, "You wiped out my ar-r-r -m-e-e-e..." like I'd kicked his dog. Too bad, little boy (25-year-old-boy), welcome to the real world.

Apokx

I wouldnt mind seeing the assholes who always wanna race me on the street get pulled over/wreck/blow up.


Yet to happen.

phredgreen

one day, on the way to work, a yellow ferarri, pulled over for a ticket. same day, back home from work, a red labroghini, pulled over for a ticket. finally, they're giving them to the people who can afford to pay them. that felt nice.

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My country is the world, and my religion is to do good.
- Thomas Paine

RoadRage

I have. It rules. The smile stays on your face so long people think you just got a great blowjob.

Tailgater in a big hurry honking to get past me (and I'm already going 70 in a 55) passes me, gives "the finger", and further accelerates to about 90. I see the same joker ten minutes later, pulled over by two Arkansas Secret-er-I-mean State Police and with his hands on the hood of the car getting frisked.

Made my week.

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