clavus

Yes. If they spoke perfect English, I would have felt more comfortable about the situation. I would have more confidence in my ability to understand and communicate should things turn wierd.

If that makes me a racist in anybody's book, so be it.

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Cynthetiq

a fair statement, speaking louder in english doesn't help get your point across any better if they weren't able to communicate with a common tongue.

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Gilda

I've had a few encounters of a similar nature.

About two years ago, I had stopped at a MacDonalds for lunch. It was early for lunch, and it was slow. A man wearing a strange combination of clothes--a suit jacket, pocket t-shirt, mismatched casual pants, and auqa sox came in and tried to get three small orders of fries. After ringing it up and counting out change, it turned out that the man didn't have enough money. I could overhear the conversation as the man discussed what he could afford, and it soon became apparent that he had precisely $1.92, with which he hoped to buy three food items.

There was an elederly couple loitering outside the far entry. This couple was often at this particular restaurant and would ask people to buy them some food as the people would go in. It became clear that the young man was new to this little group, and was chosen to go in and buy for the three of them because he was the most presentable. But even at MacDonalds, $1.92 doesn't buy much. I watched, fascinated, and a little saddened by the scene of a man trying to buy a meal for three people for less than two dollars. I felt sorry for him, but didn't consider going to help, partly because I was afraid of embarrasing him, but mostly because I'm extraordinarily shy and awkward around others. I didn't want to risk embarassing myself. While I was considering what I'd do if I had more confidence, a young woman approached the man and said, "Ecxuse me sir, I think you may have dropped this," handed him a bill and left the restaurant. With the $5 she gave him and the money he already had, he had enough money to buy three double cheeseburgers and three small fries.

I felt like I was about an inch tall. While I had been watching the scene as if it were a real life drama, this young woman had quickly arrived at an elegant solution that allowed the man some dignity, even with everyone involved knowing exactly what was happening.

I don't eat there often, but a few months later, as I was going in, the old man asked if I'd get them some food, I said sure. It was just the two of them, so I asked if they wanted a chicken sandwitch or a hamburger (both on the dollar menu) and he said it didn't matter. I got one of each, and a small fries, and asked that those be put into a separate bag from my order, and gave them to the couple as I exited. The next time I went in there, a couple of weeks later, the manager approached me and asked me not to get food for the homeless people outside any more. I've made a point of patronizing the Wendy's across the street ever since. I sometimes run into the homeless couple, and I still buy them a little something to eat when I do.

Flash forward to last week. I'm in line at Popeye's, and a dirty, rusty old pair of pliers is thrust in front of me, and a man in ragged clothes says, "I'll give you this for a piece of chicken." I recoiled a bit, because he was aggressive, and because I still have . . . issues with aggressive men. I very quietly said no, and he proceeded to make the same offer to every person in line. Until he came upon a college aged woman near the front who said she'd get him something to eat. She added a chicken wing, $0.99 to her order, and upoin getting her reciept, turned to go sit down to wait for her order. The man proceeded to get belligerant, asking the woman first if she was leaving, then the counter girl if she knew the extra piece was for him, then the first girl if she'd told the counter girl that the extra was for him, and then telling the counter girl the extra was separate, and so forth for the next several minutes until her order came up. The counter girl bagged the extra piece seperately, gave it to the girl who'd bought it, who gave it to the man. He didn't so much as say thank you, and I was glad I hadn't agreed to buy the man something because of his subsequent behavior.

I don't really know what the point of the above is. I still don't know how to act in such situations, partly because I'm so easily intimidated in public places where I don't feel secure, and partly because I'm such an asocial introvert that I just want to be left alone most of the time, but I still want to help people.

One more. One of our tenants works at a Krispy Kreme donut shop. I remember her telling us about the homeless people who hang out there sometimes, hoping to get discards. The shoppe makes large quantities of donuts each night based on projected sales, and each evening donuts that are beyond a certain age are discarded. This used to be a bonanza for the people who would go dumpster diving, and our tenant, a very nice young Filipino woman who grew up very poor, made the mistake of just giving the discards to some homeless people one night instead of throwing them in the dumptster and was reprimanded for it. They've since at this store taken the extra step of padlocking both the dumpster enclosure and the dumpster itself to prevent dumpster diving. And I have to wonder what's wrong with just giving away your stale old donuts instead of throwing them away. It makes no sense to me. And yet, because I'm sometimes intimidated by and have in the past done nothing about this myself, it feels hypocritical.

I'm not sure what the point of all the above is, as it seems rather random and disconnected. I want to do the right thing, but I don't want to risk my safety, and the encounter with the man at Popeye's gives me the impression that it might not be safe.

That's all a big mess of jumbled thoughts and impressions. I have no idea what my point is.

Supple Cow: that seems an elegant and thoughtful way to handle things.

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Sultana

Think of it this way: Because of your willingness to evaluate the situation, you are better prepared to act on 100 other future opportunities. Bingo! The world is a better place already!
Regardless of how it may be perceived, that is not on you (as long as you attempt to be sensitive, and from your postings, it doesn't sound like that'd be a problem).

"In accepting the gift, you honor the giver."
"Stranger in a Strange Land"

I think that's the best line Heinlin (sp?) ever wrote.

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My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Xazy

Wow, hard topic. The best charity is helping the person be able to make a living. The next best is anonymous in my book, that they do not have any shame in accepting. It is hard to say what you did is wrong, since I would not feel that it was. A Jewish saying is to embarrass someone is to kill them. To try to help someone in that situation can embarrass them. The only solution is to offer perhaps a loan, no deadline. But either way, on the spot I would remain quiet as well.

I have one story to tell, when I used to go out with a co-worker for meals, we would bag our leftovers, and offer it to the homeless. Once we were walking about to hand some to some man on the street, and he asked what it was. We told him some chicken.. He said “no thanks I had chicken yesterday.” No clue how the story fits, but it somehow does in my head.

Nunquam_Idem

I wouldn't know how to act either, but the 'I think you dropped this' method is really cool. I hope some day I might be able to use it.

I live in a relatively small town of less than 20,000 and it feels like you almost know or know someone who knows just about everyone. Chances are somewhat good that you'll see these people again, so I wonder how that would influence our decisions knowing that these people may know us.

Our society is really bent on minding our own business and not looking our for others. Wish it could be otherwise.

At least we can make a difference 1 at a time...

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Oh no, not again.

Johnny Pyro

I would have done and thought the same thing you did. I would have felt akward.

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"From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. - Sheriff John Wydell

Astrocloud

A real shithead would have farted in line (Silent But Deadly) -and then blamed it on the little girl.

iFishVideos

Thanks for posting this. I have been in your shoes.

ItWasMe

Wow, what an old thread. As a grocery checker, I see people helping each other out from time to time. Mostly around the holidays for some reason. I've seen someone bend over and pretend to 'find' a $20 bill and say 'here, I think you dropped this.' I'm sure the person being helped knew it wasn't theirs but smiled and said thank you.

A couple of days ago a very senior citizen couldn't remember his pin number (my boss was trying to help him with the debit machine) The next lady paid for his $30. The old man said, 'but I have money, I don't need help.' I whispered to my boss to tell him "that's okay, now it's YOUR turn to go help someone else." It worked, he smiled and said he would.

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clavus

Wow. Ancient thread. I was surprised to see that I was the one who started it. I thought some other shithead out there was confessing his fecal-headedness.

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